Betrayals
by Zumkalt
Summary: Post 2 x07. How does Roman deal with revelations about Jane betrayal of Sandstorm? More importantly, how does the team become aware of Jane's torments, in the most brutal way when she disappears? Is it still time to save her?
1. Chap 1 - What should I do ?

Hi everyone. In a response of some reviews and PM I have received, this is a translation of my French fiction. Please note that English isn't my native language, so in spite of the good work of my beta-reader readeronly76 (that I thank very much for all this efforts) maybe some mistakes remain.

I started this story after the 2x07 because I think that Jane maybe more affected by her time in blacksite than the Shows describe.

…

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero

 **Chapter 1 – What should I do ?**

 _Roman_

He was rushing through the deserted streets of New York. In the passenger seat, the crumpled letter that had just caused his universe to collapse, seemed to taunt him. The past shock, the anger and the feeling of betrayal crushed his heart. The anger towards Remi for betraying the cause, their cause. The anger towards himself for not seeing the signs. The anger towards Shepherd for her plan which had cost him his sister. But soon, another feeling spread through him, slowly, sinking its icy claws into his body and his mind: fear. Insidious, sneaky, wandering through his backbone, it threatened to stifle him. Fear of losing the last member of his true family, his protective sister. Fear of Shepherd's reaction to the news. Then came the rage, pure, brute, and blinding. His vision being troubled, the scared colossus stopped his car to vent his feelings. Letting out a long howl, Roman struck the steering wheel and when that failed to satisfy him, struck the dashboard with double the force than before, stopping only to resume his frantic breathing. He was quiet for a moment, his phalanges now torn and bloody.

-"Calm," he said to himself, "you are a soldier on a mission. Breathe, think, breathe, think. There must be an explanation. There had to be an explanation. " But deep down, he knew that there must be some truth in the words of their mole. The memory erase had changed Remi. Without the anger that had animated her, how could her new personality adapt to this war? In some ways she had become a stranger. Another woman in his sister's body. Remi would never hesitate to kill the engineer, or do anything to recover the chip. Jane though… But Jane had returned for him, she had saved him. Was there still a part of Remi in her ?

Opening his window to let fresh air in, Roman waited for the frenetic beating of his heart to calm. "No," he decided. He couldn't tell this to Shepherd. He had to give his sister a chance to explain herself on neutral ground. Temporarily appeased by this idea, he re-started his car, heading for a hideout to prepare for the meeting. Trying to ignore the small voice in his head that told him he was only prolonging… disaster.

…

.

 _Jane_

This idea of a date was a fiasco. Oliver was charming in his own way, but even simple questions raised too many things that she couldn't and didn't want to answer. As she walked home, her thoughts drifted to her brother. Nas's refusal to turn him into an asset made her furious. A part of her wondered if the NSA agent had actually considered the suggestion. In Jane's opinion, the woman wanted so much to make up for her mistakes, that she didn't consider all the possibilities, especially those that deviated from her twisted and carefully crafted plans.

Of course, Jane couldn't ignore her own sins. How could she, the team rubbed it in her face every day, like salt in a wound. Today's argument against Nas, Zapata, and Reade proved it, where they blamed her for rescuing her own brother instead of thwarting Sandstorm's plan. The rational part of herself understood their mistrust after her lies and secrets. But despite all her efforts to detach herself, the emotional part of her mind felt ill because of their treatment. The alternation between situations where the group seemed to include her almost as before, and the situations where they treated her like the enemy, made each day a little more painful. This illusion of normality, wanted by Nas to keep her cover with Sandstorm, encouraged her in spite of herself to hope that the team would welcome her one day as a friend. But in her mind, Jane knew this was unlikely. Her bad decisions certainly deserved punishment, but could they at least make an effort to understand her reasons? She had already endured three months of torture at the hands of the CIA. Her team had delivered her to the wolves without a hint of remorse! And since her return, they seemed not to care much about what she had suffered. In their eyes, she was the wicked traitor, whose only choice was to betray her family or be sent back to her torturers! In fact, only Patterson really seemed to treat her as a human being and not just as a source of information. But that girl was too kind for her own good, Jane thought with a mental chuckle.

Lost in her thoughts, the young woman never noticed the impending danger. A masked assailant sprang from the dark alley she had just passed, delivering a violent blow to her head. Still bruised from her fight with the Akkadian, her reaction time was slightly too slow, and she could only cushion the blow with her shoulder instead of dodging it. Using the momentum to revolve, she kicked the second man's back, who had followed after the first. With a sharp movement of her right arm, she struck a third assailant on the chin, using her left arm to twist the arm of the first assailant who was returning to the battle, before putting him on the ground, violently striking his right knee with her heel. She threw an elbow that broke the nose of one of the men, Jane suddenly stiffened as she felt the contact of a taser on her back. Her last thought before the electricity struck her was that she was barely a street away from her safe house.

…

.

 _Somewhere in the suburbs_

The return to consciousness was painful. And dark.

-"Perfect, Sleeping Beauty wakes up," a masculine voice taunted from in front of her. An icy chill ran through her. She knew this voice, too well for her own good. The black hood covering her head was removed, revealing the face of the man who haunted her nightmares since many weeks ago.

-"Hello, Jane," said the bearded man. "We weren't properly introduced the last time. I'm Jake Keaton, CIA's new assistant-director". While observing her environment, the tattooed woman allowed herself a little laugh without joy.

-"Something fun ?" Her torturer inquired with a false politeness.

\- "I was just wondering if the unhealthy interest in dragging me through dark basements at night was included in the resume," Jane retorted, trying to look confident. And this was despite having her arms and legs tied to a sturdy metal chair, under a single lamp which emitting a pale glow.

-"But she speaks!" Said Keaton, making slow circles around her. "After our little heads to heads I began to wonder if you were mute. I have to admit that, I haven't seen many people resisting our methods like you. "

\- "I'll take it as a compliment," his captive replied ironically, trying to pierce the shadows that extended beyond the band of light in which she and Keaton were in. A classic tactic aimed at preventing her from determining the number of her opponents and their position, while they could see her perfectly.

-"But it is one," the man agreed from behind her, before putting his hands on her shoulders, almost making her blench. "While we are in good disposition, why not continue to chat and make this conversation more pleasant than the last?" The remark was accompanied by a slightly stronger pressure on her bruised shoulder pulling a slight gasp of pain from Jane.

\- "I'll tell you the same thing as I told Carter, I don't have the answers to your questions."

-"But I haven't even asked you anything yet." said Keaton with a fake astonishment as he walked past her and sat down on a chair that someone had placed at the edge of the illuminated area.

-"New questions"? Asked Jane trying to stall for time. Maybe someone would notice her absence and start looking for her. But she quickly dismissed that thought. In your dreams, she thought, mentally recalling the recent attitude of the team towards her, "No one will come. You're alone, like the last time "

-"New questions for a fresh start," quipped the interrogator, casually crossing his legs and passing an arm over the back of his chair.

The silence lingered for a few moments but seemed to last centuries for Jane. Again, nothing new, the FBI used the same technique to stress their suspects and cause them to reveal small details just to break the silence.

The CIA's deputy director carefully watched his captive's change of attitude, noticing her breathing slowed down, her body stopped and her gaze emptied as it slowly dissociated itself from its surroundings.

-"Who trained you?" He asked as a test, not really expecting an answer.

Focusing on her own mind, Jane ignored him and only gave the man an empty look.

\- "Come on!" Protested Keaton, continuing to study her reactions, "give me a bone to gnaw, my beautiful. Even Deputy Weller was more talkative than you".

There! He almost missed it. This little flash of interest when he mentioned the name of the FBI agent, before her eyes became inexpressive again. "I met him in Bulgaria, you know. Not a very accommodating man ". This time the young woman didn't react. "And I thought we were doing so well! Why turn everything into a competition", he said with a false sad look.

Ignoring him, Jane dived deeper into her own mind, waiting for the blows that wouldn't fail to come.

-"Who knows about Orion?" Still no answer. "Very well, time for the unpleasant means I guess," said Keaton in a fake sad tone. "Gentlemen, it's time to soften the meat, but not too much, I need her for her phone call", he added, rising and moving toward the shadows. Two sturdy men emerged from the shadows, and threw Jane's chair to the ground. Jane's head violently struck the concrete as she was unable to cushion the fall. While one held her on the floor, the second released her hands and pulled off her jacket, then tied them together again with a coarse, but solid, rope. They then freed her feet and dragged her to a hook hanging from the ceiling by a chain, under another bulb that had just been turned on. The rope hooked, someone in the shadows pulled on the other end of the chain, lifting the young woman until her feet barely touched the ground. Each of her ankles were then attached by a length of rope to a ring fixed in the concrete. Obviously her captors had learned the lesson of their last encounter.

Without warning the blows began to rain down: on her stomach stretched by the hanging, on her ribs, forcing her to gasp, on her back at the level of the kidneys. The second man soon joined the party, alternating the blows of a nightstick on her thighs and legs, and the electric shocks from what seemed to be from a cattle prod. The strikes had the misfortune of making her swing in the air, the movement sending shocks of pain to her contracted shoulders.

…

.

 _With Kurt_

Special Agent Kurt Weller was sitting on his bed, with one arm folded behind his head. Despite the post-coitus endorphins traveling through his body, he couldn't get away from a certain discomfort. On a purely sexual level, his little entertainment with Nas was appreciable. But in spite of the satisfaction of his primal impulses, his mind was ill at ease. Part of him was angry with himself for being so weak and yielding to her advances twice in a short time. Especially since she had confessed to putting Borden's office under surveillance…

A situation which gave her access to lots of information to manipulate the team. The fact that she left immediately after the act also caused him to wonder about the sincerity of her intentions. Being used as a tool to release some sexual tension, he could accept. But a small insidious voice whispered to him that the NSA agent was sneaking into his life only to serve her own interests. And that was disturbing. Not to mention the risk to the cohesion of the team. The team ...

Involuntarily his mind drifted towards his teammates. If the word got out, he would never hear the end of it. None of them really liked the authoritarian woman. In fact, since what had happened with Jane, Reade and Zapata were extremely suspicious of people outside the team. Except for when they performed as a common front against Jane, like today's argument showed.…

Jane…

At the thought of the young dark haired woman, his stomach made a twist, and he exhaled at length. Jane inspired in him some feelings too contradictory for his taste. The primal part of his brain always felt betrayed by her lies and the death of Mayfair. But the analytic part could, no, wanted to believe in her good intentions. The revelation that over the three months, she had spent being tortured had been a hard blow to take. But it was less of a blow than hearing Keaton boast of having tormented her, and promising to do it again. At this memory, his fist clenched with rage. If Nas hadn't stopped him, he would surely have killed the bastard. Fuck, he almost regretted not having done it! Despite his anger and the distance he was trying to put between himself and Jane to protect himself, he couldn't help but notice some things. Dark circles under her eyes in the morning, her distant air as soon as she thought no one was looking at her, the pain that crossed her eyes as soon as Zapata or Reade make a remark. But the most disturbing was the distance she seemed to voluntarily put between her and the team. Her words were mostly limited to tactical advice or the transmission of information on Sandstorm, except with Patterson, who seemed the least resentful. In fact, thinking of his thanks for saving Allison and the baby, to whom she had responded with her own awkward congratulations for his paternity in the locker room, were what most resembled a normal discussion between them since her return. He could understand her own desire to protect herself emotionally, but he feared that the burden they placed on her shoulders would be too heavy for her. Perhaps the time had come to reach out to her again, like a friend? He thought, closing his eyes. The insistent ringing of his phone pulled him from his sleep much too soon for his taste.

Looking at the clock upon his awakening "Awesome five o'clock in the morning ...", he picked up his phone to be immediately overwhelmed by the speech of a terrified Patterson.

-"Patterson? Slow down, I don't understand what you're saying. " The following words froze his heart.

\- "Weller, it's Jane ... she's missing."

…

.

 _Few minutes later, FBI office_.

In any other circumstance, he would have probably laughed at the record time he had set for the office and the number of red lights he had burned. But not today. Meeting the team in Nas' secure office, he immediately noticed Zapata's sulky look.

-" What happened ? Where is Jane? "

\- "No one knows," replied Reade darkly, "but it doesn't look good."

\- "Wait a minute," Nas interjected, "for all we know; she may very well have been called by Sandstorm."

-" No"! The blonde computer scientist protested, "I'm sure something is wrong."

\- "Okay Patterson, calm down and start again," Weller said, laying his hands on his friend's shoulders.

\- "Ok ... OK. Jane had to see this guy last night ... "

\- "A guy, what guy" ?! Kurt grunted, his tone a little too aggressive, temporarily attracting the half-amused, half-dismayed looks of Tasha and Patterson.

\- "I think he's called Oliver," she continued, "and she met him at the gala where we arrested the CIA girl. They exchanged some messages, by the way, Jane is completely lost about dating ... I mean, this guy had to send like half a dozen not very subtle allusions to ask for a date, and she didn't notice anything until I told her..."

\- "Patterson," Zapata mumbled to cut her off, as she saw the dark eyes that their leader was shooting towards the blonde. Disturbing…On the one hand, he always claimed to be angry with her and acted more distantly around Jane, but from another, he seemed to be seized with waves of uncontrollable jealousy as soon as a man showed interest in their tattooed colleague.

\- "Uh ... yeah. Long story, short story, I asked her to give me some details and she sent me a message at 10 pm saying she was going home. "

\- "If the date went well, she may have brought this guy back to conclude." Nas pointed it out, as if the question didn't matter, ignoring Kurt's glare, now focused on her.

\- "First Jane would never bring an almost unknown guy to her home; this is the only place where she has a semblance of privacy. Secondly, her message didn't really give the impression that the date was a success". This time it was the blonde's turn to cast a disapproving glance at Kurt, noticing the satisfied look he made at the news.

\- "And thirdly I found this a street away from her home," Zapata said, placing a broken phone in a evidence bag, on the table…Jane's cellphone.

\- "And what were you doing in that neighborhood at four in the morning?" Asked Nas suspiciously.

\- "Nothing of your concerns. But as I was in the neighborhood when Patterson called, I went to check the site. "

\- "And anything besides the phone?" Interrupted Kurt with an urgent look at Tasha. She hesitated, glancing at the rest of the team.

\- "Tasha found a little ... amount of blood," Reade eventually said, instinctively backing from the gaze of his leader and friend. "Patterson has launched an analysis but we haven't received the results yet. "

\- "So maybe it's not Jane's blood."

\- "I went to her safe house afterwards," Tasha went on, "There was no one there, but ... there's something we have to talk about. About Jane. " The young woman's serious and uncomfortable air attracted their attention. For weeks she seemed to make it her duty to constantly remind Jane that she wasn't a part of the team. But now, her look seemed ... haunted? With a gesture, he signaled for her to speak, surprised to see the woman usually so frank, hesitate, looking at the rest of the team.

\- "If it concerns Jane, it concerns the team," he encouraged.

\- "Actually I think it's the team, or at least a part of the team that is the problem," muttered the Latina.

-" What are you talking about!" Patterson said immediately. With a sigh, Zapata slowly pulled two notebooks from one of the large pockets of her coat.

\- "Looking into her room, I saw this sticking out from underneath her mattress, she probably didn't see it before going out."

-" What is it? " Asked Reade intrigued, at the very same moment when the blonde shouted

"No, no, no, you have no right to touch that!" Weller's astonished eyes passed from the notebooks to the fuming computer specialist who was trying to seize them, then to Reade who looked puzzled, and to Nas who looked interested. Much too interested in fact.

\- "These are her therapy notebooks," said Patterson indignantly, while trying to pull them out of Tasha's hands. "Since Jane has a hard time verbalizing her feelings, Robert suggested that she write or draw instead, to release her negative emotions. She sometimes shows him a few excerpts whenever she feels like confiding in someone. They are confidential! "

\- "Actually they could give us a lot of information about her emotional state and help us make sure she remains focused on destroying Sandstorm. Or to see that she doesn't hide anything about the organization, if this really is her diary. " Retorted Nas, receiving shocked glances from Patterson and Kurt, and frankly disgusted looks from Reade and Zapata. The Latina folded her arm to prevent her from seizing one of the notebooks, leaving only the thicker one in Weller's hand that had just closed on it.

\- "Ok, seriously, I was one of the first to say we should never have trusted Jane. I was also one of the least friendliest to her since her return. But frankly using her own fears to manipulate her ... even Jane doesn't deserve that", Reade said, staring at Nas in the eye.

\- "Destroying Sandstorm is our priority…" Nas protested before being cut off by Patterson.

\- "Of course it is, and to hell the medical secrecy, right! But this isn't new to you, is it? "

\- "What are you talking about?" Asked Zapata, suspiciously.

\- "A few weeks ago, I found a NSA bug in the room that Robert uses for his sessions with the team. I told Weller that he should do something about it. But now I still check his office for the bug before each team session".

\- "As I told Deputy Director Weller, I was only trying to make sure Jane's loyalty doesn't change ..."

\- "You spied on her personal sessions with her therapist," growled Reade. "And you let her do it", he said, looking at Kurt, which caused everyone to realize that he had been standing still for too long.

While no one was paying attention, Weller had begun to leaf through the book in his hands, his body froze in horror as he saw the contents. Jane had always been gifted for drawing, and in the past her notebooks were covered with representations of her tattoos, as she sought to find her own answers. But these drawings had nothing to do with it. They seemed to be memories, although seeing them, Weller hoped that they were rather representations of her nightmares. The shock finally stuck him and he dropped the notebook on the table, causing a general gasp of horror when it fell open.

Even the stoic Nas watched shaken at the extremely detailed representation of Jane hanging by her wrists, her feet not touching the ground, being beaten by two men, whose faces were curiously absent. Patterson reached out a trembling hand to turn a page, then another, tears filling her eyes as she watched the horrors followed each other, one after another. Jane attached to a chair, her body connected to an electric generator by electrodes that seemed to send painful discharges through Jane, judging by the thick lines made around her limbs to give an impression of jerky movements. Jane's head held in a barrel of liquid by two other silhouettes without faces. Jane prostrated on a tiled cell, desperately holding her ears, while in the upper corners of the room, speakers emitted sounds represented by small arcs of circles diffusing towards her. Jane locked up in what appeared to be a box too small to contain a human body, or tied in uncomfortable or painful positions.

\- "This is ... what she experienced as a CIA prisoner"? Reade asked in a weak voice, his tone suggesting that he dearly hoped someone would correct him.

\- "Oh my god, oh my god," moaned Patterson, shaking with uncontrollable sobs.

The least affected seemed to be Zapata, although seeing her look, Reade guessed that it was only because she had probably already leafed through the notebook before bringing it to them. Weller, for his part, resembled a man who had just seen his world collapse. His mind never ceased to repeat that evening. Him waiting at Jane's house and his tirade in which he became so inflamed he called her a liar. The entreaties of a tearful Jane begging him to listen to her explanations as she let herself be handcuffed. The realization struck him, now that the horror had replaced the anger he felt against her. She had not put up any resistance... When he had closed the handcuffs around her small wrists, with much more force than necessary, she had not once tried to escape from him. After so much time with her, he had a pretty good assessment of her skills, and he had no doubt that if she had wanted to, the young woman could have neutralized him in order to flee. Their fight in the shabby motel was proof of that. Even though she had been weakened by three months of torture and a couple of weeks of being on the run, she had given him a fierce fight, and when he thought about it, he realized that if she had wanted to, she could easily have killed him after recovering the weapon on the ground…Just as she would have surely slaughtered Tasha afterwards. But she didn't…Consciously or not, she hadn't resisted with much more force than was necessary to give herself a chance of escaping without seriously injuring them.

And the second realization struck him. He heard again, her words she had uttered during their meeting at the motel. The first words they had exchanged for months: "I'm not going back." His heart tightened a little more, rethinking the pain, fear and anger in her voice. She had thought that they had come to arrest her and return her to CIA.

Nausea continued to overwhelm him when he understood the underlying implication.

\- "That day at the motel ... she thought we knew what she was going through. She thought ... we agreed with it ... "Kurt blurted out, pointing to the notebook, redoubling Patterson's tears and crushing the faces of Reade and Zapata in a mixture of disgust and guilt.

Before they could delve deeper into the issue, a shrill beep pulled the group from it's eye-opening contemplation.

-"What is that?" Kurt asked hoarsely. Noticing Patterson still sobbing, this time in the arms of Zapata, Nas recomposed herself a little and answered: "The restoration of the data is finished. When Agent Zapata reported finding blood we wanted to take a look at the CCTV images of the neighborhood. It just so happened that one of the cameras had a clear view of where the phone was. "

-"And what have you seen?" "

-" Nothing. Someone seems to have accessed the images before us, and erased them from the server. But the job was sloppy and Agent Patterson launched a program to recover the data and rearrange it so as to restore the image. " The NSA agent responded quickly by tapping to send the result to the screen.

The team saw Jane enter in the field, seemingly lost in thought. The attack was so fast that they wondered how Jane had succeeded in deflecting the first attack. The fight was intense, but brief, and ended when one of the men used an electric weapon to neutralize the young woman who had resisted valiantly against his companions. The two accomplices struggled back to their feet before helping the third man drag an unconscious Jane to a black van that had just stopped abruptly near them.

\- "All hooded and no plate," grumbled Reade, "the only thing we know is that it has been removed."

\- "Not quite," Nas interjected, replaying the video, "she doesn't seem to have received any serious injuries." Which means… "

\- "The blood found at the spot is not her blood," added Patterson suddenly exhilarated. "It definitely came from the man with the broken nose. And if we have his blood, we have his DNA. "

\- "Suppose he's not in the database," Zapata mumbled. "These guys seem to be well trained in close combat. We all know how good Jane is, even with the surprise, they have to have been experienced to neutralize her so quickly. "

\- "And the timing is too convenient. All this seems to have been carefully planned, "Reade added.

\- "But who can have the skills and resources to mount an attack on an FBI consultant?" "

\- "The list is unfortunately full of people who would have a reason to do it," Nas exhaled, rubbing her temples, "Sandstorm, if they realized she was working for the FBI, a criminal group ...

-"Or the CIA", Kurt interrupted her with a bad feeling. Nas turned to him with a frown.

\- "He wouldn't dare ..."

-"I'm not so sure now. He clearly told us. " Replied Kurt, becoming more and more uneasy.

-" Who are you talking about? " Reade asked, his eyes going from one to the other, trying to decipher the conversation of which only the two seemed to have the key.

\- "During the mission in Bulgaria we met this CIA man-". Weller had no time to continue his explanation when Patterson uttered a victorious cry.

\- "I found a link from the one who tried to erase the video, he's entered the server! "

-"And what?" "Zapata pressed as he approached the screen

\- "It's curious, it seems to contain another link," observed the perplexed blonde.

\- "A link to what? "

\- "It would seem to be a video. But the coding is weird, I can't trace it or even copy it. It's a read-only file that will disappear after viewing. "

-"Am I the only one who has a bad feeling about this?" Asked Reade.

-"Open it," Weller ordered, hoping the document would contain enough to help find Jane. The analyst obeyed, and the black of the screen was replaced by an image of a clearly recognizable woman, though a black hood hid her face.

-"Jane," Kurt breathed, the relief of seeing her alive mingled with the fear of seeing her tied up.

\- "According to the timecode, the recording took place around midnight," Nas observed, pointing to the white numbers in the bottom of the right-hand corner of the screen.

-"Who is this guy?" Zapata asked as she saw a man enter the field of sight, as Jane's head began to move under the hood.

\- "Perfect, the Sleeping Beauty wakes up". The sudden sound of the speakers made them jump, while Weller gasped under the shock.

-"That voice ... it's that Keaton, son of a bitch!" He roared.

-"Who is Keaton?" Patterson asked him, astonished that he would recognize the abductor.

-"Carter's Successor," Nas said, "he was the man who detained and tortured Jane for three months too..." His revelation causing shocked gasps to come from the agents, whose eyes drifted towards the notebook before them.

Jane's voice brusquely brought them back to reality, and they watched with an anguish mingled with pride, as their teammate stood up to her executioner. But to them who knew her well, it was impossible to miss the little glimmer of fear in her green eyes. When she finally refused to answer and Keaton called his men, they all felt their blood freeze in their veins. They watched, horrified when Jane was to be brutally thrown to the ground, partly stripped, and then hung from a hook to which the camera zoomed.

-"Please don't do that," begged Patterson again in tears, her nails dug into Tasha's left arm, as if the torturers could hear her through the recording, and change their mind. Of course, her entreaty stayed a dead letter, and the team watched helplessly at the beginning of Jane's torture, all resentment towards her, fled at the sight of the beating she was enduring.


	2. Chap 2 - Revelations

Hi Guys. Wow, seriously you are awesome! Thanks so much for your reviews, follows and favs. I didn't expect to have so many readers with this story.

As I said in chapter 1, I can't take all the credit for the translation. My beta-reader readeronly76 do an incredible work to help me clarified many parts of this fic and to do more understandable for you. I have no words to thank her for her work.

I am really motivate to continue this work of translation, but as I am a little busy with my job and that my beta-reader to, the publication will be probably irregular until that we find a rhythm who works for both of us.

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero

…

 **Chapter 2 – Revelations**

…

.

 _Nas secure office, FBI office_

The seconds stretched, interminable. Kurt could swear that without the sounds of impacts on Jane's defenseless body, his own heartbeat would resound throughout the room. No, not in the room, he realized after a moment. The pounding seemed to come from his own head, and after a few more seconds, he realized that he had stopped breathing. The agent forced himself to draw a breath, slowly, laboriously. At his side, Patterson seemed to waver between a bout of crying and fainting. Tasha still held her close to herself, her left arm around Patterson's shoulders, while her right hand gripped the edge of the computer terminal so hard that her knuckles turned white. Reade, for his part, rhythmically clenched and released his fists, as if he was ready to beat something or someone. But it was Nas' reaction that surprised him most. Her habitual stoic face bore a softer expression, a curious blend of admiration and pity. Admiration for Jane who endured the blows without letting out a cry, and pity for what she was suffering.

\- "They don't ask her any questions. Why don't they ask any questions"? Patterson moaned, after several long moments watching Jane be hit. At these words, Nas' face became dark again, a fact which didn't escape Zapata.

\- "What? What do you know?" She asked, staring at the NSA agent.

\- "That's the standard protocol," Nas said, turning away.

\- "Standard protocol for what?" Reade asked hesitantly.

\- "Protocol…protocol for reinforced interrogation techniques," Nas muttered, still without looking at them.

\- " Reinforced interrogation techniques? Why don't I like the sound of that!" Patterson almost shouted.

\- " What is that ? A kind of bureaucratic euphemism to describe torture?" Zapata sneered.

\- "That's exactly what it is," Weller whispered, pointing to the notebook on the table.

\- "The first phase usually consists of asking simple questions to test the prisoner's cooperation. Depending on the degree of willingness he shows to share his information, the interrogator then decides to move more or less quickly to phase two, "Nas informed them after taking a deep breath.

\- "That's what they're doing," Tasha said, casting a brief glance on the screen, unable to bear Jane beaten like that. "They don't ask questions to put her in that condition".

\- "That's right," sighed Nas, "Phase Two…resorting to moderate physical violence for varying lengths of time, before asking the same questions. During this phase, the prisoner suffers several beatings after random rest periods, and is asked questions for which he is beaten even if he answers. The goal is to begin to annihilate any hope of resistance by making him believe that he will be beaten whatever happens. Then the interrogator returns and offers to him a way out again in exchange for information."

\- "I suppose there's also a phase three," growled Reade, his jaws clenched. Nas looked at them again, uncomfortably, her eyes resting, in spite of herself, towards the open drawing book.

\- "Phase three ... phase three is for people like Jane," she said hesitantly. (1)

\- "What do you mean about people like Jane" ?!

\- "The well trained combatants. Those who have a strong will and have undergone training to resist the conventional methods of interrogation. As a special forces soldier, Jane has inevitably attended SERE training at one time or another. The Department of Defense way of training their soldiers to resist interrogations, survive in a hostile environment and, if possible, escape, "added the agent, seeing Zapata's perplexed look at the acronym.

\- "As far as we know, she can hardly recall her period in the army, how do you think she remembers survival training"? Reade asked, puzzled and a little angry.

\- "Oh my God", Patterson groaned when the idea struck her like a flash. "Traumatic memory. You're talking about traumatic memory. "

\- "Traumatic memory"? Reade asked, looking alternately between Nas and Patterson.

\- "Basically, it's the act of remembering a traumatic event, from a trigger related to this memory. It can be an object, a sound, an odor ... Although the brain tries to forget it, the presence of the trigger brings the memory back to the surface, confronting the victim again with trauma ... But the problem is that often, not only does she relive the memory in question, she sees it again, feeling everything that she felt at that moment. Like a flashback or a nightmare that is repeated", Kurt said in a painful voice. "When Jane started coming into the field with us at the very beginning, Borden told me to be vigilant about what we were confronting her with. He feared that some stimuli would bring bad memories to the surface at a time when she wasn't ready. "

\- "So what you're saying", Zapata said slowly, looking at her boss, Nas, and the computer analyst, "is that despite the fact that her memory is almost erased, the trauma of being tortured has reactivated identical memories ...

\- "It's my best hypothesis," confirmed Nas, "although it's confidential, the practical part of SERE training for special forces is to be confronted physically and emotionally with techniques of advanced interrogations. Even if the instructors set a limit from the start, since the goal is only to give a glimpse of what can be expected in real life, the memories are certainly not very pleasant. It would also explain how she remembers doing that", she continued pointing at the screen.

\- "Do what"? Asked Reade perplexed, as Tasha understood: "She doesn't scream."

\- "What" ?

\- "Jane ... she doesn't scream. I mean ... with everything she endures, she must be suffering a lot. If someone did the same thing to me, I'm almost certain that I would be screaming for my mum. But Jane ... we are given the impression that it doesn't affect her", replied the dark-haired woman, pointing at the screen where Jane was still taking the beating from her torturers without reacting.

\- "She has disassociated", Nas informed them. "It's similar to a form of meditation. She has created in her mind an ideal place where pain doesn't exist in the same way ".

\- "So, she doesn't suffer"? Patterson asked hopefully. Nas observed the agents, considering for a moment, the idea of lying to them, but resolved, nevertheless, to speak only the truth.

\- "No, she still feels the pain but with less acuity than if she were in a fully conscious state".

\- "It's better than nothing," the blonde consoled, glancing at the timecode, showing that Jane had been beaten regularly for about twenty minutes.

\- "Wait!" Reade spoke up. "To disassociate her mind like that, isn't it dangerous "?

\- "Unfortunately yes," Nas sighed. "In extreme cases, the subject retreats so far back into itself, that it eventually becomes catatonic, completely insensitive to the outside world in order to escape the pain. But I don't think that will happen to Jane, "she added to reassure them.

\- "How can you be sure of that"? Zapata inquired, perplexed.

\- "Because I think that's how she had escaped in Oregon. Dissociating gives the appearance of being inert, while you are still aware of your environment ..."

\- "... which makes it possible to lull the jailers into a false sense of security and use the slightest error to take them by surprise, since they don't expect the prisoner to react," Reade understood.

\- "Which explains the nightmares", Tasha muttered to herself, surprising the rest of the agents.

-"What are you talking about"? Reade asked, frowning. Zapata looked at him with a long sigh before retrieving the notebook on the table.

\- "Don't tell me nobody has noticed. Even I, who has spent the last few weeks detesting and ignoring her as much as possible, have noticed that she is no longer the same. No one returns unscathed from three months in a CIA black site…Even someone as strong as Jane. She has dark circles under her eyes when she arrives in the morning. She jumps at the slightest movement or noise that takes her by surprise, even if she tries to pretend that everything is normal. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't eat enough. But I was so angry with her, and she was so easy to blame, that I acted as if I didn't notice anything, "the agent whispered, lowering his eyes in shame.

Her mea-culpa out loud made the rest of the team facing their own guilt. They all acted in the same way, welcoming her on the team to save appearances in order to stop Sandstorm, while making her feel that she was no longer part of it. Understanding what he had done to a friend, the woman he had kissed several times, struck Kurt harder than the others. Before her arrest, they had shared a kind of connection. With one look, they could feel the mood of the other and almost guess their thoughts. He had confided to Jane things about he had never told to anyone, and she had confided to him her distress of not knowing who she really was. And after all that, his anger had taken over, and he had abandoned her pure and simple. No, worse than that, he had participated in her torments, asking her to infiltrate a dangerous organization, to betray her own family without offering her anything in return. The disgust he felt for himself overwhelmed him, and he walked over to a metal filing cabinet, and proceeded to strike it several times, before throwing it to the ground, while screaming with rage.

-"Kurt!" Patterson shouted, hesitating to approach, the use of his first name slipping out of her lips as she was worried that her leader and friend could get hurt.

-"Weller," Reade said, grasping him by the arm and pulling him back, "that won't fix anything."

-"We have ... we have abandoned her!" I have abandoned her! She lived through hell and I didn't even try to listen to her reasons. We ... no, I sent a person, a woman I claimed to be my friend, suffering from post-traumatic stress, into one of the most dangerous terrorist organizations we've seen on American soil. As if she was nothing more than a disposable tool! "

\- "I know, and I'm also angry", Reade tried to appease, "but moping around about what we could or should do isn't going to help us find her."

-"Agent Reade's right," said Nas calmly. "We must find her, and then we can work to regain her trust."

-"And it won't be easy," Tasha said sadly, beginning to turn the pages of the drawing book. She finally founds the parts she had discovered while leafing through the notebook at Jane's house. "This is the part where memories are replaced by her nightmares."

-"How do you know?" Asked her perplexed teammate. Without a word, the young Latina handed the notebook to the rest of the group, who approached hesitantly. After seeing the horrors contained in the first pages, nobody really wanted to renew the experience. It was Kurt who first found the courage to seize the notebook, the others grouping around him to look over his shoulder. He regretted it immediately, as he could hear the shocked gasps of Reade and Patterson from behind his back. On the double page before them was a very detailed representation of Jane, once again hanging by the wrists. But this time, the silhouettes mistreating her all bore a face…Their faces. The caption at the top of the page broke Weller's heart: "Deserved Punishment," he said aloud. Behind him, he could hear Patterson's sobs again.

With a trembling hand, he turned the page, hoping without believing that what he would see on the next page wasn't as hard to take. He clenched his teeth, seeing Jane desperately alone in the middle of the bullpen, while the team grouped in the left corner looked at her with hateful looks. The other agents in the periphery didn't wear faces, but throughout the ceiling, accusing eyes drawn in thick pencil lines seemed to be fixed on the young woman in the center. Another drawing showed Jane executed by a man who seemed to be Roman, according to the descriptions she had made of him. However, it was probably the next drawing that was the worst to see. In the left corner, a handcuffed Jane was being dragged outside the FBI office by two faceless figures, while a cheerful Keaton led the way. In the right corner, almost the whole team, minus Patterson, was represented with a satisfied look on their face. Just above the group, the words "traitor", "liar", "murderess" were written and underlined so many times that the paper was torn from where the pencil had ripped through.

\- "Jesus," Reade whispered, looking at the drawing.

\- "You understand why I say it will be difficult to regain her trust"? Zapata asked in a dejected tone. "Considering how we treated her ... how I treated her, she probably thinks that we will send her back to the CIA as soon as she is no longer useful to us. "

\- "Weller," Patterson moaned, grabbing the agent's arm, "we need to find her!" We need to bring her back! We need to protect her "!  
\- "They stopped!" Nas shouted, drawing their attention to the screen again. Indeed, the video now showed Jane alone, falling suddenly, lying on the ground when the chain was released. Her face was clenched in a slight grimace of pain, but her eyes seemed to be staring straight at the camera, straight at the team who felt her burning gaze through the screen. And suddenly, the video disappeared into a black screen.  
\- "Patterson, what's going on?" Weller barked as he approached the screen, as if his mere presence could bring it back to life.  
-" I told you. The video was untraceable and designed to self-erase after viewing. "  
-" It's logical. This bastard doesn't want to leave any evidences"! Reade rumbled.

\- "Actually, I don't think that it was Keaton who sent the link," Nas interrupted. "Arrogant as he is, he wouldn't have resisted the pleasure of looking towards the camera to taunt us".

\- "So who could have located a CIA site, to put a camera there without the knowledge of the agents present"? Zapata asked, frowning.

\- "Rich Dotcom, but he's in jail. And he has a weakness for Jane, he wouldn't have let it happen just to make us watch, "Weller sighed, using his thumb and forefinger to rub his eyes.  
\- "That leaves only Sandstorm with the knowledge and skills to do it," the NSA agent replied looking at them grimly. This statement made the rest of the group pale before the implications.  
\- "Why would they do that?" And why prevent us from finding her ? " Asked Reade with a tense air.  
-" Who knows? Even with the intel obtained by Jane, we have only a vague idea of their goals".  
\- "Anyway, if Sandstorm is involved, it can't be good for Jane," Patterson retorted, rerunning the video of the kidnapping and looking for new clues.  
-"Is it possible for Sandstorm ... to know that Jane is working for us and is putting this on display to punish her?" Reade asked sharply. His question caused a dead silence in the room. For both Jane and for them, this scenario would be the worst possible.

\- "No matter who's having fun by making us look at this, and why," Kurt growled painfully. "The only thing that counts is finding Jane. The rest can wait. According to the timecode, the video was shot at midnight, and she was beaten for about half an hour. It's six hours past, so we don't know what has happened to her during those missing hours. We have to make up for that delay before Keaton decides to come back. "  
\- "I go back to the neighborhood to look for witnesses," Zapata resolutely let out before stepping forward.

\- "I have a former classmate who worked in the CIA. He was an administrative man, but I'll call him to see if he has any information, "Reade suggested as he pulled his phone, while walking out of the room.  
\- "And we're going to try to get a match for the van on the surveillance cameras in Jane's neighborhoods," Patterson said as her fingers flew over her keyboard, and Nas used her priority access to the city's surveillance network.

That left Kurt to face his own demons. The notebook in his hands seemed to weigh tons, as if it were transmitting all the suffering and despair Jane had felt. And he did what he hadn't done for weeks. What he should have done a long time. He remembered every major event of the last few months, from Jane's perspective. From what she said when they captured and interrogated her with Nas machine, she really thought she was Taylor Shaw. At least until Oscar told her the opposite and she had to kill him. This made him aware of one thing. Even if she had hidden his existence from them, she had only done so to get answers about her past. Jesus, she had even killed her former fiancé to return to them…To return to him. And all she got for her troubles was to be sent to a CIA black site, without even a chance to explain to them…To explain to him.

And since her return, they hadn't really been nice with her. Shamefully, Weller realized that apart from the pieces they had obtained during Nas' debriefing, to know if she was loyal to Sandstorm, Jane hadn't given all the details of what had prompted her to take these decisions. And with the indifference they had shown her since, she had no reason to confiding in them. Hell! He even told Tasha that he could not bear to be in the same room, and he had to do it with Jane right behind him. And when he turned around... He remembered only too well the pain in her eyes, even though she had bravely faced it and acted as if it didn't affect her.

Thinking about it, his betrayal had made him feel all the worse because he thought he had a future with her. And he was pretty sure that was Jane's case too. He couldn't see her face when Allie announced that she was pregnant during the shootout, but he remembered the pain in her eyes when he thanked her in the locker room. During the past year, he had been her rock, one of the only stable elements in her life…And upon her return from her three months of hell; she learned that he had gotten another woman pregnant. And now he slept with Nas, the same woman who had helped them capture her again to make her infiltrate Sandstorm.  
\- "God," he said to himself in his head, "let me have a chance to talk to her about Nas before anyone else tells her."

Patterson was watching her friend while typing furiously on her keyboard. The young woman knew that as tough as he liked to appear, Weller had been hard hit by the events of the last few months. The death of his father, who had confessed on his deathbed to having killed his childhood friend, Jane's arrest, Mayfair's disappearance, the announcement of her death, Jane's return, after months of torture by the CIA…It was hard to take. And now the walls he had erected between him and Jane collapsed before the reality of the trauma suffered by the young woman. Seeing him pensively observe the cabinet on the floor, the blonde couldn't help teasing him to relax the atmosphere.  
\- "No need for a second round Boss, I think the cabinet has learned its lesson." Her repartee snatched an amused grunt at Nas and a chuckle at Kurt.  
\- "Yeah, sorry for that," he said to no one in particular, as he leaned forward to straighten the cabinet with a gasp of effort.

\- "I have a new link," Nas said, seeing another flashing video in the file where they had discovered the first video.  
\- "Display it! Patterson, connect us with Tasha so she knows what is happening, I will call Reade. "  
On the screen, Keaton appeared once more, heading for Jane.

…

 _._

 _With Jane, somewhere in NY._

-"Hoist the flag sailors," the bearded man shouted as he approached. In response, the chain climbed up again and Jane suddenly found herself straight. At this time the chain was stretched to keep her arms in the air but allow her to stay kneeling on the ground. This in itself was a small improvement from her previous situation, and relieved a bit the tension from her shoulders. While waiting for the voice of her executioner, Jane stiffened again, wondering how long had elapsed since the end of the blows.

\- "Come on Janie," said the man, in a tone dishonestly encouraging, "Make an effort, so that we can hold a civilized conversation." The young woman didn't reply, contenting herself with turning towards him with an empty look which had irked him from their first meeting.  
\- "You really are a stubborn girl", the CIA man sighed, looking at her with a sly smile that sent chills down her spine. As if he knew something she didn't. "Why not come back and talk to us. I'm sure we can find some common interests". His smile seemed to grow as he added, "You must be dying to talk about Agent Weller. After all, he knew I was going to take you back. But it seems he didn't warn you, "he said, fraudulently astonished.

…

 _FBI Office_  
\- "Keaton is already back"? Reade asked as he entered the room again.  
-"Yes…Did you find anything"?  
\- "My contact checked with his former colleagues, and says Keaton only works with a small team of three men lately. And unlike Carter, he prefers discreet places like abandoned warehouses, not the vaults of an employment agency. But that's all he could tell me. "  
The attention of the agents present was then attracted by Keaton's words from the speakers: " _You must be dying to talk about Agent Weller. After all, he knew I was going to take you back. But it seems he didn't warn you_. "  
\- "Weller, what is he talking about?" Patterson asked, hoping she had misunderstood, while Reade riveted a similarly puzzled look at him. The deputy director sighed as he looked at Nas.

\- "When Nas and I went to Bulgaria, we met Keaton who was also looking for Winter. He followed the Sandstorm agents who stormed our hideout and helped us eliminate them. "  
-" And" ?  
\- "Then Agent Weller refused to hand Winter over to Keaton. It was there that Keaton bragged about what he had done to Jane and threatened to do it again. Agent Weller lost his composure and tried to strangle him, "says Nas.

-"You should have"! Patterson grumbled, glaring at the CIA agent on the screen.

-"She stopped me," Weller replied immediately, pointing to Nas's, experiencing, at the same time, the unpleasant feeling of behaving like Sawyer when asked why he hadn't done his homework. Except that his nephew was only ten...

\- "Ok, ok, we agreed, Weller should have told us about this and warn Jane that Keaton had it after her. Sorry boss", he added, after seeing Kurt's dark look at him, "but that's the truth. You and Nas promised Jane to keep her safe if she helped us shoot down Sandstorm. From her point of view, it's not really a success ... ".

\- "We'll decide who should feel guilty later. Why is Keaton telling her all this? " Asked Patterson.  
\- "Oh no," Nas whispered when the realization struck her as she watched the screen, where Jane's panicked face was in a close-up.

…

 _With Jane_

The words bounced around inside her head. That was impossible. No, no, she must have misunderstood. Kurt would never do that. "Of course he would," the little voice whispered in her head. "He has done it before. He knows what happened during those three months, and he hasn't shown you the least bit of sympathy". The idea repeated in a loop in the little corner of her mind where she had taken refuge, it took a few seconds for Jane to realize that something was wrong. She suddenly felt much more conscious of her environment, and the pain of the blows received earlier became more present. Trying to fight the feeling of panic that invaded her, Jane soon found that she could no longer breathe. Her body betrayed her, and she suddenly returned to reality. She inhaled strongly, the relief of the air entering her lung quickly counterbalanced by the waves of pain that struck her.  
-"What ... did you ... do…to me," said Jane between her clenched teeth.  
-" Me ? But I haven't done a thing", Keaton replied from his chair, still with his smirk. "Oh, you mean about your return to reality? A little psychological trick that I learned through experience. I imagine our little one-on-one conversation reminded you of that little mental trick but not its drawbacks? If I judge by this look lost I must conclude no ... ".  
Now that she was fully conscious, the pain became more difficult to fight. But she still preferred to concentrate on it rather than listen to her captor. She remembered only too well how much he liked to try to get into her head.

-"You see," continued the agent, looking at her with that superior air she despised, "to dissociate your mind requires a great bit of mental strength, and large amount of concentration. Of course there is a risk, going so far into your own mind, that you can't come back alone. To avoid this, one generally learns to choose a trigger that is familiar enough to return to the conscious state. A backdoor if you prefer, so that a trusted person can reach you anyway. In your case, since you have no friends, yours was chosen unconsciously and therefore more difficult to find. But guess who your weak point is "?  
-"Weller," Jane breathed in spite of herself.  
-"Yes, the great and brave Kurt Weller, protector of the weak and defenseless. Or the amnesiac in your case. But we will have time to chat once we have settled some details. Though you are fascinating, and much better company when you don't fall back into your pretty little head, there's someone I want more than you right now. "  
-"Who…Winter, you want Winter," the dark-haired woman recalled, remembering the debriefing, when she had heard the voices of Shepherd and Roman in the hacker's recording.

If the CIA got the man, he would surely tell them that he had been trapped. Although knowing who his torturer would be, he would certainly not be satisfied with the words of the panicked man. Without the audio recordings, nothing connected Sandstorm with the information leak. Her tattoos by cons...  
\- "Correct. So we'll call Deputy Director Weller and offer him an exchange. You for Winter. In the meanwhile, I will continue to ask you a few questions to which you will answer without lies, and everyone goes home. Jane looked incredulously at him, then burst forth with a dry laugh that painfully shook her bruised ribs.  
\- "You really want to make me believe that you will let me leave like that? Not to mention your plan has a flaw ".  
\- "Really ? Where? "  
\- "You think that Weller will go through with the exchange to get me back."  
\- "And that's a problem because…"?  
\- "He despises me. He made it clear that he could barely stand to be in the same room as me. For all I know, he would prefer to see me dead. Like the rest of the team for that matter. So I doubt he would take the risk of exchanging a prisoner he brought back from the other side of the world, just for me, "the dark-haired woman retorted in a neutral tone. Trying to silence the little glimmer of hope in her head, which told her that Weller would not abandon her. She needed to be strong and concentrate on herself and her escape. If the last few months had taught her anything, it was that she could only rely on herself. Even though Patterson, the only person to treat her as a human being and not a tool, was trying to help her, she doubted that the rest of the team had the same feelings. And without support on that field, the goodwill of the computer analyst wouldn't lead anywhere.

Surprisingly, her thoughts drifted to her brother. Roman would probably move heaven and earth for her once he realized that she was missing. However, knowing that she was a CIA prisoner would certainly pose many problems. That wasn't even counting the fact that if word came out that she had been detained for three months by the Agency, her whole cover will be smashed to pieces. And at that moment, the fate that would await her at the hands of Sandstorm would probably have nothing to envy to the one that her current executioners reserved for her.  
\- "Well, why we don't call him to check" ? the bearded man said without taking off his smile, as he pulled out his phone and starting to dial, "but in either cases, I will win, by getting Winter or making you talk."  
\- " _Weller speaking_ ," Kurt's voice came out from the speaker.  
\- "Deputy Director Weller, Jake Keaton on the phone. I'm currently with someone who is dying to talk to you. Say hello Janie", the man added, turning the cell towards her. With a defiant look, the young woman clenched her teeth and stared at him without saying a word.  
\- "God ! What a stubborn woman," the man sighed dramatically, stretching out his hand to seize her broken nose she had received during the struggle against the Akkadian. The pressure on the fractured bone soon became intolerable and Jane couldn't restrain a small cry of pain. Turning off the speaker, Keaton straightened and carried the phone to his ear.

\- "Well, I think that's the best we'll get for the moment. Come on, Weller, don't bother to use that tone. I'm offering you a fair exchange on very generous terms. You give me Winter within six hours, and I return your tattooed pet more or less in one piece. She seems to strangely think that you will leave her in my care. Which we both know, will not end well for her". The man listened for a moment to the answer of his interlocutor. "Don't try to buy time Weller, I'm sure you'll convince the NSA to give him back. Just keep fucking Agent Nas as you've been doing for some time and she will surely get the transfer approved", he added with a sadistic smile as he looked into Jane's eyes.

The young tattooed woman jumped as if someone had just slapped her. This news hurt more than all the blows she had taken recently. She knew her relationship with Kurt was almost dead. But lately he had been a little less cold with her. And despite her attempts to harden herself emotionally, she had hoped that after Sandstorm, she could regain his trust enough to be able consider something with him again. Obviously she had been mistaken…Totally.

…

 _FBI office_

In front of the screen, the team, minus Tasha, watched with concern as Keaton managed to bring Jane back to reality. Weller felt a mixed feeling, a mingling of joy, knowing that the connection he shared with Jane hadn't disappeared, and of fear, being her weak point, and that Keaton had discovered it.  
\- "What is this trigger story? Why did Jane have trouble breathing suddenly"? Patterson asked hesitantly.  
\- "The dissociative state requires a great concentration to be maintained. I guess by using Jane's interest in Weller, Keaton managed to get into her mind to sow doubt. Her mind became temporarily obsessed with this information, to the point of hindering normally unconscious functions, such as breathing. To be able to breathe again, Jane then had to come back to reality, "Nas said uncertainly.  
\- "If he knows her weak point…" Reade began.

\- "Jane can't fall back in her mind to reduce the pain," Nas finished in a sinister tone.

\- "That doesn't mean anything good," Zapata's voice rang from the radio.  
\- "Still nothing on your side Tasha?" Weller asked hopefully.  
\- "Nada, for the moment no one has seen or heard anything. But I won't let up, I still have a building to check out, near the place of the abduction. "  
\- "Weller, he wants Winter," alerted Nas, bringing everyone's attention back to the conversation on the screen. Jane's speech explaining why the team was not going to come to her aid struck them like a brick wall. It was one thing to speculate about her emotional state from her drawings, but it was quite another to hear her verbally. More than words, it was the resignation visible in Jane's eyes, and the detached tone on which they were spoken that touched Kurt the most. He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of his cellphone.  
-"It's Keaton," Reade told him, pointing to the video on the screen.

-"Try to keep him talking so I can locate him," Patterson said, launching a locating program.  
\- "Don't forget, he doesn't know we can see him. Talk as if you don't know the situation, "Nas advised him as she tried to reach her superiors with her own phone.  
\- "Weller speaking," Kurt said as he picked up and turned on the speaker, still fixed on the video at the same time.

\- " _Deputy Director Weller, Jake Keaton on the phone. I am currently with someone who is dying to talk to you. Say hello Janie_ ", said the voice of the man they hated, before Jane's cry of pain rang out as he pressed on her fractured nose.  
\- "Listen to me fucking bastard, touch her again and I swear of God that I'm will hunt you down and you ..." Kurt yelled in rage before being interrupted by Keaton.

\- " _Come on, Weller, don't bother to use that tone. I am offering you a fair exchange on very generous terms. You give me Winter within six hours, and I return your tattooed pet more or less in one piece. She seems to strangely think that you will leave her in my care. Which we both know, will not end well for her_ ".

\- "Winter is no longer in FBI custody, Keaton, we send him at the NSA three weeks ago. I can't just call and ask for his return without cause ... ", Kurt began trying to buy time. Keaton's answer was certainly not what he had expected.

-" _Don't try to buy time Weller, I'm sure you'll convince the NSA to give him back. Just keep fucking Agent Nas as you've been doing for some time and she will surely get the transfer approved_ ".

The information had the effect of a bomb in the room. Reade looked alternately at his friend and Nas with a stunned look. Patterson for her part was busy looking at the NSA agent with blasting eyes. Nas had interrupted herself in the middle of her conversation and looked at the agents present with a half-contrite expression which was very unusual to her. And he could hear Tasha swear in Spanish on the radio link.

-" _God, Agent Weller, if you could see the expression on Jane's face right now. It looks like someone has just broken her sensitive little heart. I imagine it must be hard for her to hear that you prefer to share your bed with half of your colleagues rather than with her. But it's not astonishing in itself, is it? We both know you never loved her. After all, she IS NOT Taylor Shaw_ …" Keaton's voice rejoiced.  
The declaration had Kurt gasping for breath, but less than the view on the screen. Close-up in front of him was Jane kneeling, eyes closed, looking down. Two furrows of tears flowing on each of her cheeks.

(1) The division into phases and content are fictitious, I don't really have any idea how these interrogations are supposed to take place, and after doing some research on the web, I clearly don't want to know more. But for the unfolding of the story I decided to fix the evolution on this scheme.


	3. Chap 3 - I will break you

Hi guys. Sorry for the long time with no update, I was very busy with job, and my beta was busy too, so the translation of this chapter had been complicated. We work currently to find a way to be more regular according to our two schedule.

As habitual, I thank my beta-reader Readeronly76 for her great works on the proofreading.

…

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero

...

 **Chapter 3 - I will break you**

 **...**

 _FBI Offices_

A shocked silence welcomed Keaton's statement. Patterson and Reade looked alternately at the screen and their boss, trying to decide which picture was worst. Jane in tears, persuaded that everyone hated her, or Weller, frozen in shock, by the vicious taunting of the CIA agent, reminding him of painful memories, and by seeing Jane in such distress.  
Nas was the first to notice that Keaton had taken advantage of his last barb to cut off communication.  
\- "Prepaid number redirected by several random antennas in the city," she announced frustrated. "I'm sorry Agent Weller, but we couldn't locate him".  
\- "That... that bastard, fucking son of bitch " shouted Patterson brusquely, clutching the edge of her computer console, in order to prevent herself from throwing it to the ground in a fit of rage. Her raise of voice made Reade jump in surprise, as he had never seen his friend like that. But his immediate concern was Weller, still frozen, looking at the screen. No, that was his second priority. The first being:

\- "Tasha please, stop screaming in Spanish in my earpiece", he begged, almost cursing Weller for having asked everyone to put them on to maintain permanent radio contact with the agent in town.  
\- "Have you heard that bastard" ?! Zapata yelled, forcing everyone except Weller to remove their earpieces to preserve their hearing. Another sign of the shock, Reade thought, when the deputy director didn't react despite the decibel levels produced by Tasha.  
\- "Agent Zapata, please stop shouting in the microphone", Nas tried, cautiously handing her own up. Fortunately for them, the enraged agent became engaged in a lively discussion with a tenant, who accused her of yelling in the corridors. Very bad idea for him, because he immediately became the target of a very angry Tasha. Finally the man chose to retreat, and slammed the door in the nose of the young woman, which didn't help her mood.

-"What's Jane doing? I can't hear anything anymore", she asked suddenly, hearing nothing but silence on the radio link.  
\- "She ... she's crying, and Keaton is looking at her, smiling like a kid on Christmas day", Patterson observed disgustedly as she watched the video. Her declaration triggered a new torrent of insults in Spanish, and even through the earpiece, the agents could hear her violently hammering at another door.  
\- "Weller ... Weller," said Reade, trying to catch Kurt's attention.  
\- "We have to find her," whispered the man, without leaving his eyes of Jane's on the screen.  
\- "We're working on it," Reade assured him. "But we need you to be 100% focused with us".  
\- "They may have made a mistake somewhere, it's up to us to find it", Patterson said, pressing her hand to his to try to comfort him. The conversation was interrupted by a new burst from Zapata, whose interrogation had become a background noise as the team focused on Weller.

\- "What ?! Are you sure of that"?!  
\- "Tasha, what's wrong"? Asked Reade. The next statement from the Latina agent brought a new hope in the room.  
\- "I have a witness. He says he saw the driver", Zapata said before harassing the man again with questions.

-" No time for that!" Weller grumbled. "Tasha, bring him here so we can make an identikit." This was probably the best news of the day, as the reflection on the glass and the angle of the surveillance camera prevented Patterson from identifying the van driver.  
\- "Even if we can get his identity, the results are not guaranteed without access to the CIA's databases. Besides, he is certainly not documented here", Nas said softly, not wanting Weller to put too much hope in this news.  
\- "But with an identikit, we could launch a face recognition," Patterson suddenly said. "Many private cameras are connected to transmit either to the owner on his phone, or to surveillance centers that determine whether to send security guards in case of a problem. Even without alerting anyone, data flows constantly and is easier to capture during the transfer. With your NSA access, there's no need to mandate, and if I tinker with the right algorithm ... "  
\- "We can literally search for this man throughout the city. It's impossible to escape from so many cameras", said Nas thoughtfully. "But this will create an enormous amount of data to sort through".  
\- "All the more reason to hurry! Tasha …", started Kurt.  
\- "Already on the way," replied the Latina, in an eager tone.  
\- "In the meantime, continue the search of the van on the traffic cameras. At least to get a general area and reduce the search area".  
\- "I hate to say this, but we need a plan B. We don't know how long Jane will be able to hold out if Keaton keeps playing with her mind," Reade sighed sadly as he looked at the screen at the young woman who looked the very image of desolation.  
\- "Is there a way to recover Winter?" Patterson asked hesitantly, looking at Nas.  
\- "I'm working on it," the NSA agent replied, as she dialed a new number on her phone. "But my superiors aren't exactly eager to hand over a prisoner to my division and transfer him into the FBI custody."  
\- "No matter what it takes, we need him to do the exchange," Weller said in a hard tone.  
\- "Weller ... we cannot just hand this guy over to Keaton. Keaton will surely do to him the same thing that he subjecting Jane to, just to be sure he isn't hiding anything. I want to save Jane as much as you do, but we can't give Winter to the CIA knowing he'll be tortured, "said Reade, trying to make himself the voice of reason.  
\- "Of course we can"! Kurt grunted, glaring at him.  
\- "Winter has nothing more to tell us. At this moment, Jane's position in Sandstorm is much more valuable than him", Nas added distractedly by dialing another number.

\- "Are you listening to what you're saying" ? Asked Reade stunned. "This poor guy is not a pawn to sacrifice ... "  
\- "That's not what you said about Jane," Weller snarled, staring at him angrily.  
\- "I know", the agent admitted sadly, "but I was mistaken. The truth is that I was the one who had the most difficulty in trusting Jane from the beginning. Yet she has saved our lives many times and she has helped us solve many cases, helping many people…And when I started truly trusting her, she was arrested for identity theft and she disappeared overnight. Then we learned that she was detained in a CIA black site and on her return she confesses that Mayfair had died because of her former fiancé and Sandstorm. I was ... I don't know…Confused…Angry…Disappointed that she didn't trust us enough to avoid all that. As if my doubts about her were suddenly justified. Considering her as a pawn was just easier to manage than continuing to see her as a person ...to see her as a friend. But that ... ", he added pointing at the screen, "that opened my eyes. No matter what mistakes she may have made, Jane doesn't deserve that. Nor the treatment we have given her since her return".  
\- "Weller", Patterson said softly, "if you knew what was going to happen to her, would you have let the CIA take Jane away "?  
\- " Of course not " ! The agent protested scandalized.  
\- "Winter doesn't deserve that either. And he's not as nearly as strong as Jane. Do you really think he has a chance of getting out alive if we deliver him to Keaton"?  
\- "No", Kurt admitted reluctantly.  
\- " Not that I'm against a little support, but weren't you just suggesting to get Winter here just two minutes ago"? Asked Reade with a lost look.  
\- "Yes, but only in case Keaton has a source to confirm that Winter is being transferred here. Then we can always mount a fake exchange to get Jane back. Or attract Keaton elsewhere and pick her up ourselves if we manage to locate her. To be honest though, there is a part of me that would be willing to give Winter up if it was the only way to get Jane back ", admitted the blonde a little ashamed.  
\- "Even if the NSA authorizes the transfer, it will take time for us to bring him in. And Keaton only gave us six hours, it's too short of a time to consider a trap. Besides, I'm not sure that arresting him will work, he's bound to have high-ranking friends", muttered Reade.  
\- "I'm willing to deal with the consequences once we get Jane back", Weller snapped back.  
\- "I was able to follow the van for four blocks towards Queens, but then it disappeared into an area not covered by traffic cameras", Patterson cursed.  
\- "That's already an indication", Weller snarled. "He needs peace to ... torture Jane", he added darkly.  
\- "That excludes the classy neighborhoods…From what I can see on the video, I would be inclined for a basement, old and poorly maintained", Reade observed, scrutinizing the screen for details in the background.  
\- "This further reduces the search parameters", Patterson mumbled pensively again, typing frantically on her keyboard. "I can connect to the database of urban planning services, which should give us a list of all buildings by date of construction".

\- "First target those who have been the subject of declarations for non-conformities or for those that a closure order have been issued. As well as those waiting for demolition", Weller said looking over her shoulder.  
\- "That still gives us dozens of buildings to check. Hopefully they didn't change direction as soon as the cameras lost them ... "Reade commented.  
\- "I used some favors that were owed to me", Nas interposed. "I managed to get Winter transferred to New York from Maryland. He should be on a plane within half an hour, which is the good news. The bad news is that there are three agents who aren't from my division accompanying him. And I doubt that they would let us use Winter for an exchange, relations between our agency and the CIA are ... strained in recent times ". Her statement left the FBI agents perplexed, but no one asked what might have caused the interagency tensions. In any case, it was doubtful that the woman would answer them on this subject.  
\- "If we manage to locate Keaton before they arrive, Winter will just serve us as bait. However, I still don't understand why he gave us such a short period of time", Kurt said thoughtfully.  
\- "Probably to force us to make mistakes. Or ... he thinks he'll get Jane's answers in that time, before he makes the exchange".  
\- "Wait ... From what we know, Jane never broke during the three months she spent with him previously. Why would she tell him anything now"? Zapata's voice spoke on the radio.  
-"Because of us", Patterson said, looking at Keaton in horror as he approached Jane. "Her weakness … it's us."

...  
.

 _Jane_

Hearing Keaton's words, Jane felt as if someone was tearing her heart to pieces before filling the empty space with molten metal. Her eyes closed, and in spite of her efforts she couldn't prevent the tears from flowing. "He's right," said the voice in her mind, "Weller never loved you. He wanted Taylor. He loved Taylor. You are nothing in his eyes. He hates you, everybody hates you".  
The young woman bit her lips so she wouldn't burst into sobs, using all her willpower to not appear even weaker in front of Keaton. Nothing but seeing her cry, would give him an indication that she was close to break. And through the pain, physical and mental, lucidity came. She was close to break... Her breathing accelerated with panic, and she prayed inwardly for her torturer put this on the account of sadness. If he ever realized how close he was to obtaining what he wanted ... She had to pull herself together. It didn't matter that she is alone, she had already been at the bottom for weeks. But if she gave him the answers to his questions, he would have no reason to keep her alive. Moreover, months ago, she had little to tell him. But now…

And the consequences suddenly appeared to her. If Keaton learned all she knew now, he would understand her true involvement in Sandstorm. And that would expose Shepherd and Roman. She didn't care what could happen to her alleged adoptive mother, but her brother ... It didn't matter if he learned the truth about her, he would surely consider her a traitor. He was her brother, they shared the same flesh and blood. He was her only real family. Whatever the price was for her to pay, Jane had to protect him. Even if it was the last thing she did.

The deputy director of the CIA observed with some satisfaction the tears of his prey. Her obstinacy and her escape a few weeks earlier had insulted his pride. Originally, he had planned this little project only to get Winter, and to prove to Weller that his dear Jane wasn't untouchable. A little lesson for trying to kill him. But seeing the weakness of the young woman, there was probably more to gain. He didn't doubt that Weller would do everything possible to deliver to him the hacker and recover the tattooed amnesiac. His reaction in Bulgaria proved that the relationship between them was much more than that between an agent and a mere consultant. Getting answers to his questions would be a bonus, but it would be less than the satisfaction of breaking the one who was responsible for his humiliation. Physical pain seemed to have little control over her, but her mind was much more vulnerable.  
\- "Come on Janie! Don't be so upset", he said, approaching his chained captive. "I'm sure you already knew that no one loves you. After all, it's not the first time they've tried to get rid of you". His statement attracted the attention of the woman, who suddenly opened her eyes.  
\- "What ... what are you talking about"? Jane asked in a hoarse voice, the confusion and the fear clearly showing in her eyes.  
\- "Well, you know, I was pretty close to Thomas Carter. He was my mentor when I joined the CIA, and he left some information with me before his death. I imagine, have you ever heard of Daylight"? Keaton asked, starting circle her.  
\- "No", Jane replied in a tone that sounded false even in her own ears.  
\- "Oh Janie please! Don't take me for a fool, I hate it", Keaton snarled, slapping her in rage, cracking her lip. The young woman forced herself to ignore the sting of pain and the taste of blood in her mouth in order to reply :  
\- "It was a project to exploit the data collected illegally by the NSA for the benefit of different governmental agencies".  
\- "You see, that's the response I want," said the man, cheerfully, repeating his round. "Where was I ? Oh yeah, I was going to explain to you how we learned of your existence. This was just over a year ago. We were quietly sitting in Tom's office sipping a glass of scotch, and Bethany Mayfair phones him. To tell us an unlikely story of a girl found naked, with no memories, and covered with tattoos in Time Square. And one of these tattoos happens to lead to Saul Guerrero, the screen she used to justify the information coming from Daylight. Of course she promised to take care of you, but with the passing weeks, Tom discovers you're still there, wandering around New York with information about a confidential operation tattooed on you. Lord you should have seen Tom after she refused to give you up to us in that cemetery. He was furious. Even if honestly, without Agent Weller, she would have let us take you away without flinching ... "  
\- "You're lying", Jane snarled. "I talked to her after that mission, she told me ..."  
\- "No matter what she told you, do you seriously believe that she would risk her career for you? You were a threat to everyone involved in Daylight, she was just waiting for the right opportunity to get rid of you. Just like she and Tom got rid of Guerrero". Keaton's words formed a strange echo inside of her. She clearly remembered the period of time when Kurt and Mayfair were cold because the FBI AD had hidden information. Could it be that their dispute was in fact about her being handed over to the CIA? Kurt thought she was Taylor at the time, and he would have been fiercely opposed to her leaving. Unlike ... afterwards. Seeing the doubt in her eyes, Keaton smiled inwardly, determined to rub it in:  
\- "So Tom had to take things in his own hands and get closer to your team. Tell me, how well do you get along with Agent Zapata"?

\- "Why does that matter to you"? Spat the tattooed woman.  
\- "Oh I don't know. I thought you would like to know that she only approached you for information", he added, smiling.  
\- "What" ?! Jane asked shocked.  
\- "You see, Agent Zapata went through a very unlucky period sometime after you arrived at the FBI. And when one is a compulsive gambler, this can quickly become troublesome, especially when one owes several thousand dollars to her bookmaker. In exchange for the erasure of her slate, she agreed to give all the information that the FBI had on you, to Tom. Of course it wasn't much, so Tom asked her to plant a bug in your house".  
\- "No ... I ... she ... would never ... you ... lie," Jane stammered, even as Zapata's behavior returned to her memory. The little voice in her head took advantage of it to attack her "Of course it's true. She hates you. She would do anything to hurt you. Remember, she considers you a traitor. What a hypocrite, when she sold you for money"!

…

 _FBI Offices_  
\- "How are we her weakness"? Asked Reade, looking at the blonde analyst.  
\- "You've seen her notebook. She thinks we hate her and that we voluntarily allowed the CIA to do all this to her. And given the treatment we've given her since her return ... ".  
\- "She's more likely to believe what Keaton is telling her. Especially if it implies that we want her to suffer ... "Weller added, his heart squeezing at the idea.  
The agents observed Keaton talking to Jane about Daylight, Kurt's fists clenched with rage when he slapped the young woman so hard that her lip broke. But the man didn't stop there, and they watched him incredulously insinuate that Mayfair intended to deliver her to the CIA.  
\- "Nonsense! Mayfair would never have done that, even to save her career"! Patterson protested.  
\- "Right now, it's not the truth that counts, but what Keaton will get Jane to believe", Nas replied, frowning. She was already aware of some of the things man could say to make her doubt, and some of these revelations could destroy the team.  
\- "The witness is upstairs with the draftsman", Tasha said as she walked into the room, "I had to burn almost all the traffic lights on the way to get here as fast as possible, but ..." The young woman stopped when she heard her name coming from the screen.  
\- " _You see, Agent Zapata went through a very unlucky period sometime after you arrived at the FBI. And when one is a compulsive gambler, this can quickly become troublesome, especially when one owes several thousand dollars to her bookmaker. In exchange for the erasure of her slate, she agreed to give all the information that the FBI had on you, to Tom. Of course it wasn't much, so Tom asked her to plant a bug in your house"_.

Keaton's statement froze the room, before all eyes turned to her. The shock locked Zapata's hand halfway down her face, as she was about to take off her earpiece.  
\- "Tasha", Patterson asked tearfully, "tell me it's not true."  
\- "I ... I". Her absence of denial caused a wave of shock within the team, but to her surprise, and a little anger, Zapata noticed that Nas didn't seem to be surprised. However she was not in a position to challenge the woman about she knew or did not know.  
\- "Tasha, explain…Now"! Weller growled furiously as he stepped toward her.  
\- "It was about the time we confronted Dabbur Zann in the cemetery. I already owe a lot of money and I made the mistake of betting on a double or quits match to do it again. But I lost and my bookmaker came to me to threaten to make an anonymous denunciation to the FBI for illegal betting. The term was getting closer and I really needed money. When Carter came to offer me to pay off my debts in exchange for our record on Jane, I ... I was stupid. I told myself that it didn't contain much, and that he would eventually learn the contents of it one way or another", confessed the young woman, shamefully lowering her eyes.

-"And about the microphone? Did you really bug Jane"? Reade asked in a neutral tone. After all, given Tasha's help in covering his presence at a crime scene, he wasn't in position to judge her.  
-" No ! Carter wasn't happy with the content so he waited for me outside a bar when we were out, Patterson, Jane and I. He gave me one of the new CIA bug, a kind of tiny patch and told me to put it at Jane's place".  
-"Did you" ? Weller asked, looking at her with a dark gaze.  
-" No. I threw the microphone in the sewers. Sometime later I found another one in my mailbox with a letter that said it was my last chance. But I was getting close to Jane in the meantime, and I couldn't do that to her. I left the microphone at my house and went back to the office to write my letter of resignation. But when I wanted to give it to Mayfair, she received a call telling her that Carter had disappeared. And later his body was found, so I figured I could just ... forget the whole story since no one was there to talk about it. "  
-" I can't believe it" ! Patterson grumbled as she approached Tasha sharply. "Jane trusted you! Ever since she came back, you've treat her worse than everyone else because she lied to us, while you did the same to her"!  
\- "Patterson, listen ... I know I've done stupid things but ..."  
\- "Did you fake it"? cut the blonde by grabbing her by the shoulders and looking her in the eyes.  
\- "Fake what"?  
\- "To be Jane's friend. Was it a ruse to get information"?  
-" No ! Patterson, I swear of God, I'd never do that to Jane! When I realized that Carter wanted to use the fact that I had become close to her I stopped everything"! The young woman stared at her for a moment, looking for any trace of falsehood.  
\- "I believe you", she finally said to Zapata's great relief. "But I'll always be angry with you," the blonde growled as she turned to the screen. Now came the hardest part.  
\- "Weller I swear that ..."  
\- "Not now," Kurt snapped back, "we have to find Jane first. Then we'll deal with this". His tone made it clear that she would certainly not get away with it.  
\- "We need that identikit as quickly as possible", Nas said trying to defuse the tension. This kind of reaction was exactly what she hoped to avoid. Her hunt for Sandstorm had never been so effective, and she could not afford to let different personal interfere. "At the moment Jane has absolutely no defense against this kind of manipulation. We have to find her before Keaton breaks her mind ".

…

 _Jane, unknown basement_

Her mind was completely upside down. Since returning to the team, she had realized that her presence was only desired with the aim of shooting down Sandstorm. But to hear that before her own lies, some of those whom she had regarded as her friends, almost her family, thought only of getting rid of her ... Marcos's words just before being shot him returned back in her memory: "You can't trust them". She had long hesitated, thinking at first that he was talking about the FBI. And since she had some memories of their friendship, she had tended to believe it. Then Oscar had revealed that it was him who was the shooter, which had put things in perspective. In fact, he had come to warn her against Sandstorm. But since the FBI had handed her over to the CIA, no matter how much she tried to regain the trust of the team and to gain forgiveness from them, she felt the gap between them growing. And Marcos' words could now apply equally well to the people she worked with every day.  
\- "Come on Janie, why this miserable look? You really thought they cared about you? They just want the information you have, I'm sure they even have a transfer order in your name to send you back to me once you're no longer useful to them", Keaton said, savouring the confused and distressed look on her face.  
\- "Shut up, Shut up, you bastard" ! Cried the young woman, trying to hold back the tears that were ready to run again.

\- "What language", said the CIA agent, taking out a folding knife from his pocket. "You really should be wary, someone could get upset and remove that tongue from your pretty mouth", he continued while he approached. A thrill of fear ran along Jane's spine at the thought of him putting his threat into execution, and she suddenly felt a presence on her back. A large calloused hand seized her by the neck, preventing her from moving her head.  
\- "It would be a pity, would it not" ? Keaton asked rhetorically with a sadistic smile as he ran the blade on her cheek right under her right eye, but without pressing hard enough to pierce the skin. Instead, he leaned slightly and began cutting her shirt, leaving her dressed only in her jeans and sports bra.  
\- "Well I propose you a game. I ask a question and if you answer honestly you gain five minutes of tranquility. If you lie, your five minutes will be very unpleasant", added the man, waving his blade in the air.  
\- "Fuck off"! Jane snarled, trying to hold herself up.  
\- "Tsk tsk tsk Jane. This was very inappropriate. But if that's the kind of thing that interests you, I have young and vigorous men here who would be very happy to play with you. After all, even with these tattoos you are rather pleasant to look at. Get her pants off", he told the man who was still standing behind the woman. She panicked as she felt the big hands go down to the first button of her jeans.  
\- "Wait don't"! She pleaded as Keaton turned her back on him. The man turned round and with a wave of his hand motioned his henchman to retreat.  
\- " What's the problem ? It was you who proposed a new game. Unless you prefer mine"?  
\- "Yes", Jane breathed in a defeated tone, feeling bad about give in, but fearing the other option much more.  
-" Good. But you since you forfeit. I have the right to ask two questions for the first attempt. So let's see ... an easy one to start: Did you kill Tom Carter"? Keaton asked, obviously pleased with the situation.  
\- "No", the woman said firmly, looking him in the eye.  
\- "Very well, you seem to be telling the truth", said the CIA agent after staring at her for a few seconds. "The second now: have you ever heard of Orion"?  
\- "Yes, when Carter asked me with his towel and his pitcher of water". After all it was not really a lie, he had not asked when she had heard about the operation for the first time.  
\- "Oh yes, waterboarding has always been his favorite game", Keaton said in a neutral tone as he returned to sit down.  
\- "But since he died right after how are you aware of that"?  
\- "It's inked on you. When you look closely, the stars forming the constellation are integrated in the middle of the tattoos on your belly and your breasts ". Trembling to be half naked in the cold basement, Jane tried to calm her breathing. For the moment she had come out of it, but Keaton was certainly going to come back with questions she would not want to answer.  
\- "Your five minutes are up", Keaton said, rising. "Time for something more difficult : does the FBI have evidences of the existence of Orion and Daylight"? Jane did not even think:  
-" No ". That was stupid, but instinctively, she tried to protect the team in spite of Keaton said about them, but failed.  
\- "Wrong answer Janie", Keaton said as he approached. "You will not make me believe that Mayfair didn't mention Daylight, at least to Agent Weller. And given the amount of information he had to have access to, I'm sure Winter has told you some very interesting things". The captive clenched her teeths as the knife cut into the skin of her stomach as Keaton was enjoying trace the contour of a tattoo. She didn't understand herself, her instant refusal to betray the team to the CIA sadist's attentions, even though they treated her worse with every passing day.  
\- "Maybe I should send one of these pretty tattoos back to Agent Weller to prove I'm serious", Keaton snickered, admiring his work. "No, I have a better idea"! he said as he got up. "How about inviting someone to play with us? Maybe ... hum, that pretty blonde I saw talking with you last night in front of the FBI headquarters. Agent ... Patterson is that it"?  
Keaton savored the look of absolute horror on Jane's face. Oh yes, he would take great pleasure in break her before sending her back to the FBI.

\- "She's pretty. But I'm sure she isn't as strong as you. In your opinion, how long she can resist ? Three days, three hours, three minutes? Certainly not three months like you. Imagine her pretty body hanging right there while we break her bones one by one. Or be drowned dozens of times, only to be brought back each time to life as we did with you? No ... my favorite, electric shock. Do you remember that sensation? All your muscles tensing again and again to the point when it burns even when the power stops. Yes, I think we're really going to invite her to play with us", Keaton said, straightening up.  
\- "Leave her alone", Jane snarled, her eyes now flaming with hatred.  
-" Who " ? Asked her executioner, clearly amused.  
\- "Patterson, I forbid you to touch her"!  
\- "Oh, you forbid me ... You seems to care very much about her. I wonder why ... But you're not really in a position to allow or forbid anything. What are you mumbling"? He asked, frowning as he saw the young woman's lips moving without a sound. And Keaton made his first mistake. Curious, he bent over to listen, Jane taking advantage of his inattention to throw her head at him. By reflex the CIA agent raised his right arm holding the knife, and the young woman bit the exposed hand with all her might.  
The deputy director of the CIA shrieked in pain and released his weapon, striking a punch in his victim's stomach with his left hand in an attempt to make her let go. The man behind Jane rushed to his aid, throwing a violent kick to the back of the tattooed woman. Finding that ineffective, he used the baton he held in his hand to strike the young woman's left arm, which broke with a sickening crack. The pain caused Jane to scream, which left Keaton's hand free. The henchman struck Jane once again, this time in the ribs, making her bend in two, losing her breath. The position pulled on her wounded arm, making her scream again in pain when her broken arm still held up through her ties extended. The man passed in front of her and struck her with a violent blow of his fist in the face that made her see stars.  
Keaton holding his hand dripping with blood, screamed at his henchman to prevent him from hitting her again.  
\- "That Janie, was extremely stupid of you", he growled as he straightened up.

 _Roman's hideout_

At the same time, Roman paced like a lion in a cage in the shabby little room which served as his temporary shelter. He had tried several times to contact his sister on his beeper without results. In desperation, he had broken the protocol and tried to reach her on her cell phone with a prepaid. But she had never answered. It had been hours and he was getting really worried. Their mother was soon to ask questions when she didn't see him return. Especially if the men at the command center told her that he had gone to contact their mole at the FBI. Such risk-taking could only indicate a serious event, and he knew that Shepherd would immediately conclude that Remi had betrayed them. And he wanted to have his sister's explanation before she faced the consequences. The shrill sound of his e-mail alert pulled him out of his thoughts.

Grabbing his tablet that was on the table, he frowned at a message from an unknown address. After a short hesitation he opened it. The only line of text immediately attracted her eye, as much as it froze his blood: "Will you see your sister again"? An address was attached after this threatening sentence, as well as a short video. Roman clicked on the link, the bad feeling in his guts was confirmed when on the screen, appeared his sister tied to a chair. When a man entered the room, introducing himself as the deputy director of the CIA and asking her about Orion, his worst fears seemed confirmed. Horror gave way to rage when two men, twice as large as his sister, suspended her from the ceiling before starting to beat her violently. For a few moments he looked at the scene, clenching his left fist with rage, his trembling right hand still holding the tablet. Then he remembered the address. He had the means of finding his sister and helping her. It did not matter if it was a trap. Grabbing his car keys, still holding the tablet in the other hand, he opened the door on the fly, nearly striking a woman who was right in front of the door.  
-" Roman. Can I know what you're playing"? Shepherd asked, two men standing just behind her.  
\- "I'm going to get my sister".  
\- "I learned that our mole had left a message. I imagine that if he took the risk of coming into contact, it is to tell us that Jane betrayed us "?  
\- "I don't have time for that. I have to go and save her", the young man snarled as he tried to pass.  
\- "To save her from what" ? Asked his mother, frowning, before noticing the tablet he held in his hand. Before he could stop her, the woman grabbed the object, and read the short text of the mail always open, before replaying the video from the beginning. The mention of the CIA and Orion increased her frown.  
\- "Mum", Roman tempted, unconsciously using the word he used only rarely towards this woman, who was so little maternal.  
\- "Let's go get your sister", Shepherd finally said, handing him the tablet, "I think she has a lot of explanations to give us".


	4. Chap 4 - Rescue and revealed secrets

Hi guys. Here is the chapter 4, faster than the last time. This chapter was especially difficult to translate, and you (and I of course) can really thanks my beta-reader Readeronly76 for her great works on the proofreading. Without her efforts, a large part of this text would have been nothing but a slop full of error.

I thanks all my readers and reviewers too, you are amazing.

…

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero

…

 **Chapter 4 - Rescue and revealed secrets**

…

 _FBI Offices_

Seeing Jane in tears, and Keaton's continuous taunting, the team thought nothing could be worse. They were mistaken. If listening to her tormentor's attempts to convince Jane that the team was going to hand her over to the CIA once her mission was over was hard to hear, nothing prepared them for what happened next. Jane's defiant attitude filled them with pride, which immediately dissipated at the sight of Keaton brandishing a knife and threatening to remove her tongue. The horror didn't stop there, since the man took advantage of her helpless position to cut off the young woman's shirt, leaving her half-naked.

But it was the subsequent action of the sadistic deputy director of the Agency that froze them all in horror.

-" _Tsk tsk tsk Jane. This was very inappropriate. But if that's the kind of thing that interests you, I have a few young, vigorous men here who would be very happy to play with you. After all, even with those tattoos you are rather pleasant to the eyes. Get her pants off_ ".

Tasha and Reade watched in silence as the man behind Jane started to undo her jeans, too shocked to react. Nas was watching the scene with a mixture of horror and pity. But the two most affected were undoubtedly Patterson and Weller.

-"No ... no ... please spare her that", moaned the computer specialist, tears running down her cheeks once again in the face of the horrors her friend was about to endure.

Weller, for his part, was trembling with shock and rage, as if his whole body wanted nothing more than to rip Keaton apart with his bare hands. When Jane pleaded with her tormentor and Keaton made his henchman retreat, the team gave collective sigh of relief. Although quite shaken himself, Reade watched Patterson and Weller, silently thanking the heavens above that the two closest people to the young woman wouldn't have to witness her suffer through that ordeal. He knew that seeing that horror without being able to intervene would have destroyed them.

After the events of the last few hours, Keaton's two unimportant questions, which gave Jane five minutes of respite from her torments, arrived like a trickle of fresh water in a desert.

-"That guy ... that guy's insane", stammered Patterson, still looking horrified at the screen, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

-"Dammit, I'm going to kill that bastard myself", Tasha muttered darkly, her eyes seemingly trying to kill the torturer through the screen by the sheer force of her will.

-"We have to find them quickly. I don't know what Keaton has planned, but Jane will never hold out until the end of the six hours period. Have the blood test results come back yet"? Asked Weller sharply.

-"Yes, but as I suspected, it doesn't match any in our database". Patterson sighed. "On the other hand, I just received the identikit from the sketcher".

-"Give me a minute to give you access to the data streams of the private cameras and you can launch the facial recognition," Nas said, as she sat next to the computer analyst to type furiously on the keyboard.

-"Can you reduce the search time"? Tasha asked the blonde hopefully. Patterson nervously bit her lips and exchanged a look with Nas: "It's possible, but…certainly not legal", she confessed.

-"We don't care, do it"! Weller ordered, beginning to pace around the room like a caged lion. Patterson nodded her head vigorously, and began typing frantically on her keyboard before opening a multitude of windows on her screen. The identikit was displayed next to a window in which a swarm of images from different sources soon appeared. The blonde analyst made some adjustments, and suddenly, the number of comparisons seemed to increase, surprising the agents.

-"How did you do that"? Asked Reade impressed.

-"I needed more processing power to process the large amount of data needed to compare images, so … I borrowed it in a few ways."

-"How did you borrow it" ? Questioned Tasha.

-"I used a modified version of one of Rich Dotcom's viruses", Patterson said. "It allowed me to infect a great number of computers to create a botnet, a network of zombie computers whose computing power I can use to speed up the search. The problem is that if one of Rich's partners who is still at large realizes this, he can also use these computers for his own purposes. But it's not traceable back to the FBI, fortunately".

-"Ok ..." said Reade slowly, "I see why it's illegal. How many machines has your toy infected"?

-"Several tens of thousands throughout the country at least..."

-"As soon as we recover Jane, can you erase the viruses"? Weller asked, even though it was obvious to everyone that the answer was not of much importance to him.

-"Of course boss."

-"Wait a minute", said Zapata, who had just thought of something. "If Keaton works with a team of three men, and if he sent them to kidnap Jane on that street ..."

-"Then who is the driver"? Kurt finished, looking at the identikit which was certainly not a picture of Keaton.

-"Probably a guy he paid just for that purpose. He may even have already died in a vacant lot or in the trunk of a car..." speculated Reade.

-"How could we miss that", Kurt wondered furiously.

-"We've been focused too much on the videos of Jane, it's distracted us", Nas replied softly, not wanting the agents to jump down her throat. Weller turned to face her, ready to protest vehemently, but the look on his team's faces stopped him.

-"She's right boss", Zapata said softly, looking him in the eyes. "No matter what we say or do, everything that relates to Jane touches us rather deeply. Because, even if we did everything to make her believe otherwise, she is a part of our team... It's probably because of that, that we reacted so badly when we learned that she had lied to us".

-"If we want to find her, we need to keep a cool head",Reade said.

-"Yes, because we're going to bring Jane back", Patterson grumbled ferociously. "I refuse to allow this to end without apologizing to Jane". Her statement earned strange looks from her friends and Nas. "What"? She asked a little surprised and slightly defensive.

-"Agent Patterson, you are probably the one person in this room who has the least reason to apologize to Jane", Nas said calmly. No one could explain this statement further, seeing Patterson's frozen gaze of anguish. All turned to look at the screen where Keaton had approached Jane again, asking if the FBI had any evidence of the existence of Orion and Daylight. Her negative reply didn't seem to please him:

-" _Wrong answer Janie, you will not make me believe that Mayfair didn't mention Daylight, at least to Agent Weller. And given the amount of information he had to have access to, I'm sure Winter has told you some very interesting things_ ".

They shuddered in horror as Keaton used his knife to cut into the defenseless woman stomach, though she didn't even utter a cry. But it was the following words of Keaton that froze them again with new anguish.

-" _Maybe I should send one of these pretty tattoos back to Agent Weller to prove I'm serious. No, I have a better idea. How about inviting someone to come and play with us? Maybe ... hmm, that pretty blonde I saw talking with you last night in front of the FBI headquarters. Agent ... Patterson is it_ "?

Hearing her name froze the Patterson on the spot. As far as Jane could see, the bastard would be quite capable of putting his threat into execution. The shock and horror on Jane's face told her as much.

-" _She's quite pretty, isn't she? But I'm sure she's not as strong as you. In your opinion, how long can she resist? Three days, three hours, three minutes? Certainly not three months like you. Imagine her pretty body hanging right there while we break her bones, one by one. Or be drowned dozens of times only to be brought back to life each and every time as we did with you? No ... my favorite, electrocution. Do you remember that sensation? All of your muscles tensing over and over again to the point of burning even when the power stops. Yes, I think we're going to invite her to play with us_ ".

Now Patterson was feeling nauseous, while the rest of the team boiled with rage at her side. Of course they had seen Jane's drawings, which gave them an idea of what she had undergone. But hearing Keaton describe the effects with such sadistic joy was, somehow, much worse. For the first time, they realized how much Jane had suffered at the hands of this psychopath. And the fact that he was threatening to do the same to Patterson, the sweetest and kindest person they knew, and in front of Jane, was even more cruel. Considering that the young blonde was the only one to treat Jane as a friend, her reaction didn't really surprise them.

 _-"Leave her alone", growled the tattooed woman._

 _-" Who"?_

 _-"Patterson, I forbid you to touch her"!_

 _-"Oh, you forbid me. You seem a lot of care about her. I wonder why? But you're not really in a position to allow or forbid anything_ ".

See Jane so protective of her made Patterson's heart clench. While she was convinced that everyone had abandoned her and defenseless in the hands of a sadistic torturer, she still found in her the strength to fight.

But as much as the team expected Jane to struggle with all her might to survive, none of them had anticipated what happened next. When Keaton made the mistake of approaching, they watched with astonishment when Jane bit his hand so hard it bled, causing one of the henchmen to beat her in order to get her to release her hold on Keaton's hand. Despite the quality of the sound, the image and the long howl of pain from the defenseless woman left no doubt that one of the blows had broken her arm. Powerless, the agents watched as Keaton furiously ordered his man to stop, already fearing the punishment he would inflict on Jane.

…

 _With Jane_

Despite the pain that radiated from her arm and ribs, Jane watched with satisfaction as her torturer cradled his bloody hand. She remembered reading somewhere that human bites were particularly painful, sometimes more than an animal bite. The punishment he was likely to inflict to her was a worthwhile price if it made him suffer for the next few days. She spat a little blood, Keaton's, that had invaded her mouth when she bit him. She defiantly glared at the man. Though she knew she must not look very intimidating, tied up, bloody, and with an eye half closed from the latest blow she had received.

-"Janie, Janie," snarled the man, returning to his seat while his henchman rushed to his side with a medical kit. "Do you think I'm an idiot"? His remark froze the woman, had he figured out her ruse?

-"Do you really think I'm going to get angry enough to not see through your little game? I know what you're trying to do. You want me to focus on you so much that I forget about Agent Patterson, is that not it"? In spite of the painful sting of his hand, the man savored the desperate air of his captive.

-"You really thought something that stupid would work? In fact, it gives me even more of a desire to invite our new playmate", He said, taking his phone out of his pocket. "Bring her here", he ordered simply, watching the dark-haired woman's reaction.  
\- "No, no, no", Jane whispered frantically as she searched for a way out.

-"Well, I'll take a moment to take care of this", Keaton said, waving his wounded hand slightly, after his agent had injected a painkiller. "But don't worry, I won't come back alone. Meanwhile think of everything I'm going subject her to. And when you're in the front row for the show, remember that everything will be your fault", he added with a wicked smile.

Jane watched him move away to the edge of the illuminated area, taking the kit with him in order to treat his wound elsewhere. She couldn't let this happen. David had already died because of her, she had lied to the team, she had caused the death of Mayfair, broken Kurt's heart by pretending to be his childhood friend. And yet Patterson continued to show her kindness, despite all her sins. And now she was going to suffer because of her. The idea only reinforced Jane's conviction. She really was a horrible person who didn't deserve a second chance. But maybe she could still do something to save her blonde friend.

-"Wait! No! Leave her alone! I'll tell you whatever you want to know! Leave her alone"! Shouted the captive as Keaton walked away with his minion, disappearing into the shadows without a look back. Seeing no reason to hide her emotions now that she was alone, Jane let her emotions run free, and tears began to flow down her cheeks once again.

…

 _FBI Offices_

The silence that welcomed Keaton's last sentence and Jane's begging was deafening. The first time they had seen her cry had already been trying. But this time, the young woman looked broken.

-"I ... I don't understand", stammered Patterson again in shock of the last minutes, "Why ... why is he tormenting her like this? And why the connection with me"? Nas and the other agents exchanged a look, before Tasha pulled the blonde against her.

-"Patterson, do you remember Jane's drawings"?

-"Yes", said the blonde in a hesitant voice, wondering where Zapata was going.

-"And did you notice anything"?

\- "Apart from the fact that they are heart-breaking and proves that Jane needs help"?

-" You're not in them, Patterson", Reade said.

-"What"?

-"You're not in them", the agent repeated. "Going by her drawings, in her nightmares, she sees us torturing her. Probably because we were horrible with her since her return. But you aren't in them".

-" But…why"?

-"You're the only one who still treated her like…" Nas began before hesitating.

-"A normal person? A human being and not a sacrificial tool"? The blonde said. For a long time she had felt trapped between the two of them, part of her wanting to help Jane despite the cold treatment the team had for her. But at the same time she didn't want go against the rest of the team, especially since they too had their own problems to deal with.

-"Ok, we've figured it out. Don't rub it in please, we're already feeling pretty bad", Tasha muttered in response.

-"My point is" replied Nas, "is that you have been the only one to be friendly to her since her return. Right now, you're probably the closest thing to a friend that Jane has".

-"And Keaton understands that", Weller growled darkly with a lump on his throat, as he watched Jane in tears on the screen.

-"But how"? Her question gave Nas a long sigh.

-"As much as I hate the man, he is a very competent interrogator".

-"How can you say that"? Protested Patterson, glaring at her. "He's nothing but a sadistic bastard"!

-"Certainly. But from his observations and some information he's gleaned, he was able to quickly identify Jane's weaknesses".

-"Us ..."

-" Yes. I think he really started to understand when, in her attempt to appear strong, she let slip that Agent Weller, and the team as a whole, would prefer to see her dead. But from what he's said we know he's been watching Jane, until at least yesterday. So seeing you talk to her as a friend ..."Nas explained.

-"He understood that I was the only one who was close to her. And so I was most likely the only one she cared about", Patterson finished in a flat voice. "But why did Jane react like that? He can't touch me, why did she take the risk of drawing his anger on herself"?

-"But Jane doesn't know that", Weller said softly. "She probably doesn't even know long it has been since she has been kidnapped. As far as she knows, he could very well be able to take you at your home in the middle of the night...".

-"But ... I work for the FBI, she must know that my disappearance would lead to questions, right"? The blonde asked in a small voice.

\- "In matters of interrogation, it is not so much what you can do that counts", Nas said calmly, looking into her eyes, "It's what your prisoner thinks you can do. At the present moment, I am afraid that Jane is in a state of emotional distress so great that her fear prevents her mind from functioning rationally".

-"As to why she provoked Keaton ... well it's Jane". Said Zapata simply. "Since she's been with us she has always tried to help people. Even with the way we treated her, she kept trying to save our lives whenever she could ..."

-"Which is not our main problem now", Weller snarled as he looked at the screen where Jane's tears were still flowing. "We have to find Jane before this guy completely demolishes her, physically and mentally".

-"But how"? Patterson moaned with anxiety. "Even using more computing power I can't track the driver faster than the image analysis. And the van has not appeared since I lost it".

-"We may, in fact, have another option", Reade said. "We're the FBI, we have dozens of agents available ... Patterson, based on the last known position of the van, and what we know about the building in the video, can you narrow down the field of search"?

-"Well, we've already ruled out the middle-class neighborhoods, and there are no identifying noises so Jane is probably not near anything that can be heard at a distance, like railways, factories..."

-"Or the soundproofing is just good", Tasha grumbled.

-"Let's cross our fingers for that not to be true", muttered Patterson.

-"Even if the soundproofing is good, does anyone hear a plane"? Weller asked suddenly, looking pensively at Patterson's map of Queens.

-"No, why ... oh", Reade said slowly as understanding dawned on him.

-"There are two airports in the area, La Guardia and JFK, so we can move skip the neighborhoods over which the planes fly", said the deputy director.

-"If it's in an old basement, the walls can just prevent the sound from passing through", Zapata calmly stated, not wanting to take the risk of chasing a false trail.

-"We don't really have a choice", Replied her Reade. "We don't have enough agents to cover so many places. By excluding neighborhoods near airports, we can reduce the search area by a decent amount".

-"What with the other parameters that leaves us with nine possible buildings, all closed to the public for various problems or expectations of demolition".

-"I'll get the teams together", Weller said resolutely. "Even if none of these buildings are successful, we will have as many men as possible in the field as soon as the facial recognition program has given us a more precise location".

-"This is a somewhat risky gamble, Agent Weller", Nas pointed out to him as he watched the agents prepare to leave the room to equip themselves. "In addition, using so many other agents, you take the risk of not being the one who will find Jane. And what are you going to tell them"?

-"The mission is to rescue an FBI consultant who was kidnapped by a criminal group with hostile intentions", Kurt said dryly. "And they are allowed to use any force necessary to recover her safely".

-"In any case, it's not as if Keaton and his men are going to boast of belonging to the CIA and detaining and torturing one of our consultant in front of federal agents", Reade grumbled.

-"Are you all aware that this sounds like a desperate measure"? Nas asked softly, her tone indicating that she already knew she had lost the argument but just wanted them to be aware of the consequences.

-"In case you haven't noticed it, we are desperate..." Replied Zapata as calmly as she could before leaving for the armory. Her slight stumble as she walked out the door reminded them that the woman was still recovering from the effects of the poison from the Akkadian. Considering how little rest she had received after leaving the hospital as soon as possible, it was surprising that she hadn't collapsed yet. The fact that she still continued to do everything possible to find Jane showed enough evidence of her feelings towards the tattooed woman. Knowing how stubborn she was, Kurt and Reade knew she would not accept being on the sidelines. They were just going to have to watch her back and be ready if she faltered.

-"Very well. For my part I will stay with the Agent Patterson to coordinate the teams and to try to find the van. We will keep the radio link with your team open on a separate and encrypted channel so that you can follow if ... something else happens". Her eyes and hesitation told Weller and Reade of her intentions. Patterson was in an emotional state far too fragile to face alone what could happen on the screen in the event that Keaton returned. So it was logical that someone who could keep a cool head stayed behind to coordinate the deployment. With an identical nod, the two men then left after Tasha.

…

 _With Jane_

The dark-haired woman gave free rein to her tears for a long time. Her whole body was nothing but pain, but she paid little attention to it, because her mental pain was much greater. Keaton's words bounce around inside her head. Patterson was going to endure the same pain as she had, just because she had shown her a little kindness. It wasn't fair. She had already suffered so much since Jane had entered her life. She didn't doubt for a moment Keaton's intentions to carry out his promise. No matter what he had said, she knew that her escape had insulted his pride too deeply to let her go. And in his quest to break her, kidnapping and torturing a federal agent would certainly not give him too many problems. Once he had finished with them, he would probably just discreetly get rid of their bodies, and no one would ever hear of them again.

The slamming of a door pulled her from her morbid thoughts. With her mind being cloudy with fear and pain, even her training couldn't help her determine how much time had elapsed since Keaton had left. She only hoped that her executioners didn't return with Patterson. She felt a slight wave of relief run through her aching bones and muscles when one of the men, the same man who had broken her arm, appeared alone. Relief quickly tempered by the fact that he brandished a length of chain in his hand.

"Hello doll. Here I am", said the man with a smile almost as sadistic as that of his boss. "It was really stupid what you did to the boss. Now he's allowed me to play with you until he comes back". He added, swinging his weapon back and forth, leaving a little time for his victim to fear the spot where the blow would fall. Suddenly the chain whipped towards her and struck her in the stomach. Stifling a groan of pain Jane contracted her abdominal muscles to stay as upright as possible, to prevent her weight from pulling on her bonds. In spite of everything, she slumped slightly, feeling at the same time, her fractured arm burn again with pain.

" What's the problem? Oh, you have a boo boo on your arm? I wonder what would happen if I did this", said the man, swinging his chain again. The blow was much lighter than the one she had taken in the stomach. But the contact point was right on the fracture, it triggered a new wave of pain, which in turn, made her scream. The man opened his mouth, no doubt preparing to taunt her again, when a noise interrupted his sinister plans. A gunshot. Then another, and yet another.  
Her torturer swore and dropped his chain to grab a gun from the back of his belt as a door opened on the fly. But the man was at a disadvantage, since he was right in the circle of light. Jane's heart jumped with joy as three shots slammed him, and he collapsed in front of her. Then came a voice which she recognized immediately.

-"Remi? Remi? Are you alright"? Roman… Roman had come to save her. The silhouette of her brother entered the light, and he stopped short to observe her wounds, trembling with rage. His beloved sister stood before him, kneeling and half-naked. Almost every naked inch of her body was covered with bruises, abrasions and electrical-burn marks, visible beneath or between tattoos. Her stomach had a profound laceration which seemed to make a circle around one of the tattoos. Her face was swollen around her left eye, her nose was visibly broken, and blood had flowed from her mouth to her chin. Her left arm seemed to also be broken, seeing how she managed to keep her weight on her right hanging arm. This instantly put him in motion. Grabbing the hook, he lowered it to remove the rope hanging on it, allowing his sister to lower her arms and relieve the pain.

-"You came for me", the woman said almost incredulously.

-"Of course I did, why would I abandon you"? Asked Roman, surprised.

-"Perhaps because she has betrayed us", interrupted a voice from the shadows. Jane stiffened in her brother's embrace. It was Shepherd's voice. And she had just accused her of treason ... It was not good, not good at all.

-"I don't know what you're talking about", she said with as much conviction as she could muster as she looked up at her adoptive mother who had just entered the enlightened space.

-" Really"? Asked the woman in a skeptical tone. "Did you really believe we were going to send you to the FBI without someone on the inside to assess your loyalty"?

-"You have a mole in the FBI", said Jane slowly as if trying to assimilate the information, while her mind was spinning at full speed. If Sandstorm had an informant in the office, then her cover was blown. Jane decided to keep going, maybe it was just bluff?

" Of course. A person who sent us this, just last night", Shepherd said, brandishing a letter headed with the FBI bold in front of her nose. Roman instinctively reached to his now empty pocket.

-"Don't look at me like that Roman", his mother snarled. "You wouldn't have tried to hide this from me if you didn't have doubts about your sister too". At these words, Jane's blood froze in her veins. If even Roman had doubts about her loyalty …

-" Read it"! The older woman ordered, waving the paper before her eyes. Jane's pupils widened as she saw the words on the first sheet.

-"Jane's ... Jane's loyalty is with the FBI", read the captive aloud, feeling a rush of fear descend down her spine. "But a letter proves nothing", she added in a voice as firm as she could.

"" No. But when it is accompanied by this…" Shepherd snapped back, waving a second page under her nose. "Do you recognize this"?

-"It looks like a piece of code", Jane said, shrugging in spite of the pain. "But I'm not computer-savvy enough to know what it is for".

-"Oh I'll tell you what it is. This code is a fragment of the one on the chip that Roman and you recovered. My question is, how did the FBI obtain access to it when you and Roman were the only two that had it in your possession"?

-"I ... I ..." Jane stammered, desperately searching for a lie to tell, something believable to get herself out of the situation.

-"Tell me ... Jane ... you told us that Cade followed you and Oscar to the barn and killed him. He then wrote something on a truck. Tell me what it was", Continued her mother.

-"For Marcos".

-"Yes, for Marcos. The problem is, Markos is spelled with a K. Cade was Markos' best friend, which means he would never make that mistake. Someone who didn't remember the exact spelling on the other hand...".

-"He ... maybe he did it voluntarily to trap me", Jane whispered, her voice sounding desperate even to her own ears. Her mother crouched down in front of her, and in an unexpected gesture, gently caressed her cheek.

-"You are no longer obliged to lie. Just tell me what I want to know and I promise you everything will be over soon".

-"I ... I ..." Jane stammered again, unable to think clearly.

-"Very well, it looks like you need a little help," sighed her mother, straightening up and gesturing to one of the men behind her. One of Shepherd's bodyguards came out of the shadows, a syringe in his hand.

-"What is that"? Roman asked suspiciously, planting himself in front of Jane.

-"A little cocktail based on thiopental, just enough to make her want to tell her secrets".

-"Serum of truth", growled the furious brother, "In her condition it could kill her"!

-"Maybe, but it's less certain than a bullet in the head. Which is what awaits for her if she doesn't have a good explanation to provide", her mother snapped. Taking advantage of the argument, the man holding the syringe moved past Roman and injected the serum into the defenseless tattooed woman.

-"It will take a few moments for it to take effect", Shepherd calmly explained, as the man slashed the ropes holding Jane's ankles to the floor, leaving her hands tied. At a sign from his superior, he then began to lift her before being interrupted by a burst from Roman. The young man grabbed his sister as gently as possible and set her on the chair that Keaton had previously occupied. After a few minutes, Jane began to feel almost... light. Observing her eyes for her dilated pupils, Shepherd approached her adopted daughter.

-"Okay, let's start from the beginning, who are these guys"? She asked, gesturing towards the corpse.

-"CIA", Jane replied slowly, her mind seemingly slowing down. "They're working ... Deputy Director Keaton".

-"Carter's replacement... what did he want"?

-"He ... angry ... he tortured me ... three months ... didn't speak ... escaped myself". Her mouth seemed to let slip all the answers, she could barely managed to stay coherent because of the drug. With luck, Shepherd wouldn't be able to interpret her answers…

-"You were tortured for three months without you speaking. You escaped him and now he's upset, that's what you're trying to say. So it wasn't Cade who tortured you"? Her mind seemed to be floating in a mist, Jane nodded slowly, trying to conserve her strength in order to be able to form a coherent thought.

-"Why did he torture you? How could the CIA even lay their hands on you"? Shepherd asked, frowning.

-"Weller... arrested me... not Taylor... Taylor dead... Bill said... before died".

-"Before he died, Bill Weller told his son that he had killed the real Taylor Shaw? Weller knew that you were an impostor and arrested you"? Again, Jane nodded, causing her brother's anger.

-"That was not part of the plan! You said that Weller Senior had nothing to do with Taylor Shaw's disappearance and that Remi's cover was solid", he growled, looking at his mother.

-"Clearly our intel was wrong", she grinned, before turning to Jane.

-"After your arrest, the CIA seized the opportunity to ask you questions left unanswered by Carter's death", the woman said. "Did they ask you about Orion and Daylight"?

"Yes ... didn't talk... remembered Roman."

-"You remembered your training", understood her brother. "You dissociated your mind and your body". Jane nodded. She felt more and more nauseous, but her mind seemed to be clearing up. On the other hand, she was feeling the disagreeable sensation of her heart slowing down. If she could stand a few more minutes, she might be able to avoid the most dangerous questions.

At that moment, Shepherd's phone began to ring insistently. While keeping an eye on Jane, she picked up her phone and listened briefly to the call before hanging up angrily.

-"It was just a trap", she hissed.

-"What! You can see she can't..." Roman protested.

-"Not her. Cade. The bastard must have followed her. It was he who sent the address to you and led us here. And while we were occupied, he infiltrated Headquarters and stole the chip…" His mother maddened with rage.

-"But phase two...".

-"... is set aside for now, until we recover the chip. But as long as we are here, we may as well plug the leaks. What happened after your escape"? Shepherd resumed her questioning, glancing at Jane.

-"Team... took me... made deal... not returned CIA... if I help".

-"You were recaptured by the FBI, who in exchange for protection against the CIA, asked for information about us". Jane nodded again, understanding too late that she had just admitted to betraying Sandstorm.

-"Well, it's a good thing we haven't trusted you since your return", Shepherd said ironically. "Almost all the information you gave to the FBI is useless". Suddenly, Jane's eyes widened and she fell to the ground.

-"Remi"! Roman yelled, rushing to her side. A quick check informed him that her pulse was no longer beating. He immediately started a cardiac massage, knowing that this would not be enough, before noticing that his mother and bodyguard remained motionless. "Help me", he yelled. "She needs an injection of adrenaline". Shepherd seemed to think for a moment, then motioned to her man to aid Roman.

-"Get the emergency kit in the car", she ordered. Her son left. The man who had taken over the massage raised his head in question.

-"She's betrayed us, why not just let her die"?

-"That will depend on her answer to a question I will ask her once she regains consciousness. But for now she will be able to serve us better alive than dead".

-"How"? Asked the man clearly puzzled, before pausing to breathe air into Jane's lungs.

-"Think about it, why is she here? Because the CIA took her, probably without the FBI's consent. That means that her confidence in them must be called into question as they have failed to protect her. Now she knows that her only chance of survival is to work for us. And since we know that she is able to give information to the federal government, it makes it all the more easier to control what we give it access to. Besides, now that Cade has the chip, we have to change our plans. Or at least delay them".

-"But won't they be suspicious"?

-"Oh certainly. But they don't have a choice, she is their only point of access to our organization. Besides, I didn't go through all that trouble to place her with Weller just to kill her now".

-"Why ... you knew she was going to develop a weakness for him", the man added, continuing the cardiac massage.

-"Of course, I know my daughter. Weller is charismatic, intelligent, strong and protective, all that Oscar doormat was not. It was inevitable that he ended up catching her eyes. Deep within herself, Remi has always loved attentive and protective men. Although I never thought that imbecile Bill Weller would speak on his deathbed. Everything would have been much easier if she and Weller were still persuaded that she was Taylor Shaw. Anyway seeing Roman's reaction, I still need her to control him. If I kill her now, he will turn against us".

Before the man could make another comment, Roman rushing in and, without waiting, immediately injected the adrenaline syringe over the heart of his sister. After a few more breaths of air, her eyes opened and she gasped as she was able to breathe by herself. Shepherd gave her a few minutes to recover, then:

-"Very well, Jane. I still have a question for you, and you will answer honestly". The woman leaned over her adopted daughter to whisper in her ear. Jane's eyes widened, then she whispered something that only Shepherd heard.

-"Excellent", said the woman, rising. "This is what we are going to do. You are going to go back to the FBI and get back into your role. As soon as you recover from your injuries, I will tell you of a few tattoos cases to solve to occupy the FBI until we locate Cade. Meanwhile, you will have to gain their trust again, especially that of Agent Weller. I know that you have always had a strong sense of loyalty, and even if you deny it, I imagine that deep inside yourself, you still want to protect your team in spite of what they did to you as you choose them on us. So listen carefully, if you betray us again, I will kill each and everyone one of them slowly before your eyes, ending with Kurt Weller and then, finally, you".

From the outside, gunshots suddenly rang out.

\- "Ma'am, the watchmen say that the Feds are here, we have to leave", shouted her second bodyguard as the shooting intensified.

-"Don't forget", said the woman, casting a last look at Jane's half unconscious body on the ground, "I am giving you a second chance, but there will be no third. If you fail, the death of your friends will be terrible enough to give me nightmares". Their mother left, Roman hesitated for a moment, then bent over his sister.

-"Don't worry, everything will be fine, the Feds are here and they will take you to the hospital. We will see each other again very soon", he said to Jane, smiling with some difficulty. The dark-haired woman tried to answer, but she simply didn't have the energy. After a last squeeze of her hand, Roman disappeared. Forcing herself to remain conscious, Jane heard the sound of multiple pairs of boots on the floor above, and then the door flew open.

-"FBI, freeze"! Shouted several voices as beams of lights from the end of the assault rifles pierced the dim light.

-"She's here"! Shouted a familiar voice. The silhouette of Tasha suddenly appeared in the light near her.

-"It's gonna be ok, Jane", the Latina said in a strange strangled voice that made her frown. Zapata hated her, so why did she look so anxious?

-"Jane"! Shouted another familiar voice. And suddenly Kurt was at her side, holding her hand gently. Despite the pain and effects of the drug, Jane savored the warm sensation of his palm over hers.

-"Medic, I need a medic"! Weller yelled, looking at the beaten and bloody woman before him.

-"Hang on Jane, help is coming", he said, as Jane closed her eyes, slowly slipping into unconsciousness, Kurt's face engraved in her mind.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Please review ^^


	5. Chap 5 - You Are Safe Now

Hi everybody. I want thanks all of you for your formidable reviews.

Here is the chapter 5, and as usual I really thanks my beta-reader Readeronly76 for her great works on the proofreading.

…

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero

…

 **Chapter 5 -You Are Safe Now  
**

... 

_Team's SUV, en route to Queens_

It took Kurt only a few minutes after leaving Nas's office to gather the thirty odd agents and distribute them to the various locations with strict instructions to retrieve Jane. The team then boarded their own SUV, and Weller immediately raced out of the FBI building.

-"Do you think ... do you think we'll find her in time ..." Tasha asked in a slightly choked voice. Kurt's hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly that the other agents thought they heard his fingers cracking under the pressure.

-"I will not allow anyone to take her from me…from us," he snarled. Zapata and Reade exchanged a glance at their leader's amendment but didn't comment on his slip. As usual when the dark-haired woman was concerned, he seemed to take things very personally. Not that they could blame him under these circumstances. Suddenly the radio crackled: "Team Kemmels here, All clear on our position, no traces of Jane or her captors here sir... apologies. " Informed one of his subordinates.

\- "Understood Team Kemmels," Nas's voice said over the airwaves. "The information has been sent to the other teams, the Johnson team needs reinforcements to explore a new target."

\- "Copy, Team Kemmels in motion."

-"Eight locations left," quietly said Reade, hoping it would bring them closer to Jane's location. Without a word Weller accelerated again, relying on the siren and his reflexes to make his way through the very dense traffic of people going to work.

\- "Patterson, anything new on the facial recognition program?" Tasha asked hopefully, pressing on her microphone.

-"Negative," replied the blonde's frustrated voice. "Wait, someone is approaching Jane." The information caused the agents to stiffen before the radio's noises indicated that Nas had switched over to the secure frequency.

-" Who? Is it Keaton?" Kurt asked urgently, making a sudden turn to pass between two cars stopped at a red light, triggering a concert of horns behind him.

\- "No, it's one of his henchmen, oh my god ..."

\- "Give us audio, Patterson!" Even without seeing it, the team could feel her hesitation, then a new voice was heard: " _Hello doll. Here I am. It was really stupid what you did to the boss. Now he's allowed me to play with you until he comes back."_ Following was the sound of an object striking flesh.

-"What is he doing?" Zapata asked in a tense tone.

-"He's struck Jane with a chain," Nas replied darkly.

-" _What's the problem? Oh, you have a boo boo on your arm? I wonder what would happen if I did this_." Right after, the team heard a long howl of pain, guessing that the man had hit Jane's fractured arm. They knew that bone pain was among the worst that existed. Weller's jaws clenched, but before he could express his anger, a series of easily recognizable noises alerted the agents interrupted him. Patterson shouted:

-"Gunshots! Someone has just killed the bastard!" Then after a pause: "It's Roman!" Although relieved that somebody had come to help Jane, the agents were still apprehensive. In any case, the arrival of her brother was salutary, since the dark-haired woman had informed them that he was extremely protective of her. But the question of how he had found his sister still remained. Moreover, his arrival was not necessarily such good news. If Sandstorm learned that the CIA had detained Jane the first time... then Jane's cover could be blown. A new voice rang out, confirming their worst fears, Shepherd had just accused Jane of betraying them.

They heard the young woman deny the accusation, but Shepherd refused to believe her: " _Really? Did you really believe we were going to send you to the FBI without someone on the inside to assess your loyalty?_ " In the car, the agents froze in shock. Distracted, Kurt momentarily lost control of the wheel, zigzagging from one lane to the other, causing screeches of breaks among the vehicles that were heading right for them, and a concert of horns. The noise brought him back to reality, and he made a sudden lurch to avoid an oncoming semi-truck, forcing Zapata and Reade to brace themselves as best as they could to avoid being thrown into their respective doors. 

On the coms, they heard quite clearly the usually quiet Nas curse, and Patterson's cry of anguish. While Jane was surprised by the revelation of a mole, her adoptive mother's response gave them cold sweats: " _Of course. A person who sent us this, just last night. Don't look at me like that Roman. You wouldn't have tried to hide this from me if you didn't have doubts about your sister too_."

\- "Shepherd ... Shepherd has proof that Jane betrayed Sandstorm, she's showed her a paper", stammered Patterson in their earpieces. Then Jane's voice rang out again, tense and trying to sound confident. But the words she pronounced buried any idea that it wasn't a bluff: " _Jane's ... Jane's loyalty is with the FBI. But a letter proves nothing._ " With his hands tight on the wheel, Kurt tried to follow the conversation while driving. Patterson suddenly spoke up again, distracting them momentarily from the drama in progress:

 _-"_ Wait! Something's happened with the video ... it seems that the whoever sent us the link has stopped passing the signal through the proxies!" Zapata was the first to react: "Can you trace it?"

-"We are working on it Agent Zapata," Nas replied. "But it's not good. Shepherd has proof that Jane sent us a fragment of the chip code." At these words, Reade and his teammate exchanged a shamed look. They remembered only too well having taken Nas's side and reprimanding Jane for saving her brother instead of retrieving the chip. And apparently the data from that same chip she had sent to the FBI was going to cause her more pain.

Powerless, the agents heard the woman explain to Jane the mistake she had made in spelling the name of the man shot down at her safe-house to fake Cade's involvement. This meant that Sandstorm had been suspicious of her since her return, and that her cover was definitely compromised. But contrary to what they thought possible, things got even worse when Shepherd injected truth serum to the captive, despite Roman's opposition.

-"Patterson, is that true"? Kurt inquired anxiously.

-"Unfortunately yes. I don't know what else is in that syringe, nothing but the thiopental could cause cardiac arrest in her condition. Or severe respiratory distress", the blonde lamented desperately over the coms. It was not good, not good at all. If the drug didn't force her to admit her betrayal, and therefore cause her to be executed by Sandstorm, she could just as well kill Jane directly. Tensed, they waited for Shepherd's questions.

\- " _Okay, let's start from the beginning, who are these guys_?"

\- " _CIA… They're working ... Deputy Director Keaton_."

\- " _Carter's replacement ... what did he want_?"

\- " _He ... angry ... he tortured me ... three months ... didn't speak ... escaped myself_ ".

\- " _You were tortured for three months without you speaking. You escaped him and now he's upset, that's what you're trying to say. So it wasn't Cade who tortured you_ "?

-"Why does Jane have so much trouble articulating?" Reade asked, intrigued, despite the feeling of anguish that gripped him.

-"Used as a truth serum, the thiopental slows down the brain's action to force the victim to respond without thinking. But because of this, speech frequently becomes incoherent, and the answers can be misinterpreted," Nas informed him.

-"So it is up to the interrogator to interpret the answers?" Inquired Zapata.

-"Yes. Even with a skilled interrogator the serum isn't magic. With a little luck, Jane could manage to fight the bulk of the effects on the more dangerous questions."

-" _Why did he torture you? How could the CIA even lay their hands on you?_ " The question caused a new exchange of shameful glances in the SUV, and Weller felt his disgust at himself returning. Jane had suffered all this because in his anger, he abandoned her purely and simply.

\- " _Weller... arrested me... not Taylor... Taylor dead... Bill said... before died._ "

\- " _Before he died, Bill Weller told his son that he had killed the real Taylor Shaw? Weller knew that you were an impostor and arrested you_?" Hearing again the night of her arrest, brought back bad memories to Weller's mind, and his jaw stiffened again. The agents noted, however, that Shepard's tone was strange, and they understood why when Roman spoke up again.

-" _That was not part of the plan! You said that Weller Senior had nothing to do with Taylor Shaw's disappearance and that Remi's cover was solid!"_

-"Interesting," Nas commented. "Either Shepherd lied to her own children, or her information network is not as good as we thought." This observation sent each agent momentarily into their own thoughts. If the first theory was correct, it meant that Shepherd had sacrificed Jane to serve her own purposes. Which made her even more of a victim...

Distractedly, Weller, Reade and Zapata followed Jane's explanation of how she had resisted the CIA through her training, while trying to focus their attention on their target, which was only two blocks away. As Kurt slowed down to squeeze through a difficult passage between a dumpster and a badly parked car, Shepherd's exclamation brought their attention back to the conversation between the woman and Roman, audible on their earpieces.

-" _It was just a trap!"_

\- _"What! You can see she can't.._."

-" _Not her. Cade. The bastard must have followed her. It was he who sent the address to you and led us here. And while we were occupied, he infiltrated Headquarters and stole the chip_ …"

-"Did you hear that?" Patterson enthused "They'll have to change their plans!"

\- "And now we have a better idea of who sent us this video. Cade wanted to show us all of this. It remains to be seen why," mumbled Nas thoughtfully into their earpieces. Their joy was short-lived though, killed by Shepherd's next words: " _But as long as we are here, we may as well plug the leaks. What happened after your escape_?"

\- " _Team... took me... made deal... not returned CIA... if I help_."

\- " _You were recaptured by the FBI, who in exchange for protection against the CIA, asked for information about us?"_ Jane's confession caused a deathly silence in the passenger compartment of the SUV, while Patterson groaned in despair. The defenseless woman had just confirmed the suspicions of her mother and confessed her betrayal. But Shepherd's response surprised them, as much as it filled them with shame: " _Well, it's a good thing we haven't trusted you since your return_ ," Shepherd said ironically. " _Almost all the information you gave to the FBI is useless_." They had taken all those risks with Jane for almost nothing. Since her return, she had never had the slightest chance of being able to fulfill her half of the agreement with Nas.

Their sinister thoughts were interrupted by simultaneous shouts on the radio: " _Remi_ ," cried the voice of Roman, and Patterson's voice echoing "Jane!"

\- "What? Patterson, what's happening?" Tasha barked alarmed.

-"Jane just collapsed in front of her brother, it seems she's in cardiac arrest," Nas replied quickly. Reade swore as Tasha gasped in shock. Weller, for his part, kept his eyes on the road before him, his jaw so tense that he expected to hear his teeth crack at any moment. Through the still open connection, they heard Nas trying to calm Patterson, who seemed to have completely broken down.

\- "Nas, we need a location!" Weller finally grumbled, realizing that Patterson was too agitated to help them at the moment.

-"I'm working on it," replied the NSA agent in an exasperated tone, "I ...Wait... I have it! You are the closest team, less than five minutes from your current position. I will send reinforcements and a medical team!"

Boosted by the prospect of finally taking action and being able to recover Jane, Weller took a sharp turn and accelerated as fast as he could. Now that they could act, the agents turned their attention to the coms from which a new voice had emerged.

\- _"She's betrayed us, why not just let her die?"_

\- " _That will depend on her answer to a question I will ask her once she regains consciousness. But for now she will be able to serve us better alive than dead._ "

-" _How_?"

" _Think about it, why is she here? Because the CIA took her, probably without the FBI's consent. That means that her confidence in them must be called into question as they have failed to protect her. Now she knows that her only chance of survival is to work for us. And since we know that she is able to give information to the federal government, it makes it all the more easier to control what we give it access to. Besides, now that Cade has the chip, we have to change our plans. Or at least delay them_." The team welcomed the news with mixed relief. Against all odds, Shepherd was not going execute Jane on the spot. However, she still wanted to use her, which could be equally dangerous for Jane in the long run.

The next sentence nearly made Kurt miss his next turn: _"Besides, I didn't go through all that trouble to place her with Weller just to kill her now_."

Even Reade and Tasha concentrated a little harder on what they were hearing. The question had long agitated the team from Jane's arrival. Why had she been sent to him? The answer, however, was not what they expected.

-" _Why ... you knew she was going to develop a weakness for him_."

-" _Of course, I know my daughter. Weller is charismatic, intelligent, strong and protective, all that Oscar doormat was not. It was inevitable that he ended up catching her eyes. Deep within herself, Remi has always loved attentive and protective men. Although I never thought that imbecile Bill Weller would speak on his deathbed. Everything would have been much easier if she and Weller were still persuaded that she was Taylor Shaw. Anyway seeing Roman's reaction, I still need her to control him. If I kill her now, he will turn against us_."

-"Shepherd ... sent Jane ... hoping she would fall in love with you in order to manipulate her better," Zapata said slowly, looking at Weller who seemed to have taken the new revelation well and remained focused on the road. At least in appearance, because a veritable storm was bubbling below the surface.

-"And obviously, they never intended to tell Jane the truth. Their initial plan seemed to be to continue to let her believe that she was Taylor Shaw. Without a doubt in order to reinforce her connection with you, Agent Weller "added Nas. Kurt let out a grunt lacking any commitment, before braking abruptly.

\- "We've arrived at our target, everyone get back on the general frequency", Kurt ordered before jumping out of the SUV and grabbing his assault rifle. In their earpieces, they now heard the other teams announcing their ETA's. As Reade and Tasha progressed on either side of him to what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse, a door slammed open at the top of the building, and a man fired several rounds at them. Kurt immediately released a short burst in response, forcing the shooter to take shelter while Zapata and Reade approached the entrance.

They hadn't reached the opening, however, before a new silhouette broke one of the door's windows to shoot at them through the debris. As Tasha wildly retaliated, Reade was forced to dive behind a pile of wooden pallets. His shelter, shaken by several impacts, was soon joined by Weller, who had exhausted his clip against the man at the top of the building, and now had to seek shelter to reload. Sirens wailing, a new SUV arrived with a screech of tires, and a team of four agents soon joined the fire forcing the criminals to retreat. On the radio, the team heard Nas order two other vehicles to take another route to cut off retreat of their opponents.

-"How do you want to play it Sir?" Asked a young agent crouched beside Weller, Miller, Kurt remembered, scrutinizing his face. The deputy director analyzed the situation for a moment and then replied:

-"Your team and mine from the front, we search the building from top to bottom starting with the basement. Teams Brostin and Thomas will take care of the back. Jane is in there somewhere, so everyone be careful of where he shoots!"

-"Understood Sir. You heard the chief." the man barked to his colleagues. Two of them took up positions on each side of the double doors, and at the signal, kicked them wide open, allowing the team and the two remaining agents to enter. With most of the windows being boarded, all the agents had lit their flashlights beforehand, and the thin, luminous beams of light were rapidly searching the darkness. Two corpses, surely Keaton's men, were stationed in front of the door leading to the basement, indicating the direction to follow. Reade grasped the handle, and at Weller's signal the door was suddenly opened.

\- "FBI, freeze!" Yelled the agents as they entered quickly, spreading out in the basement to cover all angles. Immediately Tasha saw Jane's bloody silhouette, lying beside the chair used by Keaton.

\- " She's here!" Yelled the young woman, rushing to her side, "It's gonna be ok, Jane," she added, attempting to comfort her.

\- "Jane!" Kurt shouted, kneeling to grasp her hand. The dark-haired woman looked at him but didn't seem to really see him. "Medic, I need a medic!" Weller shouted. He turned back to Jane, "Hang on Jane, help is coming." Despite his words of encouragement, the young woman's eyes closed slowly, triggering a new wave of panic from within him. Tasha placed two fingers on Jane's neck and reassured him:

\- "I have a pulse boss, irregular but it's there, the pain must have made her lose consciousness."

\- "Dammit, they've bashed her up pretty badly," raged Reade, stopping beside them and seeing the fragile and bloody body of the captive, while Agent Miller's team checked the corpse of the CIA man, before leaving to search the rest of the building.

-"Patterson, Patterson, we have her," Tasha said into her microphone to reassure her friend. Listening for a moment, she followed her directions and found the camera, hidden between two ducts along the north wall, removing it with a quick gesture.

-"In case Cade is watching us," She said, in response to Reade's questioning gaze. Noises from above informed them of the arrival of the reinforcements, and soon several agents accompanied by paramedics entered the room.

-"Hurry up!" Weller demanded as he emerged from his contemplations of the unconscious woman. They weren't intimidated though and immediately began to mop up the bulk of the blood in order to be able to assess the wounds of the young woman.

-"How long has she been unconscious?"

-"I don't know, two, three minutes. But she was in cardiac arrest less than half an hour ago. She was injected with an adrenaline syringe from a survival kit to resuscitate her. "

-"Okay, help us get her out of here." Following the EMT's instructions, Reade and Weller carefully helped lift Jane to put her on the stretcher, avoiding her broken arm and surprised to find her so light. With as much caution as possible, they then helped carry the stretcher to the entrance of the warehouse where it was installed on its support, and then rolled to the ambulance. Weller was preparing to go with Jane in the back of the ambulance after leaving his gun at Reade, when one of his agents came to give him a report:

\- "We couldn't catch the gunmen. I don't know how, but they managed to leave the perimeter before the reinforcements could do anything. We also found four corpses, no papers on them, and their weapons have acid-erased serial numbers."

-"Four corpses ... Is this one of them?" Tasha asked, showing a picture on her phone to the agent who nodded in response.

-"The driver," she told Reade and Weller.

-"We have to go," the ambulance driver said, looking at each of them in turn. Leaving Reade and Zapata in charge of bringing in the scientific team and analyzing the scene, Kurt climbed into the ambulance which immediately started the shrieking siren. As the highest-ranking agent in the field, he knew that protocol required him to stay and investigate, but Jane was more important. As the paramedic dragged Jane over to the monitors to keep an eye on her vitals, Weller grabbed the young woman's hand. Seeing her injured body with his own eyes was much harder than in a video. The contusions from the blows began to turn various colors under her tattoos, and the laceration on her stomach looked especially ugly. Her left eye was extremely swollen and the EMT had strapped an inflatable splint to her arm to immobilize her broken arm. With his free hand, Kurt quickly pulled out his phone and sent the location of the hospital to Patterson and Nas.

-"Stay calm," he said to himself, "Jane is here, with you. She's suffered but she's alive. Now you have to fix things with her. And find Keaton and make him pay," Added a small but strong voice in his head. The sudden braking of the vehicle signaling their arrival to the entrance of the critical care unit pulled him from his thoughts.

\- "White woman in her thirties, multiple bruises and electric burns, mostly on torso. Fractured nose and left arm, possible head trauma. Deep laceration in the abdomen. Loss of consciousness for fifteen minutes, pulse shooting and irregular. A cardiac arrest treated with 1mg of adrenaline," announced one of the ambulance workers to the medical team who rushed to meet them. Kurt followed the movement but was forced to let go of Jane's hand when one of the nurses forbade him from passing through the doors of the operating room.

\- "Sorry, Agent ...?" The woman began, noticing the FBI-branded bullet-proof vest.

-"Weller. You don't understand, I have to be with her," the deputy director shouted.

-"Agent Weller, you can't come in to the operating room. I assure you she's in good hands."

\- "She was tortured, I should be with her, I should ..." Weller muttered. The nurse gave him a compassionate look.

-"You can do nothing more for her. What's her name?"

\- "Jane ... Jane Shaw," Kurt replied hesitantly, thinking that Doe would provoke too many questions that he was not in the mood to answer. "The ones who did this to her ... they also injected her with thiopental."

\- "Okay, I'll let the surgeon know. For the moment, wait in the waiting room, someone will come and alert you as soon as she's out of surgery", the woman said before returning to the operating room.

Weller found himself alone, contemplating the doors that had just closed on Jane. Deciding to go to the waiting room, the agent passed by several people who looked concerned at his bulletproof vest and his hands stained with the blood of the young woman. He ignored them to collapse in an armchair and stare at the wall in front of him.

Contemplating the dull yellow paint, he let his mind drift. The bulk of the tension that had kept him active in order to save Jane had now evaporated. Everything he had learned today was playing on a loop in his head. After they had captured Jane after her escape from the CIA blacksite and had heard confession, he had been so angry with her ... Even the knowledge of what she had had to undergo during her three months of captivity didn't stop them from abusing her. Sure, the team didn't lash out at her physically. But the treatment they had given her since her return, making her feel alone every moment of the day, was probably just as terrible. No, he realize with a twinge of guilt, it was worse. Keaton was a sadistic bastard but he didn't know her. They did. And yet they had psychologically abused her for weeks without remorse, taking their anger out on her, probably already knowing deep down that their remarks would hurt her the most coming from the only people she knew.

Jane had to be kidnapped and tortured before their eyes before they could finally understand what she had been through. Worse of all, they had learned that she had been manipulated by her own mother, who had ordered her to infiltrated the FBI while lying to her. With the thought that she would become so close to them... to him, that she would be even easier to manipulate. From what he had heard, Shepherd had clearly intended to continue to lie to Jane about her identity to serve her own purposes. He thought about asking Patterson or Nas what Shepherd had told Jane when the team had to revert to the general tactical frequency to raid the warehouse. The sound of a slamming door pulled him from his thoughts, and he saw Patterson coming towards him in a hurried pace with Nas following behind her at a more normal pace.

-"How is Jane? Is it serious? Is she gonna be ok? What did the doctors say?" The blonde quickly asked, wringing her hands nervously. Kurt stood with a little difficulty to put his hands on his friend's shoulders.

-"Calm down Patterson. It's only been ... twenty minutes since she entered the block," he said after glancing at the wall clock. He himself had the impression that his wait had been going on for hours, but he knew that the computer analyst was much more anxious than him. "They're doing all they can for her, I'm sure she'll get by." He said more confidently than he felt. Patterson slowly nodded and seemed to calm down a little, before her eyes fell on Weller's hands, stained with almost dry blood.

\- "Yeah, sorry, I'm going to clean up," the man muttered before heading to the closest bathroom. After vigorously scrubbing for several minutes, he managed to remove the most prominent stains, and decided to go back to the waiting room, hoping to find the doctor who was looking after Jane. No members of the medical team were present, but Tasha and Reade had joined the two women already present, and everyone seemed to be concentrating on a tablet.

-" Did I miss something?" asked Kurt to his agitated teammates.

\- "When Cade stopped sending the video through proxies, Agent Patterson and I were able to record some of it. There's something you and Agents Reade and Zapata should see..." Nas said calmly as she handed him her tablet.

-"This is what happened after you changed frequencies," Patterson added, biting her lips nervously. Exchanging heavy looks, the three agents clustered around the tablet and Kurt launched the video. They saw the woman, whom they identified as Shepherd, although the view was from behind, leaning over Jane who was on the ground:

-" _Very well, Jane. I still have a question for you, and you will answer honestly_." The question and answer were too weak to be distinguishable by the microphone, but Shepherd seemed satisfied.

-" _Excellent, this is what we're going to do. You are going to go back to the FBI and get back into your role. As soon as you recover from your injuries, I will tell you of a few tattoos cases to solve to occupy the FBI until we locate Cade. Meanwhile, you will have to gain their trust again, especially that of Agent Weller. I know that you have always had a strong sense of loyalty, and even if you deny it, I imagine that deep inside yourself, you still want to protect your team in spite of what they did to you as you choose them over us. So listen carefully, if you betray us again, I will kill each and every one of them slowly before your eyes, ending with Kurt Weller and then, finally, you._ " The threat led to a muffled gasp from Tasha while Reade swore abundantly. Kurt watched, almost hypnotized, the video, focusing on Jane's face that looked both so anxious and lost.

From the sounds of gunfire that suddenly resounded, the agents deduced that Shepherd's threats had taken place while they had been stopped at the gates. One of Sandstorm's men shouted that it was time for them to leave, but the woman turned one last time to her adopted daughter: " _Don't forget, I am giving you a second chance, but there will be no third. If you fail, the death of your friends will be terrible enough to give me nightmares_." They watched as Roman stayed as long as he could to reassure his sister, noticing that they had missed him by only a few moments.

-"Roman played with fire. Just a few more seconds and we would have arrested him," Tasha remarked.

-"Jane said he was very protective of her," Patterson replied as she nodded. "Besides, Shepherd mentioned that she kept Jane alive in order to keep Roman loyal to her..."

-"Maybe we should have listened to Jane when she told us she could convince him to turn against Sandstorm..." Zapata mumbled thoughtfully.

\- "That is a debate for another day," Nas interrupted. "For now we have to decide what to say to Jane and fast."

-" What are you talking about? If it's still just a trick to manipulate her..." Patterson roared furiously at her.

-"I'm not suggesting anything like that, Agent Patterson," the NSA agent said, raising her hands defensively in front of her. "I'm just saying between what Keaton has said and done to Jane, and what her mother has told her, it's going to be hard to regain her trust. And given the situation in which Shepherd has placed her, we need her to trust us to protect her during her infiltration."

-"I'm not sure I'm following," Reade replied, puzzled.

\- "From what we've seen in her notebook, she thinks we wish her harm. And what Keaton has done to her is certainly not helping things, especially since he took her away while she was supposed to be under our protection. Now think about Shepherd's threats..."

-"She told Jane to regain our confidence, or she would kill us in front of her," Patterson breathed.

-"And that doesn't remind you of anything?"

\- "Those are the exact same threats that Oscar used to force her to frame Mayfair. Shepherd's put her in the same position as last time by threatening us," Kurt said slowly, beginning to understand where she was going.

\- "And we all know how Jane reacted."

-"She kept everything hidden to protect us, no matter what it cost her," Patterson whispered tears in her eyes.

\- "If we can't get her to trust us again, she will probably react in the same way. And we all know that Shepherd has no scruples in making her suffer just to punish her..."

-"But if we show her the video, she'll see she's being manipulated by Shepherd," Reade suggested.

-"No," Tasha whispered. "If we show her now, she'll think we're trying to manipulate her."

\- "So our only solution is to lie to her?" Patterson asked clearly uncomfortable.

-"For her own safety and until she's ready to hear it... yes," said Nas.

-"I don't like this," Reade said, looking Weller in the eyes.

\- "I don't either, but we don't really have a choice. First, we have to wait for Jane to recover physically. Then we clear everything up with her, which means explaining in detail everything Keaton has told her, and admitting our wrongs to start on a new foundation." The loaded look he threw at Tasha at those words made her grimace with shame. "Once that's done and she is sure we trust her, we'll show her the video."

-"Which means we all have to be on the same wavelength," Patterson said resolutely, looking at them, one at a time. "Does anyone still harbor hostile feelings towards Jane for what happened?"

\- "I know I'm not in the best position to say this, but a part of me is still angry about her lies and the death of Mayfair," Zapata confessed a little ashamed.

-"Same for me," said her team-mate.

\- "I ... don't know how I feel about it," Weller admitted finally as everyone looked at him. "One part of me blames her for pretending to be Taylor. And the other ... let's just say I'm more angry with myself than her right now." His confession didn't surprise anyone, he had always been the most affected by whatever happened to Jane, even before she knew what she had done. And now that he had realized that she had been manipulated and threatened to get there...

-"All right," said Patterson. "As Robert would say, anger is natural. This is something we can work on. Now…" The blonde took a deep breath and looked them in the eyes, "Does anyone think that because of her mistakes, Jane deserves what Keaton has done to her?"

-"Of course not!" Protested the three scandalized agents in chorus.

-"Good. Because if one of you hurts Jane, I will tear your body into pieces so small that there wouldn't be enough to feed a Chihuahua. Is that clear? And that also goes for you," Patterson grumbled, turning to Nas. Reade, who was the closest, caught her gaze and instinctively took a step back, unleashing a giggle from Zapata. Despite her gentle tones, Patterson had a well-tempered personality, and she was very protective of her friends, a quality they all admired.

\- "Okay Patterson, we've all been warned," Kurt sighed, feeling the fatigue catch up with him a little more. The slamming of the door to the operating room cut their conversation short:

\- "The relatives of Jane Shaw?" Asked a gray-haired fifty-year-old woman wearing a doctor's blouse.

\- "It's us, we're her friends," Weller jumped up, ignoring the astonished looks of his team at the name assigned to the young woman.

-"It was you who accompanied her, were you not?" Asked the woman, "I heard you trying to enter the operating room with her."

-"Doctor, how is Jane doing?" Patterson asked worriedly.

\- "Well, I must admit that I haven't seen many cases like Miss Shaw's. She's suffered numerous injuries indicating that she had been tortured, the most severe being four cracked ribs, a broken nose and left arm, slight head trauma, and a deep laceration on the abdomen which required about 15 stitches. Her left eye suffered a loss of capacity of the order of two tenths due to the blow received and the hematoma. It's temporary, she should recover her full sight in a few weeks," added the woman, seeing Patterson open her mouth with a horrified look.

-"Almost all of her body is covered with bruises and electric burn, which fortunately should heal without scarring with some time," continued the doctor. "The muscles of her shoulders suffered from excessive stretching, likely because someone hung her by her wrists for a period of time. The x-rays and the scanner both showed scar tissue indicating that she has suffered this kind of abuse many times over the last three, maybe four months. Fortunately the joints did not become disentangled, a little rehabilitation will be needed so that the muscles regain their normal flexibility and to disintegrate the scar tissue. She also suffers from mild dehydration and malnutrition, evidence shows that for months she has not been eating properly. But I'm more worried by her psychological state, she has many signs of post-traumatic stress, which although not very surprising given the situation, is still alarming".

-"What do you mean?" Kurt asked in a weak voice.

\- "She briefly regained consciousness in the operation room and, despite the painkillers, she remained coherent enough for me to ask her some questions. From what she said or tried to hide, I strongly suspect that she has also been the victim of regular psychological abuse in recent months. Her self-esteem is very low, and she seems to suffer from paranoid tendencies, aggravated by a lack of sleep due to recurring nightmares. The two combined together, could result in serious consequences in the long term without appropriate care, such as violence or suicidal tendencies."

-"Oh my god," Patterson breathed, holding a hand over her mouth.

\- "We'll take her up to a room, and then you can see her. Even though in most cases involving head trauma we generally prefer that the patients remain conscious, in view of her state, we've had to increase the painkillers which will put her in a deep sleep for some time. She will certainly recover consciousness in several hours, but her life is no longer in danger. At least not because of her injuries. As I've told you, as far as her mental state is concerned, it will be more complicated."

-"Okay ... thank you doctor," Kurt muttered, still shocked.

-" No problem. In any case, I hope you find the culprits who did this, they almost succeeded in convincing her that her life had no value," added the doctor before leaving for the operating room, leaving a devastated team behind. The shock of the long list of her physical wounds, was added to the awareness of the fragility of her emotional state.

\- "You heard her... she talked about months of psychological abuse ... we did that to her ... the CIA and us..." Patterson whimpered as she looked at the team. Tasha's eyes shone with tears as Reade gave the impression of having received a series of blows to the stomach. Weller, for his part, gazed fixedly at the door through which the doctor had disappeared, his mind completely elsewhere.

-"At the risk of appearing insensitive, the diagnosis merely confirms what we already knew or suspected," said Nas calmly. "This doesn't change what we have agreed to."

\- "We need Borden's advice on the matter," Zapata sighed.

\- "I'm not sure that's a good idea," Nas said. "Shepherd has a mole in the FBI, we cannot let anyone outside this team acquire information about Jane's emotional state."

-"You're insinuating that Robert is the mole! That's ridiculous, he's been helping Jane from the beginning!" Patterson protested.

\- "I'm not accusing your boyfriend of anything, Agent Patterson, I'm just saying that like all doctors, he takes notes or makes audio recordings of his sessions. If the mole gets his hands on these notes, Jane will be at even greater risk if Sandstorm finds out that we are trying to keep her loyal to us."

-"Boyfriend?" Tasha commented, looking at her friend with an interested look.

-"We'll talk about that later," Patterson mumbled.

\- "You heard the doctor, Jane is going to need help from a professional," Reade said.

"I'm not saying she can't get Dr. Borden's help with what happened with Keaton," Nas sighed. "I'm just saying that we should avoid the subject of Sandstorm in these sessions. And as to how we regain her trust, we can't give him any details, because it would force us to tell Dr. Borden that Jane is indirectly responsible for the death of Deputy Director Mayfair."

-"Boss?" Zapata asked, turning towards Weller, who was still ruminating.

-"Until we know more, we only give relevant information to Borden," Kurt sighed. "If we can't regain Jane's confidence and improve her self-esteem within a few weeks, we will ask Borden for his advice and tell him how she is involved with Mayfair and Sandstorm. It's not negotiable," he insisted, staring fixedly at Nas who was about to protest. In the meantime we can't leave Jane alone, no matter what happens and under no pretense."

...

.

 _Six hours later, Jane's room_

Patterson absent-mindedly did a few crossword puzzles on her tablet in order to empty her mind. On the bed in front of her, Jane was resting peacefully, still under the influence of drugs. The blonde had been horrified by her friend's physical condition when she had first entered the room. Jane looked so small, weak and vulnerable in that bed. Now that she was paying more attention, she could see how thin the dark-haired woman had become, and felt a little pinch of guilt at the thought of not having noticed it before. Feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket, she pulled it out and glanced at her boyfriend's message. With so many agents involved, the news that Jane had been abducted and tortured by an unknown group had quickly been circulated around the office. Borden had immediately sent several messages wanting news about the tattooed woman, and asking her how she felt herself. After typing a brief message saying that there were still no changes in the situation, the blonde raised her head as she heard the sound of voices at the door, Tasha was handing cups of coffee to the two agents who were on guard duty.

After what had happened, Weller had decided to put Jane under protection again, at least until she had recovered all her faculties. Agents Monroe and Calligan had volunteered, and had been guarding the entrance since Jane had been admitted in the room. Of course Nas and Patterson had discreetly conducted background checks on the two men, finding nothing linking them directly or indirectly to Sandstorm. After exchanging a few words with them, Tasha entered the room, handing the last cup she had brought to the blonde who thanked her with a smile. She knew that her friend was operating on caffeine and adrenaline. Still recovering from her poisoning the day before, she had only managed a little rest and had remained near Jane constantly, which Patterson found to be a positive. At least Tasha had the desire to correct her mistakes with Jane.

-"Any changes?"

\- "Not yet, the painkillers are still running strong through her system."

-"She looks so ... vulnerable," Zapata whispered, looking at Jane with a mixture of compassion and guilt.

-"Where are the others?" asked Patterson to change the subject.

-"Reade went to get us something to eat. Weller and Nas had to return to the office to interview Winter, just to keep appearances and justify his transfer. They should be on their way back soon." As Patterson opened her mouth to add something, a noise caught their attention.

A slight intake of breath and a spasmodic movement of the hand indicated that Jane was beginning to regain consciousness. The blonde rushed over immediately to hold her friend's right hand.

-"Jane! How do you feel?" The dark-haired woman continued to fidget but didn't seem to have heard the question. It took a few more minutes before her movements became more frequent, and her breathing faster. Too fast, Tasha and Patterson thought, exchanging a worried look, while Jane's eyes seemed to move frantically under her eyelids.

She was floating in a wonderful world. The pain was far, far away and for the first time in months she felt almost ... relaxed. But the peace didn't last. Her world was suddenly invaded by intense cold, and flashes of memories began to strike her mind. A mixture of noises, sensations and confused memories. She remembered the crackle of running electricity in her body as Keaton ordered her men to shock her again and again. She remembered the cold of her cell, and the blows that rained randomly as soon as she thought she could sleep. She remembered the hunger and thirst that never seemed to leave her. Then her thoughts drifted towards the team. Remembering Kurt say that he could no longer bear to be in the same room as her and the pain that had invaded her heart at that moment. Zapata and Reade reprimanding her for saving her brother. Her mind flashed again. Keaton abducting her from her home and torturing her again. Keaton unveiling the betrayals of the team against her, and threatening Patterson. Shepherd telling her she knew she had betrayed Sandstorm, and threatening the team.

And little by little, the pain returned, both in her body and in her head. She vaguely remembered the FBI rescuing her, and the worried faces of Kurt and Zapata above her before she sank into unconsciousness. It remained to be seen why. They had been very clear in the fact that they hated her and only tolerated her presence in order to defeat Sandstorm. So why put their lives and careers in jeopardy to rescue her from Keaton's hands? Something was nagging at her... yes that was it! Sandstorm ... they wanted their spy back. But Shepard knew she was working for the FBI, so how could she be useful? A wave of panic struck her. She was only useful to stop Sandstorm, if the FBI found out that her cover had been burned out, they would see that she was no longer useful to them. Then they would send her back to Keaton. But if she didn't work for the FBI, then Shepherd would kill the team, kill Patterson ...There wasn't a solution.

Confused, she heard many voices around her, and someone screaming. Not someone ... that scream ... it was her's. Hands were gripping her shoulders, only increasing her panic. She couldn't defend herself like this, she had to open her eyes to gather intel of her environment. With a supreme effort, she forced her eyelids open. At least the right one, her left eye seemed not to want to obey her. The light blinded her for a moment, but she adjusted to it slowly, still struggling, ignoring the pain that traveled across her stomach and burned in her left arm as she tried to move.

-"Jane ... Jane, it's us. Please stop, you will aggravate your wounds!" Exhorted a familiar voice. Patterson, it was Patterson's voice! Keaton had kept his promise, he had kidnapped Patterson to hurt her. Terrified, the tattooed woman finally turned to look at Patterson's face which was on her right, she was trying to hold her to ... a bed?

-"Patterson... is that you?" croaked Jane hoarsely and uncertainty.

-"Yes," replied the blonde, in a tone that seemed strangely relieved.

\- "You have to ... go... Keaton ... he'll come back, he'll ... hurt you..." Panicked the wounded woman, clutching at Patterson with surprising force considering her condition.

-"No Jane, Keaton's gone, you're in the hospital. He can't reach you here, you're safe," Patterson said, trying to force her to lie back down.

-"Madame, is everything okay?" asked a new voice from the door. Focusing her attention on the sound despite her slightly troubled vision, Jane panicked again, noticing the officer's FBI-branded windbreaker. They knew that Shepherd had given her a new mission! They had come to arrest her!

-"Call a medic, I think she's reopened her stitches," demanded another voice on her left. Turning her head, Jane finally noticed Zapata, right next to her bed, pushing against her left shoulder to try to force her to lie down again. Zapata ... she had come with the other agents. Of course she had requested reinforcements, she knew how dangerous she was. Jane pulled away from the other woman, unconsciously huddling in Patterson's arms, ignoring the flaming pain in her ribs.

-"Patterson ... Please…don't let her hurt me," she pleaded. She heard a shocked hiccup from the blonde, while Zapata jumped as if someone had slapped her.

-"Jane, Tasha is not going to hurt you," Patterson said, sending a resigned look at Zapata. Without answering, Jane clung closer to her, as several nurses and a doctor walked into the room, repelling Kurt, Nas, Reade, whom were just returning, and the other agents away from the door.

-"Miss Shaw, Miss Shaw," the doctor tried without a response. "Jane?" he tried, finally catching the attention of the wounded woman. "I'm Doctor Campbell. You suffer from several severe wounds, you must lie down," he said in a soothing voice. But in response Jane tried to back even further away from him, and closer to Patterson, narrowly avoiding falling off the bed. She felt something drop in her stomach, and her hospital shirt was tinged with red. In the background, she thought she heard Reade cursing at the sight of blood and Weller demanding that he be let in. But that was impossible, her health didn't interest them ... didn't it?

-"They're going to take me ... they want to hurt me," stammered Jane, looking confusedly at Kurt and Reade who were trying to reach Zapata who was still in the room despite the nurses and the agents still at the door with Nas. Finally understanding the problem, the doctor turned to the team.

\- "It's okay, just a little panic attack, we're going to try to de-traumatize the woman. All those who are not members of the medical profession get out please."

-"No!" Jane groaned desperately, clinging to Patterson.

-"Everyone except the blonde then," corrected the doctor, looking at the young woman's interaction with his patient. Despite their protests, the other members of the team were pushed out of the room by the nurses.

-"We need her to calm down to be able to put in new stitches," said Dr. Campbell, grabbing a pair of gloves from a trolley provided by a nurse, while looking at Patterson. With a nod, the blonde turned her attention back to Jane.

-"Jane, calm down. Everyone's out okay? Look." The tattooed woman cast a hesitant glance around the room. Except for the doctor and a nurse, she and Patterson were the only ones in the room.

Feeling a little more relaxed, the blonde leaned down to gently grasp Jane's head with both of her hands making sure not to press on her bruises, and placed her face directly in front of the other woman's.

\- "I will not let anyone harm you, okay? The agents outside are there to protect you from Keaton." Jane stared at her with one valiant eye, with an uncertain air.

\- "Nobody will arrest me?" she asked panickedly, but with a hint of hope, in a voice that broke Patterson's heart to see her friend so…broken.

-"No, nobody's going to take you anywhere, I promise." Seeming to calm down slightly, Jane accepted the help of her friend and the nurse to get back into the bed, clenching her teeth at the pain that ran through her ribs and arm.

-"We're going to increase the drug dosage," said the doctor quietly, gently placing his hand on her right arm. "But you have to stop moving, you almost pulled out your IV." A glimmer of panic appeared again in the eyes of the bedridden woman, but Patterson leaned down to gently stroke her hair. The gesture seemed to appease Jane, which allowed the doctor to put the IV back in her arm, before lifting her hospital shirt.

-"You blew half of your stitches," he commented softly, looking up at his patient. "The bleeding is not too detrimental but from now on, you should avoid abrupt movements okay?" Calmed by Patterson's touch, Jane nodded obediently and slid a little deeper into her pillow.

-"In cases such as hers, panic attacks are common, you should tell your colleagues not to take it too personally," added Campbell, looking back at the computer analyst.

-"Actually…" the blonde confessed, biting her lips while still stroking Jane's hair, "She has some reasons to be wary."

-"I see," the man commented with a frown. "She is still a little confused at the moment and doesn't seem to have total control of herself. Her mind must be oscillating between reality and memories of what she has experienced. Her reactions are therefore much more instinctive and emotional than what you might be used to because her brain no longer filters them. I'm going to tell your colleagues that they can't see her until she has fully recovered," the doctor said. Patterson watched him leave, knowing that it was not going to please the team, especially Weller. Meanwhile, she had to make sure Jane remained calm, and tried to convince her to talk.

\- "Jane, I know what you've been through was horrible, but it's over now. You're safe, okay?" She asked the brunette who had nervously glanced several times towards the door. Jane seemed to think for a moment, then nodded her head gently.

-"Good. As soon as you get better, there are many things that we have to tell you. And by us, I mean the team." Seeing Jane stiffen, Patterson hurried to speak again: "For now they don't have permission to come and see you. But at some point you'll have to talk to them. They've realized they were horrible to you and they really want to try and fix things with you." This time Jane responded with only a doubtful sniff and turned her head slightly to look at the wall.

\- "Okay, you're skeptical I understand. But I assure you they don't wish you any harm. Anyway you don't have to face them yet. I'll stay with you until you get better, if you want something, anything, you just have to ask me." Patterson said softly, looking at her friend, whom's lips had turned down at the prospect of confronting the team. A response was murmured so softly that she almost didn't hear it.

\- "I would like…a hug," said Jane hesitantly.


	6. Chap 6 - The Path of Healing

Hi everybody. I want thanks all of you for your formidable reviews. I'm glad you like the story and it's great to have your opinion about it.

This chapter is emotional again, but the next will be a little more funny and sweet, with the reinforcement of friendship link between Patterson and Jane.

A great thanks to my beta-reader Readeronly76, for her works to make many parts of this text more understandable to you.

…

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero

…

 **Chapter 6 - The Path of Healing**

…

 _Sandstorm HQ_

Roman slowly looked around him, trying to assess the damage. Several men lay in pools of blood throughout the room and several tables had been knocked over in the fight, leaving the computers smashed on the ground and several blueprints trampled or torn.

\- "We should have moved Headquarters when Cade defected," one of the men grumbled.

\- "We underestimated him," Shepherd admitted with a furious glance around her.

\- "The bastard's gifted," growled the man. "He managed to sneak in here without being spotted, neutralize the men in the room and fled with the chip."

-"How? We have several dozen men here, why did no one come to secure the command center?" Retorted his superior, sending a dirty look towards him.

\- "He placed an incendiary charge with a timer in the barn near the armory. Everyone rushed down there to prevent the fire from spreading to the ammunition and causing a chain reaction," replied the man, swallowing hard.

Shepherd stared at him for a moment, but couldn't find fault within the decisions of her men. Given the amount of explosives and ammunition stored there, Cade could have caused much more damage had the charge not been put out. The woman turned to her son to ask him to track Cade, but noticed his absent-minded look. With a sigh, Shepherd cursed her daughter again for betraying them. Now Roman was focused on his sister and she knew that he would be useless until he knew she was okay.

-"Go see her," she said reluctantly. Roman looked up at her surprised.

-"Go see your sister," Shepherd repeated, knowing that it would take Roman several hours to locate the hospital where she had been taken, and then to make sure Remi... Jane... was well. So many hours during which she wouldn't be able to use his skills... but at least he would come back more focused. A small part of her felt compassion for what her daughter had gone through, but it was ruthlessly crushed by the anger of knowing that she had abandoned their cause.

The young man didn't make her repeat herself again and left the room in a gust of wind. He honestly didn't care that Cade had taken the chip and compromised the plan. His mind kept going back to Remi, his sister who had confessed to betraying their organization but who had been tortured for so long of a time for information that she didn't have. The memory of her broken and bloody body came back to his mind. It didn't really matter that she gave information to the FBI, she had done the right thing in order to survive, and he just had to be sure she was okay.

Passing by men and women who were carrying guns and ammo boxes elsewhere, he climbed into his car and drove off. He slowed only as he approached the city, being arrested now for speeding would be stupid and would not help Remi. Given her condition, the ambulance would have taken her to the nearest hospital. Knowing the starting point of the ambulance, it was easy to determine the most likely destination. If he was wrong then he would simply check the next one. Avoiding the cameras with the ease of habit, he approached the reception desk.

-"Hello miss," he said to the secretary, with his most frightened tone "My sister has been operated on here. Where is she? I need to see her. "

\- "Calm down sir, what's her name?" He suspected that the FBI had not admitted his sister under "Doe," but he had a solution for that dilemma. "Jane, she is easily recognizable, she is covered with tattoos."

-"Oh yes, the poor girl who was tortured, half the staff was talking about her," the woman began, before realizing she had said too much.

\- "Tortured!" exclaimed Roman, trying to look both horrified and distraught. "The FBI didn't tell me that!" Inside, however, he was relieved to have found his sister with the first try.

\- "I'm sorry," apologized the nurse, aware that it was normally the attending physician responsibility to give out that information. "But don't worry, she is protected by several federal agents."

-"Where is her room, I need to see her..."

-"Of course, Room 406, it's on the fourth floor, near the elevator," the woman told him with an embarrassed look. Giving her his thanks with the most convincing air he could produce, Roman walked to the elevator, waiting for the woman to turn her back, and then opted for the stairs.

...

.

 _Hospital, Jane's room_

\- "I would like… a hug..."

The words were muttered so feebly that Patterson almost didn't hear them. The blonde's heart beated faster, animated by contradictory feelings. One part of her was delighted that Jane had enough trust in her to make this request. But another was worried about what it could mean for her state of mind. Normally Jane was strong and relatively distant. Even before her arrest, when the team and her were still on good terms, she had rarely initiated physical contact. Except with Weller, but what existed between those two was quite particular...

-"Of course," she breathed as she leaned towards Jane. The dark-haired woman straightened slightly, as much as the waves of pain in her stomach allowed her, and closed her arms hesitantly around her friend, with her head resting against her left shoulder. Patterson returned her embrace, making sure not to squeeze too hard so as to not press on her bruises. Hearing the patient's slight grunt of pain, Patterson tried to free herself from the embrace but she felt Jane's arms tighten around her neck.

\- "Ok, Jane, I have nothing against cuddling, but in your state you have to lie down as much as possible. I promise you all the hugs you want as soon as you get better," she said to the woman, releasing her gently. With a small sigh, Jane released her from her embrace and sat back on her bed, face tightening into a grimace.

-"The morphine pump is here," said the blonde, pointing towards the little button near her right hand. "If the pain becomes too much you just need to press once to increase the painkillers a little. Don't worry, the doctors have already calculated the maximum amount your body can take and you won't be able to overdose by accident. " Jane nodded slightly but made no gesture towards the button.

\- "Do you want to hear the diagnosis of the doctors?" asked Patterson a little hesitantly. "I mean it's your body so you can probably feel what's wrong but... a professional opinion is different, right?" Noticing her uncomfortable look, the dark-haired woman tried to smile at her friend but only managed to produce a kind of grimace. The blonde took it all the same as encouragement.

-"Okay, so... the blows you received... cracked four of your ribs. Your nose and your left forearm are broken, and you suffer from slight head trauma. For the fractures, it will take about six weeks for the bones to mend. For the ribs there is not much to do except a lot of rest so that it heals on its own. Your left eye is swollen because of the blow you received, since the edema has regressed, your vision will remain a little blurred on that side for a while, but the doctors say that everything will return to normal afterwards. The cut you have on your stomach is quite deep and required 15 stitches. But as with the bruises, it should not leave a significant scar. The scars from... from the electrical burns should also disappear with time. The muscles in your shoulders have been overstretched and you will have to follow a rehabilitation program to eliminate the scar tissue and regain mobility. Your body is also suffering from mild dehydration and malnutrition, but we're going to fix it," Patterson finished with forced enthusiasm, careful not to mention the cause of all the damage.

Jane mulled over Patterson's words, and scowled, shuddering as her foggy brain returned to flashes of how she had received all her wounds. The bad news mainly concerned her arm and her ribs. As long as the bones were broken, her mobility and ability to defend herself were severely compromised. Which meant that in her condition she was unable to escape from anyone, Jane thought as she watched the agents make large gestures through the semi-open blinds. Obviously the team were having a lively discussion with the doctor. Despite Patterson's assurances, she still had trouble understanding why they would care about her condition to the point of placing her under protection. No, she told herself inwardly, they must have planned to arrest her for one reason or another. Maybe for giving information to Keaton...? Her mind was still rather muddled from the painkillers so maybe in a half-conscious state she had let slip some information ...

She mercilessly stifled the little glimmer of hope that told her that perhaps they were really worried about her, and that what Patterson had said was true, saying that they regretted their behavior. No, they had no reasons to protect her, so the agents had to be there for another reason. Most likely to ensure that she didn't escape until her wounds were sufficiently healed for a transfer. A flash of panic crossed her mind. If they had no reason to keep her, they were surely using Patterson's kindness to give her a false sense of security. Now that her mind was a little clearer than when she woke up, she blamed herself for showing herself so... weak in front of the team. Her survival depended on what she could do for them, and seeing her in this state was really not going to encourage the FBI to keep her.

The dark-haired woman turned her attention to Patterson who was still holding her hand and looked at her with a worried look. The computer specialist was not a liar and she was terrible at hiding her emotions so they must not have told her their plan. Even with the best of intentions, if her superiors decided to arrest her again, Patterson couldn't do anything. In fact the only ones that could possibly save her from prison, or worse, were Nas and Kurt. But if Nas had learned that Sandstorm had discovered her betrayal, she was pretty sure that it would mean the end of their agreement. Kurt's case was harder to solve. A part of her hoped that they would find a way to settle their differences, at least to become friends again. But suddenly a piece of information that Keaton had thrown in her face came back to her. No, Weller would surely be of no help. He knew that Keaton was coming back for her and hadn't said anything, too busy doing... doing what he did with Nas. She wanted to ask Patterson if the agents in front of the door were really there for her protection. She wanted to ask where Keaton was next. But the sentence that came out of her mouth surprised herself:

\- "Nas with Weller?" She mumbled before cursing herself mentally. It was absolutely not her priority, there were many other things more vital to her survival that she needed to know. But her traitorous mouth seemed to have decided otherwise. The question surprised Patterson, who was expecting questions about how the team felt about her or about her own safety.

\- "Well ... it's not very clear in fact," she said in a hesitant voice, wondering if she should tell Jane that the team had learned the news at the same time. She herself had no idea of the exact nature of the relationship between Weller and the NSA agent, even though she was personally against it, like Tasha. Jane's embarrassed air told her that the question had escaped her, probably because her mind was slowing under the influence of the drugs. That said, if she was worried about a possible resurrection of her relationship, or whatever connection they shared, with Weller, there was still hope for a return to normal. "But that doesn't change the fact that he was worried about you as soon as he knew you were abducted by Keaton. Honestly," added the blonde, leaning toward her with a shy smile, "he looked ready to kill him with his bare hands when he saw what that bastard did to you. And Tasha and Reade are furious at him too. "

Jane returned a look as dubious as she could with the use of her one functional eye, but Patterson seemed to receive the message:

\- "Okay, I can understand why you don't believe it, since we have not been very... friendly with you since you came back..." the blonde began before being cut off by her friend:

-"No! You were always good to me, you're the only one who talked to me like a normal human being and not just an... asset," Jane shouted before coughing because of her dry throat, moaning as pain once again tore through her ribs.

-"Okay, okay, calm down," Patterson replied, rushing to the little table next to the bed to give her a glass of water. Jane accepted the precious liquid with eagerness and drank it as quickly as possible. The freshness of the water reminded her of what Patterson had just told her about her dehydration, and she savored the soothing sensation before handing the cup back to her friend.

-"More?" Asked the agent, winning a grateful nod. This time the patient drank more slowly, before turning her attention back to Patterson. "I'll start again. They realized they weren't exactly kind to you. And when Keaton took you… everyone freaked out. Tasha searched for you on your entire street and in half of the buildings around trying to find witnesses. "

-"Why?" Asked the perplexed dark-haired woman. To hear that Zapata had made such an effort to find her was strange, since she had been the most vocal against her for weeks. What could have caused such a change?

-"Well, your abducting was a shock, but it was mostly seeing your drawings that upset us all," Patterson said before realizing her mistake, seeing Jane turn pale.

Her drawings... they had found her sketchbook... At the thought of this the woman began to tremble. When Borden had suggested the idea, she had been hesitant. But confiding her thoughts, even on a piece of paper, had helped her to hold on when the whole world seemed to be angry with her. The fact that Borden had never insisted on reading her sketchbook had gradually allowed her to open up a little more. She had never given it to anyone, but she had shown some of the drawings depicting her nightmares to the psychiatrist. But now, if the FBI had retrieved the drawing book and her diary, then all her secrets would come out in the open. That included the little details about her life from before, which Roman had entrusted to her, and which she had carefully guarded, lest someone use it as a means of manipulation.

Worse yet, the team was going to learn all the details about how Sandstorm had pushed her to frame Mayfair, as well as the details about her death. Kurt... Kurt was going to learn that she had slept with Oscar... They were going to learn the details of everything the CIA had done to her during these three months. A part of herself was ashamed of them and didn't want them to know, especially since they had hitherto been content with hating her, and had shown no interest or sympathy for what she had endured. Unless... unless they already knew, which explained the presence of agents at her door. Now that those details had come to light, the FBI decided that she didn't deserve to remain free even to help fight Sandstorm. Her mind returned to the present when Patterson shook her right hand, strong enough to attract her attention but not enough to hurt her.

"Jane, Jane, breathe! Calm down, let me explain!" Begged the blonde as she watched as her friend begin to panic and her breathing became more ragged. The voice of the computer analyst once again attracted Jane's attention. Patterson probably didn't know the contents of the diary, otherwise she wouldn't be so kind to her. She had only seen the drawings, which explained her pity, but if she learned all the rest... then she would hate her. The idea of losing her only friend was unbearable but at that moment the words spoken by the woman with her face in the video that Oscar had shown her came back to her "You did this to yourself." Absolutely everything was her fault. People had died since she had entered the lives of the team, all because of this stupid plan she was supposed to have designed with Sandstorm. She didn't deserve a friend like Patterson, especially after causing the death of her boyfriend.

With a heavy heart of guilt, she tried to remove her hand from her friend's grip, but the blonde wouldn't allow it.

-"Jane, I'll bring them back, okay? Hold still, you're going to hurt yourself. "

-"I deserved it," whispered the dark-haired woman in a pain filled voice as she avoided her eyes. She felt Patterson's hand stop moving and heard her take a deep breath.

-"Don't say that!" She yelled at the young woman, leaning forward to force her gaze to meet her own. "You may have made mistakes but no one deserves what you have suffered!"

\- "People have died because of me!" Jane protested in a desperate voice. "Mayfair, Kantor, they died because they trusted me when they shouldn't have! David died investigating my tattoos, in a plan that I concocted with Sandstorm!"

-"Jane, you have to stop blaming yourself for everything that happens around you!" Patterson hissed furiously. "Did you pull the trigger on the gun that killed Mayfair and Kantor? Did you hold ... the piece of glass... that slit... David's throat? " She added in a more pained tone.

-"No. But that doesn't change anything. I couldn't save them!"

-"Save them? Are you talking about Mayfair and Kantor? Jane, were… were they killed in front of you?"

-"Yes," moaned the brunette desperately. "When Oscar shot her... Mayfair ... Mayfair didn't die right away. I tried ... to stop the bleeding. But there was blood, so much blood, and I only had my bare hands," she said, looking at her hands as if expecting to see them still covered with blood. "I tried, I swear I tried! I told her I was sorry, I begged her not to die ... but I couldn't do anything. And Kantor... I tried to convince Roman that he needed to remain alive, but Shepherd had given him orders, and he thought she wouldn't trust me if Kantor survived. But because I couldn't do it, he... he shot him in the head before I even had time to react. But I didn't want that, I swear! " Jane cried desperately, trying to convince both Patterson and herself.

-"Oh Jane," the blonde breathed, tears in her eyes. "I know you didn't want them to die. You're not a bad person, unlike Shepherd." Her heart sank as she saw the miserable look in her friend's eyes. The tattooed woman seemed so convinced that she was responsible for everything that was happening around her. Fighting the tears that were now threatening to flow down her cheeks, she leaned over and began to stroke Jane's hair again as she began to cry.

-"Jane," she murmured, "we know you did what you could to avoid it." While saying these words, the analyst noticed that the dark-haired woman was struggling to stop her crying. Knowing her, she knew that Jane didn't like to appear weak to anyone, a defense mechanism surely reinforced by the trials she had recently endured. "You don't have to worry about being strong all the time Jane, after what you've been through, you have the right to cry," she said. As if encouraged by her words, the young woman began to cry harder, as if she couldn't take any more. For a long time the two women remained so, Jane weeping and Patterson stroking her hair to calm her. Then, little by little, the patient calmed down and her tears gradually dried.

Seeing Jane somewhat calm, but exhausted judging by her one intact eye, which was nearly closed, Patterson rose slowly and said softly:

-"I'll go out for a few minutes to get your sketchbook from Tasha, okay? I'll make sure no one else sees what's in it and I'll be right back. While I'm gone get some rest. "

-"I don't deserve a friend like you. It would have been better for everyone if I died in Afghanistan," Jane muttered half-asleep, unaware of the effect her words had on Patterson. The blonde looked at her dozing friend one last time, and left the room biting her lips.

...

.

 _Hallway outside of Jane's room, a few minutes earlier_

In a foul mood, Weller nearly collided with Reade as he stepped out of the elevator a few doors away from Jane's room.

-"Bad news?" Asked the agent, warned by the scowl of his leader and Nas just behind him.

-"Keaton tried to get Winter back," Kurt grunted.

\- "What? When?"

-"When the team stormed the warehouse to rescue Jane." Nas replied. "He showed up with two agents on the runway at the airport and tried to get Winter back on the descent from the plane. Fortunately for us, the NSA agents escorting him refused to hand him over and took him directly to the NYO. "

-"He used Jane as a diversion ..." Reade speculated, frowning. "But where did these agents come from?"

-"Probably... As to where these men came from, they are probably members of his team," Weller sighed, rubbing his beard.

-"I thought Sandstorm had killed them when they stormed the warehouse?"

\- "According to the crime scene techs, the fingerprints of the two men who were killed at the entrance of the basement corresponds to those of two individuals known to the NYPD for various criminal cases. They are also known accomplices to the driver who was found dead. The only CIA agent found among the dead seems to be the one who broke Jane's arm. Our assumption is that Keaton hired these henchman to keep the building secure while his men were torturing Jane," Nas sighed clearly frustrated.

-"What's going on down there?" Weller asked suddenly, watching as several members of the medical team rushed to Jane's room. The three agents hurried on, arriving just in time to hear Jane scream.

Over the mob of the nurses, Weller saw Jane struggling on her bed and taking refuge with Patterson as the doctor tried to calm her down. He heard Reade swear beside him, and noticed Jane's shirt turning red. He instantly guessed that her struggle had reopened her stomach wound, and tried to get closer to the young woman. Tasha, who was beside the bed, watched the scene, strangely without a reaction.

-"Let me pass, I need to see her!" Kurt shouted, trying to get around the nurses.

\- "They're going to take me... they want to hurt me," Jane's words momentarily froze the team. Then, on the doctor's orders, the nurses forced everyone, except Patterson, out of the room. As the door closed, Weller and his agents exchanged slightly stunned looks.

-"Damn, what happened in there?" asked Reade, looking at Zapata. Sensing that the question was going to drift to confidential matters, Nas turned to the two agents who also looked a little surprised by the events. "We're going to stay here, you should go get some rest." After a nod from Weller to assure his agreement to Nas's order, the two men left their position, and once the nurses returned to their occupations, everyone turned again towards Tasha.

-"Honestly I don't know," she muttered, obviously shaken. "At first I was waiting with Patterson and then Jane started to stir. It took a little while before she woke up completely, and that's when she really started to struggle. She had to have been reliving what Keaton had done to her, because she was barely awake and she began to panic and struggle. Then she noticed Patterson and told her to leave, saying that Keaton was going to hurt her. I was afraid that she would reopen her wounds so I asked one of the agents on duty to call a doctor. In hindsight it was not such a great idea."

-"She panicked even more," Nas guessed.

"Yeah," Tasha sighed. "She noticed the agents at the door, then me. As soon as she saw me she clung against Patterson and asked her... to prevent me from hurting her." Everyone could see that the event had saddened her. Knowing Zapata, Reade and Weller knew that her realization of what she had done to Jane came with a deep desire to fix things. And obviously that could take a very long time.

As Reade opened his mouth, likely to offer encouragement to his teammate, the door opened and the doctor and nurse came out of the room.

-"How is she?" Kurt asked immediately.

\- "With all of her struggling, Miss Shaw pulled out half of her stitches, which resulted in a fortunately moderate amount of bleeding. Her other injuries don't seem to have worsened but I've increased her amount of painkillers. After what she's suffered I am surprised however that she is so active. I am sure that if your colleague had not been there to calm her, she would have managed to get up and leave despite her condition. "

-"Jane is... very... resistant to pain," Zapata mumbled, her mind avoiding lingering over what had made the tattooed woman so hardy.

-"That's what I have seen. Regarding her mental state, as I explained to the other agent, Miss Shaw is still a bit confused at the moment and doesn't have total control over her reactions. At the moment these reactions are much more instinctive and emotional than what you may be used to from her. This is largely due to the fact that with the fatigue and the medication, her mind must, for the moment, be oscillating between reality and memories of what she has experienced. This is not unusual and you should not take it personally. For the moment her mind is too confused to allow her to clearly distinguish your intentions towards her. Unless, as your friend has told me, Miss Shaw has some reason to be doubtful of you." The shamed look that the FBI agents exchanged answered his question.

-"Yes, kind of. Let's just say she has reasons to doubt that we want to help her," Weller admitted uncomfortably.

-"I see. In that case, I am sorry, but until she has fully recovered, you will not be able to see her. If she sees you as a threat, it will only aggravate her condition and trigger another panic attack."

-"But we have to see her!" Kurt protested, taking a step as if to enter the room before being restrained by Reade. "There were a lot of…disagreements between us, but if we explain things to her it should help her, wouldn't it?" The doctor sighed in response: "I will ask a psychiatrist to come and evaluate her, but honestly you should just wait and allow her time to deal with it. The trauma she has suffered is not insignificant, and as long as she is not ready to open any lines of communication, to force things could have serious consequences. "

\- "Sorry doc," Reade said, "it's just that we aren't used to seeing her like that. Usually Jane is so... strong, impassive... We've always had the impression that nothing could touch her. "

\- "This type of behavior is often only a facade, both for the patient and for the world around him. If Miss Shaw spent a prolonged time in a hostile environment, she probably shielded herself emotionally so as not to suffer, and to convince herself that she did not need to depend on anyone. In the same way, showing no weakness has become a survival mechanism as to not attract attention, and therefore more suffering. At the moment she seems to rely quite a bit on your colleague, which is an opportunity. With time she may be able to convince her to open up. "

-"How long before she's ready to talk to us?" Zapata asked nervously.

-"It's Hard to say. This could take as few as a few hours, or as long as a few days or weeks, depending on her recovery speed. But when she agrees to talk to you again, I'd advise you to be very careful of what you say to her, as much on the substance and as the form, because she is likely to have panic attacks if she feels threatened. As my colleague in the emergency room had to tell you, her self-esteem seems extremely low and you could do a lot of damage if you give her new reasons to fear you." No sooner had the man finished and exited the corridor then Patterson came out nervously biting her lips. She broke into tears and fell into the arms of a surprised Tasha.

-"Patterson?" What's going on? Is Jane okay?" Asked Weller, alarmed.

-"Nooo," the blonde groaned, continuing to sob into Zapata's shoulder.

-"Boss stop, you can't go into her room in a fury, she's going to panic," Reade said firmly, holding back Kurt as he walked toward the door.

-"Besides, Jane seems to be sleeping," Nas observed, looking through the semi-open blinds. "We need to let her rest." With an annoyed grunt, Weller abandoned his attempt to see Jane, and turned his attention to Patterson, waiting for her to calm down. Finally the blonde stopped her tears and gently disentangled herself from her friend's embrace.

-"Okay, Patterson, if you're feel better, can you explain what happened?" Reade asked gently, watching Weller out of the corner of his eye. Accepting with gratitude the handkerchief offered by Zapata, Patterson wiped her eyes nervously and began her narrative.

\- "When the doctor told you to get out I managed to calm Jane a bit so her stitches could be redone. I don't know why, but seeing the agents at the door she completely panicked ... "

\- "Yeah, we've noticed, but why?" Weller asked frustrated.

-"I think she thought they were coming to arrest her." Ignoring the dismayed sighs of the team, Patterson continued, "I managed to make her accept that she was safe and that they were there for her protection, and then she asked me for... a hug. "

-" A hug?" Reade was surprised by the news. Jane was not demonstrative, and for her to ask for affection like that, she had to had been feeling really bad.

-" Yes. At first I was surprised too, but she looked so ... vulnerable and sad. So we hugged and then we talked about her injuries. When I told her that for her ribs to heal she would require a lot of rest she looked ... I don't know, worried. I'll say it was ... weird."

\- "Actually," Nas said cutting in, "It's quite logical. For Jane, who has a strong personality, finding herself defenseless must be very hard to bear. Especially if she distrusts us to the point of fearing that we would arrest her. "

-"I see… But she didn't seems to be herself. Normally the Jane we know would have asked about Keaton or her safety, but the first thing she asked me had nothing to do with it. "

-"And what was it?" asked Tasha.

-"She wanted to know if ... if Weller and Nas are really in a relationship," the blonde muttered hesitantly, looking at them embarrassedly. Kurt blushed slightly and looked away, but Nas remained impassive.

-"Funny priority order," Zapata chuckled lightly. There had always been some sexual tension between Weller and Jane before... before her arrest. Things had deteriorated since then but obviously part of the old Jane was still there. Hopefully everything would return to normal, which was a good thing.

\- "I didn't know how to answer her, so I more or less ducked the question."

-"I don't see why," Nas replied calmly. "What happened between Agent Weller and me was purely physical, there is nothing romantic about our arrangement." The three agents fixed their gazes on their leader, who now seemed lost in contemplation, staring through the windowpane. It was obvious that for at least the last few hours, the dark-haired woman had returned to the top of his list of priorities.

-"Okay," Patterson cautiously agreed. "Then I told her how we moved heaven and earth to find her, especially you Tasha. She looked surprised that we made such an effort for her," added the blonde with a dismayed look. "Then I told her that we realized that we were horrible with her and she got angry. She said I was the only one who was kind to her and that's where I made a mistake ... "

-" What did you do?" Weller inquired brusquely.

-"I wanted so much to make her understand that everyone was sorry and that you wanted a chance to explain that I told her we had seen her drawings," Patterson confessed.

-"Holy shit," Reade breathed. "She must not have taken that well."

-"That's the least you can say. She completely panicked, to the point where she was having trouble breathing. I think there are things in it that she wants no one to see. She looked at me as if she expected me to suddenly hate her. I told her to stop moving so she wouldn't hurt herself and she told me that she deserved it." In perfect synchronization Reade and Tasha began to curse as Weller approached Patterson to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder.

-"It's not your fault okay? We know that Jane hasn't forgiven herself for what's happened, and it will take time for her to accept that it wasn't her fault. Did she say anything else after?"

\- "Yes... she told me... about the death of Mayfair." Patterson watched as Weller froze in place, his hand falling slowly from her shoulder, while Reade and Tasha exchanged nervous glances. Even among themselves they hardly spoke of what had happened to their former leader, so painful was the subject.

-"What did she say?" Zapata asked in a slightly choked voice.

-"That Mayair died in her arms. I don't know... when we questioned her with the machine and she said that Oscar killed Mayfair, I got the impression it was... quick." The other agents exchanged a glance, knowing that none of them had shared with Patterson what Jane had said regarding the last words of their leader, trying to force Kurt to shoot her at the beginning of her infiltration. "She said that Oscar fled after the shooting, but that she stayed to try to stop the bleeding. But there was too much blood and she couldn't do anything about it. She told me... that she begged Mayfair not to die, that she was sorry and that she never wanted it to happen. You should have seen how she looked... she looked so… miserable. She looked down at her hands as if she was still expecting them to be covered with blood ... "

Weller said nothing, but the stiffening of his jaw was enough of an indication to the extent of which this confession affected him. Reade and Tasha both wrapped a comforting arm around the blonde's shoulders, before Nas interrupted the moment:

\- "That is sad indeed, but I imagine that that was not what put you in this state." Reade and Zapata glared at her, disgusted by her lack of empathy, but Patterson looked at Weller.

-"No, it was something Jane said when I walked out of the room. She was half asleep and I don't think she was aware of what… of what she was saying." Taking a deep breath, Patterson decided to just drop the bomb. "Jane said... she didn't deserve a friend like me... and that it would have been better if she… had died in Afghanistan... to avoid everything". Her statement made Reade tremble as Tasha began to curse in Spanish. Even Nas opened her eyes wide with shock, but she still had the presence of mind to stand in front of the door to stop Weller. The shock had turned the face of the assistant director of the FBI white and his eyes was that of a man possessed.

-"Agent Weller, no," Nas protested, planting herself between him and the door.

-"Boss, stop," Patterson pleaded, grabbing his right arm and trying to pull him back. "How do you think Jane will react if you walk into the room and throw yourself at her?"

-"But she's not doing well! She needs… "

\- "For now, she needs to sleep. Now that we know her state of mind, we need to let Patterson talk to her and convince her to open up," Tasha told him, as she stood in front of the door.

\- "That's why I came out, I have to get her sketchbook back. That should reassure her a bit." Zapata handed the notebooks to Patterson who slipped back into the room, ignoring the tension in the hallway.

...

.

 _Hospital, Jane's room, five hours later._

Slowly, Jane opened her eyes. It took her a few moments to remember where she was. She vaguely remembered her last conversation with Patterson before exhaustion took over. The dimness in the room told her that night had come, which meant that she had slept several hours in a row. It was amazing, since her nightmares usually gave her little respite. But not this time. Feeling a warm pressure on her right hand, the young woman turned her head slightly, to see a large hand squeezing hers. Too big to be Patterson's, she thought with a frown. Her gaze slowly followed the hand up to a muscular arm, to find Weller asleep in the chair beside her bed.

A slight feeling of fear invaded her before her rational side resurfaced. Blushing slightly, Jane remembered her panicky, tearful reaction when she saw Tasha and the agents around her. Now that her mind was clearer, she felt ashamed of being so weak and pathetic in front of the team. Even though Patterson's hug had been very nice (it felt good to feel loved from time to time), the terror she had felt at Keaton's hands and in face of Shepherd's threats had pushed her to act in a way that was not normal for her. She still had a hard time understanding why the team had gone so far as to save her, but whatever their reasons, trying to flee would not make much of a difference. Rolling up into a ball and crying would do as much good as the previous option.

Her gaze went back to Kurt. Keaton's revelations had hurt her, but perhaps he had lied? After all he had suffered because of her, Kurt deserved at least a chance to explain. "Except he never gave you that same courtesy," whispered a small voice in her head. But this time Jane ignored it. Kurt was currently sleeping with her in the hospital and was holding her hand so ... maybe he didn't hate her? If he intended to have her arrested, he would simply have handcuffed her to the bed and would not bother to stay with her... would he?

Taking advantage of the moment, the young woman enjoyed the sensation of warmth given by the small demonstration of affection, the first for months, and observed the sleeping agent. He looked a little tense, and his eyebrows were slightly wrinkled, but his presence was strangely still very comforting. Even as she was asking herself, blushing, if she felt any better by being closer to him, her body seemed to try to get closer to him. The movement was snatched with a grunt of pain from herself and suddenly her green eyes met Weller's wide-open eyes, making her blush even more. She tried discreetly to remove her hand but the man didn't seem to want to let go.

-"Jane," the FBI agent whispered as he heard her groan of pain. "Are you okay "? He tried to control the feeling of panic rising from within him. Normally, according to the doctor, he shouldn't have been in here, but Patterson had to leave for a few minutes and it was out of the question to leave Jane alone. He hadn't planned on falling asleep and for her to wake before him. Hoping with all his heart that Jane was not going to have another panic attack, he waited for her answer.

-"I've been better," the young woman replied, carefully repositioning herself in her bed. Weller relaxed a little, but remained vigilant, afraid of making a false step. For a moment he felt as if he was talking to the old Jane, the one with whom he shared all his secrets before arresting her, not the woman with the stoic mask she had worn since her return, nor the terrified Jane he had seen a few hours ago. But a single sudden gesture on his part, a single unhappy sentence, and she could close like an oyster. Yet it was so tempting to take advantage of the opportunity to try to explain things to her.

-"What do you remember?" he asked cautiously. Jane looked at him with a slightly worried and uncomfortable expression, and he hurriedly added, "This isn't a trick question, there isn't a right or wrong answer, Jane. Patterson must have told you, but you aren't the only one responsible for everything that has happened to you. "

-" Really?" Asked the dark-haired woman, openly skeptical.

-"Yes, really... Listen," Weller sighed. "I don't know how to say this, but a lot has happened lately and we all have a share of responsibility in it. And no matter what you did or think you did wrong, you don't deserve what Keaton has done to you. "

-"If you say so," Jane mumbled unconvinced, looking away. Weller wanted to scream with rage when he saw her belittle herself again. He wanted to shake her and take her in his arms to make her realize that her life had value to him. But he doubted that she was willing to hear that from him now, and he didn't want to rush her. With a hint of satisfaction, he noticed that she had not yet to try to pull her hand away from him. A little progress but progress all the same.

\- "I know you don't expect much good from us but ... when you're ready, we'd like a chance to explain our reasons."

-"Is that offer valid for me as well?" Jane asked him in a neutral tone, turning her gaze towards him again. In her eyes he could read fear and uncertainty, but also a little hope. He realized that more than wanting forgiveness, the wounded woman wanted what had been denied to her for so long, a chance to explain her choices. A chance to no longer carry the burden of her mistakes alone.

-"Of course," he agreed calmly. "As soon as you feel you can do it."

-"Not now," Jane said immediately, slightly panicked. "Just... not now". The disgust with herself she felt was slowly returning, thinking of the mission she had been given by Shepherd. To protect them she would have to lie to them again, while no longer having secrets would be so liberating ... Maybe she could do things differently this time around? If they really wanted to help her, she could tell them that her position within Sandstorm was compromised. And then they could find a way for everyone to get out of the situation with minimal casualties ... But she still felt too weak physically and mentally for that. Time, she just needed a little time to think of all the contingencies, thought the woman looking at Kurt as her heart rate accelerated.

-" There's no rush Jane," Weller replied immediately, seeing her shift again. He felt that he had made all the progress he could today, and didn't want to trigger a new panic attack. His phone beeped and he glanced at the incoming text. "Patterson went downstairs to the cafeteria to call Borden and have a coffee. As soon as she get's back here, I will leave you with her." The prospect of seeing her friend seemed to calm her, and he smothered the small swell of jealousy that rose in him. "What did you expect? You've abused her and ignored her for weeks, holding her hand for a few minutes will not miraculously fix everything," whispered a little voice in his head.

The two waited in a rather uncomfortable silence as Patterson entered the room. Since Weller had not replied to her message, she didn't expect to find Jane awake. And even less so that she and Weller were holding hands. The two looked embarrassed and uncomfortable but at least Jane didn't seem as terrified as she was during her first awakening.

\- "Did I interrupt something?" the blonde asked with an innocent smile. Jane and Kurt looked at her astonished, before the young woman realized that their hands were still joined. She pulled away gently as she tried to hide the red rising to her cheeks. Happy to see a little of the old Jane, Patterson looked at the interaction with amusement but without comment as Weller left the room after a last goodbye.

-"You feeling better?" The blonde asked as she approached the bed.

-"I don't feel pathetically hysterical if that's the question," Jane replied embarrassedly.

\- "Jane, you don't have to be ashamed, after what you've been through, it's normal to have reactions that are a bit... excessive..." The dark-haired woman replied with a grunt before looking around her.

\- "Have you recovered my..."

-"Your sketchbooks? Yep, they're in the drawer of the night table," Patterson replied, pulling them out to hand them to her, before noticing her gaze fixed on her. The patient bit her lips for a few moments, before seeming to make a decision.

\- "Do you want ... do you want me to tell you what happened?" asked Jane hesitantly after taking a deep breath. She trusted Patterson, and maybe she could lighten the weight on her heart by a little...


	7. Chap 7 - Heart to Heart

Hi everybody. Thanks for your last reviews, like and follows.

As I said in the chapter 6 two weeks ago, this chapter is a pause in the drama, and little more sweet than usual.

Like every time, a great thanks to my beta-reader Readeronly76, for your works to make this better. Without you, it wouldn't be so understandable.

…

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero

…

 **Chapter 7 - Heart to Heart**

.

 _Hospital, 4th floor, few hours earlier_

After reaching the fourth floor, Roman opened the door of the stairwell to observe the layout of the floor. He quickly noticed the two FBI agents on duty, guarding the door of his sister's room, and considered his options. He could neutralize the guards to enter, but other agents could be inside. Although, what he really needed was a few minutes alone with Remi to make sure she was okay. Well, as well as anyone who had been tortured for hours could be... A pitched battle against trained agents would not give him the time he needed, so he would have to be creative, especially since his sister didn't approve of his use of excessive force. He had a hard time getting used to this new Remi, who was less harsh, less angry, but he didn't want to rush her after what she had been through, and killing several federal agents just to talk to her would not be starting a discussion on a good foundation.

What remained to him was his one and only option, to impersonate a member of the hospital staff. But for that he had to find a uniform, and wait to get more information on the number of agents present. As he prepared to leave his observation post, a cry was heard. Roman immediately recognized the voice of his sister, and harshly fought the instinct to rush into her room. Through the small space between the doorframe and the door, he watched a doctor and several nurses rush towards the source of the screams. Then Weller, a member of his team, a woman he didn't recognize, running to the door, trying to enter. They were chased out of the room a few moments later by the nurses, along with the Latina who also belonged to Weller's team. An animated discussion seemed to begin, before the two agents on duty left their position after a nod from the deputy director of the FBI.

The doctor came back a few moments later and the FBI team gathered around him. The news didn't seem too much to their liking judging by their body language. Barely a minute after the doctor had left, the blonde analyst came out of the room and collapsed in tears against her teammate. Roman frowned. The anxiety over what was going on in the room was starting to eat away at him. He watched Weller being held back by his agents as he obviously wanted to enter the room, following something the blonde had said.

A few minutes later, she returned to the room while Weller and the unknown woman remained in the hallway. The other two agents took the elevator, probably leaving the hospital and going home. Taking advantage of the fact that they weren't looking in his direction, Roman opened the door a little more and slipped into the corridor. Without hesitation, he headed to the other end of the hallway, searching for one of the staff locker rooms. Having found one, he started to turn the door handle, hoping the door would be unlocked. Bingo! Entering the room as if he had every reason to be there, he immediately went to one of the lockers. From behind him, a man finished grabbing his civilian clothes, and left the room after grunting a goodbye without even bothering to look at him. The fatigue of an ending shift was not bad in this situation… Once certain he was alone, he moved quickly through the room, searching for an open locker with a nurse uniform his size. Acting as a doctor would be far more risky since there seemed to be only a handful of doctors in the hospital, and they seemed to be congregated in the ICU. And statistically the presence of a new nurse would pass unnoticed much more easily than that of a new doctor. Having finally found what he was looking for, the young man hurried to change himself and left the room, looking for a new observation post.

Grabbing a file from a cart in the hallway, he took a look at the papers inside it and pretended to study them, discreetly observing from the corner of his eye Weller and the woman who were still standing in front of the door. Obviously, they had decided to stand guard, but for what reasons? The FBI had already let the CIA torture his sister twice, so why protect her now? Unless... Of course... They didn't know that their mother knew of her forced betrayal, so they certainly wanted to use her again. He struggled hard with a rush of anger at the thought that the FBI had forced her to betray her own family to avoid being handed over to the CIA. Judging by his team's attitude and his reaction earlier, Weller wasn't allowed to be in the room, and he felt some satisfaction. Taking several deep breaths to calm himself, Roman moved again and finally found the perfect post. For the moment, no one was occupying the reception station on the floor since the hours of visits were over. With the CCTV screens under the reception desk, he had a clear view of the hallway leading to Remi's room.

As time passed, he watched Weller sit in a seat in front of the bedroom door as the woman left. With the advance of night, movement on the 4th floor occurred less frequently. A nurse soon returned to the reception desk and began a discussion with him. Roman easily managed to persuade her that he was new to this job and that staying there didn't bother him. This was not the case for the woman, who gladly accepted his offer to take care of the job while she made rounds with a nurse's aid. When the woman returned to him a few minutes later, he engaged in conversation again, pretending to be worried about the patients' safety. Talkative and with a big smile, the young redhead told him that she had just changed the bloody shirt of a young woman, babbling on about her many tattoos. After some more probing, Roman learned that Remi was sleeping and that there was only the blonde with her in the room.

While they were talking, a security guard walked past, barely glancing at them, busy texting on his phone. Of course it was to his advantage, but a part of him could not help but grumble mentally at such a lack of professionalism. From a very young age he had been driven to excellence in all areas of combat and surveillance, often in very brutal ways, and seeing such nonchalant behavior irritated him.

Then the redhead left to go about her business, and a movement on the screen attracted his attention again. The two agents previously guarding the door had just returned to their post, this time without their FBI windbreakers which were too recognizable. Almost at the same moment, the pretty blonde came out of the room and exchanged a few words with Weller, who entered the room while the young woman took the elevator.

He didn't stay for more than half an hour, and came out as soon as the blonde came back. After a few words to his men on duty, he also took the elevator, probably to return home. A glance at his watch informed Roman that he had been here for almost five hours. Such a lengthy infiltration increased the risk of being spotted, and if his mother came to learn of the risks he was taking, she would surely disapprove. However he didn't care, the only thing that mattered to him was seeing his sister. If the two men followed FBI protocol, one of them would soon make a round upstairs to check the perimeter. If Roman could manage to neutralize him while he was away from his post, he could then take care of the other man and enter the room. The blonde was just an analyst and should not be too problematic for him. But first, he had to find a medicine cabinet ...

.

 _Hospital, Jane's room_

Hearing her friend's request, Patterson felt torn and slowly put the notebooks back on the bedside table, but Jane made no move to take them. It was obvious that the young woman had been rather shaken by her captivity, which was perfectly normal, and wanted to relieve some of the weight that weighed on her shoulders by sharing her secrets. But the blonde wasn't sure of her state of mind, and she didn't want Jane to confide to her things while she was feeling emotional, and then regret doing so.

\- "If you need to talk, I'm here to listen to you," she said finally. "But I don't want you to feel obliged to tell me all of your secrets. Everyone has the right to keep things to themselves. "

\- "But when I keep things to myself, people die," whispered the dark-haired woman dejectedly.

\- "Oh Jane ... you have to stop feeling guilty for everything. Nobody knows what could have happened if you had chosen differently."

\- "But ..."

\- "But there are no buts! Did you want to hurt one of us voluntarily? "

-" No! I'll never want that," Jane protested in a tone both vexed and determined.

\- "Why did you obey Sandstorm?"

\- "They threatened to hurt you!"

\- "And if you did not do what they wanted, do you think they would have carried out their threats?"

\- "Yes... I wanted to protect everyone, but in the end I got the exact opposite..."

\- "So you have your answer. Even if your choices have led to serious consequences that you didn't expected, you cannot change the past... You know," added the blonde gently, "Sometimes good people do bad things for good reasons."

\- "But there are still bad things..."

Patterson sighed. She suspected that her friend was not going to get better in a few hours, but she felt frustrated at not being able to make her listen to reason. Her heart sank as she thought about why the dark-haired woman behaved this way. If they hadn't so marginalized and pushed her so far away in recent weeks, she would not have internalized her feelings. To protect herself Jane had to bury her emotions deep inside herself so as not to show the slightest bit of weakness, but she seemed to have reached the limit of what she could bear. Deciding not to fight for now, the blonde choose instead to change the conversation.

-"Let's leave the moral question of things alone for now. What do you want to talk about?" The wounded woman opened her mouth to answer but stopped halfway. She really wanted to release the weight on her shoulders, and she felt confident enough to do so with Patterson. But a part of herself was afraid of the young woman's reaction. At the moment, she wasn't sure she could bear the loss of her only... friend. And if Patterson learned everything she had done ... The blonde seemed to understand her hesitation, and sat down, taking her hand.

-"Take your time. But I'll tell you again, if you're not ready, you don't have to talk about painful things, we can talk about anything else instead. "

\- "I know... I trust you it's just that... I don't know where to start".

-"The beginning is usually a good starting point," Patterson said with a smile. Her smile was contagious, and Jane smiled reflexively at her, though more clumsily, then took a deep breath.

\- "Okay... There are things that... I never dared to tell you when I started having flashbacks. Because... because you would have hated me if you had known..." confessed the dark-haired woman with difficulty, looking away.

-" What things? " her friend asked her encouragingly.

\- "I remember… I remember killing someone… before."

\- "Oh… You mean when you were Remi? Do you remember why?" Patterson asked more curious than frightened.

\- "It's unclear, I was in a church and there was this nun ... I shot her in the head from behind. Then it's... weird... I got some kind of USB flash drive… but it was not a normal flash drive, it seemed more like..."

\- "Military equipment?" The blonde proposed, adopting a thoughtful air, already having several hypotheses in her mind.

\- "Probably... And under her clothes, she wore some kind of uniform… You're… not afraid of me?" Timidly questioned the bedridden young woman, finally daring to look at her friend.

-" Why? I know you won't hurt me. "

\- "But I'm a killer!" insisted Jane in a low voice.

\- "Jane... you only have fuzzy memories of what happened. Whether it was a mission for Orion or Sandstorm, we know you didn't have a choice. And from what you've told me, there is something to be suspicious about, I don't know many nuns who walk around with military equipment on themselves. You killed that person, but without the context we don't know who, when, or why. For all we know she could've been an impostor or a criminal. And then... it was the old you who did it. The Jane I know isn't a cold-blooded killer. "

-"Do you really think so?" Jane exhaled with a mixture of pain and hope in her voice.

\- "Of course. If this assassination was a mission for the CIA, and we know that's the kind of thing they were assigning Orion to, who knows what they would have done to you if you refused to obey their orders? The same goes for Sandstorm. What I do know is that ever since you came out of that bag in Times Square, you have always tried to do the best you can to help people. "

\- "But does that make up for all the harm I have done from before...?"

\- "It depends on what you're looking for, I guess. Do you want to hear me say yes? Or is it simply that you don't forgive yourself?" Answered the FBI agent, saddened to see Jane have so many doubts about the person that she was.

The patient froze looking at her friend. That was the whole question indeed. She was no longer the cold, merciless woman who had come up with the plan to infiltrate the FBI. As she had told her brother, she was no longer Remi and had no desire to become her again. Losing her memory could actually be an opportunity for her to start her life again without the weight of everything she had done and lived through. But did she deserve a chance to rebuild her life after causing so much pain?

Patterson looked at the obviously pensive Jane. She would have liked Borden to be there to tell her what to do or what to say. He had the training to help Jane without risking accidently hurting her again with a triggering word. But the dark-haired woman had no confidence in anyone but her for the moment... which led to another problem. She wanted to help her friend get better, but could not tell her boyfriend or anything that Jane had just told her, or what Kurt and Nas had decided to hide from him. Thinking of her boss and his last interaction with Jane, she decided to distract her attention with a lighter subject, and leaned towards her with a conspiratorial air:

\- "So... what happened between Weller and you?" Her friend instantly came out of her dark thoughts to look at her. Patterson then watched with amusement as the question hit her, as her cheeks turned red. She interpreted it as a positive sign. Although the deputy director's behavior lately had been less than friendly, he had recently promised to fix things. For her part, even though Jane had plenty of reasons to be suspicious of him, it was apparent that the bond they had shared before her arrest wasn't quite dead, and that the tattooed young woman was still feeling something for him. Beyond teasing, it was something she could work on. It was obvious that despite her mistrust towards them, Jane was hoping for better days, she wouldn't have taken all those risks to protect them otherwise. Somehow, her friend seemed more eager for affection than in taking revenge, which wasn't very surprising. Although she had every reason to be angry, Jane wasn't the type to seek revenge, unlike Remi.

-"Nothing... nothing happened between us," Jane mumbled, instinctively lowering her eyes, which only added to her friend's curiosity.

-" Really?" The blonde asked slyly. "You know, he was really angry when we saw what Keaton did to you in your drawings. He wouldn't have reacted like that for any of us. I've been working with him for a long time, and you're the only one who can cause such reactions from Mister Stoical Kurt Weller," she added in an exaggerated dramatic tone. Despite herself, Jane smiled as she remembered the kisses exchanged with the seductive deputy director of the FBI ... which only caused her blush to darken.

\- "I don't know what you're talking about," lied Jane, trying to sound convincing. The situation was embarrassing because she would never have thought that her interest in Weller could still be noticed as she had tried to be as discreet as possible since her return. After all, he had clearly shown that he didn't want her any closer to him than necessary after her return. However, his recent behavior was totally different and it intrigued her, giving her hope that they could find their way back towards each other.

\- "Liar. You wouldn't be blushing as much if it did. Come on, spill! I know you're hiding something from me!" the blonde said, leaning closer as her smile widened.

\- "You're wrong, nothing happened," mumbled Jane, under the inquisitive look of her friend.

\- "Really? Not even a little kiss?" At these words, the dark-haired woman lips twisted in spite of herself into a dreamy smile, a reaction that didn't go unnoticed by Patterson.

\- "No way! You kissed him! Where? When? How? Details, I need details," the blonde asked, literally bouncing back into her chair. Jane looked at her friend hesitantly, but she knew Patterson would not let it go until she had answers, not when gossip was in range.

\- "We kissed twice," she finally confessed, blushing even more than she thought possible. The situation was terribly embarrassing but also... comforting... It reminded her of the discussions she had with Patterson and... Zapata, before her world shattered. The talks they had when they were friends... It may have been because of the weeks of virtual isolation she had endured, but she felt almost desperate to have a normal conversation that didn't involve a case or her mistakes… desperate for affection, because the loneliness that she had endured since her return, had been gnawing at her heart, little by little.

\- "When?" Patterson asked impatiently, grabbing her gently by the hand. This subject was much less dangerous than the previous ones.

\- "The first time just down from his place... it was... it was before Carter's men took me away... on the way home," Jane replied, her face twitching as she thought back to her stay in that basement before Oscar had saved her. Seeing this, Patterson immediately tried to distract her from her dark thoughts: "What about the second?"

\- "In the locker room after saving the babies from Peter Warren's lab. We went for a drink later but... the nurse who was taking care of his father called... And I... I went to meet with Oscar to tell him that I wanted to stop everything... but I came across Mayfair... then you know," whispered the wounded woman.

Patterson frowned seeing her friend lower her head again. She had hoped to get Jane focused on a happy memory, but obviously each of these was coupled with a traumatic event of her life.

\- "And how was it?" Asked the curious blonde despite everything.

\- "Fantastic..." Jane admitted, blushing as she met her eyes again.

\- "Describe it!"

\- "You have no idea... It was strong and sweet at the same time, it was..."

-"Fantastic, I understand that," Patterson chuckled, enjoying the embarrassed look of her friend. Jane smiled back, savoring the feeling of having someone to confide small unimportant secrets to. The feeling of being a normal person, not just an asset, discussing a topic that was not about work with a friend. Taken by the moment, she let herself go with a new confidence:

\- "I still dream of him sometimes." Jane bit her lip at once, cursing herself for that moment of weakness. Now it was certain, her friend was not going to let her go. Patterson's eyes widened comically at this revelation, before darkening with worry.

\- "What kind of dreams... nightmares?" she asked hesitantly, remembering the pictures she had seen in the sketchbook. Teasing Jane about how much interest she had always felt for Weller to distract her was one thing, but digging up painful memories wasn't what she wanted.

\- "Sometimes yes, but from time to time, the dreams are more... well, more pleasant," Jane tried to elude, blushing again. Patterson's mouth opened and closed several times without her making a sound, then she realized:

\- "Oh my god, you're having sex dreams about the boss," squealed the blonde half-amused, half-surprised by this admission.

-" No!" protested Jane. "I mean... not always... well, sometimes... forget it," she stammered clearly embarrassed. She had let herself be dragged into this conversation by the large innocent eyes of her friend, but unwittingly she had also let out a lot of information. On the other hand, Patterson just seemed to be having a good time with her reactions, and she didn't think she was the type to use what she had just learned against her afterwards.

\- "Not always, it means that you do it anyway. And it's out of the question that I forget this, it's the best gossip I've heard in months!" Patterson said happily, happy to see her more relaxed.

-"I hate you," Jane mumbled, sinking a little into her pillows. Her tone, however, belied the harshness of her words, and Patterson affectionately rubbed her right arm.

\- "No you don't sweetie," answered her laughing friend. "And there is nothing to be ashamed of, what happens in your head does no harm to anyone."

\- "Of course, it's perfectly normal to fantasize about a person who hates you and who's already dating someone else," Jane mumbled bitterly as Weller's behavior in recent weeks came back to her memory. Despite everything, a part of herself desperately wanted to forgive him and take back their... relationship to where it was before he arrested her, but things would certainly not be so easy, not after what she had done.

-"Jane... Weller doesn't hate you," said Patterson, frowning. "And I know for sure that he isn't with Nas."

-" Really?" Asked the dark-haired woman, trying to adopt a tone as neutral as possible. The idea that Kurt could still be… available, somehow awakened something inside of her. Again, the young woman felt a surge of hope squeeze her heart painfully, the thought that she might have the opportunity to fix things with the man who was occupying her thoughts, even when she tried to prevent it.

\- "Yes, she told me herself that their relationship "(Patterson mimicked air quotes with her fingers) was based only on physical attraction. They are absolutely not in a relationship."

\- "But even if he isn't in a relationship with her, he's going to have a child with Allison... Seriously who would let their baby be in contact with someone like me?" Hearing her friend belittle herself again, Patterson narrowly refrained from screaming in frustration. Mentally she also noted the difficulties that the woman seemed to have in accepting the evolution of the situation. This was not surprising. From what she had just been told, she had clearly been closer to Weller than the rest of the team had suspected. And Weller had still arrested her without giving her a chance to explain herself, resulting in three months of torture by the CIA. Then upon her return, she learned that the man for whom she still had feelings for had gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant, not long before or after her arrest. Her good heart was surely pushing her to rejoice for Weller and Allie, after all Jane was not the type to blame a baby. But a part of herself had to be suffering, thinking that that life could have been hers in different circumstances. However, she couldn't continue to let her depreciate herself like that without saying anything.

-"Listen to me Jane Doe," Patterson snarled as she got up, surprising her friend. "You aren't a bad person! And if I hear you say it again I'm going to... I'm going to... I don't know yet what I'm going to do to you, but I'll find something!"

Surprised, Jane stared for a moment at the furious blonde next to her, and unable to restrain herself, let out a small laugh, finding her furious look strangely cute and amusing. The pain in her ribs quickly told her that it was a bad idea and she tried to calm down. Happy to see Jane happier, Patterson grimaced immediately with sympathy at seeing her painful expression.

\- "I don't see what's so funny! I swear I'll do it!" she scolded, trying to sound menacing.

\- "I know you're way too good for that," the Jane retorted, touched by her genuine concern and Patterson's efforts to cheer her up.

\- "Oh really… ? Wait until you've healed and we'll see if you're still such a smartass," the blonde mumbled as she sat down again. Happy with her temporary victory, Jane moved as slowly as she could to try to settle down more comfortably.

\- "Going back to Weller, you won't really know how things can evolve between you two until you talk to him," Patterson said quietly. Jane's triumphant smile faded and she bit her lip nervously.

\- "And how am I supposed to bring this into a conversation? Say, "Hi Kurt, I know you still angry at me for pretending to be your dead best friend and being involved in your mentor's death, but I'm still drawn to you? I've hurt you and you've hurt me but... eh! Can we forget about the past so that I could sequestrate you in my room for a week?" I'm not sure that would fix things," she finally stopped, chest heaving a little. Patterson looked shocked at her outburst, before her brain assimilated the information.

\- "So... in your dreams... you sequester Weller for intensive sex sessions?" The blonde asked slowly with a smile that was getting bigger as Jane blushed, realizing what she had just confessed to. And of course, Patterson only remembered the embarrassing part... It was probably the disadvantage of having friends who were close to you, even though the feeling was much more pleasant than being ignored or criticized all the time.

\- "What? Not at all... I said that... just like an example..." Stammered the wounded woman, but her countenance betrayed her immediately.

\- "Wow," Patterson said amused. "I didn't imagine that your dreams were so hot... Do you draw them too?" she asked mischievously, glancing at the sketchbook next to her.

-"Of course not," her friend mumbled nervously. "It would be really embarrassing if someone came across it..."

\- "Are you sure of that?" asked the blonde, still smiling, reaching for the sketchbook, taking pleasure in teasing her friend who was getting redder as she approached her goal.

\- "Okay, okay..." Jane finally cracked. "It's... possible... that some drawings of those dreams exist." In view of her nervous look, the blonde retracted her hand. It was one thing to amuse herself amicably at her expense to distract her from her sinister thoughts, but it was another time to take advantage of her state of weakness to seize the notebook, when she had obviously changed her mind about what she wanted to let her see.

\- "Don't worry, I'm not going to look if you don't want me to," she said gently rubbing Jane's arm again.

-"Thank you," breathed the woman with relief. A part of herself was strangely comforted to have the opportunity to be close enough to someone to be teased about her love life, although her's was only virtual at the moment. Although presently, she was uncertain of what she should do next. She was not used to this kind of teasing, and didn't really know how to react, so she was very grateful that Patterson didn't push her teasing any further. For her to see her drawings would really have been too embarrassing. Wait one moment... see the drawings... the team had the drawing book in their possession for a whole day! As she looked worriedly at the blonde, Patterson smiled gently, seeming to understand her fears.

-"If your drawings are chronological, no one has seen them," she reassured her. "We only looked at the beginning and... it was so… bad... no one wanted to look any further." Jane let out a small relieved sigh, and looked up at the ceiling, before looking at her friend again, when she spoke.

-"Can I ask you a question?" Jane hesitated for a moment at Patterson's sudden more serious look. For her to take that tone, it had to concern a less than pleasant subject. She nodded to encourage her friend.

\- "It's about... some of the drawings we've seen... about your nightmares..." On hearing these words the wounded woman tensed again, but Patterson continued before she withdraw into herself: "Apparently you have nightmares... where the team... hurts you... but you also have dreams where... Weller and you have moments... more enjoyable ..."

-"I know," muttered the frustrated dark-haired woman, understanding the implied question. "It's something I can't control. At first, when everyone was... cold... with me... I often had nightmares. But then, as soon as Kurt started... to talk to me... almost normally... I started having those dreams." Patterson bit her lip thoughtfully at what Jane had just told her. If she agreed to answer a supplementary question, she had a chance of understand a little better how to help her friend by persuading her to talk to the team.

\- "So, as soon as Weller is nicer to you, your dreams become more pleasant?" Jane took a moment to think carefully about the question. In recent weeks, the nightmares have been a little further apart, bringing welcomed relief to her agonizing nights, and that was consistent with the warmer relationship between Kurt and her.

\- "Somehow. It's not guaranteed, but when I'm less tense at work... the nightmares are a little less violent. And sometimes... I dream instead..." she replied, biting her lips thoughtfully.

The blonde didn't comment that working with the team was a real pain for her, but stored the information in a corner of her mind.

\- "It's pretty logical I guess. The conscious part of your brain is wary of the team because they made you suffer, but your unconscious perceives things, especially with Weller apparently, differently. "

-"If you say so," Jane whispered a little surprised and dubious.

\- "Of course I'm not a professional, maybe if you tried to talk to Robert...," tried the blonde.

\- "I'll think about it," growled Jane rolling her eyes, or at least her visible eye, before the stubbornness of her friend. Then the way she spoke about the psychiatrist caught her attention.

\- "Since when do you call Borden by his first name?" she asked curiously, staring at her friend, this was also an opportunity to distract her from the embarrassing questions she had asked her.

\- "Oh... uh... for a few weeks. He's helped me a lot with David's death and all that..." Patterson mumbled, blushing in spite of herself.

\- "Wait... you're dating him!" Jane said, widening her eyes and looking at her closer. This time it was her friend's turn to be nervous, and she savored this as a little payback to the teasing she suffered earlier.

\- "Yes," confessed the blonde, looking down at Jane's amused air. "You're not angry with me?" The tattooed woman looked at her, incomprehension clearly visible despite her face marred by bruises.

\- "Why would I be angry at you for that?" Jane asked, clearly perplexed.

\- "Well, we are friends and... Robert is your therapist."

-" So what? That doesn't stop you two from going out together. It's not like he's talking about me when you're both together... right? " Jane asked with a hint of hesitation in her voice, although she was glad to hear Patterson call her her friend.

\- "No, your meetings with him are confidential," reassured the blonde. Which was not quite true with that weasel Nas, she thought to herself. But she was not going to tell her that now, the poor woman had already suffered enough in the past 24 hours.

\- "And so... is Robert a good kisser?" Jane asked with a smirk and she made sure to stress the name, seeing an innocent opportunity to return Patterson's own medicine back to her. She had often seen the young woman and Zapata indulge in this little game, so that must have been one of the things allowed when you were friends...

-"Oh yes," Patterson admitted, "and that's not the only thing he's been doing very well." The blonde went as red as a beet when she realized what she had said.

-"Really..." Jane started, but her friend didn't give her time to continue.

\- "If you talk about this to anyone, I'll tell everyone that you dream of tearing off Weller's shirt!" The two women looked at each other for a moment, before the grumbling from Jane's stomach broke the gravity of the moment. Bursting with laughter Patterson stood up:

\- "Okay, I think it's time to find you something to eat. I'll see if any of the agents can get you a soup or something like that, it'll be better than the crap that they serve here." The young woman was happy to have managed to distract Jane a bit from her dark thoughts, even for just a few minutes. With the trauma she had just undergone, she would certainly need time to recover and it would be better if she didn't spend the time blaming herself and rehashing her mistakes.

As she opened the door, Patterson found herself facing a strangely familiar man in a nurse's blouse. A man with a scar on his face. Before she could react, she felt a hand tighten around her neck as the man pushed her back into the room and slammed her against a wall, closing the door with his left foot. On her left, she heard Jane's panicked voice as the grip on her throat tightened:

-"Roman no! Leave her alone!"

 **Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Please review ^^


	8. Chap 8 - Brother and Sister

Hi everybody. Thanks for your last reviews, like and follows. It's good to see some people always interested by this story.

Well, for my part, I want to continue this story even if she take place in Season 2, as long as some readers remains, and that my beta is not fed up with fixing my mistakes.^^

Like every time, a great thanks to my beta-reader Readeronly76, for your works to make this better.

…

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero

…

 **Chapter - 8 Brother and Sister**

...

 _Hospital, Jane's room_

Roman's fingers squeezed tighter around Patterson's throat. Not enough to suffocate her, but enough to quench her will to struggle. Jane's panicked voice rang through the room:

\- "Roman no! Leave her alone!"

Hearing his sister's voice, the young man grabbed Patterson's gun from her belt and slipped it behind his back, before turning his attention to Jane. Now that he saw her without her life being in danger, he noticed how weak she looked. The outline of her left eye was more swollen than a few hours ago, and the bruises on her face were more noticeable. Her left arm was immobilized by a cast, which confirmed his initial thoughts about the fracture. But more than anything, she looked panicked, which didn't seem like her. With a twinge in his heart, he realized that she was afraid of him. Or at least, what he was able to do. He felt bad enough that his grip on the FBI agent's throat slackened a bit.

\- "Jane, I'm fine, don't move, you're going to aggravate your injuries," croaked the blonde hoping that her assailant didn't decide to strangle her for that. Or to snap her neck, she thought becoming aware of the fact that the big and powerful hands of her friend's brother could do it without a problem.

Against all odds, her plea earned a surprised look, before the young man turned his attention to Jane again.

From her bed, she was still trying to get up, and Patterson was worried the movement would reopen her stomach injury. "Stop, please," the dark-haired woman moaned, looking at them distraught. The blonde cursed herself mentally. Of course she was distraught, her brother was threatening her best, and probably in her mind her only friend. And Jane knew her well enough to know she wouldn't let herself go without a fight. Witnessing a to the death fight between the two people she was most concerned about was easily at the top of her list of nightmares.

Obviously Roman had come to the same conclusion, because his face tensed as he noticed the pain of his sister, both emotional and physical, as she tried to sit up. Fortunately, he knew his sister, and knew how to stop her. Even without her memories, she was still reacting to certain things, and was still fiercely loyal to her friends. And obviously the blonde was in this category, even if he had trouble understanding why.

\- "If you stop moving, I will let her go," whispered the young man annoyed to have to bargain with her. As he had expected, his sister froze immediately, and looked at him with a mixture of doubt and hope. "I promise," he added, looking straight in her eyes. Remi's remaining eye then rested on the FBI agent, and he saw her hesitation. A glance at the blonde informed him that she seemed to have understood the silent message:

\- "It's ok Jane, I'm not going to do anything stupid." To say that Roman was surprised would be an understatement. He thought he was the only one who knew his sister well enough to interpret her looks. But obviously the blonde was also able to do it as well. This meant that the two women were much closer than he originally thought. Which was much closer than her mission should have allowed. Considering what he had learned since this morning, there was a lot of explaining to do, the young man thought frowning.

Slowly, he released the blonde, who immediately went to the side of the bed to help his sister to lay back. Very interesting… His anger dissipated a little. Hearing his sister say that the FBI had let her be tortured for months by the CIA, and then threaten to send her back if she didn't help stop them, he thought all the agents were against her… But the blonde seemed to be different, and she seemed to really care about Remi.

\- "Really," Patterson muttered, helping Jane lay back in the bed, "I swear I should tie you to this bed."

\- "I would have stayed in the bed if my brother and my only friend hadn't tried to kill each other," grumbled the wounded woman, glaring at them. Now that the shock had passed, she looked more irritated, especially at Roman.

\- "Hey, I'm not the one who started it," Patterson protested, glaring at her assailant, who was standing in front of the bed, now looking at his sister with perplexity.

\- "I… I… what's going on here?" Finally asked Roman, his gaze going from his sister to the blonde. She glared at him, crossing her arms.

-" We get to ask the questions. It was you who was attacking people in a hospital! Speaking of that … " Patterson suddenly realized, her eyes widening. "What happened to the agents at the door?"

\- "They're… sleeping, in a closet. The wonders of sedatives," the man grumbled, returning her gaze.

\- "Roman… why did you come?" Jane asked, looking at her brother with concern. She was glad he had come all this way to see her, especially since he had saved her life in the warehouse. Even though he must have had many questions in his mind. She was worried that Shepherd had sent him. Sandstorm must not have known how close she was to Patterson, or her friend would be in even greater danger. On the other hand, Roman was also in danger, if the FBI became aware of the lack of response from the agents and sent in reinforcements. And if there was one thing she didn't want, it was for Nas to get her hands on her brother and force him to do the same things as her.

-"I wanted to know how you were doing. When I found you in that basement… " his fists clenched angrily at the memory.

-"I'm fine," Jane said hesitantly, not wanting her brother to become even more angry.

-"Liar," Patterson hissed before turning to Roman and detailing the young woman's complete list of injuries, leaving out the malnutrition and her psychological state. She didn't really know why she was doing this. After all, even though he was Jane's brother, the man was a criminal. Worse, he belonged to Sandstorm, and she shouldn't let him know that the FBI knew of Jane's new mission.

But on the other hand he had really tried to protect the dark-haired woman from their mother, and he seemed so worried about her… that kind of affection couldn't be faked. And her instinct told her that if Roman had taken the risk of coming here, and confronting several FBI agents just to see Jane, there must be more to him than just a killing machine. Maybe she could learn more about him and convince him to keep Jane safe when Sandstorm called her back? If he was as protective as he seemed, it shouldn't be too big of a problem.

Jane shrank shamefully under the glare of her brother and before he could open his mouth, said hurriedly:

-"I'm sorry." It cut Roman off sharply in his tracks, and he looked at her even more perplexed, his mouth half open.

-"You're sorry? Why?" He finally asked, astonished.

\- "For being so weak and that you had to come to rescue me," replied the woman, avoiding his eyes. Beside the bed, he heard the shocked gasp of the FBI agent. The woman opened her mouth, but seemed to change her mind and said nothing. In her eyes, however, he could discern real concern, and a little guilt. He frowned thinking about the implications. Something was wrong… Remi never depreciated herself, and she never seemed so… demoralized… what could have happened during her mission in the FBI? Recovering his spirits, he looked again at his sister:

\- "Remi… you're not weak… Even if you had been trained, no one escapes unscathed from months of torture by the CIA… "

\- "But I feel… weak. And you're… angry, " whispered the young woman, finally looking him in the eyes. Roman felt his heart tighten. He had never seen his sister so vulnerable, and if… he couldn't find the words. Her mood changes were also very surprising, her nerves seemed so on edge. Remi, who was normally completely in control of her emotions, had just gone from anger to confusion, then to fear in just a few moments.

-"I'm not angry," he said finally, "Well… I am, but not at you. What did you do to her?" He growled, staring at the blonde. Patterson stared at her friend for a moment, biting her lips. The progress she had made in the last few hours seemed far away, and Jane seemed to be close to panicking again.

-"It's… complicated," she said finally, reaching out to start stroking Jane's hair again, hoping the gesture would calm her. Indeed, the patient seemed to relax under the affection, and her shoulders relaxed slightly. Despite his anger, Roman looked at the scene very astonished. Oscar's last reports indicated that his sister had been more distant since her memory had been erased. A fact he had seen himself since they had been reunited. Whether with him or with their mother, each hug had been awkward, as if Remi feared physical contact. Not that he could really blame her for being suspicious about her environment, considering what she had been through over the year.

-"Let's start at the beginning," Roman sighed, watching his sister carefully, noticing something that had escaped him in the basement... no, worse, during the last few weeks. "Why is she so skinny?" Hearing these words, Jane tensed again, and a grimace of pain appeared briefly on her face as the stitches on her stomach tensed in spite of the painkillers. She had no desire to explain her nightmares to her brother. Who knew how he would react? He already seemed to blame the FBI… "And he's right," whispered a little voice in her head. "They're the ones who did this to you… "and the last thing she needed was for him to take it out on her only friend.

-"She's been eating less because she's traumatized by her time in the hands of the CIA," Patterson sighed, turning her attention to Jane when she gave a desperate little moan at the leak of information. "I told you that there are many things that we have become aware of, and that we need to talk about. But as we weren't sure you were ready, the doctors advised us to wait."

\- "PTSD," Roman understood, finally putting into perspective the strange behavior of his sister and the precautions taken by the blonde to talk to her.

-"Correct," Patterson said, looking at him again. "Since her return she has been suffering from recurring nightmares and a loss of appetite… "

-"It's your fault!" Roman accused, clenching his fists again. "You gave her to the CIA!"

-" No!" Protested the blonde, with an horrified look. "We never wanted that! When Weller arrested Jane, the CIA turned up and took her away before anyone had time to react. And then nobody wanted to give us any information, no matter how many times we asked!"

-"Of course," Roman sneered. "And when you captured her again, no one noticed anything. Don't make me laugh!"

\- "Well, most of the team was just angry at her. When she confessed that Mayfair was dead because of… her actions, almost everyone was mad at her. So we… ignored the signs that she was not doing well," the agent confessed shamefully.

\- "Stop… " groaned Jane with tears in her eyes. Instantly Roman and Patterson turned their attention to her. The blonde leaned down again to grab her hand and try to comfort her. Obviously Roman wanted to do the same thing, but seemed hesitant about what to do.

\- "Jane," started Patterson, but the ravenette cut her off:

\- "Please stop, I… I don't want to talk about it anymore," she said in a strangled voice, biting her lips.

\- "Jane, denying the problem will not help. To get better you'll need to talk," the blonde said softly, trying to get her friend's attention. As she was about to continue, her phone rang loudly: "It's Weller," Patterson frowned, by this time the assistant director should have been at his apartment to get some rest. And if he wanted news, he would have sent a message, so as not to risk disturbing Jane if she had gone to sleep… Before the threatening look of Roman she decided not to pick up, and soon her voicemail took over.

\- "Someone will eventually notice the absence of the agents," she said quietly, staring at him.

\- "I know, so stop buying time and tell me what you did to my sister!" Roman growled impatiently.

\- "Nothing, and that's the problem… but we intend to change that".

\- "The FBI really hopes she will trust you after what you did to her?" The young man asked incredulously.

\- "The Office has nothing to do with this situation. Just as I was trying to explain to Jane, the team became aware of their mistakes when Keaton took her, and we really want to help her get better."

-"Really," Roman scoffed. "The same way Weller was supposed to protect her?"

\- "What? What do you mean?" Jane asked suddenly, turning her attention to him. Her eyes were still bright with tears, but the prospect of answers seemed to exhilarate her a little. Patterson bit her lips nervously, taking advantage of the fact that neither the brother nor the sister was looking at her. Of course, she already knew what Roman was referring to, thanks to the video sent by Cade.

But Jane didn't seem to remember all the details of her interrogation under the truth serum. It was not really a surprise considering her mental and physical condition at that time. However, she herself couldn't show that she, and by extension the FBI, already knew the answer to this question. Jane was not yet ready to hear that the team had witnessed her ordeal live, and giving this information to Roman could also be detrimental. Patterson didn't doubt that he would do anything to protect his sister, but he would surely give all other information irrelevant to her safety to his mother.

-" Don't you remember?" Said Roman looking at her surprised, before remembering that, given her condition at that time, there was a good chance that the details would be lost in the mists of her memory. Seeing the blonde next to the bed look at her phone to reject a new call, the young man realized that he didn't have much time before the reinforcements arrived. Thus, it left him with a dilemma. From what he could see, his sister was going to need a lot of support to get back in the grind. The problem was that once back at headquarters, their mother would surely send him to track Cade, which meant days, maybe weeks without being able to contact Remi. And after the threats their mother had made, he doubted she would show patience if she wasn't in a condition to follow her orders when she wanted her to. For her, the cause was more important than anything.

In addition, there was the problem of the cover of his sister. According to what had been told to them before the operation, Bill Weller had nothing to do with the death of Taylor Shaw. But obviously that wasn't the case and this simple fact had burned Remi's cover and sent her to hell. Knowing his mother, the more he thought about it, the more he found strange this lack of knowledge. She was usually so meticulous, she wouldn't have compromised their mission with a such negligence. Her behavior during the interrogation also bothered him. Contrary to him, she seemed to have never believed that Remi could come back on their side. All this was asking too many questions and he didn't have the time to sort them out at the moment.

His priority was to ensure that Remi survived her new mission. However, in the state she was in, it was almost suicidal to hope that she could withstand the pressure of a new infiltration. This put her in a perilous situation: either fail in her mission and incur the wrath of her mother, or lose all value to the feds and be arrested. Given what he had learned about the treatment the FBI had given her, he doubted she would trust them anytime soon, making her mission almost impossible. On the other hand, the blonde seemed close to her, and really determined to help her, so maybe…

\- "Do you trust her?" He asked finally, jerking his chin towards the FBI agent. Remi looked at him for a few seconds looking a little lost, then her face took on a mask of resolution.

-" Yes. More than anyone at the FBI. And… as much as you," she added softly. Her statement provoked mixed reactions. Roman felt ten feet tall, hearing that his sister trusted him. Patterson, on the other hand, was both pleased with this statement, and a little saddened for the team, especially Weller. She was sure that if someone had asked Jane the same question a few months back, before the CIA took her, she would have said, without hesitation, the name of the deputy director of the FBI. And now she seemed much more hesitant to trust him. However, it was not very surprising, there was a lot to settle between them before the dark-haired woman's fantasies with Weller could be realized. And this was dependent on the fact that Nas wouldn't interfere in the process… something that Patterson was determined to avoid.

\- "Okay," sighed Roman, aware that what he was about to say wouldn't please their mother. He didn't care though, because it was a small price to pay to help his sister to get better. She deserved to know why all this happened to her. "What I'm going to tell you will probably not be very pleasant, but you have to listen anyway. The initial plan was to get you to Weller so that you could have access to high level information. But above all, he was also supposed to protect you. There is solid evidence that… something has gone wrong. "

\- "Sure," Jane muttered in response. "He learned that I was pretending to be his missing best friend, and then that was a lie and that she' really dead, hard to think that he could want to protect me. But… Protect me from what? "

-" From the CIA," Patterson understood, finally connecting two pieces of the puzzle that had been in the back of her mind for a little while. "He was supposed to protect you from the CIA… "

\- "What? What do you mean? " Jane asked perplexed, turning her one useful eye towards her.

-"It makes sense when you think about it. Your tattoos caught Carter's attention because they contained information about Daylight and Orion. That's why he tried to swap Dodi Khalil for you in the cemetery… "

\- "And Kurt opposed it… " Jane remembered as understanding struck her. She also remembered what Keaton told her about Mayfair. She didn't know if there was any truth in it, but it was clear that without Kurt, she would have been handed over to the CIA much earlier.

-"That's right," Roman sighed, surprised by the FBI agent's analysis. "We knew that exposing Orion's crimes would draw attention to you, including the Agency's. Being close to Weller, you should have been safe… except that nothing went as planned. First, Carter managed to grab you in the street and if Oscar hadn't been watching you closer than he should have been… And then the FBI gave you to the CIA… "

The dark-haired woman heart sank as she thought of her ex-fiancé. He had saved her, had given her some pieces from her past, but he had also tried to erase her memory…

-"I killed him… Oscar… I killed him," Jane muttered softly, looking up at her brother. But she didn't see the hatred she expected to find there. On the contrary, he seemed relatively indifferent, as if he already knew. Conversely, Patterson next to him tensed, fearing a violent reaction.

\- "Yeah… I thought so. There were too many inconsistencies between what we found on the scene and what we knew about Cade's location at the time. What I don't understand is why? I never really liked Oscar, but you seemed to get along with him."

\- "He… he tried to erase my memories when I confronted him about Mayfair's death," muttered Jane, bowing her head.

\- "He tried to do WHAT?!" Exclaimed Roman and Patterson at the same time, before staring at each other, almost astonished from their agreement. Now that she had let slip this piece of information, Jane could not go back.

-"When I followed him to the cabin, Oscar was waiting for me. While I was looking at… Mayfair's body, he got me with a Taser. When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and he kept saying that he had made a mistake. I understood that it was he who had… killed Markos in my first safe house. He told me it was an order… to punish Markos for an error he made. And he was afraid of being next because of his mistake with me… "

-"I knew he should have never been your handler," Roman scolded as he paced the space in front of the bed. "That little bastard… "

\- "And after that, what happened?" Patterson asked softly, grabbing her friend's hand. The way the wounded woman clung to her for support was not missed by any of the people in the room.

\- "He told me that… everything was a lie… that… that I wasn't Taylor Shaw. Then he injected an IV into me… and… tried to inject me with ZIP. I was terrified. I didn't want to lose my memory again, to go through that again… the absence of memories of the simplest things… like the way I prefer my eggs for breakfast… or my favorite color… especially my name and who I really am… So I struggled… and suddenly… he was in front of me… dead," whispered the woman with tears in her eyes as she thought back to that terrible night.

-"Oh my god," Patterson murmured. "And after that, Weller arrested you."

\- "Yes… When I came home, he was waiting for me in my house and after that… " Jane's voice broke as she thought back to Kurt's words that night, before closing the handcuffs around her wrists, without even giving her a chance to explain. Patterson immediately started to stroke her hair soothingly.

Roman rubbed his face nervously. It was worse than he thought. Remi should have been able to trust Oscar but instead the little bastard had tried to ZIP her to cover his own ass…

\- "It… it doesn't make any sense… Oscar should have never taken the initiative," mumbled Roman feeling more and more lost. Each answer only seemed to bring new questions, and he was beginning to get a glimpse of what his sister had felt all this time, having to follow orders from people who were waiting for something from her without being given anything in return.

-"Maybe he got it," Patterson insinuated, seeing it as an opportunity to lay the groundwork for a future discussion about the video in which Shepherd confessed to using her daughter. She couldn't mention it now, for fear of Roman's reaction, and because Jane wasn't mentally ready for such a shock. But she had to persuade Roman that Shepherd was dangerous for Jane. "You said it yourself, her cover as Taylor Shaw shouldn't have been burnt, and yet it happened because your intel was bad… "

Roman stared at her for a moment without answering. From the beginning he had been against the plan, much too risky for Remi. But his sister was stubborn, and angry at the government, and she absolutely wanted to do it. Although they had taken many precautions to ensure the success of the mission, much of it rested on the shoulders of his sister. A sister who had no memories of her past, and very little chance of regaining them. Patterson watched the brother of her friend lose himself in thought. She felt that he was beginning to ask many more questions about his sister's safety, but she doubted he was questioning his mother's decisions. Not yet at least. But she was also very conscious that she was playing an extremely dangerous game of risk. Roman had been careful not to mention his sister's new mission and that Sandstorm no longer trusted her. For her part, Patterson had only mentioned things that the terrorist organization was already aware of.

She had to be careful to not give the impression that the FBI knew about Jane's new mission. A new buzz from her phone caught her eye. Dragging the message open with her thumb, she noticed several other unread messages, " _How's Jane_?" Then a few minutes later: " _Agents on duty aren't answering. Status_?" The next, received after the call she had ignored, asked " _Patterson, answer! Where are you_?" And the last " _Hospital security found the agents neutralized. Status?! ETA: 6 minutes, Security must wait for our arrival, unless you call_. " She also had several calls in her voicemail from Reade and Tasha. Patterson had to make a choice: allow the team to arrive on time and capture Roman, or allow him to escape so that he could protect Jane. Actually the choice was obvious to her, no matter what Nas or Weller would say later.

\- "Security has found the agents and warned the FBI. They are on standby until the team arrives in less than five minutes," said the blonde calmly, looking at Roman. Jane shook, panicked, grimacing at the pain in her ribs, and looked up at her brother. The young man stared at Patterson for a moment, surprised that she gave him this information, but understood the reason when the analyst spoke again:

\- "This isn't free, I want something in exchange."

-"What do you want? "

-"I want you to protect Jane if things go wrong, whether it's Keaton or… someone else."

-"I would have done that anyway," said Roman shrugging his shoulders. "But I thought it was the FBI's job to protect people."

\- "We are supposed to represent the law, there are things we cannot do. Which is not the case with Keaton, this guy doesn't follow the rules… " Patterson winced.

\- "You are aware that if I ever see this guy, I will kill him?" asked Roman. The agent didn't answer him, but her eyes were expressive enough to make him understand the silent message. Definitely, this woman didn't stop surprising him.

\- "I have something to ask you too. You must help my sister heal while I am unable to watch over her. "

-" I would have done it anyway," the blonde replied, looking him straight in the eye. Outside, the howling sirens told them that the reinforcements had just arrived. Hearing this, Jane stared at them frantically, as if she wanted to urge her brother to flee, but hesitated to support a known criminal in front of a law enforcement officer. Roman approached and affectionately ruffled the hair of his sister before saying:

\- "Ons is vlees en bloed. Ek sal altyd oor jou waghou." Hearing these words, the tattooed woman face seemed to light up. Then Roman pulled Patterson's gun from behind his back and removed the magazine, before skillfully disassembling the breech and spring, and placing the pieces at the side of his sister's bed. As he made his way to the door, Patterson couldn't resist one last question.

\- "Why not kill the agents? How is it different from the roadblock where you… killed everybody? Roman paused, his hand on the handle and glanced over his shoulder. Even Remi seemed interested in the answer.

\- "Someone I care about very much told me that she doesn't like me killing people when I could avoid it, especially those who don't know we're at war… The difference with the roadblock? The agents didn't shoot at me and they didn't try to prevent my sister from receiving medical assistance as she was bleeding out. On another note, tell your team that if they get the idea to try that plan again I will take care of them personally."

\- "What?" Said Patterson with a frown, but Roman was already out the door. "What is he talking about?" She asked puzzled, looking at Jane who was now avoiding her eyes. "Jane… you can talk to me… What did he mean by that?" The young woman bit her lips nervously. Why did Roman have to mention that particular event… The situation was already tense enough in the team without having her friend and Zapata confront each other about her plan. And she suspected that Patterson was not going to like this one at all. Before she found the courage to speak, the door of the room was literally shaken as it flew open, and the team entered, weapons brandished.

\- "Are you both okay?" Kurt asked after sweeping the room without finding any threats. The question surprised the wounded woman, who was once again surprised that he was interested in her well-being. One would almost say… that he cared about what happens to her…

\- "Yes, everything is fine, Jane was just a bit reluctant to tell me about an injury she received during her first contact with Sandstorm," said Patterson, staring at them with her hands on her hips. "Is someone willing to enlighten me?" The agents blinked a little lost, before exchanging embarrassed looks when they understood what the blonde was referring to. Nas, however, didn't allow herself to be distracted:

\- "What if you explained to us why the guards were found drugged in a closet, and why you weren't answering your phone?"

\- "Was it Keaton?" Asked Reade, with a apologetic grimace when Jane shuddered at hearing the hated name.

-"No, it was… well, Roman was worried about his sister," Patterson finally confessed, shifting in front of the other agents.

\- "Roman took the risk of coming here? Did Shepherd send him?" Weller asked worriedly as he finally holstered his weapon, an act that was imitated by the other agents.

\- "No, he came alone. And he was rather angry at us for what we did to Jane."

\- "Yeah, I can't really blame him for that," Reade mumbled, catching an astonished look from Jane.

\- "And how did he escape?" Nas asked, frowning.

\- "I warned him that you were coming," said Jane, who had hitherto been so quiet in her bed that they had almost forgotten about her. What Patterson had done to protect her… it could cost her her career or worse. She doubted that the team or Nas would take the fact that the blonde had let Roman leave without arresting him very well, and she could not let her only friend risk everything for her.

\- "Sorry?" Kurt asked not sure he understood.

\- "Stop it," Patterson growled, turning to her friend. "It was my decision and I accept the consequences. I made an agreement with Roman and gave him your time of arrival so he could escape."

\- "And under what authority?" Nas indignantly glared at her as the team stared at her stunned.

\- "Enough!" Weller scolded as the two women continued to glare at each other. "Patterson, explain it to us in detail." The young woman glanced at Jane, who silently begged her with her eyes, and began to recount in detail Roman's intrusion and the discussion that followed, ignoring all the facts that Jane had confided. She concluded with details of the agreement she had made to protect Jane from Sandstorm and the CIA.

-"That doesn't take away from the fact that you allowed a criminal to escape," Nas growled. "Roman could have taught us a lot about Sandstorm in exchange for our protection or an agreement and…" All attention turned to Jane when she heard her disdainful snort.

-"Jane, I know you have no reason to trust us, but I swear we will not let the CIA take you again," Kurt said softly, looking at her hesitantly.

\- "What happened today is regrettable, but it was a bad combination of circumstances. That doesn't call into question our agreement to neutralize your mother, we still need your help." Said Nas. The team looked at her both shocked and annoyed by her bluntness in approaching the subject while Jane was still injured.

The dark-haired woman opened her mouth to say something, looking at them in turn, then seemed to change her mind. So that was it… they were not really interested in her, except Patterson… As she had thought, they just wanted to get their pawn back, unaware that now she was compromised, that she was no longer useful to them. Her face then morphed into the expressionless mask she had adopted in recent weeks.

\- "Of course Agent Kemal. Can I rest now? I feel tired."

The team looked at the young woman, overwhelmed by this backsliding. Patterson and Weller, in particular, glared at Nas, furious at seeing the little progress they had managed to make, gone. Tasha opened her mouth to try to convince Jane that Nas's opinion did not reflect theirs, but Reade elbowed her in the ribs. Pushed by Patterson, the team started exiting the room, even though Weller was resisting, hoping to get a chance to talk to Jane. On the doorstep, Reade paused for a thoughtful moment, then warning Patterson to pull Weller through the door, decided to try his luck by turning to the bed.

\- "Jane… what Roman said to you… was it Afrikaans?" The rest of the team stopped when they heard the question, and even Nas and Tasha turned to Jane from outside the room. The young woman looked at the agent with an expressionless face, before nodding slowly.

\- "And… what does it mean?" Weller asked hoping for an answer. Jane's mask cracked a little when the dark-haired woman bit her lips, obviously hesitating to answer. Finally, after a time that seemed endless, she said:

\- "It means, "We are the same flesh and the same blood. I will always watch over you".

\- "Jane… for what it's worth, I'm really sorry for what happened to you," said Reade softly. The young woman's expression softened slightly, then she gave a little jolt, as if she forbade herself to show any weakness, and her face became impassive again. She mumbled a thanks, then closed her eyes.


	9. Chap 9 - Facing the Guilt

Hi guys. Sorry for the time to update this, but first I was busy with job, then my Beta was busy too, and when this chapter was ready to be publish the past week, I have to go in travel for my job, without internet.

So, here is finally the chapter 9, with a little amelioration of Jane's situation. Thanks to ils4007 for the correction of the sentence in Afrikaans in the chapter8.

And as usual, a big thanks to my beta, Reader-Only76 to the proofreading.

…

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero

…

 **Chapter 9 - Facing the Guilt**

...

.

 _Hospital, in front of Jane's room_

Properly dismissed, the team went out into the hallway in a dead silence. As everyone looked at each other uncertainty, two new agents came out of the elevator. One of the two men began his report to Weller while the other man went to stand in front of the door. Half-lost in their thoughts, Reade and Zapata listened distractedly to the first agent inform their boss that agents Monroe and Calligan were being treated on a lower floor. The doctors, after some analysis, had determined that the drug used to incapacitate them was neither dangerous nor in a sufficient enough concentration to cause any long-term problems. Obviously Roman knew what he was doing.

Once his report was finished, the agent stood in front of the door with his colleague, indicating to the small group that they needed to move out of earshot of the agents.

\- "What the hell was that! We managed to make some progress with Jane and you ruined everything!" Patterson hissed angrily looking at Nas.

-" I beg your pardon?" Defended the NSA agent, returning her gaze. "It seems to me that it's you who just confessed to helping a criminal escape… "

\- "Ok… Enough! Now!" scolded Weller crossing his arms and looking at them both, while Tasha and Reade's eyes flickered from one woman to the other as if following a tennis match.

\- "I did what I had to to protect Jane, and I take responsibility for that," replied the blonde crossing her arms too. The deputy director of the FBI sighed and rubbed his face vigorously, trying to relieve his fatigue and tension.

\- "I think everyone should calm down and take a step back," said Reade calmly, coming to the rescue of his boss.

\- "Take a step back on what?" Muttered Patterson, glaring at him. Her friend raised his hands defensively in front of him.

\- "Hey, we are all on the same side here. But I think everyone is taking things too seriously."

-" What do you mean?" His friend asked, narrowing her eyes. "Of course it's serious!" Reade sighed at Weller and Tasha, but the two looked at him curiously, waiting for him to explain.

\- "I agreed, but this whole thing with Jane, what just happened to her… what Keaton did to her… we are all too involved to be… rational about it." As Patterson opened her mouth to protest, Reade cut her off. "You know it's true. You hacked thousands of computers with a virus designed by a jailed criminal to find Jane. You just allowed another criminal who killed six police officers to flee, so that he could hypothetically protect Jane later. I'm not judging, you did what you thought was necessary for her in the moment, but you must realize that both were quite illegal… " The blonde piteously lowered her head, and Reade continued. "We've all made questionable decisions so that we could find Jane, and I'm pretty sure that none of us would do any differently under the same circumstances."

Then the agent turned to Nas who was looking at him with her impassive mask: "Agent Nas… you are certainly the one who knows Sandstorm the best, and the one who is most invested in this mission. We know you're taking it so personally because Sandstorm was able to infiltrate your division and hit your team." At these words, the Nas' impassive mask cracked and for once the young woman let her real emotions appear: guilt, anger but also a great amount of weariness. However, Reade wasn't done yet: "I understand you want to end this organization, at any cost, but we can't sacrifice Jane for that. We had agreed to wait to discuss certain topics with her, especially since nothing is urgent. Shepherd said herself that she was going to give Jane time to heal, and without the chip she can't proceed with phase two. Pushing Jane now, especially while she doesn't know we're aware of her new mission and that she can trust us, is dangerous for her and for us." This time Nas looked slightly ashamed, but said nothing.

\- "Wow Eddie, since when did you become a profiler?" Teased Tasha to relax the tense atmosphere and giving a gentle pat on the shoulder of her teammate.

-"It's only a few observations," said her friend, shrugging his shoulders. "As I said before, I was slow to trust Jane, especially since… Mayfair and I suspected something after her story with Cade and the boat, when he tried to kill her," finally confessed the agent.

\- "And you didn't talk to us about it?" Groaned Weller.

\- "Sorry boss, but remember that you are the least neutral person in the world when it comes to Jane. Personally, I've been suspicious towards her since her return, but I've been less angry with her and blamed myself more… "

-"What are you talking about?" Patterson asked puzzled.

\- "How do you think Mayfair managed to find the warehouse where Oscar and Jane were meeting?" Replied Reade, exchanging a guilty look with Tasha.

\- "Wait… did you give her the address?" Weller asked, now frustrated.

\- "Somehow… She was so determined to find out who had framed her… When she asked us to locate a phone number, Tasha and I gave her the address that corresponded. Later, after we hadn't heard from her since, we went to check it out. That's when Patterson found the… blood even if it was cleaned." Weller pinched his nose to try to focus, but the bad news and revelations were piling up. This day was definitely one of the worst of his life, just after Taylor's abduction, and finding out that his father had killed her.

\- "All this goes back to my point. We all feel guilty for something related to Jane or Sandstorm, and now, according to Patterson, we're certain Jane feels guilty too."

\- "You have no idea how much," whispered the blonde thinking back to what the ravenette had told her and her behavior.

-"And I'm sure Borden would agree with me, but if we want to help her, we must first accept our own mistakes. Rushing into her room because we feel guilty for not having helped her before, when she sees us as a threat, will not help her to calm down," said Reade, looking at Kurt. The AD didn't look happy, but nodded to show his understanding.

\- "I understand," Patterson agreed. "But it's hard to listen to her telling me all these terrible things without being able to tell her everything we know that could help her get better, all because we don't know how she will react.

\- "She said something else?" Kurt asked, grabbing her by the shoulders, winning a roll eyes from Tasha and Reade. The blonde hesitated for a moment, biting her lips, mentally sorting out what she could reveal and what she had to keep until Jane had more confidence in the team.

\- "We talked about her nightmares," Patterson sighed as the team squirmed uncomfortably. "From what she's told me, she's suffered from them ever since her return from the CIA, which is not very surprising. They vary in intensity depending on… " the blonde hesitated, but Tasha understood immediately:

\- "Depending on how we treat her… "

-" Yes. Lately boss, since you've been… nicer with her, the number of nightmares she has have decreased. She also told me that sometimes, on the good days, when we don't… mistreat her too much at work, she has normal dreams instead." The looks on the team's faces now bore a slight trace of relief in addition to the guilt. Weller released her shoulders and began to rub his head anxiously.

-"That's pretty good news," said Reade.

-"Which balances the next thing I have to tell you," Patterson mumbled, voice now noticeably darker. "About… Oscar."

\- "So what about Oscar? He's dead, right?" Zapata asked with a clear edge of aggression in her voice.

\- "Yes he is, but… Jane told Roman and me why she had to kill him."

\- "Why do I feel like we're not going to like this?" Said Reade rhetorically, folding his arms over his chest. The blonde gave him a sympathetic look, and then decided to continue:

\- "After Oscar killed Mayfair, Jane tracked him down to a cabin in the woods… "

\- "How did she manage to find it?" Nas asked curiously.

\- "She didn't tell me, but as soon as she entered the cabin where Oscar was hiding out, Oscar shot her with a taser. Then… then he tied her up and said that he had made a mistake with her. He told her that she wasn't Taylor Shaw and that he… he had to erase her memory again… "

\- "He tried to do WHAT!" Kurt, Reade and Tasha yelled at the same time, in shock, unknowingly imitating Patterson and Roman a few minutes earlier. The agents farther down the hall instantly turned their heads towards them, one even putting his hand on the butt of his gun, surprised by the noise. With a gesture, Kurt signaled to them that everything was fine and to keep their position. But inwardly he struggled with all his strength not to rush into Jane's room. Right in front of him, Nas was looking at Patterson with a clearly shocked look, clearly unaware of this fact despite the sheer amount of information she had accumulated about the team. Beside her, Reade seemed to be frozen to the spot, while Zapata… Uh-oh, he knew that look, Tasha was about to do something stupid. His body reacting instinctively, he walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist as the agent swiveled on her heels and headed for the room.

\- "Tasha, stop," he ordered as the young woman began to struggle.

-"I have to go see her boss," Zapata hissed between her teeth, still trying to move past him. It was a waste of time considering her friend's superior strength.

-"Tasha stop," Patterson sighed, coming to stand in front of her friend.

\- "No, you don't understand! I need to… I need to tell her that I'm sorry!" The agent said again trying to get out of Kurt's embrace.

-"Tasha," sighed Reade too. "Do you remember what we just said about feeling guilty and giving Jane some time?" The young woman half turned her head to look at him, her eyes narrowed with anger, but said nothing. Feeling her body relax gradually, Weller released his agent cautiously, remaining vigilant in case she changed her mind. But the young woman just stood there, staring at Patterson in a sort of silent conversation. When the blonde shook her head, Zapata's shoulders slumped, and her posture indicated that she had given up.

\- "Sorry but… did I miss something?" Nas asked puzzled. The agents looked at each other, then, seeing that nobody was going to respond, Reade decided to answer:

-"You don't know Jane as well as we do. The first time she came to the FBI, after crawling out of that bag she was confused… "

\- "Lost… " added Weller.

-"Scared," said Tasha.

-"Angry… " Patterson finished.

-"I don't know if you can imagine what it means to have no memory," said Reade. "Jane… didn't know anything about her past or even her name. She knew nothing of the simplest things, like what she usually ate for breakfast, her favorite colors… all the basic little things that define us and that we take for granted."

\- "You have no idea what it means for her to have recovered some fragments of her identity, as sad as they are," said Patterson quietly.

\- "If you had seen her at the time… she was like a kitten who had just discovered the world. There was a gleam in her eyes every time she tried something new and enjoyed it… " Kurt mumbled. Everyone looked at him. He had been the closest to Jane before everything had gone to hell, and it didn't surprise anyone that he knew this much about her reactions. Especially, since he had probably been with her for most of these experiences.

\- "Yeah sure, a kitten who speaks several languages and who can wipe the floor with all of us if she really wanted to," quipped Reade, making the team giggle slightly.

Observing the agents, Nas noticed their distant looks, as if they were remembering these simpler days, when their team was united. The possibility of improving relations between Jane and the team was excellent news from her point of view. When she had first contacted the FBI to find the young woman, she had hoped that their connection could help ensure Jane's loyalty. The harsh treatment that most of the team had given to her upon her return had made even her uncomfortable, especially considering the torture she had suffered, but she wasn't in a position to judge them or force them to change their behavior. She had just prompted Weller to temper his spite, aware that Jane needed a strong bond with the team to carry out her mission.

The young woman had also surprised her many times. In addition to protecting the backs of the other agents, despite the coldness they showed her, she had worked hard to counter Sandstorm, and achieved results. Of course, now some of this information turned out to be wrong, but they did learn more about the organization in a few weeks than they did in the year before. And even if her cover had blown up, she was still a viable pawn which Shepherd still valued. To convince her to cooperate fully again she would certainly have to allow Jane to try to turn her brother against Sandstorm and perhaps even grant him immunity, but it was a small price to pay to shoot down the organization. And with the support of her team she would be much more focused on the fall of Shepherd...

-"Still, Jane defended herself, and in the fight she ended up killing Oscar," said Patterson, breaking that little bubble of tranquility.

-"Yeah, I imagine how she must have felt," said Reade. "To risk losing the few pieces of her identity that she had managed to rebuild… it's surely one of the worst things she could have imagined at the time." Nobody dared to mention that now the terror she must have felt in that moment must pale in comparison to what Keaton inspired her. Kurt felt even worse, thinking of the message he had left to the ravenette declaring his feelings for her, and what she must have felt when she returned. Her fiancé had killed their boss, threatened to erase her memory without hope of return and she had killed him in self-defense. And then she came back to him… And all he did was arrest her without giving her a chance to explain herself… In fact, it was surprising that she even still spoke to him, given the way he had abandoned her.

\- "And unfortunately, some of the memories she's recovered aren't very happy," said Patterson, interrupting everyone's reminiscing.

\- "And when you say not happy… you mean…?" Encouraged Reade.

\- "I don't want to betray her trust but… basically, she's had some flashbacks of Orion missions… " The team grimaced with a frightening synchronism. Thanks to Mayfair's documents they had a pretty good idea of what she had faced: kidnappings and unauthorized killings by the government and things like that.

-"And I guess she hid it from us because she didn't want to give us any more reasons to hate her," muttered Zapata, looking down at her friend. The blonde nodded in response, as Jane's pitiful image while thinking she was a horrible person came back into her mind.

\- "Is there anything else you can tell us?" Kurt asked, looking towards the analyst.

\- "Actually yes, although it concerns Roman. Just before he left I asked him why he hadn't killed the agents on duty. And he told me that… Jane had asked him not to kill if he didn't have to, and he was doing it for her."

-" Really? That's rather interesting, from what we know about him, he's usually barely in control," Nas said thoughtfully.

-"I don't know, you should ask Jane. But he told me something else, when I asked him why he killed all those policemen… "

\- "And what was it?" Kurt questioned, wondering if it had anything to do with Patterson's act of anger earlier in Jane's bedroom.

-"That the policemen were in his way and had tried to stop him from taking Jane to get treatment while she was bleeding out," the blonde said fiercely. "Which brings me to the question that no one answered earlier… What injury is he referring to? Because I know very well that she didn't have a serious injury when she left the office that day!" The agents exchanged awkward glances, each waiting for another to take the first step forward and face the wrath of Patterson. Finally, Kurt found his courage and cleared his throat. In spite of himself, he shuddered at the intensity of the young analyst's gaze, knowing how protective she was of her friends.

\- "When Jane first contacted Sandstorm as a double agent, she… she thought they wouldn't believe her story. She felt that because of Cade's skills, escaping with just a few… blows, wouldn't be realistic. So she suggested that… I shoot her in the side to… make it more believable" Kurt admitted with difficulty, thinking back to that terrible day. Despite all his anger, he could not bring himself to shoot Jane. Even when she had tried to provoke him with Mayfair's last words, he had remained frozen to the spot. Knowing that deep inside himself, he would never have pulled the trigger, simply because he couldn't.

\- "What?" Patterson hissed incredulously as her jaw tightened. "You shot her!"

-"No," Kurt sighed, "I couldn't… I could never do that to her."

-"Then who…?" Started the blonde, before realizing that there was only one logical candidate for such a stupid action. Her gaze immediately shifted to Zapata, who looked very uncomfortable, and whose eyes shone as she tried to hold back her tears.

\- "I… I'm sorry," whispered the Latina. "At the time I was so angry at her… I saw an opportunity to take it out on her, to punish her… I tried to lie to myself by telling myself that it was her plan, I know deep down in myself that I did it for revenge. The truth is that it's gnawed at me since that day… That's why… that's why I have to tell her that I'm sorry." Despite her anger, the blonde approached to take her friend into her arms. She had known Tasha for years, and knew that the young woman was often impulsive. But now she understood how haunted she had been since they had looked at Jane's sketchbook, and her obsessive efforts to try to find her. Tasha was angry and rancorous, but also very protective of her friends. When Jane had been arrested the first time, she had felt manipulated, and to escape the pain of betrayal, her protective feelings turned to anger. But now, as they began to understand Jane's reasons better and what she had endured, the angry barrier she had built around herself was cracking. And with each new breach of her armor, the pain and shame of what she had done to Jane increased…

Reade watched his partner silently cry into Patterson's shoulder. He knew her better than anyone else and knew how she felt. He had seen her close off little by little during the day, the hardest blow having been when Jane panicked when she saw her, and begged Patterson to protect her from her. No matter how tough she tried to appear, Reade knew that in her heart Tasha was sensitive and bonded strongly with her friends, for the simple reason that she didn't let many people approach her. After some time, Patterson broke the hug by wiping her own eyes:

\- "Okay, let's get back on topic, it was a really stupid plan and I blame all of you for letting this happen," she growled, giving them a ferocious look that made them flinch back instinctively.

-"As a reminder, I opposed this plan," muttered Nas.

-"Well, at least someone was thinking about the situation that day," Patterson snapped, still surveying her friends. After a few uncomfortable moments, Tasha found the courage to ask, in a small voice, a question that was bothering her:

\- "I shouldn't ask this but… I was really careful to avoid any vital points, how did the injury become so serious?"

-"Are you kidding? Even far from the major arteries, a gunshot wound can be fatal if not treated quickly. From what I understood, Roman had to make several detours before bringing them to a safe place, and for the entirety of that time Jane was bleeding in the car.

\- "That explains why he blew a fuse," sighed Reade rubbing his eyes to try to relieve his fatigue. "We've all seen how far he's willing to go to protect Jane."

-"He murdered six policemen all the same," Nas recalled, looking at him as if he was trying to excuse Roman's actions.

\- "I didn't say that I agreed with his actions. Only that… I can understand why he acted that way. If you had the chance to save the only member of your family still alive, how far would you go?" Nas looked thoughtful, like the rest of the team. Nobody answered, but the looks on their faces were quite revealing.

\- "That reminds me… Roman gave me a message for you."

\- "What kind of message?" Weller asked, already having an idea of what Patterson was about to say.

\- "If you ever pull such a stupid plan again, he will take care of you personally… And I agree with him!" Everyone shivered again, and the team simultaneously thought Patterson could be far more frightening and dangerous than Roman.

-"It was Jane's plan," Tasha said miserably.

\- "Oh, I have not forgotten! As soon as she gets better I'll take care of her little tattooed butt, and make sure that she will never do something so stupid again," the blonde scolded, placing her hands on her hips, before frowning and lowering her eyes. Following her gaze, the team then noticed the empty holster on her belt.

\- "Patterson, where is your weapon?" Weller asked surprised, knowing that the young woman had been armed when he had left the room to go home. After all, if not, how could she defend Jane if Keaton tried to attack her again?

\- "Roman disarmed me when he entered the room…"

\- "He left with your gun?" Reade asked sharply, concerned that a criminal had walked away with a registered FBI weapon.

-"No, before he left he took it apart and left it on Jane's bed," Patterson remembered, widening her eyes. The team froze on the spot as the words of the doctor came back to them "She could suffer from violent or suicidal tendencies." At the same time everyone rushed quickly to the ravenette's room, although not without noticing one of the agents staring inward through the open blinds.

-"I really don't know how she does that," he huffed admiringly.

\- "Does what?" Weller asked tensely.

\- "The gun. She put it back together with one hand… even managed to put back the spring of the breech, she simply held the weapon against the edge of the bed so she only had to use her right hand. In spite of their anguish, the agents exchanged a knowing glance. Knowing Jane and her skills, they weren't surprised at all.

Patterson entered first, noting immediately that her now again functional weapon was resting on the bed. Jane's right hand rested not far from the gun, but to her relief the young woman made no move to grab it.

Hearing the sound of the door opening, the ravenette opened her eyes and watched as Patterson entered, smiling slightly. Behind her, the rest of the team seemed to hesitate, but finally entered too. Their looks seemed strangely worried. She tensed slightly as the agents approached closer to the bed.

For their part, they immediately noticed Jane tense as she watched them approach, and they stopped as her breath seems to accelerate. Kurt repressed a frown as he watched the one useful eye of the ravenette scan the room rapidly in search of a way out. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that the rest of the team had also noticed her attitude, and was trying to appear as least threatening as possible. They were all aware that the doctor had forbidden them to be there. But after the events of the day, their concern for Jane had reached a tipping point, and they just could not wait without doing anything. If Patterson could sufficiently calm the ravenette, they had to take the opportunity to talk to her and try to lessen the guilt she felt.

\- "Can I get my gun?" The blonde asked softly, approaching with a non-threatening smile. Jane grabbed the butt of the gun, and the team tensed immediately.

-"I'm not going to shoot you," the wounded woman said quietly, feeling almost insulted that they thought she would do something like that after what she'd gone through to protect them. Slowly, she turned the gun in her hand, and, holding the gun by the barrel, handed it to her friend.

\- "We know that Jane," said Kurt calmly, "we're just… worried for you." The ravenette's mask of indifference cracked slightly, as if she considered the idea that they might be worried about her. And then a shadow passed over her face. Of course, they were there to make sure their pawn remained operational. Except for Patterson, they had no other reason to worry about her. But no matter how much they hated her, they had already suffered enough because of her. She had to stay strong to protect them from Shepherd, at any price. "Listen to yourself," whispered a voice inside her head, "you're pathetic… Why protect them after what they did to you? You don't matter to them… "

\- "You don't need to worry, I will not die before completing my mission."

But contrary to what she thought, her statement didn't seem to reassure the team, quite the opposite. Patterson flinched as she looked at her, eyes filling with tears. Nas and Reade looked shocked and Zapata looked horrified. Kurt… Well, Kurt gave the impression that he had just seen her disappear before his eyes.

-"Jane," Patterson began in a shaking voice, seized with a horrible sense of foreboding. "Answer me honestly… do you think you will survive the fall of Sandstorm?" The ravenette hesitated, but at the desperate look of her friend, resolved to tell the truth.

-"Why? Roman is all I have left and Agent Nas and Weller have refused to give me a chance to convince him to change sides," Jane replied bitterly. The agents exchanged shameful and shocked looks, but before Kurt could open his mouth, Tasha cut him off:

\- "Jane… we don't want you to die!" The female agent protested in a strangely plaintive voice. Jane looked up at her, her biggest critic, surprised by her words. Zapata had been the most ruthless with her for weeks, and even though Patterson claimed that the young woman had struggled to pull her out of Keaton claws, Jane was struggling with that idea. But for some strange reason, her words warmed her heart a little. And that was unacceptable. She couldn't afford to let them approach her again, to hurt her again. Even though she dreamed of the day when the team would give her a second chance, she knew it was just that. A dream. Distant. Inaccessible. Utopian. And she couldn't afford to be distracted by this hope.

-"You know, the agents are outside, and the door is shut," Jane said, hoping to make them understand that they had to stop what they were doing. But obviously they didn't understand the message.

-"They can't hear us," she added after a moment, a hint of despair in her voice. Everyone exchanged surprised looks, not seeing what the young woman was trying to say. Jane closed her eyes, feeling the tears rise, and cursed herself for her weakness. She had asked them to leave her alone because she didn't know how long she could handle their sudden concern after weeks of loneliness. But they stubbornly refused to leave her, and now she felt herself cracking. And the last thing she wanted was for the team to see how weak and pathetic she was.

\- "You… You don't need to pretend to care about me," she said in a strangled voice trying to contain the rising sobs. "Our arrangement is clear, we must act as if everything is normal in front of the other agents to give the impression of unity to Sandstorm, but in private, to each his own life. You don't have to stay here, as soon as I can, I'll get back to the field… "

The ravenette opened her eyes as she heard the team's shocked gasps. Why were they so upset? She was only stating a fact after all. Unless… maybe… maybe they really cared about her? At this thought, she felt her heart swell painfully with hope.

"Jane… " Kurt began, trying to ignore the icy feeling that went up his spine to wind like a snake around his heart as he heard the tattooed woman. "We're here because… you are important to us."

\- "I know," mumbled the tattooed woman, giving renewed hope to the group. Hope that was quickly crushed hearing her next words: "No need to worry, I will fulfill my mission, no matter the price."

-" No!" Groaned Weller, "I don't care about the mission! I'm worried about you as a person, because you're… my friend Jane!" The wounded woman shook slightly as he approached the bed and leaned over her. "You're important to me Jane, you're important to all of us, because we're your friends." It was the last straw for Jane's impassive mask, which shattered. Under the team's worried eyes, her face now revealed all the feelings she was trying to contain so far: pain, confusion, fear, anger and a small trace of hope that broke their hearts. Reade squirmed uncomfortably. Jane had dropped her mask, and they had an opportunity to straighten things out with her. But she had also become much more vulnerable, and the slightest mistake on their part could break her.

Taking advantage of the fact that Jane's attention was focused on Patterson sitting next to her and whispering something in her ear, Kurt, Tasha, Reade, and Nas moved closer to each other and held a quick discussion.

-"She can't bear the weight she's carried for much longer, no matter what the doctors think. We know her better than them… "Kurt whispered, looking at the others.

\- "I agree," Nas stated, "but in her state we must be careful, too much information could cause her mind to go into shock." Reade said nothing, but nodded.

\- "What if… we let her explain herself?" Tasha offered, glancing nervously at Patterson and Jane, who seemed to be in their own little world. "If we give her the opportunity to say everything that she has on her heart, she should feel better, right?" All four exchanged a new look, then turned to the bed.

-"Jane," Kurt said quietly catching the ravenette's attention. This time she didn't put on her impassive mask, which he took as a good sign.

\- "I don't know if Patterson has told you but… the doctors have forbidden us to see you. Because of… the way we treated you… well, we told them that you had very good reasons not to trust us, and they're afraid you will panic." Jane looked at him without saying anything, waiting for him to continue, even though the tension in her shoulders and jaw was visible. "If you want us to leave, it's enough for you to say so. Or just press the green button next to your right hand, and the nurses will come and chase us away." Jane looked briefly at the button, then Patterson who gave her an encouraging smile, but made no move to call the medical staff. "The situation is definitely not ideal, but… we can't bear to see you suffer like this anymore. You can't keep all this to yourself, otherwise it will eat you up from the inside. Earlier I told you that when you're ready, we'll be there to listen to your side of the story, and nothing has changed. Just tell us when you feel like it. The wounded woman looked at them hesitantly, and began to nibble on her lips. Without her usual apathetic attitude of the last weeks, her face was once again that of the woman they had come to know before her arrest.

For the second time in a few hours, Jane felt conflicted. They were all there, and had finally offered her the opportunity to justify herself and to properly apologize. The opportunity that she had so hoped for since her return… The little voice in her head whispered to her to say nothing. To be strong and not to give them any more ammo to be used against her. But... she had reached her limit. She was still suspicious of them, but despite all her efforts, Kurt had managed to break through the barrier she had forged to protect herself by offering her friendship again. She didn't really know if she could believe him, or believe in the promises of the rest of the team. Even if they really looked worried about her... On the other hand, relieving her conscience might allow her to start on a better basis. Once they knew everything in detail, they might stop worrying about her and let her curl up in her corner, where she was safe, away from their attentions. And in the best outcome… maybe they would give her a second chance?

The team watched the emotions play out on the wounded woman's face, almost fascinated at the process, before she seemed to reach a decision.

-"You don't have to tell us everything now," Patterson reminded her, squeezing her hand. "We can go step by step, okay?"

\- "If I explain… let me go to the end. If you cut me off… I don't know if I'll have the strength to continue…" Jane finally said hoarsely.

-"Whatever you want," Kurt replied with an encouraging smile. The same smile he gave her before, when they both thought she was Taylor Shaw. She felt her heart warming to the idea again as the deputy director continued, "Patterson is right. We don't want to force you to do anything. If you don't feel ready, the discussion can wait. We just want you… to stop feeling guilty about things you have no control over. That you stop… blaming yourself for all the bad things that happens in your life."

-"But I am guilty," Jane mumbled darkly, earning a few sighs from the agents.

\- "Ok, although I love to play the "who deserves the blame" game, maybe you could explain things from your point of view? If you feel able to," interjected Reade, forever the voice of reason. Jane looked at him, then Nas who was standing a little behind the team, as if she was aware that this was something that they had to settle between them. Her gaze then turned to Patterson, who gave her another encouraging smile, and grabbing her courage with both hands, began to tell her story.

She chose to start in front of Kurt's apartment, ignoring the kiss because it was too private, then continued with her capture by Carter's men. The team was already aware of some of these things, but hearing it in detail from Jane's mouth was different. The agents were able to understand without difficulty the terror she had felt when she found herself tied up in a cellar, tortured without hope of help, and faced with questions to which she had no answers. All shuddered when Jane mentioned the drill, and Tasha and Kurt, despite the fact that the events had happened months earlier, clenched their fists in anger at the thought of what Carter might have done to her. Oscar's entry as a providential savior triggered contradictory emotions among the agents. They all hated him for his role in Mayfair's death, but without him Jane would have suffered even worst and would have ended up in a CIA Black site on the other side of the world, alone and hopeless.

When Jane detailed the contents of the video that Oscar showed her and the shock it had caused her, her first meeting with Oscar on the roof, and his threats against Kurt and the team, they realized how lost the ravenette had felt. Trapped in an inextricable situation, where she had a chance to get answers about her past, but to confide in someone could result in countless deaths. Then came the details of the flashes of memories recovered during field missions, which had triggered in Jane's mind serious doubts about herself. For the first time, her colleagues really understood the difficulties she had had in reconciling the memories of her violent past with her current desire to help people. The recounting of her discussions with Borden, when she had asked him to remove her from the team, caused them no small amount of shock. Never had they suspected that the amnesiac ravenette had reached such desperation that she had wanted to leave the FBI, to have a chance to lead a normal life. Then Jane told them about her return just in time to give Patterson the idea that had allowed them to find Tasha in the hands of the traffickers, just before she would have perished in the fire.

Then came Cade's attack on the team, which had seriously injured Kurt at the art gallery, making her aware that Oscar's threats were real, and that the team was vulnerable in the field. Captivated in spite of themselves, the agents followed Jane's story, who, under the pretext of having forgotten her radio, had changed the GPS chip of their vehicle under the influence of Oscar. Cade's ambush in the loft, and the sudden memory that had returned to her when she had seen the man run away, allowed them to understand a little better Jane's state of mind at the time. The ravenette continued to tell them how Oscar had convinced her that Cade wanted to punish them for Markos' death in her first safe house. Her description was so precise that they could almost see the scene through her eyes. Jane told everything in detail… Her voluntary removal from the team to try to protect them… Her arrival on the boat, where she found the team trapped and Cade put a gun to her head… Her pleading that he would not slaughter her before their eyes… Her fight with Cade and the arrival of Oscar, who had saved her life… Her discomfort about lying to Mayfair during her debriefing…

They also noticed that Jane was moving during her story, giving the impression of reliving the events, but at the same time seemingly unable to stop talking. As if now that she had begun to relieve her conscience, Jane couldn't stop before finishing her story. She needed to get it off her chest...

Through the words of the young woman, they relived the protection of little Maya Ahmadi, and the inner conflict that had agitated Jane concerning the USB flash-drive that Oscar had given her. They could easily sense the shame in her voice, when she admitted to having connected the flash-drive to one of the computers in the NYO after a few hesitations. When she told of Mayfair's arrest, they relived the event with her, but this time through her eyes: the shock and the feeling of betrayal when she realized that Oscar had manipulated her to achieve this result… The fear that the team would learn of the role she played in setting the trap… Anger towards Oscar, but especially against herself for not having understood earlier… The fear, when Pellington announced his wish to stop the investigation on the tattoos… Fear of being alone, but also fear of losing her usefulness and that Oscar and his organization would attack the team.

Then Jane approached Mayfair's last day. Explaining how she had felt ashamed and out of place seeing the team celebrate the rescue of the babies from Warren's lab. She explaining her efforts to find Oscar and tell him that she wanted to stop everything. Then the ravenette described the shock she had felt when she found Mayfair there, threatening her with a gun. Oscar shooting Mayfair… her own desperate attempts to stop the bleeding… the death of the deputy director… Everything seemed to have occured too fast. Kurt, Reade, and Tasha, who had already heard the story from Patterson, could not help but feel their hearts tightening, now feeling all of Jane's distress and pain in the situation. The dark-haired woman told them of her efforts tracking down Oscar, explaining how she had found a phone while rummaging in his home, and then gave the number to Ana to trace, the young hacker they had helped earlier in the year. She described her arrival at the cabin, then the way Oscar had neutralized her. She described his revelations and the feeling when her life, built on lies, crumbled. They followed with anguish her description of the shock of learning that she wasn't Taylor Shaw, and of Oscar trying to erase her memory with ZIP. They felt her fear and anger when she defended herself, and her confusion when Oscar died in the fight. She concluded with her desire to return to them, before Kurt arrested her.

While Weller looked shameful, Jane took the time to drink the glass of water that Patterson had offered to soothe her dry throat from telling the story. Then the young woman went back to her story before someone interrupted her, before she could change her mind. If the first part had been hard to hear, what followed was even more so.

In a calm, almost detached tone, Jane began to tell, in great detail, the three months of abuse she had endured in the CIA custody: beatings, humiliation, simulated drowning, deprivation of water, food, sleep… Electric shock, repeated exposure to extreme low or high temperatures…The positions of stress and injections of drugs with horrible effects: hallucinations, respiratory distress, increased sensitivity of her nerves, temporary blindness leaving her defenseless against her tormentors… Despite her recounting the horrors she had suffered, it was the almost clinical way she described them, while shivering and desperately squeezing Patterson's hand in search of support, that brought the team to tears.

When she described how she had escaped, feigning drowning and hiding the IV needle under her skin, they felt a mixture of relief and pride in her cleverness. Jane then moved quickly over the last few weeks, since as part of her agreement with Nas, she had already given them almost all the information she had gathered. From her few hesitations about the meetings with her brother, they deduced without difficulty that she was keeping some details, probably too personal, to herself. But after having people scour your body in detail for months and dissecting your life for clues, they couldn't blame her. Finally, the ravenette finished with the recounting of Keaton's revelations as he tortured her with all they had done to her. Of course, with Cade's video the agents already knew most of the details, but they still couldn't tell her that they had watched the event live.

An uncomfortable silence followed the end of her story, while Jane drank another glass of water given to her by her friend. Nobody dared to speak, while the wounded woman was waiting nervously for a reaction from the team in front of her.

\- "Jane… I… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Kurt finally let go, looking at the exhausted young woman in her bed.

\- "For what?" Asked Jane a little surprised.

\- "For everything that happened to you… "

-" It's not your fault. When I think about it, she was right." She said cryptically.

\- "Jane, who are you talking about?" asked Reade, frowning, perplexed.

\- "The old me… Remi. In Oscar's video, she said that everything that happens to me, I did it to myself. And in the end it's true, I just paid the consequences of my bad decisions today," replied the ravenette trying to shrug her shoulders, but changing her mind in response to the pain radiating from her ribs. When would they understand and leave her alone? She felt emptied after her confession, and for a moment, entertained the idea of pressing the button to call for the nurse on duty. But Patterson still held her hand, which would make the maneuver difficult since she had no desire to move her left arm.

-"Jane, you can't say that," her friend sighed, squeezing her hand tightly.

-"No one deserves what you've suffered," said Reade vigorously. Jane looked at him for a few moments with a puzzled look on her face and then, slowly, the pain appeared again in her eyes.

\- "But… if I didn't deserve that… why… why do you continue… to hurt me?" She asked weakly in a trembling voice, as tears filled her eyes once again. Her distress hit the agents like a stab in the heart.

-"Because… because we're fools," Reade explained huskily. "When you came back, and you confessed that you were involved in… the death… of Mayfair it was… easier to blame you than to question ourselves."

\- "You know, sometimes the pain… makes people do stupid things. We all had reasons to be angry with you and… we ignored everything that you did for us… and for the people we met during the investigations. Because it was easier… less painful, to pretend that you were the only one at fault. But that was wrong! We also made bad decisions. If I had… if I had been more attentive… I would have noticed that you weren't well and… Oscar couldn't have manipulated you like he did," Kurt said with difficulty, approaching her. Slowly he reached for her cheek. At first suspicious, the ravenette stiffened as she watched him approach, then relaxed when his fingers brushed her skin slightly, trying to avoid the bruises.

Once again, Jane felt a pleasant feeling of warmth running all throughout her body and wrapping around her bruised heart. She felt almost as if she was floating, savoring the friendly touch, feeling as she had months earlier.

-" You understand now?" Patterson asked softly. "You're not the only one to blame for what happened… " The brunette seemed to think, as if she was struggling to assimilate the information, but doing nothing to stop Weller's display of affection, which they took for a good sign.

\- "It will take time, but you will eventually accept this idea," said Reade gently. "Now… do you want to rest? Unless you have something to ask us?"

Jane looked at him hesitantly, but her barriers lowered from their concern and the demonstrations of affection from Kurt and Patterson, she let herself go:

\- "Please… Please, don't hurt me anymore," whispered the ravenette as a prayer, closing her valid eye. She reopened it upon hearing sounds of a struggle, to see Reade trying hard to restrain Tasha from rushing towards her.


	10. Chap 10 - To be a team again

Hello everybody. I wanted to thanks you for your reviews, follows and favs, and more generally to continue to read this story.

As habitual, a big thanks to my beta-reader, Readeronly76, for her great works on the proofreading.

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 **Disclaimer : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

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 **Chapter 10 – To be a team again**

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 _Hospital, Jane's room_

\- "Please… Please, don't hurt me anymore… "

More than Jane's words, it was the pain and desperation with which they were said that broke the team's heart. The young woman had never looked so vulnerable. All the force and energy that seemed to have animated her since they'd known her had disappeared at once. For her to reveal herself so much, she had to be in such a state of loneliness and distress that they could hardly imagine. Patterson's eyes were wet again with tears as Kurt's hand came to rest on Jane's cheek, frozen in shock. Nas looked both uncomfortable and surprised, while Reade looked at Jane with wide eyes.

But it was Tasha who seemed the most affected. Like Patterson, her eyes filled with tears, and even before she realized it, her legs moved in action. The movement pulled Reade out of his shock, and cursing mentally, he hurried to grasp his teammate around the waist. He knew that she would not hurt the injured woman now that she knew what she had endured, but her emotional state might make her less cautious than was necessary. And, considering Jane's behavior, they didn't need the brunette panicking when she saw Tasha rushing over to her. Especially when a sudden movement could aggravate her injuries, in addition to triggering a new panic attack. He had, however, greatly underestimated the will of the Latina, who brutally brought her foot to his right ankle, causing him let go.

\- "Damn it Tasha, that hurts! Stop that!" Protested Reade, gritting his teeth as his friend rushed to Jane. Patterson gave a little cry and tried to get up to hold her back too, but was not quick enough.

\- "Tasha stop, remember what we decided! You are going to scare her!" Protested Weller, trying not to raise his voice too much to avoid getting the attention of the agents outside the door. The last thing they needed was to make a spectacle of themselves or to get more attention on Jane.

The ravenette looked distraught for a moment when she saw Zapata rush towards her, and tried to retreat on her bed. Of course, she could not go far in her condition, and the pain in her stomach and ribs reminded her of it. Seeing her grimace, Tasha stopped quickly, stumbling on one of the bed wheels, and just narrowly avoided falling. Patterson still occupying the chair to the left, the agent chooses to squat near the bed so as not to intimidate Jane. In face of the worried and distrustful look of the dark-haired woman, she didn't want to seem threatening. Grabbing her right hand, which Patterson had let go of trying to get up, Tasha opened her mouth and… found herself suddenly unable to form a coherent thought as she looked at the bruised face of the woman she had once considered a friend just a few months ago. The one she had then willing cut down and snubbed to alleviate her own anger, her own guilt. And while she was trying to formulate a coherent thought, the only thing the Latina could focus on was Jane's drawings, showing the physical as well as mental torments she had endured. The torments she had helped to inflict on her…

\- "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the agent could only frantically repeat, unable to find anything else to say, all while tears shone in the corners of her eyes.

Trying to calm the frantic beating of her heart, Jane looked incredulously at Tasha, who seemed close to tears. She absolutely did not expect that, especially from Zapata. The agent was a strong, hard woman, and her repentant behavior did not fit with what she knew of her. She had rather thought that Zapata would confront her about her weaknesses, accuse her of compromising the mission by being captured again by Keaton. That said, Patterson had also told her that Tasha had worked hard to find her by questioning the entire neighborhood after her abduction… And she clearly felt guilty about something. Narrowing her eyes, Jane tried to guess what it was, as Patterson gently tried to convince Tasha to get up.

\- "Did she take something?" Jane asked suspicious and a little worried, looking towards the other agents, although she was forced to turn her head to face Kurt since her left eye was too swollen to allow her to see correctly in his direction.

Reade, Kurt and Patterson exchanged embarrassed looks, not knowing how to explain the situation from Tasha's point of view and how to make Jane understand how her behavior towards her was gnawing at her.

Still puzzled, Jane tried to think about what could have put Zapata in this state. She doubted that it was the way she had treated her lately. The Latina had never seemed to feel remorse for cutting her down when she was already feeling bad. It had to be related to something else, but what? Trying to delve into her foggy memories, the wounded woman finally remembered something Keaton had told her about the team.

\- "You sold me to the CIA," Jane whispered in a voice that was both hurt and betrayed, freezing in her bed.

-"I know," Zapata groaned. "But it's not what you think. Please give me a chance to explain… " almost begged the agent, clinging harder to her hand, surprising the tattooed amnesiac. The little voice in her head urged her to get angry. To shout her rage at the main perpetrator of the bullying she had been the victim to for weeks. To ignore her pleads for a chance to give her side of the story, just as Zapata had denied her. But her heart squeezed at Tasha's tears, for the simple reason that she couldn't ever remember seeing her in such a state. Despite the anger and sadness she felt, she was simply unable to reject Zapata… because deep within herself, despite all that had happened lately, she still hoped to regain her friendship… to find their bond from the beginning, when everything was simpler. "You're pathetic," the voice whispered in her head. "You are weak! Why forgive her? She will turn again against you, she's already done it!"

-" Why? Why did you do that?" The dark-haired woman whispered, looking at the agent next to her with a face astonishingly stern despite the distress she felt, waiting to see if her answer would differ from the information given by Keaton. The question seemed to lighten Tasha's mood a little, her eyes regaining some life when Jane gave her an opportunity to explain. Taking a deep breath, she quickly began her story, fearing that the young woman would change her mind. She told everything, without omitting the slightest detail. Her gambling debts and the problems that arose when her bookie had threatened to expose her to the FBI. Then the mission against Dabbur Zann, and the way Carter had approached her, feeling for a flaw to exploit. The feeling of having no choice, and her moment of weakness when the CIA Deputy Director had proposed to pay off her debts.

-"But I swear that I only gave him the information we had in your FBI file. Since there was not much, I thought… it wouldn't matter. But Carter wasn't satisfied by it and… he asked me to put… a bug at your place," Tasha confessed with difficulty.

-" Did you do it?" Jane muttered, looking at her carefully, trying to discern any trace of deception.

-" No!" Vigorously protested the agent. "I threw it in the sewers. Sometime later I found another one in my mailbox with a card that said that it was my last chance. But I had gotten closer to you… and I couldn't do that to you. I left the bug at my place and went back to the office to write my letter of resignation. But when I was going to give it to Mayfair, she received a call saying that Carter was gone. And later his body was found, so I thought I could just… forget the whole thing because there were no other witnesses." Jane pondered this information for a moment, happy in a way that Tasha didn't completely give in to Carter's threats. On the other hand, they were friends at the time, and despite what she still hoped, her feelings for her would no longer be the same. In the room, the other agents waited patiently for her reaction. Even though they were there for support, they understood that this was something that the two young women had to deal with themselves.

\- "You treated me like I was scum of the earth because I lied to you… but you lied to me too," Jane finally said, the feeling of betrayal clearly visible on her face, mixed with a small hint of hardly repressed anger.

-"I know… you don't know how much I blame myself for that… " Zapata whispered, her heart tight at the expression on Jane's face.

\- "Did… did you tell Carter that I sometimes lose my detail to be alone… so that he could… ambush me?" She asked slowly, her face tense, seeming to suddenly think of something else.

-" No! No Jane, I would never have done something like that! " Tasha protested, leaning a little closer to her, and forcing herself to meet her gaze. Jane watched her closely, as if trying to read her.

\- "Did… did… you pretend… to be my friend… to get information. Was everything… what we said or did… when we went out to the bar or whatever… a lie?" She asked next. In spite of her hesitation, her tone was relatively neutral, but everyone could guess the importance this question had for her, seeing both hope and fear on her face.

-" Of course not! I swear Jane. I really wanted to be your friend, I always wanted to be your friend! Jane seemed to meditate for a moment on the answer. With Patterson, Zapata… Zapata had been one of her first friends. During her early days at the FBI, she had been busy teaching her some of the more feminine things, things that Kurt didn't know or didn't understand. Little by little they had become close, that's why the cold treatment she had given her upon her return was so painful. She had betrayed her, and she found it hard to accept… But on the other hand… she too had betrayed all of them by keeping dangerous information from them, and by having Mayfair killed, even though she had never wanted that. Maybe it was just a stupid desire to reconnect with one of her only friends, but… she believed it when the agent said that she didn't want to give Carter too much personal information so as to not betray her trust, and that she hadn't helped in her capture. Despite all she could blame her for, the Latina was not so cold and cynical as to do this and then pretend that she had no responsibility…

And then… there was the fact that she seemed really repentant… After what she had done, what she remembered, Jane had always believed that people deserved a second chance, just as she hoped to have herself… A part of herself was still angry at what Zapata had done to her, and suspicious even after her apology, which seemed so sincere…

She wanted more than anything to give her ex-friend another chance, with the secret hope that she would do the same. After all, if she was cautious in what she confided to them, she had nothing to lose… Anger would lead to nothing anyway, even more so now that she didn't have enough strength to stand up alone, let alone defend herself. Jane was painfully aware that right now, the team was her only chance to escape Keaton if he ever tried to get his hands on her again, and all this, not to mention the threats made by her mother. If she wanted to escape, protect them, and have a chance to fix her mistakes, she would have to rely on them, hoping they would not turn against her again. Once she got better, she could decide whether she would tell them of the new mission Shepherd had given her or not.

Finally, her body relaxed slightly, and everyone held back a sigh of relief when it became clear that she was ready to believe Zapata, or at least wait a bit before making a decision. A little relieved by Jane's reaction, Tasha slowly got up. There was still so much she wanted to tell to the young woman about her drawings, her nightmares, and all the horrible things she had told her. But she didn't know if the dark-haired woman could bear any more revelations after such a horrible day, so she chose to abstain. Now it was time to correct her own mistakes and pay penance. Rummaging through one of her pockets, she pulled out a neatly folded sheet and handed it to Weller. The Deputy Director gave her a surprised look, without making a single gesture to take it.

-" What is it?"

-"The resignation letter I wrote for Mayfair. I only changed the date," Zapata replied painfully. The room suddenly came alive as Reade and Patterson began to protest:

\- "Tasha, you cannot do that!"

\- "The FBI is your whole life! You've worked hard for years to get here!"

\- "I broke the law and the Office rules by selling information about an FBI consultant… about a… friend," the agent lugubriously replied looking at her friends, but not daring to cross Jane's eyes. Suddenly she felt the letter being torn from her hand. But it was not Weller who now held it. With surprising vigor, Jane had just stolen the letter and now held it crumpled in her right hand. Everyone looked at her, surprised by her reaction.

\- "Jane?" Patterson asked, staring at her friend, amazed by her speed of execution despite her injuries, even though the letter was just above her.

\- "I'm not going to let you spoil your career because of me," the woman simply replied looking at Zapata. Her statement instantly caused a frown from the agents present. After the long explanation session, they had hoped that she understood that all the bad things that were happening around her were not necessarily related to her actions.

\- "Jane, I'm a big girl, I'm responsible for my own actions, you have nothing to do with it," Zapata retorted as calmly as she could, but she was deeply saddened to see the woman trying to take all the blame again… Knowing that the reason she did so was because of her, because of these last few weeks when she had done everything possible to make her believe that she was a bad person, and because the tattooed woman had certainly thought that blaming her for her behavior towards her would only mean more tormenting from their part.

\- "But if I hadn't contributed to the stupid plan that drew the CIA to me, you would not be in this situation… "

\- "My gambling problems have nothing to do with you. If Carter had not offered me money, it could very well have been any criminal in another case. That's why the Office has strict rules that prevent its agents from putting themselves in situations like mine. It's time for me to make up for my actions like you did yours," sighed Tasha, trying to get the letter back.

But stubbornly, Jane refused to loosen her fingers, assuming that following her confession, and given her condition, Zapata would dare not struggle too hard to recover her letter. This in itself was a test to see if the agent was sincere in her promise to not hurt her again… And indeed, after a few unsuccessful attempts, she gave up, probably fearing pushing her too much.

\- "Don't make a rushed decision. We've all broken the law trying to stop Sandstorm and to find Jane. And since right now we don't have too many agents that we can trust, I think we cannot afford to change the team," said Nas calmly.

Everyone looked at Weller, waiting for him to make a decision, or at least give his opinion on the subject. As a friend, he could quite decide to close his eyes. But as an honest boss, it would be a lot harder, and would involve putting his career on the line. There was also his recent case of consciousness with Jane, and the fact that she was really important to him again… Could he really forgive Zapata when she had helped put Jane in danger? When she had intentionally hurt her? Reade and Patterson watched him anxiously, not daring to ask for a decision However, Tasha had a very dedicated supporter:

-"Zapata deserves a second chance," Jane said firmly, looking at him. Weller watched her, startled to see her so passionate, as she blamed Tasha for her behavior just minutes earlier. He tried not to be touched by her physical condition, but could not help counting each bruise on her face and feeling sorry for her. But even hurt, he knew that Jane would be fighting and stubborn, and that she would not change her mind easily… or even at all. He suppressed an amused smile by finding a little of the old Jane in her attitude, because given the circumstances it would surely be very badly perceived.

\- "I don't know if you realize the seriousness of what she did?" Kurt asked, trying to understand what was going on in her captivating raven head. "Illegal betting and the sale of confidential information related to an active investigation… Even with a good lawyer, she risks several years in a federal prison." Despite the seriousness of the situation, the astonished look of Jane nearly made them smile. It had been a long time since they'd seen her so expressive, and the team had the impression of going back to when the young woman was discovering the world around her and could not understand its logic.

\- "But… she's a member of your team, you can't do that!" Protested Jane incredulously. Taking advantage of the fact that they were not in her field of vision, Reade and Patterson grimaced when they heard that she didn't consider herself part of this team. Of course, they knew that progress would be slow, but that didn't stop the small amount of sadness they felt every time Jane reminded them of it.

Tasha, having already thought through most of the expected scenarios, could not help feeling slightly worried. If Weller decided to denounce her and take legal action, it would only be fair, but she only moderately appreciated the idea of a few years in federal prison. That said, it would certainly be much less horrible than the three months in a CIA black site Jane suffered. And on the other hand, Weller seemed to be trying more to get Jane to react than to punish her.

\- "Can't you choose another sanction? A punishment or something that avoids jail time? She has the right to try to correct her mistakes." Her tone had become astonishingly plaintive now, as if the outcome was of great value to her.

\- "Jane… Why is it so important to you that Agent Zapata gets a second chance?" Asked Nas, the first to understand what motivated the young woman and wanting to force her to verbalize it. The dark-haired woman bit her lip again, hesitating a bit before continuing exposing her feelings. Yet, they had been so attentive to her in the last few hours that she felt more confident. The thought that, thanks to Kurt and Patterson, the team had managed to break through her barriers was a bit disturbing. But she did not have much to lose in telling her thoughts anyway… After all, they could hardly hurt her any more than they had already done so far.

\- "Because… if she gets a second chance… maybe… maybe I too will have a chance to correct my mistakes… maybe… maybe everything will be as before. Because… because I don't want to be alone anymore," said Jane painfully, tears rising to her eyes again, finally admitting what was weighing on her heart. Although she wasn't yet sure she could trust them, the loneliness she had been feeling for weeks was simply too much to bear, and she couldn't control her reactions.

Patterson gasped in shock, and instantly found herself beside her. The team was surprised when instead of taking her hand, she began to gently stroke Jane's hair. Even more surprising, Jane didn't push her away, and instead seemed to relax and enjoy the show of affection.

\- "Jane… remember what we said earlier. We are your friends, of course we will give you a second chance." Jane looked uncertainly at the rest of the team, who nodded vigorously. As hope flooded in again, the young woman felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders at the idea of finally not being alone.

\- "Thank you, thank you," she whispered fervently, closing her eyes. Now that her body was relaxing, she felt exhaustion creeping up on her again. Noticing her state of fatigue, the agents exchanged significant glances.

\- "Okay Jane. We'll find you something to eat, and then we'll let you sleep okay?" Kurt asked softly. Without opening her eyes, Jane answered with a small murmur of acceptance. Noticing her resignation letter still held tightly in the hand of the dark-haired woman, Zapata tried to recover it again.

\- "In your dreams," Jane mumbled without opening her eyes, making the rest of the team chuckle, happy with this small progress.

\- "As soon as we're out, we'll have a little discussion about your gambling addiction," Kurt mumbled to Tasha, sadly a little stronger than he wanted.

\- "You said she would get a second chance," Jane said, opening her eyes, which caused Patterson to direct a glare at the Deputy Director.

\- "I'm not going to send her to jail if that's what worries you. But as long as Tasha has this problem, she will be a risk to the team."

\- "What are you going to do then?" Asked Reade, anxious over what would happen to his partner. Even a simple acknowledgement of her deeds could be detrimental to her career, even though technically she did more than deserve it.

\- "Tasha will go to therapy to help her with her gambling addiction. One of us will go with her to every meeting to make sure she gets there," Kurt said firmly, looking at his friend straight in the eye. The Latina didn't look happy, but as things stood, she knew she was getting away with less than she deserved. It was also a way of showing her that they cared for her and were helping her.

\- "Actually, I went to a meeting yesterday," muttered Zapata.

\- "That's where you were when Agent Patterson called you when she noticed that Jane had disappeared. That's why you were so close to the site of the kidnapping." Jane shuddered at the reminder of the bad memory. Without answering, Tasha simply nodded, but Weller was not finished:

\- "As a punishment, you will also do all of the team's paperwork for the next three months." This time Reade and Patterson chuckled at her slight groan of despair, aware that their friend would almost prefer a mark on her record to the administrative torture that was paperwork. On the other hand, Weller couldn't inflict more on her without attracting Pellington's attention, something they all wanted to avoid, especially now. The action was more symbolic than disciplinary, but he couldn't do much more without risking destroying the fragile balance they were trying to bring back.

\- "Since Jane is the victim, she should also have the right to choose her punishment," suggested the blond analyst. Everyone looked at Jane, who grimaced with embarrassment:

\- "I don't want to punish her," she mumbled, trying to silence the little vindictive voice in the back of her head. Of course, a small part of herself, the one attached to Remi, was resentful and wanted to make her pay for what she had suffered. But on the other hand, she didn't want to risk spoiling her chances of regaining Zapata's friendship and of improving her relationship with the team, for revenge that would only bring her momentary satisfaction. Besides being too vindictive would certainly earn their hate again, and it was something she could not bear anymore. Now that she had given up her impassive mask, the team could interpret her reactions much more easily, and guessed her reasoning without difficulty.

\- "You have a right to be angry at me, Jane," Tasha said quietly. The young woman tried to shrug in response, but stopped quickly. Seeing her new expression of pain, Kurt approached the IV and pressed the button twice to increase the flow of morphine.

\- "Hey, I'm fine!" Protested Jane, although her voice betrayed the fatigue and pain she was feeling.

\- "You're really stubborn. Nothing is forcing you to suffer like this when there's all you need to relieve yourself here," Patterson sighed, shaking her head. "I'll get you something to eat, and while you sleep, someone will go and pick up clothes for you for the day that the doctors clear you." The dark-haired woman opened her mouth, and knowing her hatred of the hospitals, they instantly guessed that she would request to leave as soon as possible.

\- "Don't even think about it," Weller immediately said, pointing a stern finger at the tattooed woman without letting her speak. "You'll only leave here with the green light from the medical team and not a minute before." Jane's scowling made her friends smile, before Zapata remembered a small detail.

\- "That makes me think… When I went to your place, I noticed that there was much less than before in your apartment. And you don't have a lot of clothes in your wardrobe either. Where did the rest go?"

\- "In the FBI sealed room," the young woman mumbled, trying to pretend that it didn't matter. The team immediately frowned, the agents cursing themselves for not thinking about it sooner. Of course, her things were seized when she was arrested. And without the permission of an agent, she couldn't recover them. Permission that none of them had thought to give, simply because they had ignored her as much as possible since her return.

\- "Why didn't you ask us to release them?" Patterson asked. The glancing look from her friend was enough of an answer.

\- "You thought we were going to hand you back to the CIA if we weren't satisfied with your results… Fewer things at your place meant fewer things to pack afterwards for those who would take your place… " Kurt understood, giving her a somber look. Once again, Jane avoided their eyes, but the way she pursed her lips was revealing enough.

\- "Listen, I promise that it won't happen okay? We will not let them take you again," Weller promised, wiping his face nervously, before looking at her carefully so she could see his determination. The idea that someone was defending her seemed to surprise her, but it also seemed to relieve her slightly, and her face relaxed again.

\- "In the meantime she is going to need some new things. Do you know what that means? Shopping day as soon as she gets out of here," said Zapata more happily, almost amused by the horrified look Jane gave her. She knew the tattooed woman hated it, probably because she'd been… a bit… obsessive the last time she dragged Jane to the mall, but such an innocent activity would be an opportunity to see her outside of work, and a good way to try to repair their relationship.

-"Good idea," Weller immediately agreed, delighted that Tasha was ready to make an effort to regain Jane's confidence, which earned him a sharp look from her.

\- "Why am I being punished too?" She couldn't help asking, noting that they all seemed to be inclined to this idea. Despite her efforts to appear neutral, she couldn't quite manage to hide the small plaintive note in her voice, prompting a few affectionate smiles from the team.

\- "For being a stubborn girl and trying to leave the hospital early," calmly retorted the Deputy Director trying to stay serious, almost having fun making her react as innocently as he used to do months earlier.

\- "What? But I didn't even move from here!" Immediately protested the wounded woman, finding again without realizing their dynamic so familiar.

\- "No, but you thought it so hard that I heard you," Weller said as a thin smile escaped him. Jane stared at him for a moment, then realized that he was trying to make fun of her, mumbled something they could not hear, and settled back more comfortably against her pillows, giving them a look of vexation. It was unexpected behavior coming from her, but at least Jane was no longer hiding her pain.

...

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 _Outside the City_

As he approached the headquarters after many detours to make sure that he was not being followed, Roman though over the last 24 hours. The day before, he believed that his sister was serving the same cause as him, at least until he received that accursed message. And while he was looking for Remi to get an explanation, their mother had found him. The following events had not been enjoyable, which was saying a lot considering their childhood crap. Not only had he found his sister tortured by the CIA, but he had also learned that it wasn't the first time.

This simple fact in itself was already a problem. When their mother sent Remi to the FBI, it was with the guarantee that her cover and Weller would keep her safe from such mishaps. The more he thought about it, the harder it was to understand how his meticulous mother could have made such a mistake. So, to try to preserve her own safety, his sister was put in a position where she was forced to betray them. Knowing what tortures the CIA were capable of, he wasn't very mad at her for doing everything possible to prevent a to that hell, including sabotaging the mission. Of course this was not the case with their mother, who with evidence of Remi's betrayal, now seemed ready to sacrifice her for the cause. But then again, maybe it was not so new. After Remi had left for the FBI in that tiny bag, the woman didn't think seem to think much of Oscar's reports on her. Thinking of her ex-fiancé, Roman felt his blood boil. That bastard should have protected Remi and should have tried to regain her trust, instead he had tried to erase her memory to hide his blunders!

Yet as much as he hated the man, Roman knew that Oscar would never have taken the risk of going against Remi without someone to push him He refused to believe that their mother could have ordered this, knowing that a new memory wipe would have permanently destroyed any chances that Remi would become herself again, at least in part. Since their mother had personally assured him that the effects of the ZIP would only be temporary, she couldn't have ordered that right? No, it was probably one of those devious bastards who gravitated around his mother, waiting to take Remi's place as second in command. One of them had surely ordered Oscar to get rid of his sister if she showed signs of independence.

With his sister in the custody of the FBI and him here, there were only two other members of their small group, since Cade was now a traitor on the run, and Markos and Oscar were dead, the first killed by the second. Remi seemed to trust the blonde FBI agent, so he should too, and hope that the woman protects his sister and helps her heal, at least until he could contact a mutual friend. Entering the command post, he noticed the anxious glances thrown at him by some of the men present. Near the table his mother was talking to the section leaders, obviously planning something.

\- "Very well… Three teams will track down Cade, raking the perimeter outward to find his entry point. During this time, two others will move some items to a side site. We don't know Cade's intentions, but he could compromise our position, and I don't want to burden myself with heavy equipment in case of an evacuation." The men around her nodded, and she turned her attention to him.

-" How's your sister?"

-"Not good, the CIA has damaged her a good bit," replied Roman, honestly. "But she's still fighting so with a little time she'll recover." This last part was not quite true, but given what their mother had threatened her with before leaving the basement, the FBI was Remi's best chance at staying safe. At least for the moment, until he could find a way out of it. And his first action was going to be to get rid of this Keaton at the first opportunity…

\- "Why waste time with her?" Mumbled one of his mother's lieutenants. "If the FBI knows she's not Taylor Shaw, she's useless there. Let her fend for herself and no matter if she dies, she doesn't have to be so weak." Roman heard angrily the disdain he showed for his sister, but was surprised that his mother had not spread the news of her betrayal. Thinking about it, he realized it would only encourage others to do the same, and she didn't seem to be in the mood to explain why she was leaving Remi at the FBI, as she curtly told her entourage.

\- "Roman, you'll take head of Group 1 to track down Cade. If you don't have a lead within two weeks, go to Delta-Charlie." The young man nodded, but decided to set an example before leaving. Passing the man who had insulted his sister, he suddenly turned to grab his throat. Surprised and much frailer than he, the man struggled under his iron grip, but quickly ran out of air. Two others made their way to intervene, but Roman's glare stopped them.

\- "Keep this well in mind, to me, Remi's life is worth more than all of yours together." Then, looking straight at his mother's face as if daring her to try and stop him, he broke his victim's neck with a sharp twist of his wrist.

Then he quietly left the room to join his team, not even feeling guilty about breaking the promise he had made to his sister. After all, she had made it clear that he had to spare the innocent, and none of the men in that base matched Remi's definition of the term. And besides, what she didn't know couldn't hurt her.

Inside, Shepherd gestured with a wave of her hand to have the body evacuated, allowing herself a satisfied smile when her staff left the room.

\- "He's out of control," one of her bodyguards calmly said.

\- "No. He is only devoted to his sister. This is one of the reasons I keep her alive elsewhere. We will soon need Roman's skills, and she is the only one who can manage to control him. There is nothing he would not do for her… Besides, it will keep the others focused if they don't want to suffer the same fate."

\- "After what she went through and what you told her, what makes you believe that she will follow your instructions?" The man asked, more curious than really questioning her decisions.

\- "Who said I was going to give her a choice?" Shepherd replied with a grim smile as she looked him straight in the eyes.


	11. Chap 11 - Home sweet Home

Hi everyone. Thanks again for your support, and a big thanks to my beta, Readeronly76, for the good work on proofreading this chapter.

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 **Disclaimer : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

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 **Chapter 11 – Home Sweet Home**

 _Hospital, Jane's room_

Jane's first night after her discussion with the team was relatively decent compared to what she was used to, with Patterson staying with her. But the next day when she awoke, it had been necessary to make certain changes when she noticed that the number of federal agents at the entrance of her room had doubled. The dark-haired woman, although slightly more comfortable with the team after their discussion, was indeed not reassured to have so many agents so close to her while she was still vulnerable. The team, with Weller leading the charge, had tried for a while to convince her that they were there for her protection, but a part of her couldn't help but feel as if she was a prisoner again while being under constant watch.

This last statement had made them give in as they understood her point of view. Even despite all that had happened, she still felt she could trust the team more than she could the other agents. After all, someone in the FBI had handed her over to the CIA after her arrest, and she had no real reason to trust people she didn't know. In fact, she even had good reason to mistrust the people she did know… Fortunately, the men who had volunteered to be her detail had been understanding. The two additional agents simply changed their position, moving near the elevator, far enough away so that Jane couldn't see them but close enough so that they could intervene quickly if necessary. As for the other two, they came to introduce themselves to the young woman so that she could see that they were not a threat. When she had learned that Monroe and Calligan were the ones that Roman had drugged while coming to see her, she had felt even more guilty.

The two men had been extremely surprised when, instead of being frightened by their presence, the young woman had looked ashamed and apologized for putting them in danger. The puzzled look they gave her would have seemed funny in any other circumstance. But in the current context, it showed above all else that there still remained much progress to be made with her. After giving astonished looks to their superior, who brooded over the meeting with the eyes of a falcon, ready to jump to Jane's rescue if needed, they assured the young woman that it was not her fault. As agents, they knew the risks of their chosen career, and lived with it. Hearing these words from agents she barely knew surprised Jane, but it was less surprising than hearing strangers asking about her health. The idea that someone outside the team would ask about her well-being plunged her into confusion. Why were two men who didn't know her, and had never worked with her before, worried about her? Seeing her hesitation, Kurt easily understood what she was thinking, and it made him even sicker, the idea that the ravenette was surprised that someone cared about her. Dear God, how much had they isolated her in recent weeks for that simple idea to put her in such a state? Once again, he swore to himself to correct this error as soon as possible. Jane needed reassurance and it would take time, but it was out of the question to let her down again.

The doctor from the previous day had come back for another exam shortly after this exchange, and hadn't been pleased to find so many people in the room. After discussing it with Jane, to make sure she had accepted their presence voluntarily, he agreed to the arrangement. To avoid overwhelming her with an invasive presence in the confined space of the room, no more than two people were allowed to see her at a time. A total of three if Patterson was counted, but the blonde could have just as easily have been given a bed next to Jane's considering the amount of time she spent there.

Her presence still seemed to calm Jane, even with the hours passing, and the dark-haired woman started to feel a little guilty for monopolizing her friend. Patterson had told her that it was out of the question for her to leave her alone, and that Robert agreed with it. The psychiatrist had even gone to see her, and quickly confirmed that he had no objections with Patterson spending time with her. After all, he said, at the moment Jane needed her presence more than he did.

This fact became even more obvious after the second night. Feeling guilty about keeping Patterson away from her boyfriend now that she knew of their relationship, Jane had convinced the young woman to go home to sleep. After having slept well the day before, she thought she was strong enough to face a single night alone, after all she was used to it since her escape from the CIA. The team, however, didn't see it that way, and Tasha and Kurt volunteered to stay with her. Still suspicious despite their promises of friendship, and unaccustomed to having so many people around her, she had tried to divert their attention by pointing out the lack of comfort in the room, arguing that they didn't need to spend the night with her in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. The two agents knew they were pressuring her, given the fears she was probably still harboring about them, proven by the nervous glances she was throwing at them when they moved too fast, as if she expected an attack from them, but neither of them had wanted to quit. Weller seemed determined to keep the wounded woman within his sight as much as possible, which attracted both of them some light teasing from Zapata and Patterson. In a way, it was strangely comforting, because it reminded her of their dynamic from before… her arrest. But fortunately for Jane, the blonde had kept her promise and remained silent about her dreams concerning Weller.

The Latina also had her own reasons for wanting to stay with Jane. Spending time with the tattooed woman allowed them both to get used to each other again, even if it sometimes made them feel uncomfortable. They were both well aware that it would take time for them to forgive each other, but they were determined to give it the effort it required to succeed. The agent tried to put aside the fact that the dark-haired woman seemed almost desperate for affection and support, and she especially avoided thinking of the way she tried to hide it so as not to appear weak, which showed how traumatized she truly was by the events that had occurred in her life, because the idea was still too hard to accept.

Quickly, it turned out that their insistence to stay with her was justified. As Tasha was exchanging a few texts with Reade, and Weller was chatting outside with the agents, a terrified scream made them jump. The men rushed into the hall with their weapons in their hands, while Tasha jumped to her feet. In the bed, Jane screamed again in the midst of her sleep, seeming to be struggling against an invisible enemy.

\- "Shit," Weller swore, storing his weapon as there was no physical danger. "She's having a nightmare!" Zapata rushed to the call button and pressed it frantically to call the medical staff. The gesture, however, was more psychological than actually useful, because given Jane's screams, she doubted that there was anyone on the whole floor who had not heard her. Remembering Jane's reaction to her the first time she had awakened, the agent then hesitated about what to do next, hearing the wounded woman moan:

\- "Please, please, don't hurt her, I'll tell you whatever you want." Weller didn't bother asking questions and approached the bed to grab the young woman by the shoulders, paying attention to avoid her bruises.

\- "Jane, Jane wake up, it's just a nightmare!" Whether it was the words or his touch, his technique seemed to work and the ravenette suddenly opened her one useful eye. Her panicky look scanned the room quickly before landing on the Deputy Director.

-"Kurt… " she whispered uncertainty.

\- "Yes, it's me Jane, you're in the hospital, you don't have to worry," replied the agent, trying to ignore the satisfaction of seeing that the young woman had called him by his first name and not by his last as she had done since her return. Thinking that she was going to calm down, Weller made the mistake of loosening his embrace, and turned to order the two agents to return to their posts before she panicked seeing the weapon in theirs hands.

\- "Keaton… he… he was hurting me… he's going to find her... he's going to hurt Patterson. Where is Patterson?" Panicked Jane as her breathing increased rapidly again and she frantically searched for her friend in the room. Not seeing her, she tried to get out of bed, almost tearing out her IV before Weller caught her and forced her to lie down again, trying to control his strength so as not to hurt her further.

-"Jane, it was just a nightmare. Keaton can't get you here and Patterson is safe," Tasha reassured her as she approached. She tensed when Jane turned her attention to her, praying that she would not panic even more when she saw her. But strangely, the dark-haired woman seemed almost relieved to see her. Although that might have been because her mind was flashing back to when they were still friends…

\- "Tasha! He's going to hurt her… you have to warn her!" Realizing that the young woman wasn't going to calm down so easily, the agent grabbed her phone and quickly dialed Patterson's number. After a few rings, a half-asleep man's voice answered. Meanwhile, two nurses and the doctor on duty had finally arrived, and, with Kurt's help, were trying to convince Jane to stop moving. The red hue of her hospital gown already indicated that the stitches on her stomach must have torn again, and they wanted at all costs to avoid further aggravating her condition.

\- "Borden?" Tasha asked, not surprised to hear the psychiatrist picking up now that she knew he was dating her friend. "It's Jane… she had a pretty violent nightmare, I have to talk to Patterson right now!" A hasty conversation was audible in the background and the voice of the concerned analyst sounded from the phone that Zapata had just put on speaker:

\- "Jane it's me. I'm fine, okay?"

-"Nooooo," the dark-haired woman moaned as she stopped struggling, much to the relief of Kurt and the medical staff, to focus on the phone. "It's a trap… Keaton… he'll come for you!"

Borden's voice echoed over the speakers again: "Jane, it's only Agent Patterson and me here. You had what is called a post-traumatic nightmare. But what happens in your mind is not real."

-" No! He's coming for Patterson, he told me so!" Protested Jane, looking desperate because no one would believe her. Kurt and Tasha exchanged glances. Thanks to Cade's video, they knew what Jane was referring to, but not Borden. They would certainly have to share some information with him so that he could adapt his therapy.

\- "Jane, Robert and I are on the way to the hospital okay? As you will see, I'm fine. In the meantime, I want you to stay as calm as possible," said Patterson softly, speaking slowly, almost as if she were speaking to a young child. The analyst's voice seemed to calm Jane, who nodded obediently to her friend's words.

-"She understands," Zapata told her, knowing that Patterson couldn't see her gesture, before hanging up.

-"Very well, Miss Shaw," said the doctor. "We will have to sew up the stitches you have torn. Then we will give you a sedative so that you can sleep the rest of the night."

-" No!" Protested Jane defensively, trying to retreat into her bed, mentally cursing herself for being too weak to defend herself. "No way am I sleeping before I see Patterson and I'm sure she's okay!" She added stubbornly.

-"Calm down Jane," said Weller in a soothing voice, grabbing her right hand and glaring at the doctor. "Nobody is going to give you anything without your consent. We will wait patiently for Patterson's arrival, and then we will check with Borden over whether or not to give you anything." The doctor seemed to want to protest, but Kurt and Zapata's glare made him reconsider quickly. He redid the stitches again, but before leaving he found the courage to warn Weller.

\- "This is already the second time she's torn up her stitches. If you want her to heal, you'll have to either give her sedatives so that she doesn't get too agitated, or tie her down." Jane didn't seem to appreciate the threat, and glared at the doctor, though her expression lost much of its effect because of her pitiful appearance. Weller who was still by her side, was certainly not ready to drug the raven-haired woman any more than he was ready to let her hurt herself:

\- "Don't worry about her Doc, if she tries to leave her bed again, I'll tie her down myself." Turned towards the door, he missed the blush that colored Jane's cheeks at this idea, some of her fantasies involving the seductive Deputy Director of the FBI inappropriately crossed her mind again. Unfortunately for her, Tasha had her attention fixed on her and understood instantly. Noticing her wide smile, Jane gave her most pleading look, fearing that she would make a comment about her. Persuaded by her expression and her wounds, and knowing that teasing her like that would only embarrass her and jeopardize the efforts that both of them were making to try to work as before, Zapata just winked at her, and kept her remarks to herself as Weller turned around. Noticing Jane's scarlet face, he put a worried hand on her cheek:

\- "Jane, are you okay? You seem troubled…" The contact caused her blush to deepen, and the dark-haired woman felt a pleasant feeling of warmth run through her whole body.

\- "It's nothing… I'm just a little hot," muttered the wounded woman before realizing that, in the context, Tasha would surely misinterpret her words. As expected, the Latina's smile came back even wider, and Jane forced herself to ignore it. Kurt's hand then rested on her forehead to try to determine if she had a fever.

Of course, she felt strange and felt as if she was burning hot, but she would rather go back to the CIA than confess to Kurt the effect his touch had on her. Okay, maybe she wouldn't go that far, she thought, remembering what Keaton had done to her with a shiver, but anywhere else, just as to not face the embarrassment. Fortunately, Kurt seemed oblivious to the nature of her reaction and simply thought she was not feeling well because of her nightmare.

On the other hand, Zapata seemed to have understood the situation very well, and seemed to be both curious and very interested in her reaction. In her heart, however, Jane had to admit that she was strangely happy at this idea. After all, according to her meager experience, only friends teased each other on topics like this, and this proved that her relationship with Tasha could improve… Part of her was still suspicious after what they had inflicted on her, but their concern over the last few days seemed sincere and… she wanted more than anything to find the way their… group had worked before.

After reassuring Kurt that she felt better and that it was not necessary to call the doctor back, they waited silently for Patterson and Borden's arrival. Tasha had moved back into her chair on the right side of the room, unashamedly using the fact that Jane couldn't see her, at least without turning her head, to ogle at her interactions with Weller. Kurt, on his side, had resettled in the chair nearest to the bed, and was holding Jane's right hand. The dark-haired woman's blush had clearly faded, but even her facial wounds could not completely hide the fact that she appreciated this proximity. And even though he still looked a little worried, Weller's face also indicated that he was not unhappy with the situation, and Zapata narrowly hid a smirk so as to not get her boss's wrath.

Nevertheless, the few minutes of silence began to weigh heavily on Jane. The nightmare had made her think about Keaton, and some flashbacks of her torture in the basement had come back to her mind. Completely focused on her, Kurt quickly noticed her soothed countenance disappearing, replaced by a grimace of anguish.

\- "Jane, what's wrong?" He asked, leaning towards her. Tasha immediately looked up from her phone, pausing her chat with Patterson, to focus her attention on Jane too. She frowned as she noticed Jane's dark expression, who was nibbling on her lips nervously, slowly turning her head to look at both of them.

\- "Nothing… I was thinking about… Keaton," she mumbled.

\- "He can't hurt you anymore. We won't let him," Zapata told her instantly. However, to their astonishment, it was not that which seemed to bother the tattooed woman.

\- "When he… tortured me… he told me… a lot about the team and me," Jane said with difficulty, biting her lips. Kurt and Tasha exchanged glances. They knew what she was referring to, and to tell the truth they had expected her to confront them much earlier.

\- "What kinds of things?" Kurt asked gently, tightening his grip on her hand a little. Apparently she seemed to have forgotten that she had already spoken to them about this matter before, a rather blatant sign of her troubled mental state. But it was better not to point it out to her to avoid disturbing her unnecessarily, and even if it was painful, they would listen to her as many times as required to make her feel better.

\- "That you knew he wanted to take me back," Jane whispered, looking at him, hoping he would disabuse her. Weller sighed, closing his eyes. When he reopened them, he met Jane's look, full of hope and confusion, causing his heart tighten.

\- "Keaton is a master at manipulating the truth," he said finally. "Although in this case, I do have some responsibility for this. When Nas and I went to Bulgaria to follow Winter's trail, we came across Keaton who was also looking for him. He had to have been following us, because a little later we saw him again when Sandstorm's agents stormed our hideout. He helped us eliminate them and wanted Winter in exchange."

-"You didn't hand him over…"

-" Of course not. And he didn't take kindly to it… That's when he started boasting about… what he did to you… and threatened to do it again… "

\- "Why didn't you tell me anything? I could have… prepared myself, "Jane asked painfully, looking at him with hurt and confusion in her eyes. How could he hide such important information from her? Certainly at the time they didn't talk much, and he was still angry at her, but even while they weren't speaking, with the agreement they had made, a simple warning would have been enough.

-"I know, I screwed up," Kurt sighed. "I had so much on my mind at the time, and you were working with us again… I didn't think he would put his threat into action… That he would have the audacity to go after you while you were with us… In hindsight, it was stupid… "

-"Tell her the rest boss," Tasha said, making Jane turn to her.

-" There's something else?" Jane questioned uncertainly, thinking that he might have hidden something more serious from her.

\- "When Keaton threatened to take you back I… lost control. I attacked him and tried to strangle him." Now, Jane almost seemed relieved at the idea that Kurt had defended her. At the time, they barely spoke with each other, and yet the Deputy Director hadn't hesitated to physically attack another federal agent. For her…

\- "If Nas hadn't stopped me… Honestly I think I would have ended up killing him," Kurt admitted, his thumb absentmindedly drawing small circles on Jane's hand.

\- "Too bad you didn't," mumbled Jane before laying her head down a little more comfortably on her pillows.

\- "I'm sorry… I should have warned you… I should have known that after that he would seek revenge… " Kurt sighed rubbing his eyes with the thumb and forefinger of his left hand.

\- "It's not your fault… " Jane began before being cut off by Zapata, who took the opportunity to let out a little of her building frustration. They had been gently trying to convince her that she wasn't the only one responsible for their misfortunes ever since she had regained consciousness a few days earlier, but the young tattooed woman seemed determined to continue to blame herself. To see her in this way really made her feel bad, and if she wasn't showing any results to logic, maybe it was time to change her approach, although she still did not want to be too forceful with her.

\- "If you finish that sentence with the words that you deserved what happened to you, someone who thinks you shouldn't be blaming yourself so much could end up getting upset, and then force you to watch the entire 'America's Next Top Model' series, you know," said the agent with a falsely threatening smile, seeing the opportunity to tease the young woman as she had done before. She hoped that she would get the teasing and understand that it was a joke, which is why she had chosen such an absurd threat: not to scare her with a threat that she would think was real. The horrified look of the dark-haired woman made her snort, while Weller looked confused:

\- "Have I missed something?"

\- "It's an inside joke about a girl party we had… before Mayfair disappeared," Tasha replied, her smile falling a little while remembering the death of her boss, and the way she had treated Jane when she had learned of it. "We were trying to figure out what genres of tv Jane was most likely to like and after a few tries Patterson stopped on ANTM and… let's just say we found out the type of programs Jane hates," the Latina chuckled as she watched the comic look of horror on Jane's face.

\- "I don't understand how people can watch it. It's stupid and useless… " she mumbled, shaking her head slowly.

\- "Like a lot of shows, but that's the purpose of tv, entertainment," Tasha shrugged. "And then hey! Not everyone is addicted to fighting sports channels or gun demonstrations," she quipped, hoping for a reaction from the tattooed woman. Jane looked at her for a moment, and finding nothing to reply with, just frowned with a pout that was strangely touching, which made Zapata laugh happily at her small victory.

Weller watched, surprised but happy with the interaction between the two young women. He had never thought of asking if they had ever had parties between them, but in light of this, he understood a little better why the two felt so uncomfortable about betraying each others. The fact that Jane seemed to accept Tasha's teasing was, however, a positive sign in their willingness to give each other a chance to improve things, even though he suspected that there would surely be ups and downs before the situation became better. Considering the tensions that probably still existed between her and Jane, Zapata couldn't punish her self-guilt too harshly, for fear of confirming her fears, which explained the unusual threat.

\- "Is there anything else that's worrying you"? He asked, wanting to make the most of the moment. After all, since she seemed to be in good shape, so they could clear up all of Jane's fears in one go.

\- "Keaton said… there's a return form to the CIA… with my name on it… once I am no longer useful to the FBI?" The dark-haired woman said slowly after a brief hesitation, her face once again serious.

-" Of course not!" Kurt immediately reassured her. "I know it may be hard to believe given the way we've treated you, but I never intended to send you back there. It doesn't matter if you help us or not with Sandstorm, even if it's true that we absolutely must stop them. When I released you after your interrogation… I really meant what I was saying. I was mad at you, but I never, never wanted you to be tortured." Jane seemed to think intensely about his response, as if she could not quite determine whether he was being sincere. He couldn't really blame her for that, he had given her a number of reasons to be suspicious lately. But no matter what, he was ready to tell her that he would be there for her again and again until the idea remained in her pretty little stubborn head.

The two agents waited patiently for her to react, to say something, but the door opened to reveal Patterson, and Jane's attention immediately turned to her.

\- "You're here… " she breathed in relief of seeing her friend safe and sound.

-"Of course, I promised you I'd come," Patterson said, stifling a yawn. Seeing her, Jane could not help but feel guilty again. It was she who had insisted that the analyst go home and spend time with her boyfriend, and she had only lasted a few hours without her presence at her side.

\- "Sorry for making you come back here," she mumbled, avoiding the blonde's gaze.

-"Jane," Patterson sighed. "You don't have to blame yourself for that… And I'll tell you this, I wanted to stay with you from the beginning… Not that I don't want to spend time with you," she added hurriedly looking at Borden next to her, who smiled sweetly at her.

\- "I am quite relieved, I thought for a moment that I had been replaced and I don't know if my ego could've handled it," replied her boyfriend with a small smirk, squeezing her hand. "Anyway, I was going to be here today sooner or later…" the man continued, shrugging his shoulders.

\- "I'm sorry to have forced you here in the middle of the night," Jane whispered so softly that they had to focus on her words to hear her.

\- "There is nothing to be sorry about Jane. In your situation, nightmares are quite logical. In fact, even though it may sound horrible to say, I would have been much more worried about your mental health if you behaved normally after such an ordeal. That would have been an alarming sign of sociopathic behavior."

\- "Is she going to get better?" Asked Tasha worried.

-" I think so. Jane is strong, and if she agrees to confide in me a little, I hope to be able to help her cope. But for that she will have to be a little less stubborn," added the doctor with a small encouraging smile towards the wounded woman.

-"Good luck with that," said Weller, looking at Jane too, who could not help but say:

\- "Hey! I'm right here, didn't anyone ever tell you that it's rude to talk about people in front of them as if they aren't there?" Everyone smiled when they saw her react, which was obviously Borden's goal.

\- "Don't try to deny it, you're the most stubborn person I know," Weller pointed out. The tattooed woman stared at him for a breathless moment, then mumbled something about looking himself in a mirror, which turned the agent's teasing smile into a grimace of vexation, and caused the others in the room chuckled.

\- "On that positive note, we should decide what we're going to do tonight, to make sure the nightmares don't come back," said Borden in a more professional tone.

\- "They'll probably not come back, I usually only have one a night, even if I do have trouble getting back to sleep " Jane replied distractedly, continuing to observe Weller's pouting, which she found strangely touching, before realizing what she had just revealed.

-"Jane," Borden sighed, rubbing his eyes before looking at her again. "How long have you had these nightmares?"

-"For a while," the young woman answered evasively.

-"There's nothing you need to be ashamed of, Jane. Are we talking hours, days, weeks…?" Encouraged the therapist.

-"Something like that," Jane continued, trying to evade the topic.

\- "I repeat my question, are we talking about days or weeks?" Repeated Borden gently but firmly.

\- "Weeks", finally confessed the ravenette in a whisper, shocking the doctor.

\- "I don't understand how no one saw this... or how I missed the signs… " Borden mumbled thoughtfully. The agents exchanged shamefaced glances at hearing these words.

\- "We all went through a difficult time, and… we were not as attentive to Jane as we should have been," Kurt sighed. Borden did not look at him, his attention fixed on Jane. This time he noticed the little signs he was looking for, a slight tremor of her hands, a quick twitch of her lips, before the young woman relaxed and tried to act as if nothing had happened.

\- "I see," he said thoughtfully. "In that case, I guess I'll have to talk to each of you as well. There are certainly many things you will have to deal with before the team is fixed again. "

\- "That's not a bad idea," Kurt agreed, while at the same time Jane hurriedly said:

\- "We have already discussed everything, everything is fine between us. There is no problem, everything will be like before." The agents seemed delighted by this idea, but Borden's medical experience sounded an alarm in his head.

\- "You say that because you're in a hurry to leave," smiled Zapata with amusement. The tattooed woman glanced hopefully at Borden, who shook his head gently.

\- "Sorry, but I have to talk with your doctor first. Given your injuries, it could be necessary to stay a few more days. For tonight, I guess Patterson will stay here, from what I understand you didn't have nightmares last night when she slept here… " Jane shook her head shyly and glanced hopefully at her friend, who replied with only with a smile. "We don't really have time for a session now, so I'll just say this: most of the things you see in your nightmares are not real. On the other hand, they are triggered by certain traumatic memories that we will have to discuss. I know you are a secretive person who doesn't confide with others very easily. But the sooner you accept what has happened to you, the better the chances are that the nightmares will stop… "

-"The doctor talked about drugging her or tying her down to keep her from struggling," said Weller, wanting the advice of someone who knew Jane better than the hospital personnel.

\- "A tranquilizer can actually be used in case of a serious crisis to prevent a waking Jane from aggravating her injuries. However, I think it is better to keep this option as a last resort. As long as she manages to have a good night with someone she trusts with her, I'd prefer to avoid sleeping drugs. We don't really know what their effects could be on her weakened mind in addition to the ZIP..."

\- "And as for the… restraints?"

\- "Honestly I'm completely opposed to it. I understand the point of view of the hospital, their main concern is to limit the risk that the patient hurts themselves physically. But tying down a tortured person will only remind them of their trauma, and I'm sure you'll agree with me that that is not what we want." Borden's speech slightly reassured Jane. Not only would her friend keep her company, but nobody was going to drug her or restrain her. The last thing she wanted right now was to feel helpless and defenseless again.

This idea triggered a little voice in her head, which whispered: "Liar! It would not bother you to be helpless while Weller takes care of you. Imagine yourself in your bed, his big powerful hands running down your body, caressing every inch of your bare skin… It would be a lot more entertaining than the last time he handcuffed you." Glancing around her, the dark-haired woman tried to hide the red that was rising to her cheeks as she looked at Kurt stealthily. She was definitely going to have to do something, this was the second time since her liberation that Weller's presence triggered this kind of waking fantasy. If this continued, she would soon be unable to face him, let alone work with him. She didn't understand why her mind reacted that way. Okay, Kurt had been kinder to her these last two days than in the last few months, but that was not enough to put herself in this state.

Pausing to release a frustrated sigh, she decided she would ask Patterson's advice if things didn't improve in the next few days. Her reaction didn't escape the notice of the young analyst and Zapata, who exchanged amused looks. If Jane reacted this way in the presence of Weller, it showed that the bond between them was not completely dead, and that it could be repaired. Who knew, maybe something good could come out of this whole mess? Borden's voice drew everyone's attention to the doctor:

\- "I propose that we let the ladies discuss their arrangements for the night between them. Agent Weller, Agent Zapata, I'd like to discuss with you the details of our future sessions." Obediently, both agents followed him outside the room, and while Weller asked the agents on duty to give them some privacy for their conversations, Borden and Zapata looked through the blinds. As soon as they were out, Patterson had come to sit next to Jane and began to rub her affectionately on the back of her hand. Fascinated, they watched the lips of the two young women move as they chatted, while Jane's eyelids, which were much more relaxed, struggled to stay open.

\- "I still can't believe to the effect she has on Jane," whispered Tasha seeing the tattooed woman more relaxed than she had been with them in the room.

-"It's because Patterson never gave her any reason to be suspicious of her," Weller said with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

\- "If you want my help, you'll have to tell me what happened between your team and Jane. From your reactions and hers, I'm guessing there's obviously a lot to be fixed between you all… "

-"We'll tell you what we can to help Jane," Weller agreed. "But I'm warning you now that some of the details that could threaten the ongoing investigation will be kept secret."

-"I understand," sighed Borden, "I'll do my best with what I'm given… In the meanwhile, I want you to be aware of something about Jane… "

-"She lied to us… " Kurt sighed anticipating his words.

\- "What? Boss, you can't say that, she… " Zapata began before being interrupted by Borden.

\- "It was not a lie in the sense that you mean… rather a… protective mechanism. When I talked about an open-heart discussion among all of you, she briefly fell back onto herself, saying that everything was fine."

-"Why?" Questioned Zapata.

\- "Partly not to hurt your feelings and partly because she is most likely afraid of your reactions, I suppose. It became for her an automatic defense mechanism to not show any flaws and to hide her emotions. Certainly she seems more expressive now, but that does not mean that she shows everything she feels."

\- "It's true that we have not been very kind to her lately, but she doesn't have to be afraid of us," said Tasha.

\- "It's not just fear, well not directly. I don't have all the details, but I've noticed a few signs while you were talking about the tensions that have been rather visible between you and her in recent weeks, even though she was quick to hide her reactions… "

-"She's mad at us, isn't she?" Weller said, sighing again.

\- "Yes, which is quite normal in her situation. But she doesn't dare express it for fear of being rejected. Given your respective behaviors, it is easy to see that you've all decided to give yourselves a second chance. But because of the trauma she suffered… "

\- "Jane doesn't think she deserves a second chance," said Weller lugubriously.

\- "Probably. As a result, she doesn't know how to react to this situation. It will take time and patience to get her to admit that she has the right to be happy, but also to be angry about what she went through. One of the first things we will have to do is to get her to externalize this anger so that she doesn't withdraw in on herself and allow that anger to eat away at her. "

\- "If her condition was better, I would offer her a good sparring session," muttered Tasha.

\- "That is unfortunately not an option at the moment, but there are many other ways to help her cope and we will discuss it with the team. The mistake to avoid is wanting to skip the necessary steps for recovery. Remember that healing is a marathon not a sprint."

…

After the discussion with Borden, it took three long, lengthy days for Jane to finally be allowed to go home. The team, without Jane, had a meeting at the NYO to determine what to do with her, and what subjects to avoid. In face of Nas' previous insistence, and the progress Jane had shown in her interactions with them, they had stuck to a version close enough to the truth for Borden. They had kept the story that Jane had been kidnapped and tortured by Cade for three months, and after several long debates, Weller had decided to share with Borden his discovery that Jane was not Taylor, which would explain the initial coldness between them upon her return. They didn't mention the whole affair with Mayfair and Sandstorm, not because they didn't trust Borden, but because Patterson didn't want to put him in danger. Finally, they agreed that Keaton had kidnapped Jane because he thought her tattoos were leading to CIA secrets and had tortured her before the team had rescued her.

Now Weller and Patterson stood in front of Jane's bed, the blonde nervously explaining to her friend the story they had prepared for Borden so that she could comply. To their relief, the tattooed woman readily agreed to play into the story, although they could see that she was not thrilled at the prospect of new therapy sessions.

-"Look on the bright side, you're now allowed to get out of here," Kurt told her, smiling in spite of himself in face of her happier expression. He took a few moments to allow Patterson to help her friend put on the clean clothes she had brought to her. When he entered the room again, Jane was sitting upright on the edge of her bed despite her wounds, waiting impatiently to leave. Her expression, however, turned into a grimace when a nurse's aide entered with a wheelchair.

\- "I don't need that thing," the young woman mumbled, looking at the object as if it had personally insulted her.

\- "Sorry ma'am but it's hospital policy." Seeing that Jane wouldn't budge, Kurt approached and, without giving her time to protest, lifted her cautiously by scooping one arm under her legs and another around her shoulders, trying to ignore her grimace of pain when her stitches pulled. Then, he gently put the young woman in the chair, amused with her flustered look, Patterson bit her lips to keep from laughing at the red cheeks of her friend, guessing where her thoughts had drifted to at Weller's touch.

As soon as they reached the entrance of the hospital, Jane leapt from the chair as quickly as possible, grimacing as she stood up. Quickly her bad mood disappeared when a current of fresh air hit her face. Closing her eyes, she savored the sensation for a moment, before Kurt gently nudged her back to convince her to move. Slowly, they made their way to an SUV with Agent Monroe at the wheel, while Agent Culligan was keeping watch outside the vehicle.

….

 _Jane's safe house_

The ride to her safe house didn't last long, and she thanked the two agents who then moved to guard the house from the street.

Assisted by Patterson, she slowly climbed the stairs to the front door, surprised to find it ajar. Seeing that her friends did not look worried, she entered to find Borden, Reade, Tasha and curiously, Nas, waiting in the living room. But something seemed odd, and after a few seconds of observation, Jane realized what was bothering her. The walls that had remained empty since her return had found the two picture frames with replicas of famous artworks that Patterson had offered her the previous Christmas. Even the stupid Pinocchio's clock, which announced every hour with a tongue stick out, that Tasha had offered her one day to make her laugh, was there.

\- "We thought it would be nice to celebrate your return home by bringing your things back. It wasn't easy to get out all this without anyone asking questions but… I think everything is here," said the young Latina shifting nervously from foot to foot. Jane slowly looked at each of them, before a tear fell to each of her cheeks.

\- "Thank you," she whispered simply. For the first time in weeks, she felt like she was returning to a real house. The feeling of returning home. Taken by the moment, she approached Tasha who was the closest and impulsively hugged her. The agent stiffened a little at first, surprised by the demonstration of affection, then returned her hug clumsily. The team watched with relief at the exchange which was symbolically positive, and then everyone sat down, Patterson arranged several cushions for Jane so she could be as comfortable as possible on the couch. Making himself at home, Weller distributed a few beers, while the raven-haired woman had to be content with a fruit juice to avoid any dangerous reactions with the alcohol and her painkillers.

Jane relaxed gradually as she listened to the idle chatter around her, surrounded by Patterson and Zapata, Kurt sat right in front of her. Finally, Nas said that she had to go home, and after some congratulations which lacked warmth to Jane about her return, she left the apartment. But honestly, Jane didn't care. The only people who really mattered to her, besides her brother, were here, and things seemed better than ever. Soon, Kurt requisitioned Patterson to prepare dinner, leaving the young woman with Reade, Zapata and Borden, although not without having insisted that Jane take her painkillers. Whether it was the atmosphere or the medicine, Jane was so relaxed that she soon fell into a happy state of semi-consciousness.

However, it was ended when, after a few minutes of discussions on the latest sports game, Reade decided to ask a question that had obviously been bothering him for a while:

\- "Jane, there is one thing I would like to know… Why didn't you come to us when you were having problems before your arrest? We could have helped you, you knew you could trust us, but you didn't?"

\- "Agent Reade, I'm not sure that's a good… " Borden began alarmed as Zapata whistled angrily at her teammate:

\- "Reade, what are you doing?!"

Surprised by the topic's change as she floated a few seconds more in her almost asleep state, the ravenette mumbled: "Difficult to trust people who accuse you of being a spy on the mere word of a criminal." After a few seconds, her brain finally caught up to what she had just said, and she stiffened, waiting for the team's reaction now that the cat was out of the bag. No doubt that despite their promises, they would not let themselves be questioned without reacting.


	12. Chap 12 - She's Not Ready

Hello everybody. Sorry for the long time, but the last weeks had keep me more busy than I wanted. Thanks you for all your reviews, you're wonderful!

As habitual, a big thanks to my beta-reader, Readeronly76.

…

 **Disclaimer : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

…..

.

 **Chapter 12 - She's Not Ready**

…

 _Jane's Safe House_

A silence fell on the living room as Patterson and Kurt, who were standing in the kitchen, stopped preparing food and turned to stare at Jane over the central island. Borden watched carefully, but wasn't really surprised by their reactions. Reade on the contrary, seemed shocked, likely because the event to which Jane was referring to was not recent. They realized that she had been keeping it to herself for months…

The way Jane tensed after her spontaneous confession was also revealing to them. She had felt confident enough to open up, or maybe the moment had just made her more relaxed than usual. Whichever it was, she had accidentally lowered her barriers, but now that the rational part of her mind had taken over again, she seemed to be waiting for some kind of retribution.

Tasha, sitting in a chair to the right of Jane, was the first to move, but her movement only seemed to make things worse. Wanting to attract the dark-haired woman's attention, she reached out to touch her shoulder. Not expecting her gesture, Jane violently jumped away from the movement, resulting in her jerking away too abruptly. Raising her broken left arm defensively in front of herself, as if to ward off the blow she expected to receive from Zapata, she had tried at the same time to move to the other end of the sofa. Her grimace of pain was heartbreaking, for it told them that her pain was stronger than the dose of painkillers she had taken.

-"Sorry, sorry," Zapata apologized hurriedly, stepping back a bit to avoid seeming menacing. "I just wanted to get your attention but… Jane… I'm not going to hit you… " the woman added with a pained expression from seeing Jane retreat from her as if she expected to be beaten. The suspicious look the other woman gave her hurt her far more than if someone had hit her. She still hoped to regain Jane's trust, but seeing her reaction made her wonder if it would even be possible… The last few days had brought its share of progress, but that progress now seemed meager. Her mere gesture had been enough to cause Jane to revert back into her distrustful state of mind.

Reade was now looking embarrassed, feeling guilty about asking his question so untactfully, and from the dark looks that Tasha and Patterson gave him, he knew he wasn't finished regretting it. Wanting at all costs to avoid making matters worse, he decided to be discreet and wait for Borden to take control of the situation.

\- "Well… even if the time and place leaves much to be desired… I think it's as good of an opportunity as any to clarify a few matters," said the psychiatrist calmly. Jane looked at him suspiciously, searching for the best way to regain control of the situation. Of course, a part of her was angry with them for their treatment of her. But she had absolutely no intentions of giving them any of the reasons that made her doubt them as they made progress to try to get along again as a real team.

\- "There is nothing to explain. The past is in the past," she tried to elude in a neutral tone, trying to keep an impassive face while repositioning herself a little more comfortably on the couch. Seeing their expressions, it was obvious that the team and Borden were not going to settle with that. But surprisingly, they seemed more hurt by her reaction than her words… Patterson moved again and came to sit next to her, grabbing her hand in the process:

\- "Jane… Nobody here wants to hurt you. You can tell us what you have on your mind… "

\- "I'm fine… the… painkillers are just making me say nonsense, that's all," the dark-haired woman shrugged, shrugging her shoulders to try to look more convincing. Her attempt sounded pathetic, even to her own ears, and she cursed herself once again for her own stupidity. Just when she thought she could regain the team's trust, she threw her resentment at them in their face. No wonder they hated her…

\- "Jane… we don't hate you!" Tasha protested with shock, causing the wounded woman to freeze with the realization that she had spoken aloud. Her gaze drifted to the dismayed faces of Kurt, Reade, and Patterson, ending with Borden, who also seemed to be shocked by her words. Incredulous, they watched as Jane's indifferent mask cracked, giving way to fear, as her eyes frantically searched for a way out of the room and her breathing quickened. Patterson immediately tightened her grip on her hand, as if to prevent her from fleeing, squeezing her hand without moving her arm since she was on her left and didn't want to move the woman's broken arm.

\- "Jane… breathe… no one will do anything to you I promise. You don't have to do this to yourself," she said softly, rubbing her friend's upper back, knowing it was a relatively harmless area of her body. Once again, her touch seemed to soothe Jane's fears, causing her to gradually relax, although she still avoided the eyes of the others in the room. Accordingly, she didn't notice Kurt's approach, and his sudden presence in front of her surprised her, nearly making her jump.

\- "You don't have to hide how you feel," he said softly, crouching down in front of her to be level with her face, waiting patiently for her to look at him. As if attracted by a magnet, Jane's green eyes were soon fixed on his own and he observed a fearful glaze that looked so unnatural on her and showed how bad of a state she was in. Once again he wondered how he could have let all this happen.

\- "I don't know what you're talking about," the young woman mumbled. Internally, the agents sighed, wondering how they didn't notice what was happening when she was following Oscar's orders. Spending almost every day with her, they should have easily seen how bad a liar she was. Strangely, their inner reflections led them all to the same point. They hadn't seen anything because they weren't looking for signs of deception from Jane, because she had gained their trust. In doing so, the ravenette rarely had to lie to them directly, but rather omit some information from them. And for the first time, they wondered how she must have felt at that time, forced to lie, even by omission, to the closest people to her for fear that something would happen to them if she spoke.

\- "Jane, you must not be afraid of your emotions. After what you've been through, it's quite normal to feel angry," Borden interjected, catching her gaze over Weller's shoulder.

\- "I'm not angry," the dark-haired woman tried to deny again.

\- "Of course you are," the doctor said calmly, deciding to try another approach, folding his hands in front of him and staring at her. Internally, he was preparing himself to incur both his girlfriend's and Weller's disapproval if he succeeded in achieving the results he was pushing for.

\- "No," Jane said again, frowning. Why didn't he understand that she simply didn't want to continue down this path? Her sessions with him had been spaced out since her return from CIA custody because he was not aware of what she had experienced, and she had almost forgotten how irritating the doctor could be.

\- "I'm sure that even you don't believe what you're saying."

\- "Of course I do," Jane growled, getting more and more frustrated. Patterson watched the scene for a moment, hesitant to interrupt her boyfriend as Jane became more and more angry. But a light pressure on her arm from Zapata stopped her. Obviously her friend understood what he wanted to do. Of course she had confidence in him and his professional skills, but she didn't want Jane to retreat back into herself. Borden was watching Jane's behavior closely, knowing that he would have to be very careful. He was well aware of the side effects of the medication she had taken and knew that her tolerance for annoyances was reduced. He was counting on that to force the tattooed woman into opening up. Normally he wouldn't risk trying this approach on a patient just coming out of a major traumatic episode, but he did not have any other options because of how stubborn she was.

Reade also understood what Borden was trying to do, and he wondered if the man had a death wish… Because there was no way Weller would allow this without reacting. The tattooed woman's denials showed that she was determined to keep herself in her protective bubble, however, it was crucial to burst that bubble as soon as possible. From what he's seen of her behavior, she couldn't get better if she kept refusing to face her fears. Since acceptance was the beginning of healing, he knew that Borden needed her to open up to treat the problem. And although Patterson's presence was beneficial to Jane and allowed her to manage her symptoms of PTSD, it would only last for a while. And as long as she was convinced that the rest of her team was angry at her, she couldn't move on.

\- "Again, it's perfectly natural to be angry in your situation," Borden said softly.

\- "Are you deaf? I'm telling you I'm fine," Jane hissed, her lips pursed with annoyance.

-" Really? So why did you raise your voice?" The doctor calmly asked.

\- "You're the one who won't stop harassing me… " rumbled the dark-haired woman, looking at him furiously.

\- "I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong. It's clear that something is bothering you, and if you want me to help you, I need you to tell me… "

\- "Tell you what? That I'm angry? Yes I'm angry, because ever since I've gotten out of that bag in Times Square, everyone expects answers from me that I don't have! Everyone is waiting for me to do something for them without ever giving me anything in return! Everyone lies to me and then waits for me to tell the truth! Everyone stabs me in the back and then wants me to be loyal!" Jane yelled, glaring at him with her jaw clenched tight despite the pain from her bruising as she struggled to contain her emotions and the flood of negative feelings that she wanted to express.

\- "There we go," Borden said quietly. "I know it can be difficult for you to express how you feel, Jane. But letting all of these negative emotions buildup is not healthy, you don't have to bottle things up… "

\- "Stop. I don't want to talk about it!" Jane growled, trying to retreat back into herself. She had to calm down before she revealed things that could show even more of her weaknesses to the team. Although they seemed friendlier lately, the balance was fragile and she could not afford to lose them again by showing them how much she was affected by their behavior. Once again, she tried to push back the thought that it was just a trick to gain her cooperation. It was probably stupid… a sort of trauma-related denial… but she still preferred to believe that they were sincere in their concern of her rather than risk being alone again…

\- "Okay Jane, I'm sorry for pushing you that way," Borden capitulated, knowing that they had gotten as far as they would for today.

\- "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you," Jane mumbled, seeming to shrink in on herself, the complete opposite of the aggressive behavior she had displayed just a few moments earlier, making all of them again uneasy by her sudden change in mood. The young woman was clearly lost on how to behave, keeping her fears to herself for fear that they get angry and punish her, while at the same time, seeming to hope that their friendship could become what it was before.

\- "Jane, you don't have to apologize," Kurt sighed, drawing her gaze again. "You have the right to be angry… especially at us," he added after a pause. Even if he understood what Borden had wanted to do, he didn't really appreciate that the man had pushed Jane so far, and resolved to make that clear to him.

\- "But I don't want to hurt you… " sighed the wounded woman in a tone that was now almost plaintive. Patterson moved closer and wrapped her right arm around her shoulders. After a moment of hesitation, the young woman leaned against her friend's shoulder, letting the fatigue overwhelm her as the tension left her body little by little.

\- "Jane, we won't lie to you, of course it hurts to hear what you've kept to yourself about the way we treated you," Tasha said in a firm voice. "But what hurts even more is knowing that you've let all of that gnaw at you for months without daring to tell us."

\- "I'm sorry for being so weak and pathetic," murmured the tattooed young woman, finally daring to admit her weakness.

\- "You're not weak, Jane," Borden intervened. "I'm sure that no one here thinks so." The rest of the team frantically nodded their approval of these words, while the tattooed woman raised her head slightly to watch them each in turn. "The ordeal you went through would have destroyed most people, yet you are still here. I'm not going to lie to you, while getting better, there will be ups and downs, and everything will not be worked out in a day. But you don't have to deal with this alone. You have nothing to prove to anyone, especially to this team… " The dark-haired woman thought over these words, until Patterson asked a question that had been gnawing at her since Jane's outburst:

\- "Jane, what were you referring to earlier?"

The wounded woman bit her lip, hesitating to answer as she thought that she had succeeded in diverting their attention. But she had already said too much anyway, so she might as well attempt to end this matter once and for all. At least their reactions would tell if they were sincere or not in their concern about her…

-"When we were looking for the Russian mole in the FBI and Fisher framed me… you all thought I was guilty. Only Kurt thought I was innocent… But there was no evidence against me, just things that I didn't want to tell on the lie detector because I had enough of everyone digging into my life and into my head… And I also felt guilty about David's… death… because he was following my tattoos." Jane paused, briefly remembering that it was also her holding back about Oscar that made her fail the test, but that the team could easily guess, and she didn't want to broach the subject in front of Borden. "But when a guy that I had never seen before testified against me… you believe him… You all thought that the poor amnesiac woman covered in tattoos could only be a criminal… a spy… When the agents took me away, I saw in your eyes that you all thought I was guilty. I've saved all of your lives several times over in the field, I've worked hard on all of the tattoo cases, and you let them take me without letting me explain… without even giving me a chance… " finished Jane in a broken voice that revealed she was struggling not to cry.

Her last sentence especially stung the agents, because they understood the double meaning. To Borden, she was only referring to that previous event. But to them it was also a reminder of how they had abandoned her in the CIA's hands.

With a shudder, they imagined at the same moment what she must have felt then, given up to be tortured without mercy for weeks, months… Hopelessly … Knowing that no one would come for her… Reade and Zapata looked a bit sick and disgusted with themselves at this idea. Kurt was in a different situation because he had been much closer to her before she knew she was not Taylor Shaw. He felt doubly guilty, but also strangely proud that she had managed to escape alone. It said a lot about her determination and skills. The deputy director, however, fought the impulse to take her in his arms. Even though their relationship had improved over the last few days, he doubted that she would easily accept his touch as she still seemed to be suspicious of them.

Patterson, meanwhile, felt as guilty as the rest of the team, but having Jane snuggled against her helped her deal with it better. Just as it had to be helping Jane, who looked much more relaxed. Mentally, however, she made a note to have a conversation with the team. They simply couldn't continue to take advantage of her recovery to push her to confide. She really deserved a break after the last few days… no… after the last few months… The blonde also took the opportunity to cast a particularly nasty glare at Reade, who squirmed nervously in his chair.

\- "All right, I think we can all agree that we have made enough progress for today," concluded Borden. "Maybe we should eat so that Jane can rest after,"

\- "I'm fine," muttered Jane, half asleep against Patterson.

\- "And you'll get better after eating," she encouraged her.

\- "Yes, you have to finish your plate if you want to become a big girl," Zapata teased as if she were talking to a child. The idea made its way into Jane's mind, but lead her down a different tangent.

\- "When can I return to the field?" Her question made the team and Borden smirk, happy with her desire to return to her daily life, even though they knew they would have to limit her activities considering her condition.

\- "A return to work is premature at the moment… Anyway, it will take several weeks for your physical wounds to heal so that matter will not arise immediately. I would also like to wait until I'm sure there isn't a risk of a panic attack before giving you a weapon again," the psychiatrist answered honestly. Despite her desire to be useful again, Jane couldn't really oppose this precaution. Although she would feel better with a way to defend herself, the last thing she wanted was to hurt the team or a civilian because she couldn't control herself in a stressful condition.

As Kurt returned to the kitchen to warm up the chicken and cheese sandwiches he had prepared, Jane sat up slightly and turned towards Tasha. Even though the swelling in her left eye had come down slightly, her vision was still blurred on that side and she was irritated at her limited field of sight.

\- "Sorry for reacting like that with you," she mumbled. Despite their differences, she remembered their relationship before all of this. Tasha had been one of her first friends, along with Patterson. She had helped her, teased her, dragged her shopping, helped her to adapt to her life as an adult woman with the social skills and experiences of a infant. Once she had confessed to her involvement in Mayfair's death the Latina had also been the cruelest to her, but it was because the former Assistant Director had been a great inspiration to her as a strong female role model. She didn't really know if she could trust her repentance, but… she really wanted to believe that they could get past their mutual misdeeds to become friends again. Zapata frowned, but before she could protest, Borden cut in to help:

\- "Jane… spontaneous defensive reactions are quite normal for victims of torture. This is called hyper-vigilance. The mind adopts instinctive mechanisms to escape pain, and some victims even retreat completely into themselves." His last sentence, though subtle, was to make her understand how strong they thought she was to not have reacted in that way, and the young woman seemed to understand the message.

Tasha rose quietly to come and sit to Jane's right, and after a moment of hesitation, put her hand on the young woman's knee to allow her to get used to her touch, and show her that she didn't want to hurt her. Then, she leaned over and spoke softly

\- "I know you're mad at me for what I did to you, and you have no reason to believe me… But I promise that I will never hurt you again. I would rather die than to inflict any more on you than what you have already suffered… " said the federal agent, wanting to reassure her without being too emotional in public. "On the other hand, if I hear you say that you deserved what happened to you or apologize for something that you're not responsible for, I swear to you that I'll carry through with the threat that I made to you in the hospital… by the way, did you know that there is a Korean version?" She added teasingly, trying to soften her comment a little. If the first part of her little speech seemed to reassure Jane, the end gave her a little shudder of horror. She was well aware that the Latina would not hesitate to put her threat into action, and being forced to watch that stupid show for hours would drive her crazy for sure. In a way, the little dig was… reassuring, because Zapata was trying to behave with her in the same way that she had before her arrest, unlike Kurt and Patterson who seemed to think of her as some fragile item, ready to break at any moment.

Kurt reentered the living room with several paper plates on which several microwaved sandwiches lay. He also placed a small bowl of soup in front of Jane, aware that it would probably be easier for her to swallow. His mindfulness didn't go unnoticed, and Tasha and Patterson exchanged a look and a small knowing smile. Jane was pleasantly surprised when the smell of food attracted her instead of disgusting her as it so frequently had since her return. She slowly swallowed the hot soup under the watchful and not so subtle eyes' of the team.

\- "Stop looking at me like that," she mumbled finally, uncomfortable with their excessive attention. Not wanting to disturb her any further, the agents started discussing the latest gossip in the office, making sure to include Jane even though the woman didn't have much to say about it. Which was not the case with Reade, she thought, she had never suspected that he could be such a gossip. Kurt's, Tasha's and Patterson's chuckles; Borden's amused smile; and Reade's annoyed look pulled her out of her thoughts.

\- "Don't tell me that I said that aloud," she said, blushing.

\- "Okay, we're not going to say it," Patterson said with a broad smile, almost making her want to disappear into the couch.

\- "Even if Eddie deserved it," Zapata added, staring intently at her teammate, who grimaced, understanding that she still wasn't pleased with him.

After finishing her bowl of soup, the tattooed woman was then pressured by Kurt to eat half a sandwich, who only agreed to let her stop when she assured him that she couldn't swallow anything more. Even though the amount of food she had ingested was small, it was still a good sign considering her condition, and they felt satisfied with it. While Zapata and Reade were preparing to take off, the Latina announcing that she had things to discuss with her partner, Borden approached his girlfriend, and embraced her. Jane watched their discreet kissing with a hint of envy, until Kurt sat down next to her.

\- "Thank you for… bringing all of my stuff back and… for the rest," awkwardly whispered Jane, shifting slightly uncomfortably

\- "No problem," said Weller calmly, smiling at her a little uncertainly. For some reason she couldn't understand, his smile seemed contagious, and she felt the need to smile back. "If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask." As Borden headed towards the front door after saying goodbye, Jane noticed with surprise that Patterson was not following him.

\- "Patterson's going to sleep here with you," Kurt explained in response to her questioning gaze. The news seemed to please Jane, who, although she didn't want to admit it aloud, didn't feel able to last the night alone. "With your nightmares… we thought it would be the best way to reassure you that Keaton will not hurt either of you. Two agents will also remain permanently outside." Jane couldn't help but smile at the thought that her friend would be safe, and took a step forward and wrapped her arms around Weller's muscular torso. Taken by surprise, probably because she had initiated the contact, the agent stiffened at first, and the dark-haired woman feared that she had gone too far. But as she moved back, she felt the Deputy Director's strong arms wrap around her. Just enough to make her feel comfortable, but not enough to put pressure on her injuries and hurt her. Under Patterson's amused gaze, she savored the hug as much as she could before moving back.

\- "Thank you," she repeated.

\- "No problem," Kurt said as if nothing had happened, while internally his heart was pounding. Not wanting the moment to become even more awkward, he quickly said goodbye to the two young women and left the house, letting them get prepared for the night.

….

 _NYO, four days later_

During the following days, the team regularly switched out with each other so that at least one of them would be at Jane's safehouse throughout the day, with Patterson regularly spending the night there. Borden also talked to her every day, trying to convince the young woman to open up. He obtained limited success when, after several sessions, she agreed to let him see a few pages of her sketchbook. In face of his shocked and angry look, even though he did an admirable job of concealing it, the agents didn't dare to ask what she had shown him, even though they had a pretty good idea what it was.

Jane's progress was slow, but they had expected it. Her ribs remained sensitive to sudden movements, but she could now move slowly without suffering too much pain. The swelling around her eye had also come down quite a bit, although the area was still a little swollen and made an impressive shiner. Her broken nose had taken on a less frightening color, and the contusion on her jaw was still visible but also on its way to healing.

On a mental level, however, the woman was experiencing her ups and downs. Despite Patterson's presence, she woke up almost every night screaming, and then struggled to get back to sleep. Borden had told them that if the situation continued, he would consider a sedative to try to improve her nights, even though he was against the idea. What was most worrying, however, were her panic attacks. Although she hadn't had another with them, Tasha told the team that Jane froze up when she heard a city employee working on a lamppost in the street, which caused an unpleasant sizzle that more than likely reminded her of what Keaton had done to her, when she had just gone out to offer coffee to Monroe and Calligan who were still stationed in front of her house.

That had happened two days ago, and since then, the team was reluctant to let her leave the safety of her home again, not wanting to rush things. In addition to this, Jane regularly tensed in their presence, even freezing up at times, especially when they took her by surprise, or when she thought she said or did something that could make them mad. These episodes occurred frequent with Tasha and Reade, and a little less with Kurt, which was a meager comfort to him that the bond that they had shared was not completely dead. Each time, they did everything they could to convince the woman that she didn't have to worry about their reaction, but each of those moments was like a stab, reminding them of how she had come to be so wary of them. And the day was already starting out well, mentally sighed Kurt as he saw Pellington enter his office as he talked with Nas about Jane's cover.

\- "Deputy Director Weller, when, by necessity, I agreed to allow further investigation into the Jane Doe case, I did not expect such a deployment of our resources… "

\- "The circumstances have changed, sir. Jane needs to be under protection."

-" From what? Need I remind you that she was a part of the largest domestic terrorist network this country has seen in recent years? Simply because she has agreed to cooperate with us to dismantle Sandstorm doesn't mean that the taxpayer will pay to allow her to avoid the consequences of her choices. She should already be happy that we are providing her with a roof…" retorted the Director in a haughty manner that deeply irritated Weller.

Before he could respond in a way that could cost him his job, Nas intervened, hiding the disgust she felt behind her usual cold mask:

\- "Director Pellington, Agent Weller was not referring to Sandstorm."

\- "What is the threat then"? Pellington asked irritably, as if all of this was just a waste of his time.

\- "Last week, the CIA kidnapped Jane from the front of her house, and tortured her for several hours before we could locate and recover her."

\- "I beg your pardon?" The Director said in shock. With a sigh, Nas repeated what she had said, and summarily described the following series events. His lack of knowledge of the event while the entire NYO had been discussing it for days spoke volumes about his lack of interest in ongoing investigations.

\- "I see… has your inability to protect her led her to reconsider the help she is giving us with Sandstorm?" Weller quietly clenched his fists under his desk, struggling hard to resist the urge to punch the callous politician who didn't even ask about the wellbeing of the victim…

\- "No," Nas assured him. "But during her recovery, she needs to be safe. And while on that note, we should consider changing her residence since the CIA obviously knows her address… "

\- "I don't see any reason to waste any more resources. Jane Doe will stay where she is, and her escort will not exceed the two agents you have assigned her. Who knows, maybe that will motivate her to further cooperate… " This time, Kurt did not stop himself:

\- "Sir," he growled his jaw tight as he stood up, his hands pressed flat against his desk. "With all due respect, that is an idiotic decision! The test showed that Jane was perfectly sincere in her willingness to cooperate with us, and a decision such as this may instead make her doubt our intentions!"

-"Then it's your problem to convince her. But in the meantime…" a knock on the door interrupted the diatribe of the fifty-something year old. To the surprise of everyone, Allison came in and Kurt immediately approached her:

\- "Allie! What are you doing here? Is there a problem with the baby?" He asked worriedly.

\- "No, the little shrimp is fine. You don't remember?"

\- "Remember what"?

\- "Rich Dotcom wants to share intel. And as usual, only with you and Jane, "said the US Marshal, pointing a thumb behind her. Through the glass door, they finally noticed the dark web hacker smirking at them despite his handcuffs and being between two members of Allison's team.

\- "Great, this day is just gets better and better," Weller grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

\- "Don't tell me you forgot," Allie sighed before noticing his exhausted look and frowning.

\- "I've had a lot on my plate these last few days, and Jane is not in any condition to come in to the office."

-" Is she sick?" Asked his ex-girlfriend with a hint of worry in her voice. Since Jane had saved hers and her baby's lives, Kurt knew that she'd been looking for an opportunity to thank her, but the last few weeks had not made it possible. Initially, it was because he still didn't feel quite comfortable enough with the tattooed woman to allow her to have that conversation with his ex-girlfriend, and then it was their cases and her abduction that prevented any meeting.

\- "Not exactly," he eluded, as Reade and Zapata entered the room.

\- "What's that clown doing here?" the Latina growled.

\- "That's exactly the question I was about to ask," said Pellington, whom everyone seemed to have forgotten. "I hope you don't intend to negotiate another arrangement with him. The Office has already been embarrassed enough after he managed to escape you the last time… " Really, the man had a gift for turning his own agents against him, Kurt thought as he noticed the team's glare.

\- "Stick him in the interrogation room while I finish up here," he told them.

\- "I'll take care of it," Nas said immediately. The FBI agents gave her a suspicious look, wondering what she was preparing, but they were then distracted by Allie re-entering the fray.

\- "Will someone please explain to me why Jane can't come to the office?" The US Marshal narrowed her eyes as Kurt's team exchanged guilty looks. Bored, Pellington left the room, giving Weller an opportunity to tell the whole story to his ex-girlfriend. When he finished, Allie's eyes were wide and her nostrils were pinched with anger. Suddenly she took a step forward and landed a heavy slap to the back of his head.

\- "What were you thinking! How could you let that happen? It's obvious to everyone that this girl is crazy about you, obviously she was going to obey them to protect you," she growled before turning to Reade and Tasha.

\- "And you… how could you continue to treat her like that? I noticed that something had changed in the team, but I never imagined that it was this bad. Seriously, I haven't worked much with Jane, but the little that I've seen allows me to say that she doesn't deserve that… Okay, she made some mistakes, really bad choices we could say, but according to what you told me, her intentions were good at first, and I've always seen her trying to protect people," she added, looking at them incredulously, wondering how they had been able to endorse and even participate in psychologically abusing a torture victim, especially since she was a member of their team. "She was a part of this team, and you didn't even give her the benefit of the doubt…"

\- "We know," Zapata sighed. "And we're really trying to fix things… fucking shit!" She exclaimed suddenly, looking behind them. Surprised by her burst, they turned to observe what had provoked such an reaction. And there… just in front of the elevator… pale and observing her environment for potential threats… was Jane.

Her bruises on her face were impossible to miss, as was her left arm encased in the plaster cast, and the slowness with which she walked. Her anxious demeanor must have surprised many, and the dark-haired woman suspiciously watched the agents present, who had all stopped to stare at her. She was unaware that her rescue had been the subject of much gossip in the office, and that a very detailed description of her injuries had been given by the agents who had come to rescue her. The official story being that she had been kidnapped and tortured by a group being investigated by Weller's team. Since then she had become a sort of heroine, but no one had expected her to return so quickly.

-"What's… " Kurt stammered trying to figure out what she was doing there. "She's not ready ... it's too early." As if to prove him right, Jane instinctively moved back towards Patterson, who was following her with a disapproving grimace, no doubt unhappy that she had decided to come but unable to stop her, when an agent ran up to her to ask her about her health. As they were all rushing out to try to intercept him, they saw the entire disaster occur.

Caught up in the hustle and bustle, a janitor found himself near Jane and inadvertently hit her. The woman's attention turned to him, and her eyes widened when she noticed the mop in his left hand, and the bucket of dirty water in the right, some of which had splashed her in the commotion. Suddenly, her mind bombarded her with flashes of Carter and Keaton. Panic quickened her breathing and heart rate, and she suddenly felt as if she couldn't breathe. The sensation of the water on her skin flashed her back to another memory, and she could swear she could again feel a rag covering her face as water spilled over her again and again.

With a little panicked scream, she suddenly tried to pull back, hitting Patterson who immediately wrapped her arms around her to calm her down. Finally able to intervene, Agent Monroe stepped between the man and Jane, and forced him back. Confusion broke out as everyone started speaking at once, with the team asking the other agents to leave to allow Jane room to breathe. Finally everyone obeyed, and Kurt approached, as Pellington, alerted by the commotion, became aware of the scene:

\- "Jesus," he whispered as he saw Jane's wounds and her state of obvious distress. "I didn't think it was that bad."

\- "How would you react after being water boarded dozens of times?" Patterson growled, looking at him angrily. For once, the man had nothing to answer with, as the agents around him commented with dismay about the news in a low voice. They all knew that simulated drowning, though leaving few physical traces, had a devastating effect on the victim, who felt as if he was dying again and again. Wanting to shield Jane from the other agents' piercing stares, they dragged her to Patterson's lab, driving out all the technicians. Gradually, with the help of her friend, the wounded woman calmed down enough so that Kurt could ask a pressing question:

\- "Jane, what are you doing here? You should be at home… it's too early for you to come back… "

\- "Nas… she said you… needed my help," whispered the ravenette, causing the other agents' anger. How could the woman dare to bring Jane back here after what she had just been through?

\- "Perfect, you've here," the NSA agent's voice suddenly said from behind them. Patterson rushed over to give her a piece of her mind, forcing the woman back. In response to her surprised air, Zapata angrily told her what had happened in front of the elevator.

\- "Sorry," she apologized to Jane, looking for once sincerely contrite. "I didn't think anything like that would happen… But this is an opportunity not to be missed… You have to talk to Dotcom."

\- "An opportunity for what?" Weller asked sternly. But the woman ignored him and turned on her heels.

\- "Jane, you don't have to," Patterson said worriedly as she continued rubbing her friend's back.

\- "I'm here now," she said, shrugging her shoulders slightly, "and I'm not sure when I will next be able to do it, so let's just do it." They exchanged worried glances. For her to admit that she didn't feel comfortable, it meant that the incident must have really shaken her up. Finally, Weller decided to head to the room where Rich was waiting, Jane and Allie just behind him.

\- "Finally Stubble! I was beginning to think that you didn't love me anymore!" Exclaimed the man happily as he entered. "And where is… Holy Mother of God, what happened!?" Yelled the dark web hacker as Jane slowly came in behind Weller. His reaction made the young woman aware that she must look really bad at the moment.

\- "Nothing that concerns you," Kurt snarled, crossing his arms, standing slightly in front of Jane as if to protect her. But Rich ignored him, just as he ignored Allie, who was standing against the wall and watched without saying anything.

\- "Jane, my little tattooed bird, who did this to you?" His concern seemed strangely sincere, and Weller felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought that another man might be interested in Jane. The dark-haired woman besides him hesitated between telling the truth or telling the cover story, but was saved from answering by Nas.

-"The CIA… Tell them what you told me." Kurt and Jane gave him a surprised look, but Rich seemed to react.

\- "I see… Deputy Director Weller, after this we'll have to have a little conversation where you explain how you let this happen… " Kurt frowned, first Allie and now even a criminal had scolded him for his behavior towards Jane…

-" What do you want? And in exchange for what?" He growled, looking at Rich.

\- "I want Boston to be transferred to the same cell as me… or at least in the same prison… and two or three little things that we can discuss later."

\- "And what do we have to gain?" Jane asked puzzled, but without leaving Kurt's comforting presence. Even though Rich had always had a soft spot for her and was handcuffed to the table, she still felt safer next to him. The look that the man gave her was, moreover, much softer than the one he addressed to Weller:

\- "Orion… I can give you intel about Orion… " he finally said, freezing Kurt and Jane on the spot.


	13. Chap 13 - Knowledge Is Power

Hello everybody. Here is the next chapter. Thanks you for all your reviews, you're wonderful!

As habitual, a big thanks to my beta-reader, Readeronly76.

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 **Disclaimer : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

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 **Chapter 13 - Knowledge Is Power**

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 _NYO, Interrogation Room_

\- "I can give you intel about Orion… "

Rich's words seemed to echo throughout the room, although not as loud as they echoed in Jane's head. How did he know about Orion? Had Nas told him about it? Her former membership in the military Black Ops program wasn't something she like talk about. But at the same time it was Rich they were dealing with… The guy had information on everything and everyone… Weller, for his part, didn't allow himself to be thrown off.

\- "Who told you about that?" He asked, glaring at Nas. Very few people knew about Jane and Orion, and the fewer who did, the better it was for her safety. Especially since Rich was a criminal. And although until now he had been shown to have a soft spot for Jane, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't expose her involvement in the program later to save his own ass, or in exchange for a better deal.

\- "Your new recruit asked me if I knew any dirty CIA secrets, particularly anything related to unauthorized assassinations… And as it turns out, some time ago, I discovered an allegedly secure database containing some very interesting information."

\- "The CIA keeps information about Orion online?" Jane asked, more for herself than for anyone else. With a questioning look, Rich answered her.

\- "We're in the digital era my beautiful living work of art. Today, even the dirtiest of secrets find themselves stored digitally in some way for some reason or another."

\- "I don't understand," Jane answered, honestly confused, looking at him.

\- "You would be surprised to know how often people exchange information on highly confidential projects digitally: budgets requests; email threads; radios transmissions between various units and their support or command; videos feeds of operations, recorded for later studies; all of these things are stored on hard drives. And sometimes, somebody forgets to close an access point, activate the encryption program, or disconnect completely from the network," explained the hacker in a nonchalant manner.

\- "But why aren't these kind of things protected?" asked Jane, still perplexed.

\- "They are, like standard protocol dictates, but people like Dotcom don't look for weaknesses in systems." Nas intervened.

\- "Exactly, we look for flaws in the people. Computers don't make mistakes, they just do what they're programmed to. But the users can make mistakes, such as using the first name of their dear old granny as a password, or forgetting to end a secure session before surfing a porn site… You know we largely underestimate the influence of porn at the job in my opinion. Once, I managed to hack into the email of a Congress lobbyist just by sending him an e-mail with an erotic picture that had a Trojan horse attached to it. This guy had a decided taste for big pairs of…"

\- "Okay, spare us the details," muttered Kurt, his attention fixed on Jane who seemed to be trying to assimilate what he had just said, before pulling a disgusted frown at his allusion.

\- "Moreover, I never said that everything was online. I can give you some information, but if you want everything, you'll have to make an effort here," added the hacker, without his usual derisive attitude.

\- "Are you serious?!" Kurt shouted, banging his fists furiously on the table. Jane jumped at seeing him so agitated so close to her and moved away by reflex, casting him a weary look, and he turned towards her: "Sorry."

\- "Damnit Kurt, pay attention to what you're doing," Allie admonished him, looking at him with both disapproval and disappointment.

\- "It's okay… I'm fine," Jane whispered, approaching him again. "Just… no more sudden gestures… please," she said, grimacing slightly with pain. Weller gave her a small contrite grimace, before turning towards Rich again, with a clearly less than pleasant expression.

\- "You don't know what's at stake here… if this is another of your little tricks…"

\- "Wow, relax Stubbles, I wasn't the one who hurt your princess," hastily answered the man, raising his hands defensively in front of him, or at least as much as his handcuffs which were fixed to the ring welded on the table allowed him. His answer caused a simultaneous reaction from both Jane and Kurt. Kurt froze in his tracks, slightly embarrassed, carefully avoiding looking towards Jane. At his side, the dark-haired woman was blushing, the contrast against her bruises making it even more obvious, and she discreetly casted a glance towards Allie. She had almost forgotten how obsessed Rich was about her relationship with Kurt.

Leaning against the wall, the Marshal curiously seemed to be trying to keep herself from laughing at their expressions. Her reaction slightly confused Jane, who expected that the mother of Kurt's baby would be much more hostile towards her. Unexpectedly, it was Nas who saved them from their embarrassment, before Rich, who was already delighted with their reaction, could speak again.

\- "You understand why I asked Jane to come in despite her physical state."

\- "To tell the truth, not really," answered Ally, looking at them curiously.

\- "Blackmail," Jane finally understood, trying to think like the manipulative NSA agent.

-"Stay here," Kurt snarled at Dotcom before gently pulling Jane out of the room, his hand on the middle of her back, the other two female agents following. If the man had not yet made the connection between Jane and Orion, it was not him who would help him do it.

\- "Seriously? Where am I supposed to go? I'm a hacker, not Houdini!" The hacker's voice echoed just before the door closed, clanging his handcuffs against the table to show he couldn't go anywhere. Guided by Kurt, the small group then went into the observation room.

There they found Tasha, Reade, and Patterson, fortunately without Pellington, who probably hadn't judged the matter worthy of his attention. With some amusement despite the circumstances, the team members noticed Kurt keeping his hand on Jane's back a little longer than necessary. Distracted by the pleasant warmth of the gesture on her body, the tattooed woman was delayed in noticing the amused looks of Tasha and Patterson. Even Reade seemed to be suppressing a smile. She blushed slightly, her eyes imploring her… well, she hoped she could consider them her friends again… not to make a comment in front of the group. She wasn't worried too much, however, because even if they wanted to, the other two women had no intentions of taunting her, even amicably, after her previous shows of vulnerability.

Instead, they immediately surrounded Jane, pushing her into a chair. Tired, the ravenette let herself be pushed down without resisting. Allison watched with interest as the two FBI agents stayed close to her. She especially noticed the closeness between the blonde analyst and the tattooed amnesiac, pleased that Jane had someone to rely on after what she had gone through. Mentally, she made a note to try to find a moment to talk with Jane alone, and thank her for saving her and the baby. After all she had gone through, she owed her at least that.

\- "Do you think he's serious?" Reade finally asked, looking at the monitor that was displaying Rich, who looked perfectly relaxed.

\- "Are the cameras recording?" Kurt suddenly worried, following his gaze. If Rich could get into the CIA's databases, there was a real possibility that the CIA could access their own system, despite Patterson's security measures. And the last thing they needed was for the CIA to learn that they were interested in Orion.

\- "Take it easy, boss, they're broadcasting the image to the screen, but Patterson made sure they weren't recording anything as soon as Nas mentioned the CIA" Tasha replied with a wink to her best friend. Weller let out a small sigh of relief hearing the news.

\- "Why did you tell him about Orion?" Patterson then asked the NSA agent. Nas sighed slightly, before starting to explain:

\- "Last week's events with Keaton led me to re-evaluate my strategy… When I proposed this deal to Jane, I thought I could get enough results to keep the CIA out of it… But it seems that I was wrong in my assessment of Keaton. Obviously, he's obsessed with Jane, to the point of acting past the limit of his authority."

\- "What do you mean?" Tasha asked, perplexed.

\- "I spent the previous week researching into Keaton's recent actions, and this man seems to have failed to win the full support of the Agency. The fact that Jane managed to escape him alone in Oregon has dealt a severe blow to his reputation, which he is currently trying to restore. Officially Jane is no longer a priority now that she is working with the FBI again."

\- "That's why he wanted to trade her for Winters," Reade understood.

\- "That is the most likely reason indeed. At this point, it's more about his ego than dealing with a real threat to national security"

\- "But if the CIA isn't targeting Jane anymore, why did they allow Keaton to… do what he did?" Patterson asked, absentmindedly rubbing Jane's upper back. Once again, the affectionate gesture seemed to allow her to relax, the proximity of her friend helping her feel a little more secure, more so than earlier in the middle of the bullpen anyway… And even though she was in a building filled with federal agents, there was no way she could be sure of their intentions.

\- "It's political," Nas sighed, giving her a weary look. "There have been several recent shifts of power in the highest levels of the CIA, and Carter's death has brought back a few skeletons from its closet."

\- "Like Orion," Kurt mumbled, understanding the NSA agent's reasoning.

\- "Yes. The upper echelons are desperate to erase all traces of those kinds of projects. This isn't the case with Keaton, who, as far as I know, was never a part of Orion. As a result, the CIA will not publicly acknowledge what he did to Jane, but they will not support him either. That's why he used the warehouse instead of taking her to a new black site… " Everyone shuddered, remembering the difficulties and they had in locating and recovering Jane. Without Cade, they certainly would not have arrived so quickly. If the raven-haired woman had been transported to the other side of the world during that time… they would never have found her.

\- "So your goal is to find enough information about the program to blackmail these high-ranking people in the Agency… And push them into keeping Keaton in check," Allie understood. As a federal agent, she didn't usually endorse these kinds of practices, but what she had recently learned about secret black sites in America, and about the torture endured by someone she actually knew sickened her. The US Marshal felt a new surge of pity as she watched Jane tremble slightly at the thought of what might have happened to her if the team had not done everything they could to find her. She still struggled with adjusting to the recent changes in Jane's behavior, she had always known the tattooed woman to be strong and determined. Of course her reaction wasn't abnormal considering the abuse she had endured in recent months… including that inflicted by her own team. Luckily, the latter seemed to have been put behind them, she told herself as she saw Tasha tapping Jane's right hand as a sign of support, winning a grateful but shaky smile from the dark-haired woman.

\- "That's right. Initially Dotcom was planning to give information on some of his criminal acquaintances in exchange for his boyfriend's transfer. But I was able to convince him to offer us something more substantial. Fortunately, he hates the CIA almost as much as we do… "

\- "Why… why are you going through all of this trouble?" Jane asked softly, almost surprising them with her voice as she had remained quiet during the last minutes of discussions. For once, Nas seemed to hesitate, before finally answering:

\- "Because I failed to uphold my part of the deal. I've asked you to perform many extremely dangerous tasks in order to gain information on Sandstorm, including going against your family. And in exchange… I couldn't even keep the CIA from taking you… I know you think I'm a heartless manipulator… and it's probably true. Sandstorm has already hurt so many people… has taken so much from me… that I want to stop them at any cost. Of course I had an idea of what you had suffered before bringing you back here, but… honestly, actually watching Keaton torture you made me realize what the reports cannot describe… " the woman confessed with difficulty, before noticing Jane tense. The team froze, surprising Allie as all eyes turned to Jane.

\- "What do you mean by… watching it? What… what are you talking about?" The tattooed woman whispered, looking at them in shock. Could it be that they knew everything about the new mission that her mother had tasked her with in exchange for sparing her life? Had they seen what Keaton had done to her?

The agents glanced at each other a little uncomfortably, waiting for someone to step up to tell the raven head woman the whole story. A glance at Nas told them that the woman really seemed repentant for letting the information slip out. Unaccustomed to confiding in people, and even more unaccustomed to admitting her own failures, she had obviously been less cautious than usual. However, even if it had been done with no real intention to harm, they now had to find a way to contain the fallout. After another exchange of glances, Patterson crouched down in front of Jane, and placing one finger under her chin, gently forced her to lift her head towards her.

\- "There isn't really any good way to tell you this, so I'll just say it," sighed the blonde. "We… we saw almost everything that happened with Keaton in the warehouse… " Jane stared blankly at her for a long time, trying to assimilate the information, then the tears welled up in her eyes and her lower lip began to shake. They had seen… they had seen everything… Now they knew how weak and pathetic she was… How she had begged Keaton and was ready to tell him everything she knew so that he wouldn't go after Patterson. Lifting her head slightly, she met Allison's shocked look. Confused, she turned her eyes to the team, to find the agents looking at her with dismay and… sadness?

\- "Jane… nobody thinks you're weak or pathetic… If you consider what that son of a bitch has put you through, many people would have cracked… but you… you resisted and only gave him the smallest scraps of information," Kurt tried to reassure her, wanting to convince her how strong she was. The dark-haired woman was speechless, realizing that she had been thinking aloud again, an activity that was becoming increasingly more frequent lately. Perhaps it was because she was feeling more confident with them and the barriers she had erected to protect herself were less effective. But Kurt's words only intensified her distressed feelings, and mortified at herself for being so weak, she made to escape the room and their piercing eyes. Patterson and Zapata, however, were determined keep her from doing that, and gently held her shoulders down to force her to remain seated.

\- "You don't need to run away because you want to cry, Jane," Zapata told her calmly, even though her voice was slightly strangled with emotion. "Or because we saw what Keaton did to you. Anyone would have the right to crack after living through what you've been through… Besides, it was very impressive to attack him to try to distract him from his idea of going after Patterson. Even if it was also a little stupid… "

\- "I didn't want him to hurt her," Jane protested in a low voice, turning her eyes towards her.

\- "It was very brave and endearing of you to want to protect me, but not at the cost of your own safety," Patterson said, clutching her hands in hers own.

\- "How… how were you able to watch?" Jane asked.

\- "When we realized you had disappeared, Patterson and Nas hacked into traffic cameras to see if we could figure out what happened. But someone had erased them and Patterson had to run a program to recover the data and to reconstruct the image… " Kurt told her.

\- "After viewing the images of your kidnapping, we noticed that there was a link to another video that was attached to the file we had just reconstructed. I tried everything but I couldn't trace it and we were forced to watch… Keaton's men beat you," continued Patterson, her own eyes now shining with tears at the memory.

\- "Then the video stopped… " Reade said.

\- "You have no idea what it did to us," Tasha added. "With what Keaton was doing to you and what we realized… looking at your drawings… we started to become aware of everything you had gone through. And suddenly… nothing. Watching them torture you was hard enough but… knowing that they could have been continuing it after the video had stopped, and we had no way of knowing… it was almost worse."

\- "And while we were looking for a way to find where you were being held and were trying to identify Keaton's men, a new link appeared, this time in live time," Nas continued.

\- "We followed what Keaton did to you and told you while we continued to try to find you. Tasha managed to find a witness who gave us an idea of what the van driver looked like by going door-to-door in almost every building near your house. And Patterson and Nas created a program to search for the driver throughout the city," Reade said.

Jane looked at them astonished and slightly amazed that they had made such an effort to find her. However, that still left another question.

\- "Who filmed it?"

\- "We've thought a lot about that question, and in relation to what Shepherd said, we think it was Cade who set up the camera and sent us the links… He probably noticed that the CIA was following you and set up the equipment in the warehouse while they weren't there," Patterson explained, uneasy at the thought of the former Sandstorm agent who had used a former teammate as a diversion.

\- "What about Shepherd?" Jane asked sharply again. Their story had almost made her forget that they had seen everything that had happened… If they knew about her new mission… everything could have been an act to make her drop her guard…

\- "We saw Roman helping you and Shepherd interrogating you," Tasha muttered. Hearing these words, Jane felt a chill of terror running down her back:

\- "I… I just told her what she wanted to hear… so she wouldn't kill me. I won't betray you again, I swear! I just wanted to… wait for the right moment to tell you… I never intended to obey her. Please don't send me back there!" Begged the wounded woman, looking at them again with panicked eyes, preparing herself to see them tell her that everything was a trap to get her to admit everything, and readying herself to flee if they showed the slightest hint of aggression towards her.

\- "Jane, calm down, breathe… We know you're not going to betray us," Patterson said immediately, getting up to rub her back again to calm her down. The rest of the team also assured the wounded woman of their support, all while Allie watched. The woman was both sad and overwhelmed by everything she saw and learned. Of course Kurt had explained to her the basics earlier, but the details were even worse to see. Jane's reaction broke her heart. The poor woman seemed to oscillate between a relatively calm state to full blown panic attacks at the slightest reminder of what she had experienced. She now understood a little better why Kurt's team seemed to be constantly walk on eggshells around her. Her ex-boyfriend finally advanced towards the dark-haired woman, and squatting in front of her, tried to get her attention.

\- "Jane… Jane… look at me." Despite Patterson's support, Jane refused and stubbornly kept her eyes fixed elsewhere. Gently grasping her cheeks with both hands, he gently forced her to look him in the eyes, careful not to press on her bruises.

\- "I would have done the exact same thing if I were you, Jane," he tried to reassure her. "In your situation, you had no other choice than to make her believe that you would follow her orders. I think that's what she's counting on. She thinks you'll be too scared to tell us what happened to you… That's why she threatened us… She knows you'd be ready to do anything to protect the people around you. It's the exact same situation as with Oscar… Except this time, we will not make the same mistakes, we won't let you face them alone. And we won't let them hurt you, they or the CIA!"

Through the tears that blurred her eyes, Jane stared at him for what seemed like forever, seeming to be searching for any trace of a lie in his eyes. Her heart desperately wanted to believe him, but her head told her to be cautious. Her hesitation and suspicion made them feel sick, because it was obvious that she really wanted to believe in them but was afraid that it might be a trap.

\- "I promise you, Jane," Weller repeated with as much conviction as he could muster. Slowly, the tattooed woman nodded before her body moved almost instinctively towards him. Without thinking, Kurt pulled her against him, feeling the woman tense at first, then gradually relax in his embrace before resting her head on his shoulder.

\- "Thank you… thank you… " whispered the dark-haired woman closing her eyes, finally giving free rein to her emotions and enjoying the warmth of the FBI Deputy Director. The other agents watched her reaction with some relief, glad to see that the feelings that she had always seemed to have for Weller were stronger than her fears, at least for now. Despite not knowing her as well, Allie watched the scene with a similar feeling. Despite carrying his child, Kurt Weller was no more than a friend to her… A good friend, but just a friend. Their relationship had only restarted because he didn't want to admit his feelings for Jane, and as soon as she understood that, she had ended their affair. She was perfectly happy with Connor now, and although she wanted Kurt to be a father in their baby's life, she was quite comfortable with the idea of seeing him move on to something else…

Obviously, there was always something between Jane and Kurt, although they had a lot of things to deal with before they could express the feelings that existed between them. Mentally she made another note to have a conversation with her ex-boyfriend. There was no way she would allow him to mess up the relationship again, especially given the emotional state of the tattooed woman in his arms. The poor woman needed all the support she could get, and most likely would not be able to withstand the shock if he started going out with her and then pulled away when things got serious, as he was used to. Helping her get what she wanted would be a good way to thank her for saving the baby and her.

\- "Sorry," Jane mumbled, moving away from him and lowering her eyes. Around them, the smiles disappeared again.

\- "Why?" Weller asked, confused and a little worried to hear what she could've found to beat herself up for now.

\- "For having ruined my chances of getting information on Sandstorm. I know I'm no longer useful to you now… " Her response made the FBI agents sigh before Tasha approached.

\- "Damn it, I swear you're going to drive me crazy… Seriously I know it's because of us… because of me that you're thinking this way but… we're not going to blame you for trying to save your own life. It's partly because of us that you found yourself in that situation, and you did what you could to get out of it." Her little speech won her an uncertain look, as if Jane was hesitant to believe that she was capable of such words, which the agent could understand. She had been needlessly cruel to her for weeks, ignoring her at best and criticizing her every move at worst, no wonder Jane was struggling to cope with her change in attitude. Somehow, maybe it was better to try to behave with her as she did back when they were friends in order to help her get back on her feet… Allowing her to see that she did not see her as broken, while still showing her the compassion that she deserved, it could only help her self-esteem.

\- "I should have done things differently," muttered Jane more to herself than to them. There was so much she regretted but… the only thing she could hope for now was that she was given a chance to fix her mistakes.

\- "I know you need time to deal with everything, but… don't forget, I'm quite capable of putting my threat into action," the Latina said, her hands on her hips, looking at Jane disapprovingly. The amnesiac took a moment to understand the reference and squirmed nervously in her chair. Allie frowned, not understanding why Zapata was so threatening when Jane was obviously not doing well. The smiles of Kurt and Patterson also confused her, they shouldn't be smiling about the situation after having just assured the wounded woman of their support.

\- "Tasha threatened to force Jane to watch America's Next Top Model the next time she blamed herself for something that wasn't her fault, or if she said she deserved what happened to her," Kurt explained, seeing the confused look his ex-girlfriend gave him.

\- "Aversion therapy!" Zapata agreed. "And believe me I will do it if you force me!" Jane studied her anxiously for a moment, trying to find out if it was a friendly bluff, or if she was actually considering hurting her, before casting an uncertain glance at Patterson. The blonde was immediately moved by the vulnerable air of her friend, and gently rubbed her back.

\- "It's okay, you know Tasha is not going to do it," she said, smiling with amusement.

\- "We'll see about that if she continues to be so stubborn," mumbled the Latina being heard by all. "Although," she sighed, approaching Jane. "In an act of great kindness, and because you've suffered enough for today, I agree to give you one last chance. But if I hear you say that you deserved what happened to you again, I will be merciless," Zapata said, waving a falsely threatening finger at Jane, trying to soften her threat with a teasing smile, hoping to get Jane out of her self-guilting state. Unlike Weller and Patterson, she thought the best thing to do to help her get better was not to coddle her, but to behave with her like they did before her arrest, although she was aware that Jane was not well. For her, showing affection to someone meant teasing and threatening them, good naturedly of course, whenever she could. She wasn't very comfortable with expressing her feelings and emotional discussions, which made the situation with Jane relatively uncomfortable, because she wasn't sure how to act with her. "But seriously Jane… I know that you have no reason to trust us… to trust me but… believe me, you didn't deserve what those bastards did to you!" She said, adding more seriously. "Nor what we did to you," she mumbled shamefully, loud enough that they all heard it.

\- "I'll… try," Jane conceded finally after watching her carefully for a few seconds, determining if, behind her juvenile threat, her concern for her was sincere. Somehow, she found it almost comforting that Tasha was the most vocal in trying to make her accept that she didn't deserve what had been done to her, despite her threats that always left her wondering if they were real or not. At least the Latina really seemed to care about her, which showed that she was perhaps sincere in her desire to help her… Patterson then pulled her into an affectionate embrace and the dark-haired woman gave in without resistance.

The rest of the agents watched the interaction between the three young women with relief. Jane's reaction was quite surprising, knowing how much she usually avoided physical contact. But the hospital doctor and Borden had warned them that she was susceptible to such demonstrations. Perhaps it was to compensate for the isolation she had been suffering from for weeks… And if it was necessary to convince her that they had forgiven her, the members of her team were ready to give her all the hugs she needs. Relieved at avoiding the worst possible outcome, Kurt felt he couldn't leave Jane totally in the dark. As soon as she had finished hugging Patterson, he approached her.

\- "There is another thing that you should know about Shepherd… She said something that involves you and Roman while you were unconscious because of the truth serum. But honestly… we're not sure you're ready to hear it. We recorded this part of the video, and we suspect that we were only able to only because Cade was expecting it and allowed us do it… I know it may seem difficult in these circumstances but… I want you to trust us. I promise you we'll tell you everything and you'll be able to see the video as soon as Borden thinks you're ready," said Weller, looking at her hesitantly, apprehensive of her reaction.

Jane stared at him for a moment, and they could see several emotions on her face. Fear, hope, and a bit of anger too. Looking at them each in turn, the tattooed woman fixed her eyes again on Weller, nibbling her lips nervously. Part of her wanted to scream for the truth, angry that they were leaving her in the dark again. But she could also see on their faces that they were sincere in their desire to protect her. Obviously, they really feared that she wasn't ready to deal with what she would see on the video. Deciding to see this as a test of trust between them, she finally nodded slowly.

\- "Okay I'll wait… But you'll tell me everything then… promise?" The team instantly realized how much this decision cost her, and Patterson hastened to reassure her.

\- "It's not something bad. Well, not about you." Her assurance seemed to alleviate some of the ravenette's suspicion, whose eyes' narrowed as she thought of another detail.

\- "Didn't you say that Cade wouldn't let you record any of it?" She asked to Kurt, puzzled.

\- "His first few video feeds were protected so as not to be copied. It was only from the time that Shepherd arrived that he allowed us to record. Probably because he wanted you to see that discussion since, in your state, it was doubtful that you would remember it."

\- "But… why didn't you record what Keaton did to Jane for evidence" Allie asked. "Even if the video was protected, you could have recorded the screen. It's not an absolute guarantee but in the hands of the right people, it could've been enough to put some pressure on these guys and to keep Jane safe." The FBI agents looked at each other surprised, wondering how they didn't think of it. Finally, Tasha turned to the US Marshal to confess with embarrassment:

\- "We were all so shocked by what he was doing to Jane… and so focused on finding her, that we didn't think about that… "

\- "It doesn't matter. I don't legally exist anyway, I have no rights, so even if you did do that, it certainly wouldn't have changed much for me," Jane immediately replied, attempting to comfort them, while trying to hide her own bitterness at her situation. Her statement had the opposite effect, and they all felt even worse as they heard how she felt about what had happened to her.

\- "Things aren't black and white here, Jane. There are a lot of variables to consider, and I'm sure we could find a lawyer who could make a case out of this," Allie said calmly, turning to the wounded woman. She looked doubtful at her suggestion, and the mother-to-be couldn't really blame her. If she had gone through everything that Jane had gone through, she wouldn't exactly have much faith in the system either.

\- "Okay, let's leave that aside for the moment, I think we should go back to Rich and hear more about the documents he can give us, then we can make a decision," Kurt suggested. Nas and Allie immediately headed back to the interrogation room, while Weller grabbed Jane by the wrist as she made to follow them.

\- "You don't have to come… "

\- "I have to. It's my life… my old life we're talking about," she replied with conviction, seeming to find, for a moment, her old strength. Kurt hesitated, then let the woman walk again and followed her. Upon entering the room, he immediately started:

\- "Which documents can you give us?"

\- "The assassination list for the last year of the program and some budget documents showing funding from a secret fund, as well as proof of equipment purchases and bribes paid to different people in exchange for logistical support and information."

\- "That won't be enough," Nas mumbled, knowing that thanks to Mayfair, they already had a good idea of what the orders carried out by Orion were. The financial lead seemed more substantial, but it was probably related to the secret fund of the whole Agency and none of that would lead back to Carter and his associates. "No names of the SEALs involved? Or radio transcripts, operational videos or copies of assassination orders?"

\- "Even the CIA isn't stupid enough to leave those kinds of things easily accessible," Rich replied with a small superior smile.

\- "Are you kidding? Is this one of your tricks?!" Kurt snarled, grabbing him by the collar of his prisoner suit. "This isn't a game… "

\- "Kurt, stop… " Jane asked softly as she came up behind him, laying a hand on his arm. The assistant director turned his eyes to her, and then released his grip slowly.

\- "Ouch!" The hacker protested once he could breathe properly again. "You should book some anger management sessions, Stubble! I'm trying to help the princess too!" Before Kurt could lose his composure again, Jane stepped in and stared straight into Dotcom's eyes.

\- "This is very important Rich… Is there a way to get the information that Agent Nas mentioned?" She asked in a voice she hoped sounded more confident than she felt.

\- "Of course my beautiful, on the secure storage servers. There are several scattered throughout the country."

\- "Aren't their locations supposed to be secret?" Jane asked with a frown.

\- "You wound me doubting my skills darling! I know the location of several of these toys… One of which is here in New York by the way. And I know the coordinates… " the hacker bragged with a broad smile.

…

 _East New York, unknown location._

The problem when you were tracking a ghost, is that you found yourself very quickly running after the slightest shadow and the faintest noise. In a week, Roman's team had made little progress on their hunt for Cade. Finding his entry point at the base site had been easy, but then they had lost his trail several times. And even now, he was almost certain that they were following a false trail. Yet at the moment, it didn't bother him, he needed some time away from his mother to think. Ordering the group to separate, he headed for an old abandoned shed in the ruined industrial suburb of a small town, while his men searched the rest of the perimeter.

His former friend was extremely skillful at discretion and infiltration. Roman, for his part, felt more comfortable in the cities. Infiltration and urban guerrilla warfare were no strangers to him, but he was less comfortable in the wild. Of course, his sister wouldn't have this problem, Remi was naturally good at sneaking around. His thoughts drifted back to his sister, wondering how fast she was recovering and whether the blonde FBI agent was keeping her promise. He didn't trust the Feds, especially when he saw where that trust had led Remi...

However the blonde had seemed different, and seemed to really care about Remi… or Jane. He was beginning to admit that the woman he had known for almost his entire life would never come back entirely. But Jane seemed to be really worried about him too, so his sister must still be there, somewhere in her head.

Lost in thought, he suddenly felt the cold steel of a weapon on the back of his neck. As fast as it had come, the sensation faded away. Even without looking back, Roman knew that his attacker had not left. On the contrary, he had made his presence known and then retreated so as not to give him an opportunity to fight back. Without the weapon pressed against him, Roman couldn't exactly guess where his opponent was standing. By the time he turned around, he would already be dead. Obviously, he was dealing with someone very well trained, at least as well as him.

\- "Turn around… slowly," ordered a cold voice. Roman recognized it instantly with surprise, and obeyed, not wanting to risk being shot. His sister still needed him. Finally, he found himself facing his attacker.

\- "You seem really good for a dead men walking" he said, keeping his hands raised.

\- "And you're too distracted, I could have killed you a dozen times. Not to mention the clowns you brought with you. Seriously, I could hear these guys breathing from a mile off… " replied the man in the same cold voice.

\- "They don't have our training, and I… I was distracted."

\- "That doesn't seem like you."

\- "Remi's in trouble."

\- "Your sister is always in trouble… you'd think she attracts it."

\- "This time it's different… it's really bad," Roman sighed, lowering his hands slightly. Even though the gun was still pointing at his head, he knew that he wouldn't shoot until he started making sudden gestures.

\- "The plan was foolish from the beginning," replied the man calmly.

\- "I know… I've realized that too late though. Something has happened recently and I almost lost her… I think… I think that Shepherd lied to us… for a part at least" Roman admitted with difficulty, the thought making him sick. Protecting Remi, however, counted for more than anything to him, and the secrets that their mother seemed to be keeping about the operation had made him doubt her desire to keep her safe. He knew how much the cause mattered to Shepherd, but to him, Remi came first and foremost, even above fighting a corrupt government.

\- "What proof do I have that it was not she who sent you? I left a rather distinct impression on her last time… "

\- "None… shoot if you want to. But before you do, I'd like to ask you something… I'd like you to watch over Remi. She has no idea what she's embarked on… what our mother wants her to do… "

\- "It would seem that you've finally opened your eyes to the person your mother is," his interlocutor responded in a tone a little less cold.

\- "You could say that… then, will you do it?"

\- "Your sister and I aren't really on good terms after our last meeting… " reminded the man, but without hostility in his voice.

\- "I know… but she's changed, she's no longer the one we knew… She doesn't support our mother's plan… "

\- "So you say… very well, I'll give her a chance… If she's also seen the light, there may be hope for you two… "

\- "She's with the FBI right now, she's recovering after what those CIA bastards did to her. It would be best if you could talk to her alone," Roman explained, noticing a glimmer of surprise in his interlocutor's eyes. But the man was very competent, and quickly masked his emotions. You didn't survive in an organization like theirs without those skills…

Suddenly, a clatter of metal announced the opening of one of the side doors, and one of his men entered. Roman mentally frowned at the obvious lack of discretion. With such morons, no wonder Cade had evaded them… A glance behind him told him that the man was gone. But for the first time in weeks, he felt lighter. Now his sister had another protector, one who would stop at nothing to keep her safe.


	14. Chap 14 - Si vis pacem, para bellum

Hello everybody. Thanks you for all your reviews, you're wonderful!

As habitual, a big thanks to my beta-reader, Readeronly76.

…

 **Disclaimer : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

…..

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 **Chapter 14 – Si vis pacem, para bellum**

…

 _FBI Office, interrogation room_

Jane stared at Rich, who was still smiling at her with a familiar, immensely self-satisfied smirk.

\- "You know the location of… a secure CIA server in New York," she repeated slowly, unable to believe her ears.

\- "And how to get in," Dotcom added.

\- "How?" Jane questioned.

\- "Hey, it's me! Rich Dotcom!" The hacker congratulated himself as his smile grew, as if it was even possible. His bragging made those present shake their heads in disbelief, except for Jane, who had always had a greater tolerance for his delusions than the surrounding agents.

\- "A place like this must be very well protected…" mumbled the dark-haired woman thoughtfully. In her condition, she wouldn't be of any help in the field, which meant that if Kurt decided to act on Rich's information, the team would have to go without her, and put themselves in danger, risking being killed or even worse… they could be given over to the CIA… Jane shuddered in horror at the idea of her team being given over to Keaton. She couldn't let that happen, especially to Patterson. Her friend wouldn't have the strength to resist what they would do to her. Kurt, Zapata, and Reade were stronger mentally, but even they wouldn't last long in that hell. Not without using the techniques that her brother had taught her… And she would rather die than see them there because of her… Her expression drew worried glances from the agents in the room, particularly from Kurt who frowned and approached her:

\- "Are you okay?" He asked her softly. Before she could answer, Rich cut them off:

\- "Of course it's protected, my beautiful, but not as much as it should be… budget restrictions I imagine. Not to mention that this kind of place relies more on its secrecy than its physical defenses for protection. If no one knows it's there, who would go through the trouble of looking for it?

\- "What kind of security are we talking about?" Weller asked, his voice now free from the tenderness that was there just moments earlier when he was talking to Jane. Allison held back a little snicker, wondering if he had noticed his own change of tone. This didn't seem to be the case. Jane hadn't noticed either, though the US Marshal noted that the wounded woman had again unconsciously moved closer to Kurt. Another glance told her that this movement had not escaped Rich's attentive eyes, and she suspected that he was waiting for the right moment to point it out with his usual tact.

\- "The main defenses are technological: digital visual and voice recognition programs, multiple cameras with infrared and thermal sensors, motion sensors on the outer perimeter, composite alloy armored doors… Oh and the best thing about it? The server room expels all the oxygen in the room at the slightest sign of abnormal temperature variation… "

\- "How many armed guards?" Nas asked, seeming to have been made weary by the magnitude of the task.

\- "About half a dozen… As I said, its security is more about secrecy than numbers," Dotcom replied with a shrug.

\- "You seem to be having fun with this," Weller remarked, still not enjoying the dubious humor of the man.

\- "Oh come on Stubbles! Where is your sense adventure? You can't say no. It's like an epic quest to save your princess from a wicked dragon. Think of the reward at stake!" Kurt clenched his fists at the implied, contemplating embedding the criminal's head in the table to silence him.

-"Stop the nonsense," Jane mumbled, hoping he would stop there knowing what he was implying. Her instinct, however, was that he wouldn't, Rich had always been rather persistent whenever the topic of her relationship with Kurt came up. Her intervention also had the disadvantage of drawing the hacker's attention to her again, and she could only guess how much she was going to regret catching his attention.

\- "Come on my beautiful, I'm sure you're dying to see him save you from your dragon! Then you could thank him with a little tongue… " Rich said with a smile, feeling victorious as he watched the woman blush at the implied. Allie bit her lips to keep from laughing as she watched her reaction, which confirmed what she suspected about the feelings that Kurt and Jane shared, even if they didn't want to admit it. Despite her embarrassment, Jane found the situation quite comforting. Although he often lied and cheated, Rich was always strangely honest with her. And above all, he was still behaving with her in the same way as he always did and wasn't treating her like glass. It was a refreshing change from the constant concern of the team. Of course, the brunette appreciated their support, but after weeks of being, at best, ignored, their constant concern for her was sometimes stifling.

Kurt, on the other hand, didn't seem to appreciate the innuendo at all, and advanced towards the handcuffed man with the clear intention of punching him.

\- "Kurt," she called softly. She couldn't let him risk his career by hitting a convict in anger, or risk Rich changing his mind about giving the location of the site. The sound of her voice immediately halted the deputy director's murderous impulses, something the hacker immediately noticed.

\- "Why all the hostility? I'm trying to give you a chance to express your feelings. If you had been more attentive, Mr. Super-Agent, you would have noticed that she doesn't seem too against the idea," triumphantly chuckled the man, making Jane blush even more. Momentarily surprised, Kurt glanced at Jane, finding her red with embarrassment and avoiding his eyes. For a second, he wondered if she was really considering the situation, then anger drove the thought out of his mind, and he turned back to Rich, who now seemed far less sure of himself. Weller growled, still not enjoying the crude humor of the man.

\- "Okay, okay, everyone needs to calms down," Allie suddenly said, both to prevent her ex-boyfriend from doing something stupid to their informant and to save Jane from embarrassment. "Far be it from me to want to ruin the atmosphere, but the last time you offered your help, you took the opportunity to ridicule us and slip away." she said, looking suspiciously at the man in handcuffs. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed with amusement that Jane had finally recovered from her embarrassment and had grabbed Kurt's hand, trying to pull him back slightly. She also noticed that the agent had unconsciously kept the ravenette's hand in his own while still glaring at the hacker.

\- "Not to mention that you tried to escape just a few days ago," Nas supported her.

-"Zapata almost died that day," Jane added, frowning. Weller and Nas exchanged a glance, and Kurt opened his mouth to point out that they too had nearly died then, like a lot of the agents present. If Patterson hadn't disarmed the chemical bomb in the elevator… Some of the remaining bruises on the dark-haired woman's body came from her fight against the overtrained assassin… From the corner of his eye he noticed Nas's slight shake of head, and he held back at the last moment. Even if they had doubts about his intentions, it was better not to question him too much until he had given them his information.

\- "I'm well aware of the issues," Rich agreed with a solemnity that surprised them. He tried, however, to hide the satisfaction he felt as he observed the FBI agent keeping the tattooed woman close to him, without any protest from her. During their last meeting, the tension that had existed between them was not remotely sexual, and he had wondered what could have happened between those two. But now they seemed to have finally returned to a friendlier basis. Maybe it had something to do with Jane's pitiful state… More than her wounds, it was the fearful gleam in her eyes that told him that someone had not only beaten her, but really tortured her. This simple idea made his blood boil and he frowned momentarily. For a reason difficult to explain, the tattooed amnesiac had always been a personal favorite. Okay, he had tried to kill her and Stubbles during their first meeting, but that was just business… When the Akkadian was sent to take him out, it was to them that he had turned and Jane had given the assassin one hell of a fight. Her innocence while discovering the world and the complexity of human relations had always amused him. And more importantly, there didn't seem to be an ounce of malice in her, a concept that fascinated him. Maybe it was because it was so different from his own darkness? He couldn't understand how someone could want to inflict pain on someone like her.

Well, he could think of a few who would do it. Someone like him for example… Rich was well aware that he wasn't what people would call "a good guy". He had done many terrible things in his life: some for money, some for boredom, some just for fun, and some for reasons far too sinister to mention… But even though he lied, cheated, and almost constantly manipulated others to achieve his own ends, Rich really believed in certain things… Notably the concept of soulmates. And in his mind there was no doubt that despite their respective reluctance to admit it, the two people facing him were in that category.

-"Hey, pay attention," Weller's voice suddenly sounded as he snapped his fingers in front of his eyes. The agents had curiously watched as his eyes wandered absentmindedly, before settling Jane. Oddly, the wounded woman hadn't felt threatened by his attention, but the action was less than approved by Kurt.

\- "Sorry, I was just wondering what our little ninja has done to irritate the CIA to this extent," replied the hacker looking at Jane curiously, but without his usual provoking air. The question surprised them all, and the dark-haired woman froze for a moment trying to find an answer.

-"It's… complicated," she said finally. "Let's just say that… I paid the consequences… for some of my past decisions." Her eyes darted around the room again, not noticing the general frown that her response drew.

-"You almost make it sound like you deserved what happened to you," Dotcom said gravely, still staring at her. Jane met his eyes for a moment, before looking away again, perplexing the hacker. It was as if the strong, relatively confident woman he had always known her to be, had just disappeared. Looking at the other agents, he guessed that it was something that had become habitual, something he did not like at all.

-"In a sense, I did," Jane mumbled, before stiffening as she glanced at the one-way glass. She could almost feel Patterson and Tasha's disapproving gaze through the glass, and glancing at the door, she wondered if she could find a way to leave the room fast enough to avoid them. As she made a movement towards the door, she realized a detail she had neglected. Kurt was still holding her hand in his, and didn't seem to intend to let her go. The affectionate gesture, though devoid of any ulterior motive, made her blush a little again, and she raised her head to meet Weller's worried eyes.

\- "Jane… Are you okay? Do you want to go back with Patterson?" The dark-haired hesitated between the desire to stay here near him or to join her friend and avoid any other troublesome questions from Rich. That said, there was always the possibility that Patterson and Tasha would simply chase Reade out of the room so they could ask her embarrassing questions about how she felt about Weller and she knew she wouldn't be able to fend them off for long. From her time in the hospital, Patterson knew about her little fantasies, and she was pretty sure Zapata had also guessed from her reactions. Thinking about it, giving them an opportunity to grill her about her feelings for the FBI Deputy Director might not be such a good idea. Especially when the two knew her weak points and would succeed in extracting from her much more information, and much more easily, than the CIA could have obtained in three months with all of their tactics…

\- "Jane?" Kurt asked again, hesitating. Part of him was happy that she hadn't pushed his touch away, but the rest of his mind was worried at seeing her so… uncertain. He hoped she was not blaming herself again for what had happened. Or finding a way to keep them in the dark about something that she was keeping to herself, for fear of their reactions... of his reaction...

\- "I'm hungry," Allie suddenly said, absentmindedly stroking her stomach. "Want to come and grab a bite with me?" She asked Jane, approaching and interlocking an arm in her free right arm. The dark-haired woman flinched slightly at her touch, probably a little nervous at seeing her act like this when they had never really been close. But the mother-to-be gave her an encouraging smile, and the young woman relaxed slightly. Letting go, though a little reluctantly, to Kurt's hand, Jane let herself be dragged out by Allie, waiting to see where Weller's ex-girlfriend was leading her. Anyway, it was not like she was going to lash out at a pregnant woman… And the US Marshall had given her no reason to be suspicious of her so far, so she could give her the benefit of the doubt…

Unsurprisingly, Patterson and Tasha were waiting in the hallway, and Jane shrunk into herself slightly at seeing their disapproving looks.

\- "You're really being stubborn, you know," Zapata growled, crossing her arms. The tattooed woman bit her lips nervously and tensed, waiting for the agent to attack her. Noticing her worried look, Tasha sighed deeply:

\- "I'm not going to hurt you Jane. It's just that… it frustrates me that you continue to believe that you're the only one who made mistakes and that you continue to judge yourself responsible for everything… If I hadn't been such a bitch to you when you came back… "

\- "It's nothing, I deserved…" Jane began to answer automatically, before stopping at seeing the looks of her friends.

\- "Jane… I know it's hard for you. What you went through is horrible and it will take time for things to get better, but you're not the one responsible for everything," Patterson sighed. The young woman replied with a shrug of the shoulder, making her sigh. "But if you continue to be so stubborn, I can let Tasha try to convince you otherwise," she scolded her gently.

Instinctively, Jane froze on the spot and gave her the most pitiful look she could. Her own reaction surprised her, and the for just a moment she wondered if she had been… if Remi had been the kind of person who used these kinds of gestures to get what she wanted. Probably, she thought, remembering that her former personality had seduced Kantor, knowing full well that she would kill him after using him… Roman had told her that Remi was good at manipulating people and getting what she wanted… She immediately felt guilty for trying manipulate her friend to escape whatever Tasha was going to do, and began to back away. Unfortunately for her, Allie still held her arm, and gently but firmly prevented her from moving away.

\- "Jane, what's the problem?" Patterson asked softly, seeing her change moods as she almost seemed be making a begging face a few seconds earlier. The dark-haired woman hesitated but, between Allie and her friends, she had no place to go. And she knew that the women wouldn't leave her alone until they had answers. That was probably one of the disadvantages of having someone who cared about you, she thought. Even if it had to be admitted that it was a much more pleasant situation than being ignored or constantly harassed…

Glancing around her, Jane hesitated once more to confide in them, seeing several agents she didn't know passing in all directions. Although they all looked very busy, going from place to place with files in their hands or escorting suspects to the nearby interrogation rooms, she was suspicious. After all, who knew who could be listening? Seeming to understand the reason for her reluctance, Allie dragged her to Patterson's lab, and the small group requisitioned an unoccupied room.

\- "Well, now that we have some quiet, will you explain what's wrong?" Asked the blonde analyst as Allie released Jane from her embrace, not wanting to impose her touch on her for too long. Although she did gently force the woman to sit in a chair seeing her features drawn by fatigue, before sitting herself on the next desk. Fiddling with her fingers nervously, the brunette revealed to them the thoughts that were bothering her. However, she didn't expect the reactions she received. The agents aren't mad at her, and Allie and Tasha giggled together, while Patterson smiled, shaking her head gently.

\- "Jane, you don't have feel guilty for that," she said leaning forward to draw her friend into a hug.

\- "But I tried to manipulate you," mumbled the amnesiac in a hesitant voice that they had learned to associate with her being doubtful.

\- "Trying to soften up a friend is not really manipulation, Jane," Allie explained. "Well, yeah, it kind of is" the future mother said after a second thought. "But it's something that everyone does."

\- "Everyone manipulates the people close to them?" Asked the raven head, casting a look that was both dubious and perplexed.

\- "Of course, it's called love," Tasha chuckled again. Jane's lost gaze made them laugh again, before Patterson spoke quickly so that she wouldn't think they were making fun of her as she had obviously trusted them enough to voice her doubts.

\- "How about you tell us why you tried to do it?" She asked Jane. The tattooed woman opened her mouth before hesitating. Telling her that she had, for a moment, been afraid of losing her only friend, the only person who had really supported her, would be pathetic. For their part, despite the situation, Patterson and Zapata had the distinct impression of dealing with a newly discovered Jane again, one who had sought to understand the world around her, the one that they had come to know before her arrest.

\- "Nothing… I didn't want… I just wanted… "

\- "Jane, I'm not really mad at you. You know that, right?" Asked the blonde walking towards her, her smile gone. Again a shrug of her shoulders answered her, and she searched for a way to correct the mistake she couldn't remember making.

\- "Jane… you only tried to soften Patterson to prevent Zapata from making you watch a stupid tv show… and probably also to get a hug… it's not a crime," Allie said, leaning towards her. The blush that appeared on her cheeks told them that the US Marshall was right.

\- "It's still… manipulation," mumbled the wounded woman.

\- "God, manipulating someone to get a hug… such a terrible crime… " Tasha replied, rolling her eyes excessively. A little annoyed to see the woman making fun of her again, especially for something so… childish… Jane impulsively stretched her arm to deliver a little slap to her shoulder. As her hand approached, she suddenly realized what she was about to do and halted her action, casting a worried glance at Zapata, wondering if she would interpret her gesture as an assault. Seeing her stop, Tasha barely held back a sigh. She had almost managed to get Jane out of her shell… Unfortunately, she had underestimated her insecurities. It pained her to see that even with friendly banter, the dark-haired woman feared a violent retaliation from her. Again, cursing herself for the treatment she had given Jane, the Latina decided to take the initiative.

\- "I'm not going to hit you because you react when I'm teasing you Jane… Any more than I would do something that would hurt you again," she said firmly, stepping towards her to take her into her arms. She forced herself to ignore Jane's relieved gaze and her stiffening at her touch, and tightened her arms around her, feeling her gradually relax. While Tasha hugged their friend, Patterson continued the conversation.

\- "Jane, have you ever seen Sawyer beg for something he really wants?" The tattooed woman frowned in confusion as she looked over Tasha's shoulder, before rummaging through her memories. Among the few times she had been in contact with him, she remembered Kurt's nephew aiming a begging pout at his mother for some candy before dinner. His plea had not succeeded, but she clearly remembered that he had done the same thing to Kurt a few minutes later, who had discreetly given him some treats almost immediately. Nodding her head slowly, she repeated aloud what she remembered, and was surprised to hear Allison's laughter. Turning her head slightly towards the US Marshal, she gently pulled away from Zapata's embrace and waited for her explanation.

-" It's not that surprise. Kurt may be a big, tough FBI Agent, but he can't resist Sawyer's begging face, at least as long as it's not for something that could hurt him. I've seen Sarah rake him over the coals once or twice because he gives in to almost all of his nephew's requests, be it candy or playing video games late at night." In spite of herself, Jane felt a little twinge of jealousy at the fact that Allie had been so close to Kurt, and was able to share those kinds of moments with him.

-"That's what I was trying to explain to you," Patterson agreed, placing herself in front of Jane. "Every child uses this tactic to get things from adults when they are small. And when they grow up, they keep on trying, but with their friends or with people for whom they have a romantic interest."

\- "Why?" Jane asked puzzled. Her question made her interlocutors realize that with her wiped memory, the poor woman had no childhood experiences to reference it to. However, given what her life at the orphanage must have been, it was perhaps for the best that she had no memories of that time.

\- "Think about it… it's like undercover work… " Allie said thoughtfully. "When you work undercover, you're playing a role to get information. For that, you have to give people what they want to see of you to gain their confidence, and to make sure that they don't suspect anything." With a little delay, the woman understood how her words could be misinterpreted by Jane.

\- "Jane, what you tried to do earlier has nothing to do with what you did when you thought you were Taylor Shaw," Tasha cut in.

\- "But… "

\- "No buts. Using a begging face to avoid punishment or to get something, it's something all kids do. Besides, it's also very handy for getting things from men… " the Latina chuckled.

\- "Totally true. A smile and a good outfit, and they're eating right out of your hand," Patterson agreed. Clinging to this idea, Jane's mind drifted back to a certain FBI agent she knew well… and would like to know even better. Pensive, the she wondered if such a technique would allow her to get a hug from Kurt… or maybe even a little more… The red coloring of her cheeks caught the attention of the other three women, who exchanged glances, understanding where her thoughts had lead her.

\- "You're thinking of trying that on a big, attractive, bearded FBI agent?" Tasha teased.

\- "No… not at all," stammered the ravenette, her cheeks seeming to be trying to compete with a tomato despite her efforts to keep a straight face. Her interlocutors exchanged amused glances at seeing her reaction, but decided by mutual agreement not to push it at the moment. They would have plenty of time to tease the dark-haired woman about it when she was better. At the moment, they didn't want to take advantage of her weak state to force her to admit her interest in Weller.

\- "Be nice to her," Patterson said, turning to the Latina to give her a friendly pat on the arm. In spite of herself, Jane couldn't hold back a small smile at the show affection. The feeling of belonging to a group was nice, but strangely it wasn't completely like what she had known before. It felt softer, warmer, perhaps because she could fully appreciate having friends after being alone for weeks. For the first time in a while, she admitted to herself how much she enjoyed having people who cared for her, after trying for months to convince herself that she could survive without them. A part of herself had really missed the old camaraderie they had when they all thought she was the victim. And then… well, as they say, "You don't know what you have until you've lost it… " Noticing her thoughtful look, her blonde friend hurried to draw her attention again.

\- "All that to say, you don't have to feel guilty for that. In fact, if you think about it, all human interactions involve a certain degree of… manipulation. Everyone tells little white lies or embellishes things to please their loved ones or to avoid hurting them. In fact, I think the only thing that really matters is the intent with which you do it," Patterson said, hoping the wounded woman would understand that her explanation also applied to her past decisions. And that it would make her feel less guilty about asking for hugs… Seriously no one should feel guilty for asking for one, and the blonde once again silently cursed those who made Jane think that.

\- "Okay, now it's my turn!" Exclaimed Allie as she jumped off the desk to approach when she understood that the two women had ended their conversation.

\- "That's for saving me and the baby," the US Marshal added, squeezing her as hard as she dared to without hurt her. Jane looked a little surprised, because they had never had any contact outside of a professional environment before, but nevertheless, she let herself be hugged. After a few moments, Jane relaxed completely, and Allie took the opportunity to talk:

\- "I know you didn't learn the fact that Kurt was the father… in the best way," she began, before Jane moved away to look at her nervously.

\- "It's fine, you don't owe me anything… "

\- "Don't say that, we owe you a lot. Our lives and the baby's to begin with… And there's something that I want you to know. Kurt and I… it's always been intense but complicated. But even with the baby, there is nothing more between us, he's just a friend to me. A friend who happens to be the father of the child I'm carrying, but only a friend," she explained gravely. "But believe me, if you need something, whatever it is, I'll be there for you. It's the least I can do for you…"

Jane squirmed again, uncomfortable at the turn of the conversation. She didn't really want to look into her… feelings for Kurt right now. Things were changing too fast, and she needed a little time to accept everything that was happening around her. A very small part of herself also remained suspicious, wondering if all this was an elaborate ruse to make her let down her guard. After all, what were the chances that so many positive things would happen to her within a few days? That said, what reasons would they have to do so? They seemed to know everything she already knew, sometimes it seemed like they even knew more… Noticing her pensive look, Allie came forward again to touch her cheek lightly. Fortunately, this time the gesture didn't startle the dark-haired woman, who only blinked back to reality.

\- "I know what you're thinking. But this isn't a trick. Nobody is being nice to you to force you to drop your guard just to hurt you… " Jane flinched, glancing nervously at Patterson and Tasha, then her eyes returned to Allie. "Don't look at me like that, it's obvious… The people you trusted before weren't… kind to you, and suddenly they're sticking to you constantly and treating you like glass. I imagine that this must not be easy to admit?"

\- "Sometimes, it's… suffocating," confessed the tattooed woman, with difficulty, avoiding the eyes of her friends.

\- "And you're afraid that it makes you weak… You're afraid of suffering even more if they turn against you again." This time Jane didn't answer, but her nervous look told her friends that Allie was right.

\- "Jane… we're not going to turn against you… " Tasha began.

\- "You've done it before," mumbled Jane, now staring them in the eye.

\- "It's true… but we've learned from our mistakes. And we know that you have too, that's why we're willing to trust you and that's why we're convinced that you won't serve Sandstorm's interests again. "

\- "I understand that it's a little… overwhelming for you. We know we won't regain your trust in a few days… Not after all you've been through, " Patterson said, giving her a sad look.

\- "I know," Jane sighed. "It's just that… all this kindness, all this information, I have to sort through… it's a lot in a short amount of time. And even when I make an effort… it's as if a part of me remains suspicious no matter what happens."

\- "This isn't surprising. You've built walls around you to protect yourself after… what happened to you. It won't all go away at once," Allie added.

\- "But it's so frustrating. At times I feel… happy… and safe, and the next moment… " the dark-haired woman trailed off.

\- "As Borden told you, it's not surprising after all you've gone through. And that's why we're not going to get mad at you," Zapata tried to reassure her.

\- "You shouldn't hesitate to tell us if you think that things are going too fast or whenever you want a little space. I promise we'll listen to you," Patterson added as she took her hand.

\- "And as proof of our commitment, I'll reveal our favorite lab nerd greatest weakness," said Tasha to lighten the mood, approaching the blond from behind. Jane watched her curiously as she placed her hands on either side of her friend, before running her fingers along her ribs. Immediately, Patterson burst out laughing and writhing to try to escape the assault, all under the bewildered gaze of her friend and Allie's frank amusement. Finally, Zapata stopped her attack.

\- "As you can see, Patterson is very ticklish. Now you know what to do if you want to annoy her or if she's hiding something from you… " laughed the Latina with amusement. Smiling in spite of herself, Jane watched in amusement as her friend caught her breath, before turning to glance at Tasha. Then, answering her questioning look she said:

\- "And unfortunately, no, Tasha is not as sensitive as me. If you want revenge you'll have to find something else… " sighed the blonde with exaggerated disappointment. Noticing Zapata's speculative look at her, Jane instinctively tightened her arms around her stomach.

\- "Don't worry, I'm not going to tickle you while your ribs are cracked just to find out if I've found a new way to tease you. It would be painful and absolutely no fun." Jane narrowly held back a sigh of relief, not wanting to give more ammunition to the Latina. She did not know why, but although she had no memory of it, her instinct told her that she most likely shared that weakness with Patterson… And she had no desire to get confirmation of this fact.

\- "Well now that all of this is settled, I seem to remember someone saying they were hungry," said Tasha as the eyes turned to Allie, now that the tension was relaxed, her goal accomplished.

\- "Well, while we're talking about it… the baby would like a big peanut butter sandwich, chocolate, and a banana" thoughtfully replied the mother-to-be.

\- "How do you know what the baby wants to eat?" Jane asked puzzled, before the women with her burst with laughter.

\- "It's just a way of talking that pregnant women have. In fact, hormones released by pregnancy often cause different cravings, sometimes with odd combinations of food," explained Patterson with amusement.

\- "It is also very useful for convincing the man who shares your life to obey your every wishes. Who would prevent a baby from getting what they want?" Added Allie.

\- "But that's only if he survives the mood swings," Tasha teased.

\- "Hey! I'm a very calm person… most of the time," Allie mumbled, pulling an annoyed pout.

\- "It sounds terrifying," Jane whispered, looking at her belly, wondering when the pregnancy would show.

\- "Sometimes yes, but… it's a pretty nice feeling in the end," Allie said, shrugging her shoulders as she watched her, before stretching her shirt down to show the little bump that was forming, hidden until now by the looseness of the garment. " In a few weeks the baby will take up a little more space, and the pregnancy will be much more visible."

\- "You don't miss the field too much?" Zapata asked, knowing that in the same situation, staying in the office would drive her crazy.

\- "Of course, I do… " sighed the US Marshal. "But I almost lost the baby trying to stay out there… so I deal with it. And then, Kurt can be a little overprotective sometimes, a little too much for my taste, so I prefer not to have him on my back all the time."

-"That's him alright," Patterson agreed. "On a related note, I recently heard that he threatened to tie a patient who was too restless to her hospital bed," the blonde teased, looking at Jane with a small smile that made her blush.

\- "I want to add that at the time, she didn't really look too hostile to the idea," Zapata chipped in, making the wounded woman blush even more. Fortunately, Allie put an end to her ordeal:

\- "Okay, I think we've teased Jane enough for the day. Now I need help finding a sandwich with my name on it! " Everyone snorted and Jane allowed herself a thin smile, her fears momentarily dispelled by the merry mood, before heading for the door. Maybe… Maybe goods things could finally come to her? Hardly down the hall, however, they had to stop when an agent stopped in front of them.

\- "Miss Doe, Director Pellington wants to see you."

The dark-haired woman stiffened at the news, and her three companions immediately became suspicious. It was no secret that the man wasn't very supportive of Jane, and they wondered what more he could want. If he had heard of Rich's proposal… who knew what he could do with it

\- "She has to go take her medicine, can't it wait?" Patterson asked.

\- "Sorry, but I was asked to escort her directly," the agent replied firmly.

\- "Take her where?" Tasha asked, squinting suspiciously, placing herself defensively between the man and Jane.

\- "Up," he answered simply, the very picture of the agent ready to fulfill his duties without question.

\- "I'm going to get Kurt," Allie whispered from behind Jane, low enough for only her to hear, before moving off to the interrogation rooms.

\- "Okay, but we're coming with her," Patterson said. The agent shrugged as if it didn't matter to him, which was likely the case. He had been sent for Jane, no one had told him about any escorts.

In silence, the small group returned to the bullpen, where many of the agents turned to watch as they passed by. The news of Jane's little breakdown had spread quickly, and she forced herself to ignore the looks full of various mixtures of indifference, pity and admiration. Tensing, Jane felt a spike of pain, and she forced herself to accelerate to keep pace. Noticing her difficulties, Tasha grabbed her arm discreetly, and forced her to slow down, making sure to slow her own walking speed as well. Finally, they reached the conference room, where Pellington was waiting with an agent Jane didn't know.

\- "Miss Doe, glad to see you could join us," said Pellington, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "But I didn't expect you to come with your… support committee." Patterson and Zapata immediately tensed at his condescending tone, but decided to ignore him to help Jane sit down.

\- "Recent events have led me to open a new investigation on you," said the Director, causing Jane to tense further in her chair. Did the man want to send her back to Keaton? Before Pellington could continue, the door opened again, letting Nas and Kurt in, both looking displeased at the meeting. Through the glass, Reade and Allie were visible, both staring intently at the conference room.

\- "And there's the rest," muttered the man, rolling his eyes.

\- "Director… Can I know what's going on here?" Kurt asked in a tone as cold as ice.

\- "As I said, I've opened a new investigation on the Jane Doe case."

\- "Under what charges?" Nas asked, frowning.

\- "Kidnapping and the sequestration and torture of a federal consultant," intervened the agent sitting to the left of the table, causing all eyes to turn towards him.

\- "This is Special Agent Thomas Bellinger, who will be responsible for leading this investigation," said Pellington, looking deeply bored.

\- "Miss Doe… " began the agent.

\- "Jane," said the young woman automatically.

\- "All right, Jane. If you feel comfortable, I'd like to hear your testimony of the events of the past week." The ravenette hesitated and glanced at Kurt, seeming to be asking him what to do.

\- "Well, on those good words, if you will excuse me, other, more important matters, require my attention," said Pellington, getting up and leaving the room.

-"Bastard", Tasha muttered loudly enough for everyone to hear, sneering at the man's back.

\- "Is this investigation serious?" Kurt asked, staring at Bellinger.

\- "Absolutely Deputy Director. Beyond the moral and human aspect for Jane, it would be rather detrimental to the image of the Office if we let criminals attack our employees without retaliating," said the man with a serious look. After another hesitation, Jane, discreetly encouraged by her friends, told the story they had prepared for Borden, but without mentioning the CIA. After all, there was no guarantee that they could trust him.

Bellinger listened attentively to the tattooed woman, taking a multitude of notes, interrupting her only a few times to clarify certain details, which she was grateful for. She wasn't sure she could continue if she was interrupted the whole time, even with the moral support of the team. When she had finished, the man looked at her thoughtfully for a few moments.

\- "You've made yourself some very powerful enemies it would seem. The CIA is not the type to release its prey." Immediately the agents tensed, as Jane watched him in shock. How could he know?

\- "Who sent you?" Weller demanded menacingly.

-" No one. As I said, I'm here to investigate the case of the assault of an FBI consultant. You don't need to draw your weapon, Agent Zapata," the man added without pausing, looking at the Latina briefly. "I don't intend to hurt your friend." Eyes glanced towards Tasha who had put her hand on the butt of her gun when the agent had mentioned the CIA. At a sign from Kurt, she complied.

\- "How are you aware of this?" Nas asked coldly.

\- "Before working for the FBI, I was in military intelligence. I served in several missions in the Middle East, and I have become quite familiar with what the Agency modestly calls "enhanced interrogations," much more than I would like to be. Not to mention that Jane is starting to become quite famous."

-"Famous?" Asked the worried woman.

\- "While the world of intelligence may be segregated, it is small enough, and I still have many contacts. Some time ago, I heard about a tattooed woman who had managed to escape from a black site by knocking out the Deputy Director of the CIA. And to my knowledge, there are not too many tattooed women at the FBI who could perform this feat… As I said, you've made powerful enemies. Keaton has a reputation of being a bastard who never lets anything go.

\- "We're working on a way to… deal with it." Nas replied cautiously.

\- "Be careful with this case, this man doesn't respect any rules. Assistant Director Weller, I will stay in touch." After a last bow, the man also left the room, prompting Reade and Allie to enter.

\- "What did that guy want?" Asked the latter.

\- "To help us… I think," Patterson said, rubbing Jane's back gently. Once again, they noticed that the gesture of affection seemed to have become mechanical for her, as well as the fact that she seemed to relax their injured friend.

\- "Can we trust him? He knows things he shouldn't," Weller said, looking at Nas.

-" I think so. His name is familiar to me, it is probably the same Bellinger who works with the Congress Committee of Intelligence. I've heard that he specialized in tracking down agents who abuse their power. He's a fierce opponent of torture and illegal imprisonment…"

-"Do you think he's after Keaton?" Asked Reade.

\- "Possible. If that's the case, it should be enough to occupy that son of a bitch to give us time to recover Orion's records," Kurt mumbled.

\- "That's enough for today, I think Jane should go home," Patterson said as she saw her friend seemed tired by the events of the day. Despite her protests, the woman was dragged out by her friends and entrusted to her escort. Nas and Kurt were to stay with Patterson to do some digging on Bellinger. Reade still had some paperwork to finish, but everyone promised to visit her soon. Allie, for her part, had to go back to her office, and slipped her number to Jane before leaving. Tasha accompanied the young woman to the car, but asked to be dropped off a little off the way, saying she had to get something before coming to Jane's home. With relief Jane opened the door of her place, Agent Monroe entering behind her.

\- "It's nice that you escorted me to the door, but I can manage now."

\- "Sorry ma'am, but I'm under strict orders from Agent Patterson to verify that you are taking your pain killers. You would not believe how intimidating the woman can be when she wants to be," the agent replied with a hint of humor.

\- "I have an idea," smiled Jane, before grabbing the bottles on the kitchen counter and swallowing a handful of pills with a glass of water. "Mission accomplished." With a chuckle, Monroe wished her a good evening, and went out to join his partner in the SUV.

Savoring her newfound peace of mind, Jane made her way to her room, startling when she saw a figure standing in the shadows near the bathroom door.

\- "Hello Remi. I didn't expect you to become so careless," said a voice that she recognized apprehensively.


	15. Chap 15 - Messages From Beyond the Grave

Hello everybody. Thanks to those who continue to read this story, and as usual, a big thanks to my beta-reader, Readeronly76.

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 **Disclaimer : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

…..

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 **Chapter 15 - Messages From Beyond the Grave**

... .. 

_Jane's safe house_

\- "Hello Remi. I didn't expect you to become so careless." The voice made the raven head freeze. The last time she had heard it, its owner was pointing a gun at her head after having tried to kill Kurt.

\- "Cade," she whispered as her mind ran at full speed. Despite her wounds, her brain had lost none of its edge, and the soldier in her quickly analyzed the situation as her eyes scanned the short hallway. Cade was about six feet from her, but half shrouded in the shadows. In her head, a small voice pointed out that in that position she couldn't see if he was armed. Anyway, trying to fight such an opponent as her former comrade in close combat with a broken arm and cracked ribs was suicide. Nothing in the corridor could serve as an improvised weapon, or even a diversion, all being too heavy or too far for it to of use before he would shoot her or take her head-on.

\- "You'd better not miss," she challenged in desperation, hoping he would make a mistake. "Because the agents outside will be in here before you can escape."

\- "Counting on others to protect you? What would your dear old mother say?" The man calmly replied, moving slightly. Illuminated by a ray of light running through the bathroom window, his face was made visible. He seemed the same as when Oscar shot him on the boat, just... a little less angry. It was hard to be sure because he kept the emotionless mask that all of Sandstorm's members seemed to be trained to wear. With as much as she could see, it seemed softer than in her memories.

\- "Why did you come?"

\- "Curiosity among other things. When I installed that camera in that basement, I didn't expect to see such a show... You're damn tough, I must admit. And exceptionally good at accumulating and keeping secrets. That guy and your mother had to practically tear every word from you... "

\- "You used me," Jane accused, trying to ignore the pain and the shudder of fear that the reminder of the past few days gave birth to.

-"That's rich coming from you, Remi," Cade laughed with a cold thin smile.

\- "Not Remi. I'm Jane now, " the dark-haired woman mumbled, continuing to monitor him for a suspicious movement. Tasha had said that she would be back soon, and since she couldn't face Cade herself, she would have to wait for reinforcements. Her heart sank slightly at having to put Zapata in danger, as they had just begun to improve their relationship. But in her state, she unfortunately didn't have many other options, knowing that Monroe and Calligan wouldn't leave their post unless she called them. And by the time they arrived, Cade would have already finished with her. Shamefully, she had to admit to herself that at the moment, she didn't feel able to fight, physically or mentally. And for the first time, she fully understood the path she had traveled since the team had given her a second chance.

A few weeks back, even injured, she would have tried her luck, determined to fight to the end, even if she died. After all, at that time she had no family or friends and nothing to lose except her own life, since Nas had refused to give her a chance to try to save her brother. But now… she had to admit that after being constructed so carefully, the armor she had built around her heart was pierced. And for nothing in the world, was she ready to die here alone, when she had just found the team... her team again. "Look at yourself, you're weak. You're pathetic. You can't count on them to help you. They'll betray you again," growled the little voice in her head. A voice horribly similar to her own, but harder, more ruthless.

\- "Really? You think a new name will erase everything you did?" The former Sandstorm agent asked in a neutral tone, bringing her back to reality.

-" No!" Protested Jane, finding it strange to be having this conversation with someone who wanted to kill her. "I know... I was a horrible person. I know I did horrible things before... And that some things can never be forgiven, but I'm trying... I'm trying to fix things, make things… better " Cade stared at her without saying anything, and after a few moments she felt compelled to continue. "I know you have no reason to believe me but... I'm sorry for what happened to Markos. I know that... he was your friend and... "

\- "He was yours too," Cade growled, his eyes momentarily dark with anger, but without making an aggressive gesture.

\- "I... remember him... a little... " Jane confessed in a low voice trying to fight the new wave of guilt that threatened to overwhelm her. Markos had realized long before her that her mother was bad and had tried to warn her... and he paid for it with his life.

-" Really?" Cade said with surprise, moving in front of her and seeing her stagger slightly. "Sit down," he ordered calmly, pointing to her room, seeing her shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other. But despite his neutral air and his cold tone, a little gleam seemed to shine in his eyes... compassion? Too tired to keep asking questions, Jane obeyed and went to sit on her bed. She noticed, however, that Cade, while following her, had made sure to stay in the shadows, away from the window. Maybe to avoid the same fate as his friend...

\- "What do you remember?" The intruder finally asked.

\- "About Markos? Just… some pieces. Training in the woods and a few words of conversation. We were all gathered around a fire: you, Markos, Oscar, me and Danny... "

\- "I see... We were a good team: you, Roman, Markos, Danny, Ethan and me...," said Cade thoughtfully, eyes slightly lost in memory.

\- "Who's Ethan?" The dark-haired woman asked reflexively, seeing another opportunity to learn a little more about her past. "And why didn't you include Oscar?" She added after a moment, noticing the omission.

\- "Ethan was a friend of ours. Danny's best friend actually. He was close to you and Roman too. At least... until Oscar's arrival. I think at one point or another, everyone wondered what you were doing with a guy like him... "

\- "Roman told me the same thing," Jane mumbled to herself, but Cade heard it all the same.

\- "It doesn't surprise me... Oscar was... a two-faced snake and Roman hated him. Always kissing your mother's boots. To wonder who used who in your relationship."

\- "If I had known that he would try to erase my memory, I probably wouldn't have allowed him so close ," growled the wounded woman, surprising her interlocutor.

\- "What?" Cade repeated surprised, showing emotion for the first time.

\- "When I confronted him about how he manipulated me after he killed Mayfair... he tried to erase my memory again. It was then that he told me that he had killed Markos... on Shepperd's orders... because he had messed up his mission by miscalculating the dose of the ZIP to give and with Chao having survived his arrest. And because he was afraid of suffering the same fate... he wanted to erase my memories again," Jane explained bitterly and painfully.

\- "I see..." the former Sandstorm agent seemed to think on this for a moment, and she felt as if his shoulders were relaxing slightly. As if he had just made a decision that had been bothering him for a while. "In fact, it's not that surprising," he said, looking straight at her. "If you consider what you did... Markos was just following the plan, after all it was you who started all of this mess..."

\- "I know," the ravenette admitted shamefully, lowering her eyes. "Oscar showed me the video. I know that I'm responsible for... "

\- "No, I'm not talking about your mother's stupid plan... I'm talking about you and the NSA, it was you who provided them with information that alerted them to our existence," Cade answered calmly, carefully observing her reaction.

\- "What?" Jane gasped, looking at him in shock, trying to assimilate the information. While everyone was still ignoring her at the office, she had learned many things, part of which had been confirmed by Nas herself in their discussions. And one of those things was that Sandstorm had infiltrated Nas's team and hit her hard. And this happened despite the information that a mysterious source from within the organization was sending her. And perhaps it was because of her... if her mother had realized that there was a leak, she could very well have ordered the neutralization of the threat. Which meant that, even indirectly, it may have caused the death of even more people ...

-"You had informed the NSA about your mother's plan… At least, the part about Time Square anyway," repeated Cade in the same detached tone, as if they were talking about the weather.

-" Why…?" Stammered Jane, completely lost. Her mother and Roman had told her that she was behind the plan, how could she have done something that would put it in jeopardy? It had been a hard-enough time to deal with that and now, she was suddenly a good person? What was the probabilities it was true?

\- "Honestly, I don't know... At the time Oscar had managed to isolate you completely from most of us. I guess it was to avenge Ethan's death... "

-" How did he die? " Jane asked hesitantly, wondering if she was going to have another death on her conscience.

\- "Nobody really knows... Sometime before your memory was erased, Markos and he decided they were very against Shepherd's plan, especially because of the danger that it presented for you. And one day, your mother gathered everyone to announce that she had executed him as a traitor. That's when things started to go downhill for us. The group broke up: Markos and I on one side, Danny... Danny had always been impressionable, and he joined Oscar's and your mother's side, even after she had just killed his best friend."

\- "You killed him," she said with a hint of accusation in her voice, remembering the events in the garage. She didn't have many memories of Danny, but they seemed close. And even though he belonged to Sandstorm, she felt sorrow for his death. Just as she felt it for killing Oscar, despite what he had done to her.

\- "And you killed Oscar. I guess we can say that we're even... "

\- "At least I didn't set you up to be tortured by a psychopath," Jane growled, glaring at him. Her weakened state, however, took away much of the threatening aspect of her action, and Cade just chuckled.

\- "It didn't rid you of your attitude" The man seemed more amused than truly angry at her outburst. As if he was well aware that she was unable to retaliate. Which was the case, both physically and mentally. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to curl up on her bed for a few too short hours of sleep.

\- "Let's say it was karma… punishment for indirectly causing Markos' death... But that's not why I came," added Cade putting a hand in his pocket. Jane stiffened, waiting for an attack... which didn't come.

\- "If I wanted to kill you, I would've done it before you even saw me… Or just left you in the CIA's hands and let the FBI and your brother run around in circles trying to find you," the former Sandstorm agent pointed out, throwing a USB flash-drive at her. With her diminished reflexes, the woman failed to catch the object, which fell on the bed next to her after hitting her hand.

-" What is it?" She asked, curious despite her ever-present mistrust. After all, Cade hadn't hesitated to use her before as a diversion, and hadn't express the slightest remorse for it.

\- "A peace offering. Something that should help you with your current troubles."

-" Why? What's to tell me that it's not a trap?" Jane asked, eyeing the flash-drive as if it were a venomous snake.

\- "Nothing, but I want as much as you to see your mother pay for what she did..." Cade shrugged.

\- "So if you're so eager to help and knowledgeable, tell me what she's planning ...", retorted the raven head trying to hide how desperate she was to get answers, especially if those answers involved harm coming to the team.

\- "Even if I knew, I wouldn't say anything. I don't like the Feds any more than your mother. I'm helping you in memory of the good old days, but that's all... "

\- "When you aren't trying to kill me," mumbled Jane grudgingly. But either she had spoken too loudly, or Cade had particularly sharp hearing, for he replied:

\- "At the time, I saw you following Oscar's orders, so I thought you were loyal to your mother and that you were really responsible for Markos' death," he objected, shrugging his shoulders again. But his tense attitude contrasted with the relaxed tone of his voice. As if remembering this made him doubt his decision, and he couldn't really decide if she deserved his help or if he should kill her.

\- "And what made you change your mind?" Jane asked suspiciously.

\- "Markos."

\- "But... he's dead..., " said the dark-haired woman looking at him with a lost look, wondering if the pain from the death of his friend had finally made him lose his mind too.

\- "I know he's dead... But he took some measures before he died, using a mailbox. Look at the key, and you'll understand. "

At that moment, a knock at the front door warned them of someone's arrival. Glancing at her bedside clock, Jane supposed that Zapata had finally finished what she had to do, which was confirmed by the sound of the door opening:

\- "Jane? It's Tasha. You know it's not safe to leave your door open?" Instinctively the wounded woman filled her lungs with air to warn her, but Cade quickly recovered from his surprise and, breaking the distance between them with a speed that surprised her, placed a hand over her mouth.

\- "I would avoid doing that if I were you. I'm helping you in Markos' memory, but I really don't like your current company," Cade whispered, looking sternly at her. Jane tensed instantly at the threat. Her assailant didn't seem to want to hurt her for reasons she didn't yet fully understand, but he certainly didn't share the same feelings towards her teammates. Frantically seeking for a way to warn Tasha and cursing herself once again for being too weak to fight her assailant, she heard a low thud in the living room as the agent's voice rang out again:

\- "Jane?" This time the concern was perceptible in her tone. Which was not surprising considering the fact that the wounded woman was under threat from both the CIA and her mother, who could change her mind about her at any time. Hearing a slight movement, Jane guessed that the agent had dropped whatever she was carrying and had pulled out her weapon. Apparently Cade had reached the same conclusion, for he forced her to stand up with one hand while still keeping her mouth covered. Strangely, he was careful not to jostle her too much, a gesture she didn't expect from him. Briefly, she wondered what Markos had told him from the afterlife that would cause this change in behavior. Hearing Tasha approach and call her name again brought her back to reality quickly. Cade stood behind her, holding his right arm against her body with one hand and still covering her mouth with his left hand, knowing that in her state it would be impossible for the raven head to escape with only her broken arm available.

\- "Stay quiet and nothing will happen to your friend," whispered the former Sandstorm agent in her ear, pushing her firmly, but without excessive brutality, towards the living room. Jane waited for a moment of opportunity, but Cade provided none. They soon found themselves within Tasha's field of vision, causing her to immediately point her gun at Cade, who remained partially in the shadows.

-" Who are you? What do you want with Jane?" She asked furiously, trying to make out the man's face, desperate for an angle that would allow her to shoot the man without risking hurting the tattooed woman.

-"Right now… to help her," said Cade soberly. "Now, you will put down your gun and let me go."

\- "Who's to tell me that you'll let her go?" Zapata hissed between her teeth, the weapon still tightly extended in front of her.

\- "No one… But I could just as well break her neck here and now," Cade retorted dryly. Jane felt that he didn't want to do this, but Tasha had no idea, and she didn't want to see her hurt. With her eyes, she silently begged Tasha not to do anything stupid, and the woman seemed to receive the message.

\- "Ok, ok, everyone stay calm," the agent said, slowly lowering her weapon, not wanting to put Jane in danger and having no good angle to shoot from. As she set it down, Cade leaned down to Jane's ear:

\- "Hang on, this will be rough," then without pause, he shoved her towards Zapata. Instinctively the Latina rushed to cushion the wounded woman's fall, and both fell down in a mess of arms and legs. Despite Tasha's efforts, Jane couldn't restrain a groan of pain at the impact, which had jostled her cracked ribs. Fortunately, turning on herself, she managed to avoid falling on her left arm.

\- "Jane, are you okay?" Tasha asked anxiously from underneath her.

\- "I hurt everywhere, but nothing serious," replied the raven head grimacing as she tried to get up. After a few contortions, the two women were sitting on the floor side by side as Zapata's phone rang.

\- "Yes boss," sighed the Latina picking up. "No... we had a... situation at Jane's place. An intruder... " Tasha suddenly pulled the phone away from her ear, and despite the absence of the speaker, Jane could hear Weller yelling on the other end of the line.

\- "I think it's for you," the agent joked in a strained tone, offering her phone to the dark-haired woman, who took it with a sigh.

\- "Jane! Are you okay? Who attacked you? Was it Keaton? Sandstorm?" The background noise told Jane that Kurt was moving quickly, probably to the parking lot to come as quickly as possible. The sound of his voice caught Jane's attention again, who realized that she hadn't been paying attention to half of what the deputy director was telling her.

\- "Uh... yes, I'm fine. It was Cade... he wanted ...not over the phone," Jane finally answered, not wanting the conversation to be spied on. Weller seemed to understand her concerns because he didn't push it, assuring her that he would soon be on the spot before hanging up.

\- "So... that was Cade?" Zapata asked thoughtfully as she picked up her phone. On the boat, months before when they had tried to arrest him, in the chaos and with Kurt in front of the porthole, she hadn't really had time to get a good look at his face as he was taking Jane. Later, she had seen the sketch that had been made of him, but it was the first she had gotten a good look at him in person. The raven head nodded, before getting up to sit more comfortably on the couch.

\- "Are you sure he didn't hurt you?" The agent asked again, looking at Jane's pained grimace with concern.

\- "I've known worse," Jane said, shrugging her shoulders, releasing another grimace of pain as the movement shook her ribs. The Latina winced at the indifference in her voice. No one should have to endure what Jane had gone through, nor be so used to pain that it was commonplace. Mentally, she swore again to do everything she could to help the tattooed woman to recover her old strength. And to prevent someone from hurting her like this again.

\- "Do you need some more painkillers?" Tasha offered, picking up her weapon and getting up.

\- "I took some on the way in, I'll have to wait a bit to avoid an overdose," Jane replied wearily, as the adrenaline gradually left her system. Mentally, she wondered if it was too much to hope to have a single day of tranquility…

\- "Don't worry, I'm sure everything will calm down soon enough," Tasha told her as she sat next to her.

\- "Did I speak aloud again?" Jane asked surprised, turning her head towards her.

\- "No," reassured the agent, smiling. "But if I were in your place, I would like to have a calm day from time to time too." The raven head grunted an acquiescence and moved a cushion to wedge it comfortably under her head. After a moment of silence, Zapata spoke again:

\- "Maybe this will convince Pellington to move you to a new safe-house..."

-" I doubt it. The protection of a terrorist shouldn't be high on his list of priorities. Just having to investigate my kidnapping seemed to annoy him."

\- "Jane... you're not a terrorist," Zappata sighed, patting her hand.

\- "Tell that to all the people who've died because of me."

\- "You've made mistakes that's true. But you didn't want to hurt anyone, that's what makes all the difference! And no one can say for sure what they would have done in your place."

-" Do you really think that?" Jane breathed in a tired voice, however, with a hint of hope.

\- "Of course," Tasha agreed immediately. If repeating it constantly would help Jane to believe that she wasn't a bad person and counterbalance a little of everything she had done since her return, then she would do it without hesitation. Noticing Jane's gaze fixed on the clock, she couldn't help but tease her:

\- "Enjoy your last few moments of peace, because Mr. Overprotective Weller will be here soon!"

\- "I'm mostly afraid of overprotective Patterson," Jane mumbled, making Zapata laugh.

\- "The infernal duo... If you want, I might be able to help you escape their clutches..."

\- "What generosity," replied the ravenette, giving her a false vexed look. She was sure that Tasha would find it much more amusing to watch her try to keep her two overprotective baby-sitters off her back.

\- "Enjoy it, it's my day of goodwill!"

\- "Wait, let me grab my phone, I must warn the press," Jane retorted immediately, making Zapata chuckle as she played her game.

\- "Be a good girl, otherwise you won't get one of these," the agent retorted, waving the paper bag she had just picked up from near the coffee table. Taking in the logo and the smell, Jane knew instantly that it contained cinnamon buns from the neighborhood's best bakery. She blinked to chase away the tears that welled up as she remembered. A few weeks before her arrest, Tasha had introduced her to cinnamon buns, and to say that she loved them wouldn't be a strong enough description. When she had come back, it was one of the few things she had really missed, but with the time she spent at work trying to forget her problems, she had never been able to go back to that particular bakery. The simple gesture from Zapata was more than an offering of peace, it was also a reminder of happier days.

After some bickering for the first pastry, the two young women waited in a comfortable silence for Kurt's arrival. No doubt informed by their director, Monroe and Calligan had come in briefly to check the house, seeming very affected to have failed in their duties. Jane reassured them quickly. She couldn't blame them, the two men were surely competent enough to prevent the CIA from taking her, or at least enough to warn Kurt. But Cade was in a whole different category, and to tell the truth, she was glad that the two agents hadn't intervene. In talking to them in the previous days, she had learned that Monroe had just become a dad, and the last thing she wanted was his baby not to know his father because Cade would have killed him. The squealing of tires in front of the house warned them that Weller had arrived.

\- "Last chance to go hide yourself in your bedroom," Tasha said with an amused glance at Jane. She replied with a little grimace, and watched apprehensively as the front door opened. Kurt stepped in, followed by Patterson, with Nas and Reade following at a slower pace, but looked just as concerned.

\- "Jane are you okay? He didn't hurt you?" Weller and Patterson asked with frightening synchronization as they rushed over to inspect her from every angle for injuries. The dark-haired woman squirmed a little uncomfortably from this sudden invasion of her personal space, while Tasha chuckled gently beside her.

\- "I'm fine," she sighed, trying softly to dismiss them.

-" Are you sure?" Kurt asked, kneeling in front of her and looking at her worriedly.

\- "Yes, he wasn't really after me."

\- "Seriously? This guy tried to kill you the last time he saw you! What could have made him change his mind?" Asked Reade puzzled. Throwing a nervous glance at Nas, Jane slowly began to recount her encounter with the former Sandstorm agent. And if Cade's information about Jane's old group of friends and how her mother had isolating her with Oscar's help before erasing her memory didn't surprise them, Jane's information about the original NSA informant certainly did.

\- "Wow, that's crazy," Zapata said, glancing at the tattooed woman. At the same time, she felt only guiltier about the treatment she had given Jane on her return. Because despite her past mistakes, it seemed like she had long ago decided to fight her mother's organization. And she had paid a heavy price trying to do what she thought was right. Reade, on the other hand, was still suspicious.

\- "Okay... Not that I'm questioning Jane's commitment to fight against Sandstorm, but... can we really believe everything this guy tells us? I mean... last time he wanted to kill us and Jane, and now he's trying to help her? By giving her... what did he give you?" The agent asked, looking at Jane.

\- "I don't know, I haven't looked at the flash drive yet," Jane said, shrugging her shoulders. "As to whether Cade can be trusted... honestly I don't know... If he wanted to, he could have easily killed me tonight. But he looked… calmer than before, I don't know what happened with this mailbox but... "

\- "What mailbox"? Patterson cut in surprised, and the dark-haired woman realized that she had forgotten that part.

\- "In fact, I didn't quite understand... He told me that Markos had spoken to him through a mailbox... but he died, right?" Jane mumbled, giving them a puzzled look that made them smile despite the situation.

\- "It's not a real mailbox, Jane" Kurt told her patiently. In face of her frown, Nas spoke for the first time since their arrival.

\- "It's a term in the intelligence world which refers to a situation in which you have important or compromising information to keep. In the past, they were given to a trusted person, who was a mailbox, and was responsible for disclosing it in case something happened to you. It was... like life insurance, in the event that you were imprisoned or killed by your enemies, even your death would cause them harm because your contact would then give the information to the press or to the authorities. With computerization and online storage, there is now no need to go through a human intermediary, but the principle remains the same."

\- "Oh... so it's this setup that Markos used to communicate with Cade?"

\- "Probably… do you mind if we look at the contents of the flash drive"? The NSA agent asked with uncertainty.

\- "It's still on my bed," Jane said, trying to get up and being stopped immediately by Kurt and Patterson.

\- "Don't move, I'm going," said the blonde, jumping up. She returned a few moments later, before hesitating on what to do.

\- "Do you have anything to open it on?" Jane narrowed her eyes before shaking her head regretfully.

\- "I guess we'll have to go back to the FBI..., " she mumbled disappointingly. As much as she wanted to see the contents of this mysterious flash drive that could contain answers about her past, she was, at the moment, too tired to move from her couch.

\- "Not necessarily," Nas interjected with a rather unusual amount of eagerness for her, which was telling of how much she wanted answers too. "If you let me connect my tablet to your TV, we could see the information here." Following a nod from Jane, she took a cable from her bag, and after connecting her tablet to the tv, eagerly took the USB key that Patterson handed her. On the screen, a window appeared, showing many documents as well as several videos. After a few moments, the agent announced:

\- "Most of the files are freely accessible, but several folders and at least two videos are encrypted."

\- "You can't decode them?" Asked Reade, leaning forward to read the name of the files on the TV screen.

\- "My tablet doesn't have the capacity," Nas replied, shaking her head disappointedly. Patterson leaned over her shoulder, and they watched as the two experts examined the code for a few moments.

\- "This code is one of the strongest I've seen," the NSA officer mumbled thoughtfully.

\- "But it looks far too elaborate for Sandstorm... unless they have computer geniuses available..." Patterson said, reaching out to scroll through several lines on the tablet. "It's strange," she said after a few seconds, "it looks like..."

\- "CIA code," Nas finished, looking up with a thoughtful look, already looking for the combinations that would be most likely to crack the encryption.

\- "Are you sure about that?" Asked Zapata surprised. The two women nodded simultaneously.

\- "Is there a chance that this information is about Orion?" Kurt said, verbalizing the question that was going through the heads of everyone present. After all, given Jane's involvement, it was quite possible that Sandstorm had more information than them on the subject. And if that was the case, they certainly wouldn't complain about not having to cooperate with Rich and breaking into a secret CIA storage site.

\- "Impossible to say until we crack the code," Nas replied, shaking her head. Then she began to scroll through the many documents, before muttering:

\- "It's amazing... it's all the information about Sandstorm that allowed me to link the different attacks..."

\- "So Cade was telling the truth?" Zapata asked, hoping to finally have some proof that would allow Jane to reconcile with the person she once was.

\- "Nothing proves that it was me who sent this information," mumbled Jane, curling up a little. She had so wanted to believe that perhaps she wasn't such a horrible person before... now that disappointment was greater than ever.

\- "Let's look at the rest of the files before we decide anything," Kurt comforted, leaning down to pat her hand. Taking this as a sign to begin, Nas started playing one of the videos. On the TV screen, Markos's face appeared in close-up.

\- "Hi Rem. If you're watching this video, it's because I'm probably dead. So I can call you whatever I want, since you can't kick my ass... " Despite herself, Jane smiled as she watched the image of her former friend with fascination. "Considering what we were involved in, I was either killed by the Feds or eliminated by someone in the pay of your dear mother. You probably don't remember her, so here she is (on the screen Markos showed a photo of Shepherd, taken at a distance.) She calls herself Shepherd, and we don't know her real name... well, I guess you and your brother do, but you probably don't remember it at the current moment. Speaking of him (Markos showed another picture) this is Roman, your biological brother. You were both born in South Africa, where your parents were killed trying to oppose the regime that was in place. You were then sent to an orphanage where you were subjected to things no child should ever know to make you into elite soldiers. Shepherd then picked you up a few years later and kept you with her, so I guess she was the one who completed your training... If this video comes to you while you're still in the FBI, you have to know one thing: remain near Weller no matter what. Even if you aren't Taylor Shaw and have taken her identity for the mission, he is the only one who can protect you and help you achieve our goal. We ran out of time before you were sent there but it's important. Kurt Weller is one of the few people I'm sure doesn't work for your mother. Besides, she surely has a few moles in the NYO, so be careful." At that moment Nas paused, seeing Jane's eyes clouded with tears.

\- "Are you sure you want to watch more now? The day has already been quite trying and… " she said with a rather unusual solicitude from her part.

\- "No... it's okay... I want... I want to know," Jane replied as Tasha and Patterson sat on either side of her, enveloping her in a comforting embrace. Now sitting on the floor so as to be able to watch the screen and Jane at the same time, Kurt remained silent, fighting the feeling of guilt that threatened to choke him. Hearing that he was supposed to protect Jane, that she was supposed to trust him more than anything, reminded him of how much he had failed... After one last hesitation, Nas restarted the video.

\- "No matter what some people will try to make you believe, I assure you that you weren't as bad a person as you think. In fact, you've even loyally served this country for several years in the special forces before joining a CIA clandestine unit called Orion. This is where the trouble started. They were lying to you, they used you and our comrades to carry out their own illegal operations and got rich by destabilizing governments and killing those who resisted them. When information that could be traced back to us was released to the press, the Agency got rid of those still in service. But you survived and came back to us. I was lucky, I had already left Orion a few months before and disappeared so the CIA never found me.

On a table next to him, Markos took a new picture, and stared at it for a few moments, smiling nostalgically before turning to the camera. A group of a dozen fatigued people smiled at the lens, each trying to make increasingly ridiculous poses. One by one, Markos pointed to the faces of the fighters, from left to right:

\- "Here are the members of the two best Orion Action Teams active at the time of... the termination of the program: Lieutenant Dan Greyers, Seaman Thomas Daniels, Petty Officer Third Class Hector Ramirez, Seaman Donald Jervis, Petty Officer First Class Jeremy Toska, Seaman Andy Dickson." The man paused, before continuing on to the smiling face of the only woman in the group, on which the eyes of Jane and the agents were glued: "Petty Officer 2nd Class Remy... Wilkerson, Seaman Edward Riggs, Petty Officer 3rd Class Novak Taïsek, Seaman Jonas Irwin, Petty Officer First Class Anthony Szerebko, Ensign Robert McCowney." Hypnotized, Jane looked at the men who had composed her team before being betrayed by their superiors. While Roman and Shepherd had spoken to her about them before, it was the first time she had ever seen their faces, apart from the flashes that came to her of their mutilated bodies following her awakening after the drone strike. Nas paused the video again to give everyone time to reflect.

\- "So... Wilkerson is the name you enlisted under," Reade said, looking at Jane compassionately.

\- "It would seem," the raven head replied with a slight shrug.

\- "Jane, what is it?" Weller gently asked her, noting her lack of reaction.

\- "The name seems familiar to me but... it doesn't trigger anything. Like the names and faces of my old unit. I was hoping... I was hoping they would trigger new memories, but... nothing, " Jane gasped disappointingly. Patterson rubbed her back affectionately, saying:

\- "Look on the positive side, now you have a name and an identity."

\- "But I'm not even sure it's my real name. It's probably a fake identity created by Shepherd. The identity of someone who, if wasn't scrubbed, was definitely declared KIA years ago. It's not going to help me a whole lot," mumbled her friend, hugging herself a little against Patterson.

\- "But that gives us a starting point. With your name, we can dig deeper. Maybe even find someone who knew you," Zapata tried to comfort her. After a few moments of thinking, Jane motioned for Nas to resume the video.

\- "When you came back, you were different. Harder, angrier at the government. Your mother exploited this anger and together, you two devised a plan to expose the corruption in this country. I'm not going to lie to you: during that time, you did things that no one would be proud of... But you weren't really yourself. I don't know where you are in decoding your tattoos at the moment you're watching this video, but each of them contains clues about criminal groups or corrupt officials threatening the security of this country. In order for the FBI to trust this information, we had to completely erase your memory. I don't know if he has already contacted you but (Markos searched for a moment next to him, before taking out another photo) here is the man that your mother has chosen to be your handler. His name is Oscar, and he was... your fiancé. How did that happen? Honestly we're still asking that question... this guy is a complete asshole. You mustn't trust him under any circumstances!" Unconsciously, Jane curled back at Markos's serious words, before straightening on hearing his next sentence:

\- "No matter what he tells you, you changed your mind about the plan. Partly because your conscience, and partly because of the death of Ethan, another of our friends. A few weeks before the start of Phase 1, you anonymously contacted a secret division of the NSA called "Zero Division." You then gave them some important information, unfortunately we had underestimated your mother's influence. She had a mole in the unit, and because of her mole, she was steps away from discovering our involvement. She started to have doubts about us in general, and about you in particular, so we had to change our plan. If you're watching this video, it's because I'm no longer able to do my part, so it's up to you to stop your mother. I was supposed to inject you with a smaller dose of ZIP, which in theory should allow you to recover some of your memories. Unfortunately because of Shepherd's supervision, I couldn't complete my part of the mission and had to inject you with the correct dose. The effects of this thing aren't really known, especially at these dosages, but you could very well recover some fragments of memories or not remember anything at all. You probably can't choose which ones you recover either, and taken out of context, some of your memories may seem horrible… Actually, thinking about it, I'm telling you all of this but I'm not even sure you will remember me, " Markos thought out loud. He blinked and then went on.

-" It doesn't matter. If you have received this flash drive, you will know that you can trust me... at least I hope so. The major risk is that you don't remember Phase 2, which would be problematic in stopping your mother. But as I told you, she had suspicions about you after the leak of information, and we couldn't take any chances. To my knowledge, only you and Shepherd knew the details of Phase 2, so you'll have to be crafty to get answers. The only two people you can trust in our... organization are your brother and Cade (Markos shows a new photo). Roman is only loyal to two people, you and your mother, but she probably took advantage of the time you were at the FBI to isolate and manipulate him. You will have to regain his trust and make him aware of who Shepherd really is. Cade is our friend and he is the one who must give you this video as soon as he has the opportunity."

Markos reached out for the camera before seeming to change his mind: "One more thing before leaving. If it was that bastard Oscar who killed me, shoot him for me! And don't feel guilty, even if he gives the impression of caring about you, he's only a selfish manipulator!" For the first time, Jane's guilt at having killed her ex-fiancé was tempered by a feeling of wild satisfaction at having avenged her friend. Instantly, she felt slightly ashamed of her thoughts. What kind of person was content with taking a life?

\- "Jane, considering what Oscar did to you and pushed you to do, feeling a sense of vengeance is not unexpected," Kurt gently told her, making her blush when she realized she must had again spoken aloud.

\- "What I don't understand is why Cade waited all this time after Markos's death? And why he tried to kill Jane before?" Reade said thoughtfully.

\- "Well... I don't know how Markos chose to convey his message, but it is possible that the broadcast was delayed. From what we know they were both very close so... " Nas began slowly.

\- "When he heard of Markos' death, he believed Jane to be responsible and tried to take revenge. And now that he's watched the message, he feels partly guilty, and tried to help her by following Markos' wishes," Zapata finished.

\- "I'm sorry," Jane mumbled, drawing in surprised and dismayed looks from the other people present.

-" For what? " Patterson asked, squinting in confusion.

\- "If I had listened to Markos from the beginning when he came to my house, all this would never have happened. I would have known that Oscar was a threat and... Mayfair would still be alive and... " whispered the dark-haired woman as tears beaded in the corners of her eyes.

\- "Jane... Stop torturing yourself over nothing. Markos broke into your home after your memory was erased. At the time, you had no reason to think of him as an ally. And unfortunately Oscar did his job well by eliminating him before he could tell you too much," Tasha reacted, putting a hand on her shoulder.

-"Agent Zapata is right. Without you, we might never have made the connection between Sandstorm's preparatory attacks. And we would never have known about Phase 1," Nas pointed out, looking at her compassionately. The change was unexpected, but on the other hand she had just had evidence that Jane was on their side and that she hadn't deserved everything she had recently gone through.

-"But... it's because of me that your team was hit," Jane said, looking at her guiltily. Pain appeared briefly on the face of the NSA agent, before her impassive mask resumed it place.

\- "I myself hold important responsibility in what has happened to my team. I let myself be blinded by my feelings, and my colleagues paid the price." This confession from the secretive agent made them all shift uncomfortably. With her cold airs and obsession with taking down Sandstorm, it was easy to forget that she too had paid dearly for her desire to stand up against Shepherd. "If you don't mind, I'd like to take a closer look at the flash drive and try to crack the encryption on the locked files... with the help of Agent Patterson. And... I promise to give you all the information that concerns you," she added, seeing the wounded woman hesitate at the possibility of being denied access to certain elements of her past. Jane hesitated, then nodded slowly after looking at her friend.

\- "Okay, I think that's enough for today," Kurt said, seeing how the day's events affected Jane.

\- "Exactly, it's time for Jane to go to bed," Patterson agreed, ignoring her friend's annoyed look at being so infantilized, and the chuckles of Reade and Zapata. Too tired to fight, Jane bade everyone goodnight before heading to her room. After a few steps, she noticed that Kurt and Patterson were following her, and she stopped on the threshold of the room.

\- "Uh... what are you doing?"

\- "After such a day, it's out of question that I'm taking my eyes off of you!" They said simultaneously, causing Jane's blink.

\- "Do you intend to sleep with me?" She asked, a little puzzled and trying to fight the red that rose to her cheeks at the idea of sharing her room with Kurt. Fortunately the room was dark and her reaction went unnoticed.

\- "Okay... Seriously your concern for Jane is usually cute as everything, but now it's just become creepy," Zapata intervened as she stood behind them.

\- "But..." Kurt began.

\- "But nothing at all, boss. Remember what we said about personal space... If you want to stay, the sofa is free. Jane doesn't need your help putting on her pajamas," the Latina firmly said, pulling him toward the living room, realizing that her friend must be feeling a little overwhelmed by so much attention. The raven head hesitated a few seconds torn between relief and the urge to curse Tasha for her intervention, before Patterson caught her attention.

\- "No way am I leaving," she said, looking at her defiantly.

\- "But... where are you going to sleep?" asked her perplexed friend. Usually, the blonde slept on the couch, and came in only when a nightmare woke her.

-" With you. You seem to have a king size bed... I know you would prefer a more muscular and bearded agent, but tonight you'll have to settle for me," she teased the ravenette, attracting a little swat on her shoulder. After changing, Patterson borrowing one of Jane's black jogging shorts for the occasion, the two women went to bed and the analyst turned off the light. After a few moments of feeling Jane shifting besides her, Patterson sighed:

\- "I don't bite, Jane." With her encouragement, the wounded woman moved slowly to lay against her, resting her head on her shoulder as Patterson's arm slid around her waist. A few moments later, the amnesiac had easily fallen into sleep. Knowing that Kurt was in the house, with her best friend next to her, she felt more loved and safe than ever in the last few months.


	16. Chap 16 - Angst and Feelings

Hello everybody. Here is the next chapter. Thank you for all your reviews, it's a great source of motivation, you're wonderful!

As habitual, a big thanks to my beta-reader, Readeronly76.

…

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

…..

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 **Chapter 16 – Angst and Feelings**

_Jane's safe house_

A thin ray of light passed through the drapes and pulled Patterson from her sleep. After a moment of confusion, the analyst remembered the events of the previous day, and the fact that she had stayed behind to make sure that nothing happened to Jane during the night. She also remembered that Kurt was on the sofa. Smiling with amusement, the blonde remembered the way her friend looked when Zapata had chased Kurt out of the room on the claim that he was being too clingy. Jane had seemed both relieved that things wouldn't be going too fast, and a little irritated at Tasha for taking the deputy director away from her. In recent times, she seemed to be finding comfort in his presence, as she did at the very beginning of their relationship. Of course, there were many things that had to be dealt with before they could consider giving it a real chance, but they deserved it. Mentally, Patterson wondered how long it would take them to take the plunge. If Jane's fantasies were any indication, it might happen even sooner than they thought …

Sensing a weight on her left shoulder, Patterson slowly turned her head to see Jane curled up against her, a peaceful look on her still bruised face. She noticed that, during the night, her friend had cuddled closer, tangling her legs with hers and resting her plastered left arm across her stomach. The situation made her smile. With anyone else, waking up in this position could have been embarrassing and awkward, but not with Jane. Her friend had no ulterior motives other than to have proof that someone was there. Her desire for affection, which she refused to admit, was both touching and sad, as if she thought having it made her seem weak. They had made some progress, but there was still quite a way to go before she could believe that things would work out for her and that they wouldn't hurt her. Observing the peaceful air of the woman beside her, Patterson finally realized what was so unusual about the scene. Jane was sleeping. Deeply... A glance at the alarm clock on the little bedside table told her that she wasn't mistaken. It was nearly eight AM, and the dark-haired woman in her arms was still sleeping. Which meant she had just slept for almost 12 hours without being awakened by a nightmare.

As Patterson hesitated between waking Jane up or letting her sleep, the bedroom door opened slowly and Weller's head peaked through the tiny opening. He opened his mouth to say something, before his brain registered the scene in front of him. Slowly, his lips stretched into a smile, looking on at Jane curled up against Patterson and hugging her as if she were her teddy bear.

\- "She's still sleeping?" He whispered to Patterson, who, by now, was wide awake.

-" Yeah. This is the first time I've seen her sleep a full night without waking up because of a nightmare since... she left the hospital," whispered the blonde. She didn't say it, but they knew it was probably her first full night of sleep since her return from the CIA, they didn't need to. On an impulse, Kurt pulled out his phone and aimed the camera at the bed.

\- "Weller, what are you doing?" Patterson growled as softly as possible, giving him a scandalized look. He wasn't going to take a picture of her in her pajamas and her bedhead?

\- "Well... Tasha and Reade won't believe me without proof," Weller snorted, taking a series of photos, ignoring the murderous glare from the blonde.

\- "I'm warning you, if you show those pictures to anyone..." muttered the analyst, trying not to wake Jane who, with all the noises, had begun to stir slightly. But against all odds, the wounded woman just moved a little closer with a small content sigh.

\- "It looks like Sleeping Beauty isn't going to be waking up yet," Kurt said quietly, staring at Jane. Patterson held back a happy chuckle as she saw the tenderness with which he watched the sleeping woman. For a moment, she wondered if he was even aware of what he was doing. If her friend didn't need to sleep so much to recover, she would have awakened her up to see her reaction to catching Weller watching her. And especially to see Weller's reaction when he was caught… unfortunately her plans for revenge had to wait, she wasn't so cruel as to deprive Jane of the few hours of good sleep that she was able to get.

However, a small problem arose. She had been awake for a while already, and was really starting to feel the need to answer nature's call. Slowly, she tried to move Jane's arm while trying to keep her straight so as not to wake her. The little grimace that appeared on Jane's face made her stop her movements immediately.

-"Problem?" Kurt whispered as he approached the bed.

\- "I need to use the bathroom," Patterson mumbled a little embarrassed. "But I don't want to move her, her arm must still hurt with movement."

\- "I see... Unfortunately if you want to get out of bed, we'll have to wake her. The question is... how do you convince her to let go of her new teddy bear?" Teased Weller with a big smile, clearly enjoying the situation.

\- "Ha... ha... ha," she replied sarcastically. However, those words had a different effect than she intended, as Jane shifted her shoulder.

\- "Hush..." mumbled the dark-haired woman without opening her eyes. For the first time in weeks she felt well rested. Hearing two voices laughing, one of which was causing the surface below her head to rumble, she opened an eyelid to take stock of her surroundings. The first face she saw was Kurt's, who was watching her a few steps away from her bed. The idea that the man for whom she had feelings for, even though they were confused, had watched her sleeping was embarrassing enough. Embarrassing, but also a little pleasant… Then, noting that she was close against something soft and warm, she tilted her head up, meeting Patterson's smiling face a few inches from hers.

\- "Hi," said the blonde, laughing as she noticed the embarrassed look of her friend as she became aware of their proximity. "Sorry for waking you, but I really, really, need to go to the bathroom."

\- "Uh... okay," mumbled the raven head, without moving.

\- "Jane, if you don't let go of your teddy bear, she can't get out of bed," Kurt told her with amusement. Still not very awake, the tattooed woman looked at him for a moment without understanding, moving from his smiling face to that of the slightly annoyed Patterson. From the corner of her eye, she even thought she saw her friend stick her tongue out at Kurt, before she told herself that she must have been mistaken because of her drowsy state. After a few more seconds, her brain finally assimilated the situation. Reluctantly, she released Patterson from her embrace and the computer specialist hurried out of the room.

-" How do you feel?"

\- "Rested," Jane said slowly, putting her head back on her pillow while still looking at Kurt, who didn't seem to want to move.

\- "Well, that's to be expected after a good 12 hours of sleep," Weller said gently, causing the dark-haired woman's eyes widen.

-" 12 hours!" She exclaimed, raising her head to look at the alarm clock and verifying that it was indeed true. The flashing numbers on the device confirmed it to her. She had actually slept for a whole a night in one go... It was more than her last two nights combined... Which meant... not a nightmare all night... Continuing to smile slightly, Kurt watched as Jane tried to wrap her head around the idea. Considering all that she had gone through, he was glad that she had finally been able to enjoy a full night of rest. Patterson definitely had a very positive effect on her. When the blonde came back to the bedroom, Jane sat up and pulled her into her arms.

\- "Thank you," she murmured, hugging her.

\- "Uh... no problem," replied her friend looking at her, puzzled.

\- "For allowing her to use you as a teddy bear and getting her through the night without a nightmare," Kurt said, thinking on the fact that Jane was being a lot more physically affectionate the last few days. Mentally he made a note to discuss the subject with Borden. The physical affection didn't bother him, but he feared it was a sign that Jane was trying to compensate for something. With regret, he interrupted the adorable scene in front of him by clearing his throat.

\- "If you're done with Patty the Pooh, breakfast is ready." His statement caused Patterson to squeal, as Jane looked up at him, puzzled.

\- "Patty the Pooh? Breakfast?" She questioned.

\- "It was a bad attempt at a joke comparing me to a character out of a children cartoon, Winnie the Pooh. It was very popular, so they made a lot of merchandise, including many stuffed animals. Teddy bears in particular" Patterson grumbled.

\- "And you used Patterson as a teddy bear to sleep tonight... and I have pictures to prove it," Kurt added seriously. But the slight tilt at the corner of his mouth indicated how much he was restraining himself from laughing at her expression.

\- "Pictures?" Stammered Jane blushing. If Tasha saw them, she would never get a moment of peace again... Even if, thinking on it, she would prefer to have some jokes about her recent addiction to cuddles a thousand times more than the treatment that the Latina had given her before.

\- "You know I could hack your phone to get rid of them all, boss," grumbled the analyst, crossing her arms.

\- "It's a pity I've already sent them to someone," Weller said as he left the room. Patterson and Jane exchanged glances, one surprised and the other worried, before the blonde rushed after her boss.

\- "What do you mean? Who? Kurt Weller come back here!" shouted Patterson as she stormed down the hall. Jane followed at a slower pace, shaking her head with amusement as she heard her friend threaten her boss, finding the noise in her house strangely comforting. Much more than the deafening silence that had reigned when she was alone… Arriving in the living room, she noticed that Kurt was busy in the kitchen while Patterson sat in front of the counter separating the two rooms, still grumbling at him. Slowly sitting next to her friend, Jane finally realized what was wrong with the picture. Her cupboards were almost completely bare, as was her refrigerator. Since her return from the CIA, she generally didn't have much of an appetite, especially in the morning. And ever since she had left the hospital, someone from the team had always come to keep her company at home with takeaway food. It was therefore surprising that Kurt had found anything to cook.

\- "Where did you find all this?" she asked as she watched Weller put plates full with scrambled eggs and crispy bacon in front of Patterson and her. With a ding, the bread he had toasted sprang from the toaster and he placed a slice next to each plate before answering:

-" In the fridge." His response was punctuated with a smirk and the tattooed woman rolled her eyes, and resisted to the urge to slap him on the shoulder. Beside her, Patterson smiled to herself as she watched their interaction, aware that Weller was trying to get a rise out of Jane.

-"Very funny. My fridge is empty," mumbled the raven head.

\- "Not anymore. I had time to go shopping after getting up. By the way... We will have to discuss your recent eating habits. You won't be able to heal properly if you don't get enough food," said Weller, this time deadly serious.

-"I'm fine," Jane replied defensively. Kurt frowned before turning to Patterson, who put down her fork.

\- "Jane... We know you're not doing as well as you say. You don't have to try to hide it," she said gently, leaning down to rub her arm. The dark-haired woman mumbled something they couldn't hear, but agreed to pick up her own fork.

-"Eat at your own pace," Kurt encouraged her.

-"Okay, but don't force me to eat more if I say I'm no longer hungry," Jane immediately challenged, looking at him. The two agents exchanged glances, finding it encouraging that she was bargaining instead of digging her heels in, before nodding in agreement. After a few minutes, the tattooed woman had managed to down nearly all of her eggs, as well as a quarter of a piece of bread and a little bacon.

-"I'm done," she announced, pushing up her plate. Kurt and Patterson smiled at her effort, before the blonde put several pills and a glass of orange juice in front of her.

-"One last little effort," she encouraged her. Obediently, Jane swallowed her medicine, before giving a long yawn.

\- "Do you want to go back to bed?" asked her friend.

-"No, I want to go to the office," Jane answered, with a strange eagerness, considering what had happened during her last visit.

\- "Jane," Kurt began worriedly. After the events of the day before, he wanted nothing more than to leave her in the safety of her home. But on the other hand, Cade had managed to get into what was supposed to be a safe house, under the watch of two agents... Thinking about it, she would be safer with them, where they could keep her in their sight at all time.

\- "I want to come with you," Jane said more emphatically. "Nas has my flash-drive and… I want to know what's on it." Indeed, knowing Nas, she would have arrived early to the office to start decoding the flash drive. And Jane had been waiting for so long for answers about her past, that it was easy to understand why she wanted to ensure that she saw the flashdrive's content. After all, she probably had only a limited trust in the NSA agent and was probably worried that the woman would withhold information. Seeming to have reached the same conclusion, Patterson nodded discreetly.

\- "Okay," Kurt allowed. "But... at the slightest hint of a problem, you're coming back here again," he said. After hesitating, Jane reluctantly agreed.

\- "I propose we go through the garage to avoid too many people," interjected Patterson looking at her friend with concern. Her stiffening showed that she had neglected the fact that she would have to face a large number of agents again. After her crisis from the day before, it could be quite embarrassing considering how much she didn't like be seen as weak. But Jane's hesitation did not last, her desire for answers stronger than her fears, for the moment anyway.

...

 _NYO, an hour later._

After Jane and Kurt got ready, the Deputy Director having picked up supplies from his apartment while he was out shopping, they stopped by Patterson's place to allow her to change. The agents Monroe and Calligan had been sent home to get some rest since Jane was going to be spending the day at the office surrounded by the team.

Following Patterson's plan, they went through the garage and the secondary elevator, before taking the stairs to avoid the hustle and bustle of the bullpen. While Kurt went to his office to sort out a few trivial details and deal with the paperwork that seemed to constantly pile up, Patterson and Jane headed to Nas's office. They found the woman leaning over her display table, massaging her temples, obviously frustrated.

\- "Hello, a problem with the code?" Patterson asked, causing the NSA agent to turn towards them.

\- "Hello... Jane? Are you sure you can work?" Nas looked at the tattooed woman with surprise.

-"She's not working," Patterson said as Jane opened her mouth. "She only has the right to sit quietly and look at the unencrypted files. No work allowed." Nas raised an amused eyebrow at the slightly bothered Jane, who didn't like being mothered like that.

\- "I see... that reminds me..." The woman handed a tablet to Jane, who took it with a questioning look. "This is one of the unencrypted videos. It's another message, a… rather personal message from Markos," Nas said strangely awkwardly. Exchanging a puzzled look, Patterson and Jane focused on the NSA agent's words.

Jane was soon lost in the midst of the technical talk as the two specialists discussed the best way to break the encryption. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and after reading a text from Tasha, she left the room, leaving the two busy women, who had not noticed her departure. She joined Zapata, who was with Allie, in Patterson's lab. After an exchange of greetings, the US Marshal looked around.

\- "Patty the Pooh isn't with you?" She asked with a smile, making Zapata laugh and rooting Jane to the spot.

-"Kurt sent the picture to you," she said, moaning as Tasha chuckled beside her.

-" What picture? And what's with the name?" Allie pulled her phone out of her pocket to show her the incriminating photo, while Jane blushed. Zapata looked at the picture carefully, Jane cuddled against Patterson, who was obviously awake and her hair tousled, and hugging her vigorously.

\- "Both of you are adorable," she smiled sweetly at Jane, before turning to Patterson, who had just entered the lab completely breathless, just as Allie was showing the image.

\- "Jane! Don't do that to me again!"

\- "Easy Patty the Pooh... What's the problem"? Zapata asked her with a chuckle.

\- "The problem is that I turn my back for two seconds to try to decode the data, and she disappears without any warning. Worse than a two-year-old... " Patterson grumbled, before realizing something: "What did you call me? "

\- "Sorry," Jane mumbled, lowering her head, feeling guilty for having unnecessarily worried her friend. "And she called you by your new nickname, because Allie showed her the picture that Kurt took of us this morning."

\- "Delete it!" Demanded the blonde immediately, giving them her most pleading look as Tasha waved the picture in front of her.

\- "Sorry but no, you're both way too adorable. And Reade hasn't seen it yet," Allie added mischievously.

-"Nor Borden," said Tasha, making the blonde sigh.

\- "Okay, what will it take for you to keep it to yourself?" She asked. Jane just watched the bargaining, but she couldn't help but feel slightly confused. She didn't really want to show the picture to everyone, but Patterson's insistence to deleting it was strange. Was she ashamed to be photographed with her?

\- "Why do you want to make it disappear so much?" She asked her friend in a neutral tone, trying to hide the hurt she felt at this idea.

-" Are you kidding? Look at this horror!" Distracted by the image, the blonde didn't notice the both hurt and confused look that crossed Jane's face, before she replaced her impassive mask. Allie, however, didn't miss the sight, and narrowed her eyes, wondering if she should intervene. Fortunately, though unaware of the effect her words had had on Jane, Patterson continued, "I look awful!" She exclaimed, pulling the phone from Zapata's hands and zooming in. Still puzzled, Jane noticed that her friend seemed to be focused on her messy hair, and the small trail of mascara that had leaked to her cheek. With a relieved smile she gently tapped Patterson's back in support, Allie's eyes narrowed as she saw her reaction. She chose not to comment, especially since Patterson had turned to her.

\- "Why are you here today?"

\- "I brought back our new best friend. He's negotiating a fake deal with Kurt."

\- "A fake deal?" Jane asked

\- "We can't exactly go to an attorney and tell him that in exchange for a better cell, Rich will help break into a CIA data storage center to help you," explained the US Marshal. "So he's giving us some names of hackers from the Dark Web, so we can make an official agreement."

\- "It's logical, I guess," Jane mumbled before remembering the tablet she was holding in her hand.

\- "What's on that?" Tasha asked curiously.

\- "A video from Markos that Nas gave me. But... she seemed a little off when she gave it to me."

\- "Markos... the one who died at your first place?" Allie asked puzzled. Jane nodded, and began to tell her of the surprise visit she had received the night before.

\- "Wow. Luckily the guy didn't hurt her... "Allie said, mentally complaining to the wounded woman in front of her. The poor woman didn't even seem to be able to catch a break at home... After a brief hesitation, Jane turned on the device, and launched the file that was on the home screen while the three agents gathered curiously around her.

\- " _Hey_!" said Markos' smiling face. " _You will probably already know this, but on this device is the location of several safehouses belonging to our former group, containing money, weapons, ammunition, forged documents, everything needed to conduct clandestine operations. One of the files contains the passcodes needed to disable the alarms and to get pass the security doors. However, I don't know how much will still work given that if I'm dead, it's because your mother didn't trust me anymore. It's impossible to say which locations will be abandoned, however, if things go bad with the FBI, you can always use the ones I put on the red list until things blow over. These are the ones your mother no longer uses, but I had them restocked after your memory was erased, so they're relatively safe._ " Jane felt her heart tighten at the thought that even after she left, Markos had considered all the eventualities. And that he continued to watch over her, even dead.

" _But I doubt you'll need it. You're good at winning people's trust and I'm sure your new team will protect you when they understand how useful you can be_." At this Tasha and Patterson lowered their eyes in shame remembering how they had abandoned Jane in the CIA's hands after her arrest. Markos' cheerful tone quickly drew their attention back to the screen. Seeing the broad smile that bloomed across her friend's bearded face, Jane immediately felt uneasy. " _By the way... don't think I didn't notice how you looked at Weller during the recon phase. I know that you find him attractive, so a little piece of advice: if you choose to do a little recon with Mr. Super-Agent, find a quiet place to do it. You're quite loud, as half of our barrack can testify given the number of times you've prevented us from sleeping after the return of a mission, so it would be a pity for your neighbors to complain about night-time disturbance._ " After laughing, Markos winked at the camera before cutting it.

Jane remained frozen for a moment by the shock, before blushing furiously while Allie and Tasha burst out laughing. More understanding, Patterson rubbed her back to show support, but also had to bite her lips to keep from laughing.

\- "No chance of convincing you that this video never existed?" The tattooed woman asked in a small voice, finally daring to look up at them.

\- "Sorry Janie, but that's too juicy gossip to be ignored," Zapata replied happily, passing an arm around her shoulders to draw her against her. After a second of tension, Jane accepted the embrace without protesting, but still looked Patterson and Allie with her best puppy dog eyes.

-"Too bad for you, but that won't work on us," Allie smiles.

\- "It didn't hurt to try," Jane mumbled in response, shrugging her shoulders.

\- "And so... it seems like that you were already falling for our boss before?" Teased Zapata. The raven head stiffened immediately against her.

\- "I... I don't know. That's what Markos says... but maybe he just wanted to make a joke at my expense?" She said, talking more to herself more than answering the question.

-"I don't think so," Allie said softly as she approached. "To anyone who has eyes, it's obvious that you have feelings for Kurt." Jane's head turned so fast to her that they almost thought they could hear her neck crack.

-"I... I don't know what you're talking about," the dark-haired woman mumbled nervously, trying to control the red that was rising to her cheeks.

\- "You don't have to be ashamed of anything. The boss is pretty cute," said Zapata:

\- "Tasha!" Patterson protested.

\- "What? I'm just telling the truth... It's obvious that there is something between them!"

\- "Even if that was true... nothing will ever happen between us... not after what I did," Jane whispered sadly, her eyes lost in memory, causing the agents in the room to frown.

\- "Jane... you're not responsible for everything. Oscar manipulated you to follow your mother's orders," Patterson tried to comfort her.

\- "And I did it," her friend reminded her with tears in her eyes.

\- "Because you didn't know anything about their real goals," Allie said immediately, before deciding to try another approach. "Did you ever refuse to follow their orders?" Jane looked at her surprised. Why was the US Marshal so understanding with her? She was probably the cause of their breakup, even if it was indirectly. And because of the plan that she had initiated, her mother could very well decide to go after her and the baby to force Kurt to do what she wanted. It didn't matter if she changed her mind afterwards, the original idea came from her. Unless... She had to show her what kind of person she was. Force her to get away from her for her safety and that of her baby...

\- "Yes... I had to ...break you and Kurt up," she admitted painfully, the words coming out of her mouth with difficulty despite her desire to no longer keep secrets. Allison's understanding smile disappeared in an instant, replaced by a puzzled look.

-" Why?"

\- "He wanted me... to be closer to Kurt. Even if I didn't know why," Jane whispered, lowering her eyes.

\- "But you didn't do anything," Allie said thoughtfully, trying to meet her gaze. But the raven head dodged her eyes and shrugged. From the little she knew of her, the young woman didn't give her the impression of being a homewrecker.

\- "No... you looked so happy that... I couldn't do that," Jane said, trying to contain the tears that were threatening to flow. It didn't matter how much it hurt to see Kurt with someone else. But in the end, her resolve to try to stay away from him had just been a pathetic attempt at rebellion. Because she had done just enough to hurt the team, and to send her life to hell. Patterson and Tasha looked at her saddened, wanting to comfort her, but understanding that it was something that Allie had to settle with their friend.

\- "Jane... I know you're not responsible for our breakup. What happened was that I noticed the way Kurt looked at you and told him that I didn't want to be the second choice; but you know him, he's always a little thick for certain things," added Allie with a hint of mischief. Despite herself, Jane smiled slightly in the solidarity that she wasn't the only one to find Kurt stubborn.

\- "But... how did you do this without Oscar informing Shepherd?" Tasha asked.

\- "Oscar... didn't really... like the idea either," Jane replied apprehensively, hesitating to confess the truth to her friends. Her uncertainty didn't go unnoticed, and the three women wondered what secrets the dark-haired woman was still hiding for fear of their reaction.

\- "Jane, did... did Oscar hurt you when you refused to obey?" Patterson asked softly. She noticed the young woman's shoulders stiffened, but misinterpreted her reaction.

\- "Not exactly… I... " the tattooed woman stopped for a moment, trying to gather her courage, preparing to give them one of her last secrets, the most shameful, as proof that she didn't want to hide anything from them anymore. "IsleptwithOscar," Jane mumbled very quickly, burning with shame at her admission.

\- "Can you repeat that more slowly? I think I understood Oscar, but that's about it," Zapata told her, narrowing her eyes.

\- "I said I... I… slept... with Oscar," Jane repeated, instinctively hunching her shoulders, expecting a surge of reproach hearing the shocked gasps from her friends.

\- "Well that's... unexpected," Allie commented quietly. Her confession obviously took a lot from Jane, but she would reserved her judgment until she had all the facts in hand.

\- "How did that happen?" Patterson asked with a friendly face. Knowing Jane, things couldn't be as simple as they seemed.

\- "When he told me to break up Allie and Kurt and then get closer to him... I refused. I told him that I didn't like the idea and that he could find someone else to do his dirty work. And he told me that the idea didn't please him either. That he still had... feelings for me... Then… he kissed me ... "

\- "Okay... and how did that lead to adult games?" Contrary to what she feared, Tasha didn't seem angry with her. Of course she didn't look happy either, but she wasn't hostile. Just... curious and a little disappointed in her.

\- "At the time, I was getting flashes of... him and me, so I wanted to see if I could... trigger others... So, I kissed him back. I remembered returning the ring and breaking off our engagement. At first, I thought it was because of... my mission... but now... from what Markos said, I might've had another reason to do it. And caught up in the moment... we both rushed into it... "

\- "And you slept with him," Patterson said, coming up to rub her back to comfort her after the painful admission. To her surprise, she felt Jane tense, which was the opposite effect of what she was trying for. Surprised, she raised her head, to see that her friend's eyes were fixed on the door. Following her gaze, she noticed Weller frozen at the entrance, looking stiffly upon the group. Praying that he hadn't heard their conversation, the blonde forced herself to take on a normal tone.

\- "Hey boss, what's up?"

\- "Nas found something on the flashdrive that should interest you... especially you," added the deputy director, looking at Jane. The dark-haired woman stood completely frozen before the piercing blue eyes that stared at her.

\- "Okay, just a moment to finish our girl chat and we'll come," Patterson replied with a tense smile to distract her boss from the tattooed woman. Weller nodded and left the room.

\- "Shit," Tasha whispered after his departure. "I hope he wasn't listening since the beginning..."

\- "I don't think so, otherwise, he would've had some kind of reaction," Patterson sighed, looking at Jane's hopeful eyes. Allie, on the other hand, said nothing, knowing that Kurt was quite capable of playing ignorant to give himself time to process information in private. However, noting Jane's anxious look, she didn't want to dash her hopes by mentioning it.

\- "Let's go back to our little problem... I guess you feel guilty for sleeping with Oscar..." Tasha said. Jane nodded in response, and visibly seemed to shrink in the chair she had just taken a seat in.

\- "I don't see where the problem is," Allie said. "From what we know of him, Oscar could very well have manipulated you by reminding you of your time together to convince you to follow his orders."

\- "But... I liked... what we did," Jane confessed in a whisper, blushing furiously, although it was obvious that she was speaking to herself more than to them.

\- "Jane... you're an adult woman with... desires ... There's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun," Patterson tried to gently deflect before being cut off by Zapata.

-" Are you kidding! I'm sure this jerk took advantage of Jane's vulnerability to get what he wanted, " the Latina grunted, surprising Jane who didn't expect her to be this protective. On the contrary, she expected the woman to turn hostile at her.

\- "I agree," Allie added. "At that time I'd guess you were completely lost, and Oscar was the only tangible link to your past. You remember being engaged to him, there were feelings between you... No matter what Kurt was thinking at the time, the fact is that you didn't have any memories of being Taylor Shaw, so you had to hang on the ones you had. If you remembered the time you were together... Oscar shouldn't have had too much trouble using your feelings against you. Everyone wants to be loved, and he gave you a little moment where you felt that." Jane looked at her amazed at her insight:

\- "That's it... I know that, since... he threatened Kurt and the team... I shouldn't have done it... but... a part of me wanted to... At the time, I thought I couldn't be with Kurt and... it was nice to have someone... who was interested in me..." the woman trailed off, looking again lost in memory.

\- "Wow, do they make you take psychology classes at the Marshal academy?" Tasha asked a little annoyed that Allison had so quickly understood Jane while she and Patterson sometimes had such trouble understanding her.

\- "It doesn't matter," interrupted Patterson. "The point is what's done is done. And besides, to continue to feel guilty for sleeping with Oscar will only hurt you more."

\- "But he threatened you! I should never have trusted him!"

\- "Jane, everyone makes mistakes... The important thing is to learn from them. But dwelling on the past won't allow you to change it. I know it's hard but you just have to accept it and move on," Patterson explained patiently.

\- "But... if Kurt didn't overhear it, how should I tell him?"

\- "Uh... maybe that isn't a good idea," muttered Tasha, shaking her head. "He doesn't really need to know that..."

\- "But... I thought I shouldn't keep secrets anymore?" Jane said. Allie, Patterson, and Tasha looked at each other for a moment, before Zapata spoke again:

\- "I guess it's difficult for you to understand... what with how I blamed you after your return but… some things are sometimes better left hidden to protect those we love..." Jane stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out if Tasha was encouraging her to keep her secret or lie so as not to hurt Kurt.

\- "On a happier note, did Kurt tell you about the baby shower?" Allie asked, smiling gently, trying to distract her, rubbing her stomach unconsciously.

\- "No…"

\- "Oh... he invited us yesterday, but with all that happened with Cade, he must have forgotten to talk to you about it," Patterson said with a reassuring smile. "Or he just doesn't want you in his and his unborn child's lives," breathed a little voice in Jane's head.

\- "No matter, I'm inviting you," said Allie simply. "Now we should go and see what they found... however I have a little administrative detail to settle with Zapata and Patterson... You know, agent stuff," the woman added with a wink.

Jane felt she wasn't telling her the whole truth, but didn't want to get into a quarrel with Allison, especially when she had been so understanding with her. She took off to Nas's office as the US Marshal turned to the FBI agents.

\- "You don't have any administrative details to settle with us." Patterson realized as she suddenly became serious.

\- "No... Listen, I don't want to come across as meddling with things that don't concern me but... you have to be more careful with Jane... And also make sure that she sees a therapist more often."

-" Why? I assure you that we're doing everything we can to help her!" Protested Patterson a little annoyed that the woman was implying the opposite.

\- "I know, but she seems much more emotional than I remember. Did you see her reaction when you wanted to delete that photo?'

\- "No..." confessed the blonde confused.

\- "I did... she sincerely believed that you didn't want to be photographed with her. Fortunately you added that it was your image that bothered you."

-"Oh," Patterson muttered, pained at the thought of hurting her friend, even unconsciously.

\- "I guess it must be difficult for you to constantly be paying attention, but from what I've seen she doesn't seem to have much self-esteem. And even the slightest implied criticism seems have a profound effect on her. And even though he's probably ready to help... well, to be nice, let's just say Kurt lacks delicacy and subtlety when it comes to feelings."

\- "Yeah... I really hope he didn't hear that she slept with Oscar," muttered Zapata. As the three agents left the lab, they saw Jane in tears in the hallway.

\- "Jane!" Patterson called in dismay. The dark-haired woman looked at her for a moment, before her tears redoubled. The young analyst thought she heard "he hates me" before Jane fled to an unoccupied office.

\- "Damnit Kurt," Allie growled, shaking her head, realizing that not only had Weller heard, but that he hadn't been easy on Jane despite her state. Beside her, Zapata's eyes narrowed in anger, and the young Latina left in a fury towards Nas's office. Shaking her head in exasperation, Allison followed her as Patterson ran after her friend.

….

 _A few minutes earlier, with Jane_.

Lost in her thoughts, Jane walked slowly to Nas's office. While she was dying to know what the woman had discovered on the flash drive, she was at the same time afraid to face Kurt. When she had confessed her heavy conscience to Patterson, she didn't expect him to be there at the door. And her instinct told her that that particular confession wouldn't be received well.

Noticing the door of the office slightly ajar, she approached before stopping at the sound of Kurt's voice:

\- " I can barely stand to be in the same room as her." The words hit her like a ton of bricks and the dark-haired woman froze in shock. Seeing Kurt so protective with her in recent days, she had begun to hope that... maybe... they could put their differences aside. That maybe he would forgive her mistakes. After all, he had even promised to give her a second chance. But obviously, she was wrong… again. Nas's voice sounded indistinctly, but Kurt's answer ended up destroying Jane's hopes:

\- "And now she says that she slept with this guy... it makes me sick..." This time it was too much for her, and the raven head felt tears run down her cheeks. So, he had heard everything... And as she feared, his beautiful promises hadn't stood the test of what she had done with Oscar. This time, it was clear that he would never forgive what she had done. But it shouldn't be so surprising, happy endings weren't for people like her...

Turning, she accidentally hit an agent who was coming in the opposite direction, causing him to stumble and trigger the door's motion sensor. Kurt and Nas turned at the sound, and the last sight they had of Jane was of her with tears streaming down her cheeks, as the wounded woman fled, deaf to the agent's apologies. Weller stood frozen for a moment before advancing to the door, while Nas assured the junior agent that he wasn't responsible for Jane's reaction. Suddenly, a furious Zapata entered the office, pushing him violently up against the wall, as Allie came in behind her, obviously just as angry.

\- "Damn it boss, what did you screw up?" The Latina shouted.

\- "Seriously Kurt, did you need to be so hard on her? Do you have any idea what it cost her to tell us about this...?" Allison glared dangerously at him.

\- "But I didn't… "

\- "So why did Jane react like that, then?" Tasha grumbled, glaring at him. Slowly, Kurt began to understand and whispered "she heard me," before Nas spoke.

\- "Listen, all of this is just an unfortunate misunderstanding..."

…...

 _A few minutes earlier, with Kurt_.

Walking mechanically to his destination, the Deputy Director of the FBI returned to Nas' office, the pieces of the conversation he had overheard still echoing in his head. "So, did you talk to Jane about the baby shower?" The NSA agent asked absent-mindedly, still typing on her keyboard trying to crack the encryption on one of the videos. Hearing no answer, she looked up to find Weller staring blankly.

-" A problem? You know... I really don't like getting involved in things that doesn't concern me, but if you invite the whole team but not her, Jane will feel excluded."

\- "I know... but, I… just can't," Kurt admitted, his mind obviously elsewhere.

-" Why? I thought you had decided to trust her again?"

-" I do. But why would she trust me? When she came back after being tortured for months by that bastard Keaton, do you know what was one of the first things she heard from me?" A negative response from the NAS agent, and he continued: "I can barely stand to be in the same room as her."

\- "That's... pretty rough," Nas agreed, frowning.

\- "And now she says she slept with this guy... it makes me sick..." Kurt sighed. "We know that Oscar manipulated her to obey Sandstorm, but to think that he managed to get her in his bed by playing with her emotions... it really pisses me off!" As Nas opened her mouth to answer, the office door opened, and they found themselves looking at an agent stammering an apology to a tearful Jane.

…...

 _Present time, Nas office_

Calmed by the NSA's agent explanations, Allie and Tasha stopped glaring at Kurt.

\- "Obviously, Jane only heard part of the conversation. And probably not the right part... "Allie sighed.

\- "Wait, that means… " Kurt began.

\- "She thinks you hate her boss," Zapata nodded darkly.

\- "Where is she?" Weller growled through a clenched jaw.

\- "The last time we saw her, she was crying off the side of Patterson's office," Tasha answered. Looking at her ex-boyfriend, Allie reminded him:

\- "Kurt! Don't mess up this time! " Weller stared at her for a moment before nodding dryly and leaving quickly.

He easily found Jane, or at least Patterson, the blonde was in front of a closed office door, and was pleading through the steel for her friend to let her in.

\- "Jane... I'm sure there's a good explanation... let me in please!" From the other side she could only hear the sound of Jane's sobs, and nothing gave the impression that the ravenette had even heard her.

\- "She's in there?" Kurt asked unnecessarily, approaching, causing her jump.

-" Yes. Can I know what happened?" The analyst asked in a half-worried, half-accusing tone.

\- "It's a misunderstanding. She heard some things out of context, and she jumped to conclusions."

\- "Robert warned us to be very careful about what we say or do in her presence! You know how vulnerable she is right now!" She rebuffed

\- "I know... Look, is there a way to open that door? I have to talk to her... I have to fix things." Despite Weller's worried look, Patterson could not help but making one last threat before heading back to her office: "It's in your best interest to do so, or else… "

\- "Jane... it's me... open the door please, I want to talk to you," Weller said as he approached the door. The crying stopped for a moment before starting up again. Knowing how strong Jane was and for how long she suppressed her emotions, it was disturbing… and a sign that she was really in a bad state. Suddenly, a metallic click told him that Patterson had unlocked the door from her computer.

\- "Jane, I'm coming in," he warned, opening the door. Despite of the lack of light in the office, he spotted Jane, sitting on the floor against a wall, curled up on herself and crying all the tears in her body. The sight broke his heart.

\- "Jane... all of this is just a misunderstanding... I swear I don't hate you." The dark-haired woman didn't give the impression of hearing him, and he slowly approached to sit next to her, careful not to touch her so as not to frighten her.

\- "I know you heard me say certain things, but I promise you, they were out of context. I was just explaining to Nas why you wouldn't forgive me for what I did to you." This time, his words seemed to reach the tattooed woman, who after a few seconds stopped crying.

Jane slowly raised her tear-stained eyes to Kurt. What was he talking about? It was her who feared that he would not forgive her mistakes.

\- "You know, I've never told you this before... but I really regret what I said to Tasha that day." Kurt continued, rubbing his face nervously. "I was... I acted like a real idiot... I was so angry about Mayfair death and everything you hid from us that I didn't even try to put myself in your shoes. To try to understand what you had to had endured in Keaton's hands."

-"I deserved it," the raven head mumbled automatically, before startling as Kurt leaned over to her.

\- "No Jane! No matter what you did, no one deserves to be tortured by that bastard! Especially not someone who mean as much to me as you do!" Jane's heart beat faster, and despite the pain of the previous few minutes, she felt her heart swell with hope again.

-" Really?" She asked in a trembling voice, unable to read his expression in the dim light.

-" Really! I swear to God, I don't hate you."

\- "But... I heard you..." She stammered.

\- "I was talking to Nas about how I couldn't figure out how to invite you to the baby shower... I realize that... it must be hard for you... to hear that while Keaton was torturing you I... was having a good time with Allie, but things… they didn't happen that way."

\- "You don't owe me an explanation," said Jane hurriedly, not wanting to talk the months of pain when she had, at times, wanted to die, just to stop the pain.

\- "Yes I do. Because you're important to me Jane... And you deserve better than what I've done since your return..."

\- "I slept with Oscar," moaned the dark-haired woman, not understanding why he was being so nice with her when he had said he was disgusted with her a few minutes earlier.

\- "I know... I heard you earlier... And honestly it makes me sick... Not that you slept with him," he added hastily seeing the woman tense and tears well up again despite the lack of light. He ignored the fact that it bothered him enormously that Oscar was able to put his hands on HIS Jane, before clarifying. "What disgusts me is that the guy used you, that he played with your emotions to get what he wanted."

Hearing these words, Jane felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. He was angry with Oscar, not her. Which meant that there still could be a chance for working things out.

-" Do you mean that?" She asked, her voice trembling but hopeful.

-" Of course! You're important to me Jane." He reassured her.

\- "You've told me that before," murmured the woman accusingly. "When... you thought I was Taylor... and after everything… you let the CIA take me away. Taylor was important to you, not me... not Jane." The pain in her voice almost broke his heart again. And he knew should have be glad that Jane hadn't confronted him earlier about this because, after everything he had said to her before, he had still abandoned her.

\- "I know... And you can't imagine how much I blame myself for that. But I swear I'll fix things, if you give me a chance. Because I believe what I'm telling you now: you are one of the most important people in my life. You. Jane. Not Remi. Not Taylor. Just Jane," said Kurt, leaning forward so that she could see his face even in the lack of light.

-" Prove it!" Jane answered at once, half-plaintive and half-defiant, some of her old fighting spirit rising to the surface. Kurt hesitated a few seconds then, on an impulse leaned towards her.

Gently grasping her head with both hands, he pulled her towards him and slowly placed his lips on hers.


	17. Chap 17 - Forgotten Memories

Hello everybody. Thanks for all your reviews, favs and follows, and more generally to continue to read this story.

As habitual, a big thanks to my beta-reader, Readeronly76, for her works to make many parts of this text more understandable to you.

…

 **Disclaimer : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

…...

 **Chapter 17 – Forgotten Memories**

 _NYO_

At first, Jane froze in surprise. Then, when her brain finally registered what Kurt was doing, her whole body relaxed.

\- "Kurt is kissing me, Kurt is kissing me," a little voice said in her head, unable to believe what was happening.

Silencing it, Jane concentrated on enjoying the unique sensation that the FBI Deputy Director gave her. Of course, she didn't have too many experiences to compare too, since apart from him, the only man she could remember kissing was Oscar. But Kurt's kiss was nothing like his. It was both sweet and exhilarating, and gave her a feeling, a warmth... The kiss reminded her of the kisses they had exchanged before... before things got complicated... It also reminded her of how much she missed them and the feelings they inspired. Finally, they had to break for air.

\- "Sorry," Kurt muttered immediately. "I didn't want to take advantage... " But the dark-haired woman didn't let him finish and, taking the initiative, leaned close to him to kiss him. This time, the gesture was more aggressive, almost desperate. Almost as if she feared that he would change his mind and wanted to make the most of the opportunity. Then, breaking the kiss again, Jane moved away slightly. With consternation, Kurt watched her face change from contentment to astonishment and then to fear.

\- "Jane... please don't panic, you didn't do anything wrong," he said, trying to stop her from panicking, realizing that she was regretting her actions, for having showed so much of her feelings. But the raven head pulled back, trying to escape his grip, biting her lips nervously, and repositioned herself against the wall. Fortunately, she hadn't curled into herself again, indicating that she didn't feel as threatened as before.

\- "I'm… sorry for that… I lost control," she mumbled, looking away. She missed Kurt's frown at her words. Emotions jostled in her head after the kiss. A part of her was sincerely happy with the words of the Deputy Director, and deeply appreciated his way of showing her that he cared. But at the same time she was terrified. Terrified that things were moving too fast, after they had just come clean. And even if it was hard to admit, she was terrified that things would go wrong again. Because she remembered every time she had kissed the agent, she had paid for it almost immediately after, whether it was when Carter's men had kidnapped her, or when she had watched Mayfair die...

\- "Jane, everything is fine. We are both consenting adults and no one's been hurt," Kurt said quietly, struggling to keep the distance between them, afraid that he was going to scare her away again. Although he greatly enjoyed what had just occurred between them, he couldn't let go of a guilty feeling. Part of him felt he took advantage of Jane's vulnerability. Slightly disgusted by his actions, he wondered if this was how Oscar had justified his own manipulation of the ravenette's feelings. Obviously, their intentions were different, since he wanted to push her to help him commit crimes, while he himself wanted to prove to her that he cared about her. But given the emotional state of the woman, he should have been more careful.

...

 _At the same time, Patterson's office_

\- "Any idea of where they are?" Zapata asked abruptly as she entered hurriedly into the room, followed by a slightly trailing Allie and Nas. Patterson who was busy looking at her screen at the hallway with the office where Jane had been sitting, ignored her sharp tone. After all, she was worried about the tattooed woman too, and hoped that Weller would be able to fix things.

\- "Right here," she mumbled, pointing to the closed door on the screen. "What happened?" She asked no one in particular, trying to figure out how things could have gone so far south in just a few minutes.

\- "Jane heard the boss talking to Nas, but she only heard parts of the conversation and jumped to conclusions," Tasha sighed.

\- "It was just an unfortunate misunderstanding," the NSA agent explained, telling Patterson what had happened. "I'm sure everything will work out."

\- "I would like to share your optimism... but we don't know the consequences that those words could have on Jane. She's very vulnerable right now, and she needs to feel loved, not wonder if we hate her behind her back," the blonde mumbled in response.

\- "Unfortunately, for the moment, that's something that Kurt will have to settle alone. I swear, your dad's going to drive me crazy one day," Allie said absently to her stomach, rubbing it softly. Then the pregnant woman noticed the surprised looks of the other occupants of the room, and flushed in embarrassed.

\- "Sorry... I tend to talk to the baby when I'm stressed," mumbled the mother-to-be.

\- "No apologies needed, it's cute... just a little unexpected," Tasha shrugged as Patterson narrowed her eyes at the US Marshall.

\- "Stress isn't good for the baby," she said firmly, pushing a chair over to the federal agent.

\- "I know, I know," muttered the pregnant woman, reluctantly sitting down. "It's just that... this whole situation is driving me crazy. When I think of all that Jane has gone through... "

\- "I've been wondering, though," Nas said to her. "Why are you so protective of Jane? You barely know her and without her you probably would still be with Agent Weller..." Tasha glared at her furiously and looked ready to hit her, with Allie held her back. Patterson, for her part, had turned back to the NAS, staring at her scandalously.

\- "It's ok," Allie said to appease Jane's two friends. "I understand what she means." The FBI agents give her a surprised look, as she turned to Nas: "To answer your question, I don't know Jane as well as Patterson or Zapata, but I've noticed from the first time I saw her, that there was a connection between her and Kurt. When he came back to me and offered try us again... I was surprised, but considering our past together, I wasn't against the idea of trying again. Besides... well you probably know since you also went out with him, but sex with Kurt is fantastic," added Allison teasingly, triggering slight sniggers from Tasha and a blush from Patterson, who didn't really want to know anything about her boss's and friend's sex life.

\- "Why break up then?" Asked Nas, who after a faint blush, had made the effort to replace impassible mask back, but still seemed curious.

\- "Because even though being with him was nice, I felt that Kurt wasn't really committed. Honestly, I think he was lying to himself for a long time, trying to persuade himself that he hadn't, that he couldn't have feelings for Jane ... After all, he was officially the lead investigator on her case, he was supposed to stay neutral. "

\- "But he wasn't... I mean, he thought she was Taylor at the time, and we all saw how he reacted to her," objected Zapata.

\- "That's right, but thinking about it, I don't think the fact that he thought she was Taylor really influenced his feelings much because..."

-"He loves Jane for who she is, who she is now, not who he thought she was," Patterson said, widening her eyes.

-"That's it...Although I think both of them are probably too stubborn to admit anything," Allie sighed. "As to why I'm so supportive of Jane... well, I think everyone deserves a happy ending. From what I've seen, the few times we've worked together on cases, Jane always tries to help the people around her, no matter what the cost is to her... And actually... I feel a little guilty about how she learned that I was pregnant with Kurt. Now that I know what she was going through, I understand why she seemed so depressed, even though she made a big effort to hide it. She must have been telling herself that while the CIA was doing unimaginable things to her, Kurt and I were having a good roll in the hay... I don't even dare to imagine what she must have felt that day. And yet... she did everything she could to save the baby and me. And even if she tries to hide it for fear of changing team dynamics, I'm sure she still loves Kurt. He too probably has feelings, but... he doesn't know how to express them. Emotions aren't really his strong point... "

\- "In Jane's case it's even more complicated," muttered Patterson. "Since to her, Kurt arrested her and let the CIA take her… "

\- "She is attracted to him, but she fears what could happen if she drops her guard, I've noticed it too, " sighed Allie.

\- "Oh... so there's little chance that they'll be testing Markos' assertion anytime soon," Tasha said, trying to lighten the mood. Despite the situation, her remark drew a smile from the women present, before Allie shook her head.

\- "It's probably best to hope that we will not have confirmation on that theory anytime soon."

-" Why?" Patterson asked her perplexed, because the woman seemed very much in favor of Jane getting together with Kurt.

\- "Because I don't know if Jane is ready to handle progressing so soon into a relationship. And knowing Kurt, if he has the slightest doubt about how she feels, he will break up with her."

\- "And if he does that after sleeping with her... it could have devastating effects on Jane because of her emotional state," Patterson sighed.

\- "She would probably feel rejected, or worse, used as like with Oscar," Allie agreed sadly.

\- "Ok... but we're probably worrying over nothing... the boss would never hurt Jane... even less in that way," Tasha protested.

\- "Not consciously... but Kurt is clumsy enough with expressing what he feels. And his fear of commitment causes him to run as soon as things get serious," Allie sighed. On this point, the agents trusted her, after all, the woman knew Kurt much better than they did, especially in the romantic sense.

\- "And so... what are we doing about it?" Zapata asked. Besides her, Patterson looked more hesitant, split between the desire to help her friend and the embarrassment of interfering with her boss's romantic life.

\- "I don't know," Allie answered honestly, shaking her head. "I guess we need to make sure she understands that Kurt cares about her, while keeping Mister-I'm-afraid-of-the-commitment from messing things up."

\- "Easy for you to say, you're carrying his baby... not everyone wants to be transferred to Alaska," muttered Patterson, triggering laughter from Tasha and Allie.

\- "Oh come on, Patty Pooh, you know he loves you. The boss would never do that to you, especially if it's to protect Jane, " the Latina replied with a smile.

\- "Maybe, but I don't really want to test that theory" growled the blonde annoyed with the use of her new nickname in public. Fortunately, if Nas raised a puzzled eyebrow at this, she didn't ask any question. Reade chose this moment to enter the room.

\- "Finally! I've been looking for you guys for the last half an hour... A problem? He asked, noticing their worried states. While Zapata explained the latest events to her teammate, Patterson returned to watching her screen. Unfortunately the camera in the corridor didn't allow her to see what was happening in the office, since Weller had closed the door behind him.

\- "That sucks," Reade mumbled once Tasha had finished the story.

\- "Any volunteers to see what they're doing?" Allie asked no one in particular.

\- "How long have they been in there?" Asked Reade cautiously, having no desire to insert himself in the middle of a tearful explanation.

\- "Almost half an hour I think... more than 20 minutes at least," said Patterson after a quick glance at the clock on her computer.

\- "I vote for Patty the Pooh to go. She's so adorable that the boss wouldn't dare to do anything to her," Zapata said, ignoring her friend's renewed glare.

\- "Have I missed something?" Asked Reade, casting puzzled looks at his two friends, confused from both the nickname and the reaction.

\- "With all this, I almost forgot," Tasha said, taking out her phone. Patterson wanted to jump at her to stop her from showing the picture, but she was intercepted by Allison. Not willing to risk inadvertently hurting the pregnant woman, the analyst immediately stopped struggling, even though she knew that the US Marshall was counting on that. After a glance at the picture, Reade burst out laughing and turned to the blonde that Allie had just released.

\- "I have to admit that you both are pretty cute in the picture. And that your new nickname is very fitting... " His teasing gaze frustrating Patterson as she walked out the door.

\- "Okay I get it, I'll see where they are."

 _..._

 _With Kurt and Jane_

After a few moments, Kurt spoke again, trying to catch the dark-haired woman's gaze again.

\- "Jane, you didn't do anything wrong, ok?" While continuing to chew on her lips, the she replied only with a slight shrug of the shoulder.

Knowing that his current method wasn't going to work, Kurt narrowly refrained from sighing in frustration. He cursed himself for giving into his urges and for not having thought further before kissing Jane. He didn't regret the act in itself, but in hindsight he understood that the timing was not ideal. That said, he didn't really know what Jane was expecting from him. Apologies for kissing her? For him to say that he regretted nothing? To ask her how she felt? Nervously, he rubbed his face trying to find something to say.

For her part, Jane was trying to put her thoughts back in order. The feeling of satisfaction that had overwhelmed her had given way to fear. Her own feelings about the issue were confusing, even though she had dreamed of this moment more and more frequently since her return. Moreover, a kiss was one of the least of the things she had fantasized about... If Kurt ever came to learn the nature of the fantasies she had of him... From the corner of her eye she observed the behavior of the agent. He didn't seem really mad at her, but he clearly seemed frustrated. But was it because of the kiss, or because they had stopped? She didn't dare ask him, afraid that his answer wouldn't be the one she wanted to hear. That said, one of them would have to make a gesture or say something sooner or later. Remembering what Allie had told her before, she decided to wait and see. If Kurt invited her to the baby shower, she would be able to believe more readily that he was sincere and forgave her.

\- "Or is it just another way to ensure your loyalty. Why trust him? He let the CIA take you. Do you really think that two kisses prove something? Do you think that will be enough to stop him from giving you up again?" Whispered the little voice in her mind. The dark-haired woman tried to ignore it, but the inner voice seemed to know every one of her fears, and had hit her where it hurt. Fortunately though, after a few moments, she was able to put her doubts aside as a voice at the door pulled them from their respective thoughts.

\- "I hope you're decent, because I'm coming in," called Patterson, announced a few moments later by the sound of the opening door. The blonde woman walked in to find them sitting in the dark, a few steps away from each other. The atmosphere, while not quite tense as it was previously, was still at the very least uncomfortable. She wondered briefly what could have happened between them during the last few minutes, but didn't ask. It was between them after all, and if Jane felt the need, she would surely tell her later after she had cooled down some.

\- "Is everything alright?" She asked, approaching her friends.

\- "I think," Kurt began hesitantly. "Jane… knows that I don't hate her and that it was just a misunderstanding... " Despite the darkness, Patterson noticed that Jane didn't seem totally convinced, but decided not to say anything for the moment.

\- "Ok... so are you ready to see what Nas found?" Asked the analyst in attempt to move to a more neutral subject. Her words seemed to perk Jane up, who was excited to discover a little more about her past. The woman got up as fast as her pained ribs allowed, and walked out of the room. Hesitating before following her, Patterson lingered a few moments with Weller:

\- "Is everything really alright?" She asked him anxiously.

\- "Honestly... I don't really know. I hope in any case... that she doesn't misinterpret what I said again," he mumbled, ignoring the kisses they had exchanged. Patterson frowned, but before she could speak, Kurt cut her short:

\- "Could you... keep an eye on her? Just in case she needs someone to talk to?" Kurt's hesitant words defused the blonde's anger and she nodded.

\- "Of course... but don't count on me to tell you what she tells me!" She warned seriously.

\- "No problem, I just want to be sure she's really okay."

The two agents entered Patterson's lab, where they found Jane, almost tapping her foot with impatience beside Tasha and Allie, waiting for Nas to share her findings. Even though no one commented, everyone noticed her glance at Kurt as soon as he entered the room, and that she was obviously conflicted over how to act with him. Almost automatically, her body started to move closer to him, before a shadow passed over her face and she resumed her place. Allie and Tasha narrowed their eyes, before glancing at Kurt, wondering what he had done or said to provoke this reaction. Obviously they had at least begun to talk, otherwise Jane would not have come back, but obviously there were still other things settle between them.

\- "What did you find?" Asked Reade to Nas, sensing the tension in the room and wanting to bring the conversation to less risky terrain.

\- "Audio records of a conversation from… 2013. "

\- "The year Orion... was terminated," Zapata said, glancing at Jane.

\- "Yes... I want to warn you, what you will hear is going to be... difficult ... If you don't feel able to, it can wait ..." Nas began, throwing a surprisingly considerate look to Jane. She hesitated a moment, before shaking her head resolutely:

\- "No, go ahead... I want to know." Nas glanced at Weller for confirmation, and the deputy director hesitated for a second. But his desire to protect Jane was counterbalanced by the idea that if he refused her her rights to answers, their relationship would deteriorate again. And after today's episode, he really didn't need that. Reluctantly, he nodded, and Nas started the record.

\- " _Control, this is Bravo, approaching target. Need an identity confirmation for the package_ ," said a man's voice calmly, with what sounded like the rotor of a helicopter in the background.

\- " _Copy Team Bravo, target confirmed, identity positive, start the infiltration_."

\- " _Copy control. ETA three minutes_."

\- " _You guys heard it, standby for deployment. As soon as we touch ground, Wilkerson and Riggs, you secure the perimeter. Szerebko and I, go in and neutralize the package_. " Upon hearing the voice, Jane's pupils dilated as memories hit her. Combined with the helicopter noise in the background, she suddenly felt the dry wind of the Afghan mountains on her face.

\- "I have a bad feeling about this mission," she said aloud, her eyes lost in memory, as her own recorded voice said the same thing.

\- " _Come on Princess, don't tell me you're afraid of some insurgents_ ," teased a new voice on the radio, before Jane said:

\- " _Something's wrong with our intel... We track this guy for weeks and suddenly he appears like that in the middle of nowhere, without an escort_?" The agents froze hearing Remi repeat the same words, understanding that the raven-head was in the midst of a flashback. Patterson held out a hesitant hand to her shoulder, not knowing whether she should let her go on now that a memory was coming back to her, or try to pull her out of it knowing the tragic outcome of this particular memory.

\- " _Princess is right boss, it seems off..._ "

\- " _I'm not going to pull the mission on an intuition, Riggs_ ," the group leader's voice answered before the controller's voice sounded again.

\- " _Stop cluttering the frequency Bravo team_."

\- " _Bravo team on landing zone, top action_ ", made the voice of the pilot. Almost immediately, there was a clicking sound, and they guessed that there had been a change in frequencies.

\- " _Control, orders have changed. Order a support drone to launch a Hellfire missile at the following coordinates_ ," said a voice that they recognized as Carter's.

\- " _Sir... these coordinates are the location of one of our team. We have men deployed there and...,_ " the operator began, his hesitation clearly perceptible despite the radio distortions.

\- " _The team is compromised. They came to sell information to the insurgents. You are ordered to neutralize them_."

\- " _With all due respect, sir, are you sure that the whole unit..._ "

\- " _Obey Lieutenant Kraus_ ," Carter's voice snapped. " _Or would you prefer the insurgents learn about our recent deployments? Your brother just arrived in Kandahar, if I'm not mistaken. It would be a shame if he encountered an IED on his first day..._ " Carter's clear threat disgusted them, as they were certain that it was not insurgents that Kraus's brother would have had to be wary of in case of refusal... A few seconds later, they heard the explosion of the building where Jane's teammates had entered, followed by the pilot's shouts for survivors.

\- " _Missile launched_ ," said Kraus's voice, obviously full of doubt and regret, followed a few moments later by the sound of a violent explosion on Bravo's team radio frequency, before being replaced by ambient sounds. " _Target... Target destroyed_ ," Kraus confirmed after a few seconds.

\- " _Excellent. Your country is proud of you, lieutenant_ ," said Carter's voice before the recording stopped. Disgusted by the way Carter had rid himself of those who had faithfully followed his orders, the agents glanced at each other, before a sound drew them from their silent contemplation.

\- "Jane!" Patterson blood chilled on seeing that her friend's breathing had become erratic. The young woman sagged slightly, placing her hands on the lab's central table to try to stay on her feet. Her eyes were closed, but images flooded her mind. She had seen the picture of her lying on the desert ground after the hit, and her mother and Roman had told her what had happened. But here, the sound had triggered something different in her, and she saw the helicopter land and her team deploy, her mind reaching far back. She remembered stopping the woman coming out of the cabin and making sure she was safe while her comrades entered. Her heart rate increased in unison with Remi's that day, and she could smell the sweat around her, and feel the wind from the helicopter's blades. Despite the fact that the recording was over, she still felt the blast from the first explosion. Then the second explosion, when the missile had hit the helicopter. She remembered waking up a few moments later, next to the burning metal carcass. The smell of the sand was mixed with the acrid, heavy stink of blood, explosives, and most horrifically, burnt flesh.

A concert of voices caught her attention, that was impossible, her team was dead, weren't they? "Jane, Jane..." several anxious voices rang out, initially distant but seeming to be becoming closer. In a supreme effort of will, the dark-haired woman opened her eyes, to find Tasha and Patterson leaning over her, looking worried. On the other side of the table, Kurt looked concerned too, but remembering her earlier reaction, didn't dare approach. Blinking several times, the woman finally returned to reality.

\- "Jane... are you okay?" Patterson asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

\- "I... I don't know... I think...," mumbled the ravenette in a trembling voice.

\- "Did you remembered something?" Allie asked sympathetically.

\- "Yes... I saw... I saw my team die... But it wasn't a normal memory. I... I really felt like I was there... I felt the blood and... the burnt flesh around me," Jane breathed as more tears leaked out from the corner of her eyes. Immediately, Patterson wrapped her arms around her and Jane surrendered to her embrace.

\- "Okay... showing you this was a bit premature," said Reade, looking at Jane compassionately.

\- "The plus side of all this is that now we have proof against the CIA," Zapata said optimistically.

\- "Unfortunately, it's not that simple," Nas sighed, shaking her head wearily. "Nothing in the recording indicates that these men were working for Orion. Carter said they are traitors. In addition, the mission has most likely been classified or scrubbed from existence. And with Carter dead, the CIA can always say that he did this alone."

\- "And this guy? Lieutenant Kraus? Couldn't we reach out to him?" Allie asked, frowning.

-" Unfortunately no. I did some research on him, Lieutenant Kraus died in a car accident three weeks after this event," Nas replied, shaking her head again.

\- "Of course, that would be too simple," muttered Tasha. "And I bet it's not a coincidence ..."

\- "So infiltrating the CIA data center is still our best option," said Reade bleakly.

-"No!" Jane shouted, her head jerking up, making them jump, especially Patterson, who was standing next to her when she yelled.

-" What's wrong?" Zapata asked, turning to her, surprised.

\- "You can't do that, it's too dangerous," the tattooed woman pleaded desperately, staring intently at them.

\- "We know that, Jane, and we are prepared to take the risk," replied Reade, but his assurance didn't seem to comfort her.

-" No! I don't want anything to happen to you because of me!" The agents looked at each other surprised by her sudden opposition, when she hadn't said anything about it when Rich had proposed the idea. Then Allie spoke:

\- "All right, I think Jane has had enough excitement for today. Nobody is going to infiltrate a CIA site now anyway, you still have time to talk about it when everyone has rested," she said, looking at Jane insistently. Her words seemed to appease the woman a bit, and understanding what Allie was trying to do, she allowed Patterson to lead her away from the group.

\- "I don't understand... shouldn't she be happy that we want to help her?" Asked Reade puzzled.

\- "Think about it," Allie sighed, wondering how they could be qualified as federal agents while having so much difficulty in understanding their own colleague. "Relations between you guys are improving, which means that apart from Roman, you are the closest thing to a family she has. And now she's just relived what happened to her last team. In your opinion, how should she feel about that?"

\- "She's scared for us," Kurt mumbled, wondering when the raven head would stop worrying about others and start worrying about her own well-being.

-"After all we've done to her, she's still trying to protect us," sighed Reade, shaking his head uncomfortably.

\- "It's Jane," replied his teammate. "Sometimes I swear she has absolutely no sense of self-preservation. She's always thinking of others before herself... "

\- "Exactly," Kurt snarled. "It's time for this to stop. She's suffered enough already, I don't want her to come back here until she's ready. And we should avoid confronting her with too many memories of her past right now."

\- "If you keep something from her past from her, she might resent you for it," Allie warned.

\- "I don't care... I'd rather that she hates me and is safe rather than hurt because we've confronted her too soon with another traumatic memory," Weller answered stubbornly. Allison sighed, understanding that he wouldn't be changing his mind at the moment. She was really going to have to make sure things didn't get worse between Jane and Kurt in the next few days...

...

 _A week and a half later, NYO_

Patterson sighed, looking at her screen. The last few days hadn't gone very well, and that was an understatement. Since her discussion with Weller, Jane was hesitant in his presence, as if she wanted to be with him, but at the same time feared his reactions. And nothing that the blonde could say or do had made it possible to understand why. Jane, like Kurt, remained absolutely silent as soon as the topic was brought up. But the deputy director also seemed to be rather hesitant about what to do with Jane. Of course there was the incident where he had told Jane that she wouldn't have access to any more information from the USB drive until she got better. Jane had negotiated, begged, and ended up yelling at his categorical refusal to change his mind. Even though it was not pleasant, they still felt relief seeing Jane's fiery spirit was still there.

Strangely, the next day that little burst of anger seemed forgotten on both sides, and Kurt and Jane didn't seem mad at each other. On the other hand, they seemed rather embarrassed as soon as they were in each other's vicinity, almost as if they feared to be alone in the same room. Since Jane had spent the week at her safehouse, one would have thought that by seeing each less over the last week, they would have had more time to think about what was wrong between them... but apparently not.

Three days earlier, Jane had had another nightmare, the only night Patterson had spent at home with her boyfriend. Tasha had been scared out of her mind when she heard her screaming from the living room where she was sleeping, but the brunette had stubbornly refused to call anyone, especially Kurt. Hearing the news the next day, Weller hadn't seemed pleased, but he didn't comment any more than that on the subject.

\- "Tell me you know what's wrong between those two stubborn blockheads," said a voice from behind her. Patterson turned to find a rather annoyed Allie behind her. Ever since she had decided to help with Jane's recovery, the woman had regularly visited the NYO, taking advantage of the slightest case involving the FBI to act as a liaison officer, since she couldn't go out in the field anyway. She also knew that Allie had been trying to get closer to Jane, whether it was inviting her to coffee or just chatting. The blonde suspected it was her way of thanking her for saving her and the baby's lives, and if talking to the Marshal would help Jane see that she was just a good person who had a few mistakes and allowed her to make a new friend, she was all for it.

\- "No, I'm as lost as you. Jane's refused to say what happened between them, even to me."

\- "And Kurt is just as talkative... God knows I've tried to make him talk," sighed Allie, blowing a strand of hair from her eyes.

\- "It's just so awkward between them. One moment they look ready to jump each other, and the next they're walking on eggshells and worrying about being in the same room," Patterson said.

\- "Please, tell me you have an idea of what happened between those two" Zapata implored as she entered the laboratory.

\- "Tasha? Aren't you supposed to be with Jane today?" Patterson asked in surprise.

\- "Yes… "

\- "Don't tell me she's here again," Allie sighed, rubbing her eyes.

\- "Yep... She was tired of being cooped up at home. That's why I need your help, Weller is going to blow a fuse when he sees her here," Tasha mumbled tiredly.

\- "Where is she?" Patterson asked, looking behind the Latina, expecting to find her friend there. Zapata turned quickly to look before cursing:

\- "I thought she was right behind me... This girl is going to drive me crazy... I should never have listened Borden."

\- "What did Robert do?"

\- "It was your boyfriend who convinced me to bring her here today. He said that she needed to get out of her safehouse, to readjust to the other agents before coming back full time... "

\- "After her last nightmare, I would have thought otherwise," said Patterson, frowning. She had full confidence in the professional abilities of her boyfriend, but she was sometimes afraid that he was pushing Jane too far, too fast.

\- "We can discuss this later," said Allie. "Let's find Jane before Kurt sees her and goes crazy." The three women hastened out, searching each office on their way, but finding no trace of Jane.

\- "Sanders!" Shouted Tasha seeing a junior agent walking down the hall. The young man, who looked just past the cusp of adolescence, froze at Zapata's impatient shout.

\- "Ma'am?" He asked, turning to her, his head slightly tucked into his shoulders, obviously expecting a reprimand.

\- "Have you seen Jane?" Patterson asked, glaring at her friend for traumatizing the poor rookie.

\- "The woman with the tattoos? She's with Agent Reade at his desk, Ma'am," Sanders replied nervously. After quickly thanking him, Patterson strode off to the bullpen, Allie and Tasha on her heels. The three agents soon arrived in the bullpen, where a small gathering seemed to have formed in a corner of the office. With a sigh of relief, they noticed that Reade was actually standing next to Jane, dissuading anyone from coming too close. Tasha smiled in spite of herself as she saw him. Although he wasn't very fond of physical affection, her teammate was also remorseful at what he had said and done to Jane, and was trying to help her in his own way.

The dark-haired woman at his side was staring at the small group in front of the neighboring desk with what looked like curiosity mixed with fascination. As she approached, Patterson observed that the blinds in Weller's office were down and the door closed. Hopefully, they would get Jane out before the Deputy Director noticed her presence.

\- "Hey Jane! How are you feeling today?" She asked her friend, who didn't answer, still staring in front of her with rapt attention.

\- "Oh, he's adorable," Patterson squealed, following her gaze to see the baby in Agent Moore's arms.

-"Jessica just returned from maternity leave, and she didn't have anyone to look after her son today," Reade commented beside her.

\- "She looks better," his teammate said, catching a surprised look from Jane. "Oh that's right, you don't know... You remember that Agent Moore was pregnant before... what happened with Oscar," Tasha began before grimacing at the ravenette's slight startle at the reminder of her arrest. Of course she remembered the young mother, Jessica's desk was near hers, and they had sometimes discussed how much she was in a hurry for her baby to be born. Mentally, she thanked Tasha for not mentioning her arrest in the middle of the bullpen. With so many indiscreet ears nearby, it would be rather… uncomfortable. Nodding her head slightly, she encouraged her friend to continue.

\- "She gave birth while you were..." once again Zapata broke off, and Jane realized that the delivery must have taken place during her time at the CIA. Grimacing, she gestured to Tasha to continue, eager to move on to something else. "The delivery didn't go very well, and she and the baby were in the hospital for a few weeks. But apparently, now they're both better... " Jane turned to look at the baby again. She found the little one cute. Lost in thought, she didn't notice Agent Moore approaching her.

\- "Hello Jane... Dr. Borden told me about what happened to you. How do you feel?" The redhead asked softly. Jane blinked, turning her attention to the woman in front of her.

\- "I'm fine..." she mumbled, shrugging her shoulders, her eyes drawn in spite of herself to the little bundle in Jessica's arms.

\- "Do you want to hold him?" She suggested, seeing Jane's fascination with her son.

\- "Oh... uh," Jane hesitated, shifting nervously. But the young mother didn't take notice her hesitation, and suddenly the dark-haired woman found herself with a tiny human squirming quietly in her arms. By reflex she froze, trying to shift the weight to her right arm, even though the baby didn't weigh much. Fearing hurting him, she looked up at her friends, who were looking at her with a smile.

\- "So, how does it feel?" Zapata asked her, clearly amused.

\- "It's... nice," Jane said, savoring the warmth of the small body against her, breathing in the faint scent of baby lotion. Suddenly, the little face turned toward her and twisted into a wide grin, and the infant chirped happily. Despite herself, Jane felt her lips stretch into a smile, the good mood of the toddler being contagious.

\- "Is he alright?" She asked Agent Moore in a slightly concerned tone, causing the agents to smile at her obvious concern for the baby.

\- "Yeah. We had a difficult time at birth, but the doctors say that he's doing very well and shouldn't have any relapses," reassured the mother.

\- "What's the name of this little cutie?" Patterson asked, leaning over to make a face at the baby, causing him to laugh again.

\- "Lucas".

\- "That's a good name," Tasha said as Weller's office door opened. Kurt exited his office, followed by the head of the accounting department, to a scene that he certainly didn't expect to find. His first impulse was to protest Jane's presence in the office, but the words died in his throat when he saw how happy she looked with the baby in her arms. The smile on her face, rare in recent times, warmed his heart, although it faded slightly as soon as she noticed his presence.

As he approached the group, Kurt gave a mental sigh. Things between him and Jane had been uncomfortable since he had kissed her. If he was honest with himself, it had been days since he should have sorted things out with the tattooed woman. But every time he thought he had the courage to do so, he changed his mind. It was cowardly and he was well aware of it, but having that conversation with Jane would force him to sort out his own feelings. And he wasn't sure he could do that right now.

\- "Agent Moore, I didn't think you back so soon," he said to the agent.

\- "I was going crazy at home, sir. And I'm just doing paperwork, nothing dangerous. Besides, Lucas is becoming quite popular," commented the young mother proudly, noting her son being the center of attention.

\- "I can see that," Kurt agreed as he turned his attention to Jane, who was still holding the baby against her chest with her right arm, only using her plastered left arm to help support the infant. The woman tensed slightly under his gaze, probably waiting for him to reprimand her for coming in. Her change of attitude didn't go unnoticed, especially to Patterson, Tasha and Allie. "Adorable," the deputy director commented, but his face made it hard to tell if he was talking about the baby or the fact that Jane was holding him. The raven head blushed slightly and looked away, as Lucas began to cry.

\- "I didn't do anything," Jane said defensively as eyes turning to her. Agent Moore glanced at her a bit surprised, before replying, "I know, nobody's accusing you of anything. He must be hungry, it's time for his bottle." Before Jane could react, the mother led her to the breakroom to show her how to heat the bottle.

\- "Why is Jane here?" Kurt asked annoyed once they were out of earshot.

\- "Because she needs to get out a little," Borden's voice came from behind him. "Even if you have to be careful of her interactions, Jane is strong enough to deal with reality. Keeping her locked up at home will not help her get better, on the contrary, it could possibly make her afraid when she has to come back among the other agents. She needs to come to the office and see that no one thinks bad of her after what happened. "

\- "It was you who arranged for Agent Moore to give her the baby," Patterson said, moving closer to her boyfriend, but not daring to kiss him in public.

-" Yes. You must have noticed, but Jane has developed a great need for affectionate physical contact lately. And cuddling a baby has a beneficial effect on the morale of many people. "

\- "It's true, she relaxed as soon as Lucas started to smile," Tasha agreed.

\- "Until you arrived," Allie mumbled, looking at her ex-boyfriend. "Are you planning on sorting things out with her?"

\- "Everything's fine between us," Kurt tried to dodge with a shrug, however Borden intervened.

\- "I'm sorry to tell you this, Agent Weller, but repeating that over and over will not make it any truer. I don't know what may have happened between you two, but the sooner you discuss what's wrong, the sooner Jane can move on. If you blame her again for not being Taylor Shaw… " said the therapist before Kurt interrupted.

\- "No, it's not that." A request from an agent to sign certain documents provided him the perfect opportunity to escape the conversation

\- "Just as stubborn as each other," Allie mumbled. "If we wait for them to take the first step, it will snow in hell before one of them decides to make a move."

\- "So it's time to move on to Plan B," Tasha said resolutely as she walked to the break room with a decided step.

...

A few minutes later, Jane was in one of the empty offices down the hall, looking for Lucas' binky that Tasha claimed to have seen there, when Kurt entered hurriedly.

\- "Jane, are you all right?" He asked concerned. The dark-haired woman jumped when he suddenly appeared next to her, before looking at him with confusion.

-" Yeah. I'm just looking for Lucas' binky, Tasha told me it was here," she replied, trying to stay calm. But inside her mind, flashes of their kisses were playing. Being alone with Kurt made her heart beat faster, but made her anxious at well After all, it had been a week, and he seemed to be avoiding her as much as possible.

\- "That's strange... Tasha told me that you had isolated yourself because you didn't feel well," Kurt said, narrowing his eyes. Before Jane could answer, the door closed behind them, and they heard the lock click into place.

\- "Zapata?" Kurt asked as he approached the door to try the handle.

\- "Sorry boss," the Latina's voice came from the other side. "Doctor's order."

\- "What?" Asked Kurt and Jane simultaneously, confused.

\- "Hey, don't mix Robert up with this," said Patterson's voice. "It was your idea!"

\- "It was actually Allie's, I just got them together." She responded.

\- "Let us out," Jane protested to her friends.

\- "Sorry, you can't leave until you've straightened things out between you two," Allie's voice answered quickly.

\- "Now you have no choice but to talk," Patterson added.

\- "In fact, you aren't coming out until you've made little Ninjas babies," Tasha chuckled before a small slap and her protests told them that Patterson had just chastised her. The voices of the three women went down the corridor, and Kurt and a red-faced Jane looked at each other hesitantly. "Well... what are we going to do now?" Jane finally asked, avoiding Kurt's eyes.


	18. Chap 18 - You're Important To Me

Hi guys. Thanks to continue to read this story, and for your reviews, favs and follows.

As usual, a great thanks to my wonderful beta-reader, Reader-only76 for the proofreading. Without her work, this story would be less understandable and pleasant to read for you.

…

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

…...

 **Chapter 18 – You're Important To Me**

_NYO_

Jane squirmed before Kurt's deep gaze, feeling slightly uneasy. Of course, Zapata's parting comment did not help matters. But despite her embarrassment, Jane surprised herself by imaging, for just a moment, what a mixture of her and Kurt would be like. A little child trotting happily on all fours, only to become an adult as stubborn as they both were...

\- "Jane... are you okay?" Kurt asked anxiously, concerned at the contemplative look on Jane's face. Trying to get her attention, he gently put pressed a hand to her cheek, causing her jump. The contact brought Jane back to reality, and made her blush furiously… Luckily Kurt had no way of knowing was going on in her head. Who knew how he would react if he knew what she was thinking about? On another note, she had to find a way to deal with her parasitic thoughts. Erotic dreams were one thing, but if she started dreaming of having children with him while she was awake... the situation would became a lot more troubling.

\- "Jane?" Kurt said again. Jane's stretches of silence were beginning to worry him, especially since he had no idea what she was thinking during those moments.

\- "I'm fine," replied the dark-haired woman quickly, trying to hide her blush.

\- "Are you sure?" He questioned.

\- "Yeah, I was just thinking... about the baby," Jane said. After all, it wasn't really a lie, she didn't have to say she was thinking of what **their** baby might be like.

\- "He's cute," Kurt conceded easily, recalling the scene. "And even more so in your arms," whispered a small voice in his head, one that he silenced quickly. Jane had already gone through too much for him to say this aloud, there was no need for him to make her uncomfortable with a statement like that.

\- "I liked... holding him in my arms," Jane continued. "He was... so small... so adorable... so innocent..."

\- "Babies are often like that," Kurt agreed, beginning to understand why Jane had enjoyed the moment.

\- "They don't judge you," whispered the wounded woman, confirming his suspicions.

\- "We don't either, Jane... okay, that may have been the case before," he added, seeing her skeptical look. "But not anymore. Not now that we know your side of things."

\- "I hear that from everyone, constantly, but... "

\- "You're afraid that it isn't true. That we're trying to win your trust just to stab you in the back again at the first opportunity," Kurt sighed. He knew that regaining her trust would be a long process, but every step forward they made seemed to be followed by a step back, and it was just hard to hear.

\- "Sorry," Jane apologized immediately, guilty. "You've all been very kind to me since… I left the hospital but... I can't help myself."

\- "It's ok, Jane, I knew we wouldn't be able to regain your trust in one day, not after everything that happened… although I wish we could," admitted Weller, catching a glance that was both relieved and surprised from the ravenette.

\- "Really?" She asked hopefully.

\- "Really what? That we really knew that it would take time for you to trust us again but that we still want to? Or that I wish it didn't have to?"

\- "Both," Jane replied, biting her lips nervously without meeting his eyes.

-"Well," Kurt said, pushing softly under her chin to gently force her to look at him. "The answer is yes to both questions. After the way we treated you, it's not surprising that you don't trust us completely... And if you say one more time that you deserved what the CIA did to you or the way we treated you when you returned, I will leave you here and call Patterson, Tasha and Allie in here to take care of you... " he added, threatening her with a teasing smile, as he saw her opening her mouth to say something. Jane hurriedly closed her mouth, slightly put off, and proceeded to deliver a bump to his shoulder. Kurt enjoyed the friendly nature of her action, before seeing her draw away slightly, looking worried when she realized what she had done.

\- "Jane, I'm not going to be mad at you just because you reacted when I teased you," sighed the agent, sorry to see her fall back on herself every time he thought they took a step forward.

\- "Sorry," the dark-haired woman apologized again as she sat down on one of the desks. "It's instinctive."

\- "I understand, it just hurts me to see you like this," Kurt answered honestly, feeling his heart clench as he saw Jane seem almost surprised at his admission. Seeing her surprised each time a member of the team worried about her or showed her affection was becoming more and more difficult to bear. Deciding to grab the bull by the horns, and suspecting that in any case his ex-girlfriend and two female colleagues wouldn't let them out until he had at least tried, Weller took a deep breath.

\- "I think… I think we should talk again about what happened... last week."

Immediately, Jane stiffened and began to curl up into herself. Easily recognizing that she was as embarrassed as he was to be having this conversation, Kurt narrowly refrained from moving closer to comfort her, not wanting to invade her personal space. The tattooed woman gave him a worried look, wondering what he was going to say. A part of herself, tired of running from the issue, wanted this conversation to clear the air between them, for once and for all. In this way, she would finally know what to expect with Kurt, particularly if there was a possibility for a shared future between them... But this last prospect frightened her just as much as it inspired hope. His constant concern for her in recent weeks made her believe that he might think of her as something more than just a friend. After all, he had kissed her, right? But on the other hand, she knew that Kurt's love affairs were complicated, and that he was very demanding... Could they really consider something serious between them when they still didn't even know if they could truly trust each other? For all these reasons, she feared rejection. And it was undoubtedly cowardly on her part, but at the moment, she preferred to live in the fantasy that she had created for herself and where they had at least a possibility at a shared future, rather than be coldly reminded of reality.

\- "I regret kissing you," Kurt began, and then proceeded to curse himself for his lack of tact as he saw Jane freeze as if he had just hit her. Which in hindsight was the case, at least verbally. The ravenette's face twisted in a grimace of painful distress as tears shone in her eyes.

\- "Wait Jane! That's not what I meant," the agent added hurriedly, placing himself in front of the door that Jane was trying to exit by. The raven head struggled to try to escape him, not wanting him to see her cry. The pain of being rejected had made her forget the fact that they were locked in. But this time, Kurt was determined not to let her get away from him. He closed his arms around her, holding her as tightly as he could without pressing too hard on her injured ribs. Waiting for her to calm down, he held her a long moment, gently stroking her hair, while the sobs that shook her body against his told him that she must have been crying silently, not wanting to show weakness. It was obvious that she really thought he didn't want to be close to her, and that's the idea was heartbreaking to her. Finally, little by little, she seemed to calm down, but he continued to hold her.

Confused by his mixed signals, Jane decided to remain in his arms and enjoy the warmth that emanated from him. After all, if he didn't want her, it might be her last chance to enjoy it... Even if he didn't want to admit it aloud, Kurt also enjoyed the moment. Unfortunately, he knew he would have to let her go to talk to her. Mentally, he shuddered at the thought of what Zapata, or worse, Patterson and Allie would do to him when they heard of his lack of tack.

\- "Jane... I misspoke. I care a lot about you," he said, moving the tattooed woman slightly away from him to be able to speak to her face to face. The woman looked at him with a look both lost and doubtful, and he couldn't blame her, since he had just given her two different conflicting confessions.

\- "When I said that I regretted kissing you, I wasn't talking about the action itself. But I regret having taken advantage of you while you were vulnerable... You must think... that I'm no better than Oscar... "

-" No!" Protested Jane, looking at him incredulously. So that was what was bothering him? He thought she had felt forced... that he had played with her feelings... "You... you're nothing like him! You didn't use me to lay a trap for someone or to betray my team... What?" She added, seeing him smile slightly.

\- "You said my team," Kurt said, reaching out to grab her right hand. "I'm just happy that you're feeling like a part of the team again," whispered Weller, rubbing small circles around the honeycomb patterns tattooed on the back of Jane's hand with his thumb. The dark-haired woman looked at him for a moment, analyzing his statement. After a few moments, she had to admit that indeed, she felt more like a part of the team again. Of course, it wasn't really difficult given how much she was marginalized then... even a hello would have been a huge step forward during that time. But still, being honest, the team's behavior had changed radically. And even if they sometimes smothered her, it was immensely more enjoyable to have people show you their affection and concern for you than to be ignored and belittled every day.

\- "Yeah... we really weren't kind before," Kurt said, letting her know that she had spoken aloud again. She blushed with embarrassment, but Weller didn't seem embarrassed at her inadvertent confession and went on: "But it's over now, I promise you, it will not happen again. And if we have to cuddle you every day to prove it, we'll do it," he said with fake seriousness and a small smirk. The tattooed woman blushed even more at this idea, trying to determine if he was serious. She was attracted, in spite of herself, by the prospect of more physical contact with the attractive agent in front of her.

\- "You know that if you want a hug, you just have to ask?" Weller told her smiling with amusement, almost able to hear the wheels turning in her head. "No need to make up an excuse..." Almost in spite of herself, Jane stepped towards him, before hesitating when she realized what she was doing. Taking the initiative, Kurt opened his arms, but seeing her still hesitant, took two steps forward to press her against again him. After a second of hesitation, the ravenette responded to his embrace and relaxed against him. Letting himself be caught up in the moment, Kurt began to rub her back reflexively. The gesture relaxed her completely, and she raised her head, tilting her head so that her lips a few inches from his. Realizing their closeness, she blushed, finally noticing that with talking about her attachment to the team, he had diverted the conversation. She didn't know if it was a conscious decision, but in a burst of courage, decided to approach the question again.

\- "When you said that... you don't regret... kissing me...", she began before stopping, embarrassed. Strangely, Kurt went as red as she did when she had inappropriate thoughts about him, even though his blush was mostly contained to his upper cheeks and ears.

\- "Yes... well... I," Kurt began before stopping, searching for words. He thanked heavens that Allie and Tasha weren't there, for they wouldn't have failed to comment on how rare it was to see him so inarticulate. The truth was that he didn't know how to respond. Of course, he had loved kissing Jane. But he didn't want to give the impression of taking advantage of her, even if she had assured him that she didn't feel like that, nor give her false hopes. With Sandstorm's stalking ever closer and his future fatherhood, he wasn't sure he could consider a serious relationship at the moment. Besides, Jane had her own problems to deal with, and he wasn't sure that putting her in this position would help her either.

Nas had offered to use Shepherd's willingness to bring them together to get information through Jane. But this would force the Jane to play a dangerous game as a double agent, and addition, to minimize the risk, she would have to be ignorant to the fact that their relationship would be a ploy. Playing with her feelings was something he refused altogether to do to her, and he had thoroughly let the NSA agent know that. Nas herself had seemed uncomfortable in proposing this idea, which he was relieved about. Since she'd seen Keaton torture Jane live, she seemed to be less inclined to risk Jane's life or even her health, to achieve her goals. They already had to deal with Sandstorm, they didn't need to worry about watching their back from allies.

\- "Yes... I enjoyed it," he finally confessed. "But I... I don't want to give you false hope... with everything that's going on... I'm not sure I can..."

\- "Trust me? I understand." Sighed the dark-haired woman in a pained tone trying to twist out of his embrace "We don't know why Shepherd sent me to you, it makes sense not to..."

\- "What? No Jane!" Kurt protested as he tightened his arms around her to keep her from fleeing. "I trust you! I don't care that your mother sent you here for a reason, I know you're your own person and you don't follow her! Simply... things are... complicated for me right now with my father's death, Allie's pregnancy, Sandstorm, the plans Shepherd seems to have for me... "

Kurt's reasons were logical, but they offered Jane a glimmer of hope. Although she didn't want to delude herself, he didn't say that he wasn't considering a relationship with her, just that he needed time. She didn't dare, however, to point this out to him, lest he should prove her wrong.

\- "I understand," she said, unable to keep all of the disappointment from her voice. Weller observed the her lost in thought, and couldn't help but add:

\- "I lo... I want you in my life Jane... a lot," he said, trying to comfort her. "But with the way I treated you when we got you back... I understand that it upsets you. And also that you're mad at me." Jane's eyes widened at those words. That's why he wanted to keep a distance between them? Because he thought she was mad at him? Okay, if she was honest with herself, that had been the case for a while. And despite the last few weeks, she sometimes felt a little suspicious. But her feelings for him more than overwhelmed those instances.

\- "I'm not mad at you," she protested weakly. She would have liked for her voice to have sounded more confident, but the doubts that lay dormant in her mind came back to disrupt her.

\- "That's not true, and you know it Jane. If you thought you could trust me, there would never have been that misunderstanding between us... " Kurt smiled sadly. He felt guilty for insisting, but she had to understand how he felt, and he had to face his own regrets. Borden had insisted a lot on this point, saying that accepting his own problems would help her heal. Knowing Jane as well as he did, he figured he was one of the best candidates at trying to make her listen to reason. She wasn't close enough to Borden to have such discussions with him, and Patterson was too eager to give her space to really confront her about it.

\- "What? No!" Protested the raven head, trying to appear more confident than she really was.

\- "Jane... I won't blame you for being angry at me. We were with you, and much crueler about it, it would be hypocritical to deny you the right to be angry."

Jane hesitated a moment, not understanding why he insisted so much that she was angry at him. She frowned slightly as she racked her brain, trying to determine if this was some kind trap for her. A part of her wanted to go ahead and call him out for his own mistakes in retaliation for the way she had been treated in the weeks following her return. But at the same time, she was afraid of destroying all of her chances at staying friends with Kurt, or even of something more...

\- "It's not a trick," said Weller after a moment, sensing something was making her hesitate. "Borden's already told you this, it's okay to be angry after what happened to you because of me..."

\- "But... you're not responsible for my mistakes," Jane said softly, breaking their proximity, starting to find his insistence at rehashing the past annoying. Why didn't they want to understand that she didn't want to talk about it anymore?

\- "I'm not talking about your mistakes, I'm talking about mine. I've thought a lot during this past week about what you were telling me... and you're right. I abandoned you... "

\- "What?" asked Jane puzzled, wondering what he was talking about. "No, ever since you saved me from Keaton, you've taken care of me and..."

\- "Not now, but before... I betrayed you… I left you that message saying that I cared about you and that you were important to me, that I had... feelings for you no matter if you were Taylor or not ... I really believed that. And then... I was so angry when I learned that you lied to me that I arrested you without giving you a single chance to explain. I… let the CIA take you... I let them torture you for months when I should have protected you! Because that's what we do for the people we love! And I let you down when you needed me the most! In the end, I'm no better than my father!" Kurt shouted, panting for breath after relieving the weight that had weighed on his heart for far too long.

\- "Oh Kurt..." Jane whispered, approaching hesitantly, not knowing what to do. She had never thought of how much all of this could have affected him... how much his own doubts and remorse could hurt him. "You are nothing like your father! You decided to spend your life serving and protecting people, he was a murderer! "

\- "Maybe... but that doesn't change the fact that I abandoned you..."

\- "When you left me that message... did... did you mean it?" The dark-haired woman asked, trying to sound calm, but her obviously tense expression betrayed the importance the question held to her. Back then, she hadn't been able to listen to it, she had been busy tracking down Oscar and her phone too drained to do so. When the FBI had returned her phone after her return from on the run, she had listened to Kurt's message from months earlier, the stark contrast between his words and the way he treated her had almost broken her then.

\- "Every word," Kurt said firmly, looking straight in her eyes.

\- "Did you know... what Keaton was going to do to me...?" She asked, barely audible

\- "No Jane, I swear! Otherwise I would have done everything I could to find you!" The idea warmed the ravenette's heart, who was trying to chase the memories of the torture she had suffered from her mind.

\- "Patterson and Tasha told me something a few days ago..." Jane suddenly remembered with a thoughtful expression: "Everyone makes mistakes, the thing is to just accept them and learn from them. Living in the past won't change anything."

\- "That sounds too wise to have come from Zapata," Kurt couldn't help but joke, causing Jane to smile slightly.

\- "I think they're right," she added, before noting that Weller was still smiling. "What?"

\- "You are aware that would apply to you as well..." Blinking, Jane took a few seconds to understand what he meant. Because if that applied to Kurt... it also meant that she should also, perhaps, simply accept what she had done and move on... Though, that was easier said than done. Noticing that Jane seemed to be at least considering it, Kurt relaxed a little.

\- "I'm not saying that your problems will all work out overnight," he said. "But you're not responsible for everything that's gone wrong within our team over the last year. Shepherd manipulated you through Oscar by playing on your want to get answers about your past."

\- "But it was my plan," Jane mumbled, looking down.

\- "According to Oscar... and we know that this guy was a manipulative son of bitch now!" Weller growled with a little more force than necessary, causing Jane to jump. "And according to Markos, you tried to thwart their plans before your memory was erased. I guess they must have seen an opportunity to use you by lying to you… " Jane's face lit up slightly as she thought about it. Kurt was right, she had trusted Oscar early on because she had remembered some of their moments together. But in the end, she had no idea if anything he had told her was actually true. In fact, some of Markos's information directly contradicted Oscar's claim that she had planned everything with them. Between believing the man who had died trying warn her, and the one who had tried to erase her memory again to save his own skin, the choice was easy to make. Yet... that didn't explain the video that Oscar had shown her, the one in which Remi urged her to trust the man who had just saved her from Carter, probably his only good action regarding her.

\- "With technology you can forge all sorts of things. In any case, that video wasn't dated, it may have been older than the plan you made with Markos," Kurt said, alerting her to the fact that she was thinking aloud again. At least as far as her last thought was concerned. The idea was beginning to be less uncomfortable, because no one had ever blamed her for her thoughts or tried to use what she had inadvertently let out against her. On the contrary, the team had only used the information to try to push her to open up and help her heal. "Ask Patterson if you don't believe me, I'm sure she would be able to make a pretty convincing image of you in almost any situation." Jane twisted her lips thoughtfully. Maybe she should ask her friend? Not that she didn't believe Kurt, but he wasn't the expert in technology that Patterson was. After a few moments, the dark-haired woman came out of her thoughts.

\- "If you forgave me for what I did to you... it would be wrong for me not to do the same for you."

\- "It doesn't work like that, Jane. You don't have to forgive me just because I forgive you. You've suffered a lot more than me, and I understand very well if you have a hard time trusting me," Kurt winced, showing just how pained that admission was.

\- "No it's okay... you're... the first friend I can remember... the first man I've kissed... in my new life," Jane admitted blushing. Her statement caused Weller to blush as well as to swell his heart with a mixture of joy and pride.

\- "So... everything's good between us?" He asked for confirmation.

-"I... I think," replied the tattooed woman hesitantly. "But I... can't guarantee you that I will not have more… doubts," sighed the young woman in a pained tone as her face tensed.

-" I know. Don't worry about that. We don't have to go too fast, we just have to give ourselves some time," Kurt agreed as he hugged her again. After a small hesitation Jane let herself be pulled in willingly. In recent days, she had received far more hugs than she had during the entirety of her life. Okay, she remembered almost nothing of her past, but from what she knew about the orphanage and Shepherd's rather cold behavior, it was a valid assumption. She remembered being suspicious of all physical contact, whatever it was, when she arrived at the FBI. Except with Kurt... Then, upon her return after her escape, she had forged a shell to protect herself. But lately, the team had managed to find the weakness in her armor, and she had to admit that she was appreciating more and more the embraces that her friends gave her lavishly. The fact that Kurt decided to follow their method of comforting was a very nice bonus. Besides, he said they had to give themselves time, and there was no indication that he wasn't considering a relationship with her... Moreover, he had even confessed to having feelings for her, she reminded herself with a thrill... maybe she should talk to Tasha and Patterson for advice... or even Allie ... Although it would awkward to ask the woman how to date her ex-boyfriend, she was would do it if it would improve her chances of being with Kurt.

For his part, the deputy director also fully enjoyed the situation. The Jane's head against him allowed him to detect a slight pleasant peach scent, probably that of her shampoo, a detail he'd never noticed before. Although, that said, they hadn't been close enough lately for him to have noticed such a detail. Reflecting for a moment, Kurt decided today had been momentous, even though he had to push her to open up. They had managed to sort out a number of issues that were creating discomfort between them. Even better, Jane seemed to beginning to believe that not everything was her fault, which was a big step forward. Now he just had to watch her to make sure she stayed on the right path of recovery. Of course, his desire to remain close to her had nothing to do with the fact that he would be able to cuddle her whenever she felt in the mood... nope, absolutely nothing. The agent thought he heard a mocking laugh in his head, but after a second decided to ignore it.

The sound of the lock clicking pulled them from their reverie. Without warning Zapata entered, hoping to surprise them in a compromising position. She was disappointed at finding them both decent, but smiled widely at seeing them in each other's arms.

\- "Well look at this cute picture!" She exclaimed, drawing Patterson's and Allie's attention, who were following after her.

\- "I take it you've settle your disagreements," Patterson sighed as if someone had lifted a heavy weight from her shoulders.

\- "Well enough," muttered the two friends, still glued to each other and not looking too keen to separate.

\- "Did you finally invite her to the baby shower?" Allie asked sharply, causing both to tense up. Moving away from each other, they looked at one another hesitantly, waiting for the other to take the first step. Heart pounding a little faster, Jane was waiting for the invitation, taking it as a sign that Kurt really wanted her in his life, even if as just a friend. Especially since he seemed to have already invited the whole team... For his part, the agent was lost, not knowing how to make his request.

\- "So Kurt, sometime today?" The US Marshal asked, which didn't help him, especially as he knew how irritable the pregnant woman was these days. "If you don't invite the woman who saved me and the baby, I don't see who else deserves to be invited."

\- "Yes, yes, I'm doing it," Kurt mumbled.

\- "Sometime before Christmas?" Zapata teased him, even making Jane smile.

\- "If you continue with that, I'll make sure you spend your next Christmas in Alaska," Kurt countered, winning a giggle from Allie and Patterson, while Jane smiled at the Latina, knowing that Kurt wouldn't really do it. Shifting his attention to her, Kurt finally decided to start:

\- "I... wanted to do it for a while, but... given the circumstances I couldn't find the courage to invite you. I know that... it must have been hard for you to come back and learn that Allie was pregnant... especially after that message I left you. But... none of that was planned and the last thing I want is to hurt you," admitted Kurt a little uneasily to have an audience for his confession. Fortunately, understanding the gravity of the moment, Zapata refrained from any teasing or sarcastic commentary, while Allie and Patterson stood back as to not embarrass Kurt any more, knowing how difficult it was for him to confide.

\- "I understand," Jane said hurriedly, too uncomfortable with the audience to hear this now. Now it was certain, Tasha wasn't going to leave her alone until she found out what was in the message Kurt had mentioned.

\- "So... the party is the day after tomorrow at Allie's place... so ... would you like to come?" Kurt asked quickly, avoiding looking at his ex-girlfriend and colleagues. After a few moments of exaggerated contemplation, as her decision was already all but made, Jane replied:

\- "It depends…"

\- "Depends on what?" Weller asked puzzled, as the three women behind him also looked at Jane curiously.

\- "Will there be hugs?" Jane asked seriously, struggling to keep from smiling, and trying to hide the relief she felt from being invited... of being a part of the group again. After a few seconds, Kurt smiled widely, as Allie, Patterson, and Tasha burst out laughing. They were all happy to see that the discussion had sufficiently brought Jane back to the point of making attempts at humor.

\- "We've created a monster," Zapata joked.

\- "Don't laugh, doctors say that cuddle therapy has many benefits that help people recover from trauma and to dispel negative tension in the body. Some coffee shops even allows you to cuddle cute little cats," Patterson explained dreamily.

\- "Aren't you allergic?" Asked her friend, puzzled.

\- "Yes, but only to certain breeds of cats. I guess it's related to the chemical composition of the fur and... "

\- "Okay, all right, no need for the long version," Zapata said, cutting her off. "Actually, do you think that if we continue to cuddle Jane, she'll start purring?" Asked the Latina mischievously to her friend, drawing a small squeal of protest and a bump to the shoulder from Jane. Kurt just stood there, smiling at the scene, feeling much of the accumulated tension from the last few days relieved from his shoulders.

\- "You managed to talk things out?" Allie said, approaching closer as Patterson joined her friends in a group hug.

\- "Sort of... it won't be fixed in a day, but we're on the right track," Kurt agreed, redirecting his attention to the mother of his future child.

\- "Good... because if you had messed things up again, I would have had to take action," she threatened, brandishing her index finger at him.

\- "Easy tiger, Jane knows she's important to me," Weller reassured her, unaware that Jane was now behind him as Patterson and Tasha were talking in a corner. Allie winked at her as her face lit up, but didn't comment. Finally, Patterson led everyone to the upper floor, indicating that it was time for Jane to eat something.

...

 _Three hours later, at Jane's safehouse_

Thanking Agent Monroe, Jane closed the door of her place with a tired sigh. Still, she was feeling happier than ever. Kurt had admitted that he cared for her, and that would have been enough to light up her day. But he didn't stop there, and had tried to convince her that she wasn't a bad person. They had been telling her that for so long that she was starting to believe that it might actually be true. On top of that, they were even bringing pizza over later on in the evening... almost like before.

\- "You look better," said a familiar voice from her kitchen, making her jump.

\- "Roman! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She protested, weakly holding a hand to her chest where the previously mentioned organ was pounding, but still happy to see her brother.

\- "Let's just say it's for all the times you've snuck up on me," retorted he with a small smile. The Jane didn't answer and hugged him tightly, which surprised him a little. Even before her memory wipe, his sister had never been a big fan of physical contact, well, except with him. But after coming back from Afghanistan, she was more distant with everyone, she was rougher... more withdraw. Obviously, she had changed lately, for the better if one considered the state in which he had last seen her in at the hospital.

-" Are you okay?" she asked him anxiously as she pulled away.

\- "I feel it would be more appropriate if I asked you that..." He countered.

\- "I feel... better," Jane said. "The team is helping me a lot... especially Patterson. I'm still having trouble moving and I can't fight so it's pretty... frustrating."

\- "So the men outside your door aren't guards?" Roman asked, eyes narrowing. Seeing his sister escorted to her door and the agents standing in front of the building, he thought for a moment that she was under surveillance again.

\- "No... Kurt assigned them to protect me from... Keaton. The FBI has also opened an investigation into my kidnapping," his sister said hesitantly, wondering how he would take the news.

\- "That's... unexpected... Our mother will not appreciate that," Roman muttered in response.

\- "I know, she'd want me to be freer in my movements..." Jane said, starting to question if he had come of his own accord or she was the one who'd sent him.

\- "Yeah, well she'll have to deal with it," Roman snarled. "There are a lot of things that aren't adding up and I would like to know why." Hearing her brother question Shepherd's orders, Jane felt her heart leap. If she could convince him to help the FBI... But on the other hand, it would be risky, such an action would expose her brother to both Pellington and the CIA, and doubly so to their mother if she ever found out that he was turning against her too.

\- "She's not the type to give answers," she said simply.

\- "I know... apparently she isn't the person I thought she was." His face had an uncertain look she had never seen on him before. Although considering it, he had spent years being conditioned to obey orders, thinking and acting in his own interests must be unfamiliar to him.

\- "I had a visitor a while back ago... Cade came to see me," Jane said, jumping when her brother stood up.

\- "What did he want?"

\- "To help me... he gave me a flashdrive... from Markos," his sister answered hesitantly. Under Roman's insistence, she ended up telling him about the former Sandstorm agent's visit, and the fact that Markos had turned against Shepherd, not mentioning her own involvement in leaking information to the NSA.

\- "I see... It makes sense, Cade wouldn't have gone AWOL randomly. The fact that he contacted you tells us that he has a plan. But I'm surprised he wants to help your FBI friends. "

\- "He doesn't want to help them... just me," Jane said, shrugging her shoulders. An uncomfortable silence reigned for a few moments before Roman spoke again.

\- "You know we'll have to report this to Shepherd? It would show her that you are still invested in the mission despite your condition, and buy you some time. Of course, we will rearrange the facts a bit so that it doesn't point to a link between you and Markos.

-" What link?" The dark-haired woman asked nervously.

\- "I'm not stupid you know. I've seen how you act with Weller's team. I know that by threatening them, Shepherd got the exact opposite of what she wanted. And I know that Markos was only loyal to you since you had served together."

\- "I don't know what you're talking about," Jane replied quickly.

\- "I'm talking about the fact that you're loyal to them, not to Shepherd's plan. We've been together since childhood, if there's something that hasn't changed in you, it's your loyalty to your friends," Roman told her gravely. "I already know that you'll do everything and anything to protect them."

\- "You don't look... bothered by this," Jane observed carefully after eyeing him for a moment.

\- "I was against the idea of erasing your memory and sending you to the FBI from the beginning. I didn't want to risk losing you," her brother shrugged. "You're my only family… Real family, so my choice is easy to make… in a way. Unlike her, you don't ask me to choose."

\- "So help me... help us to remove her from society", pleaded the tattooed woman before tensing, realizing that she had done exactly what her brother had said. To her relief, Roman only looked at her neutrally.

\- "I don't really like the corrupt government or the men who defend it either..."

\- "The team isn't like that," Jane immediately protested.

\- "Really? They let the CIA take you and torture you… twice," Roman answered gravely with a hint of anger in his voice. "I don't trust them..." Jane didn't insist on this, not wanting to antagonize her brother. With a little time, she knew she could change his mind, there was no need to rush the process now.

\- "So... what are you going to say to Shepherd?" She asked with concern.

\- "About you? Nothing. Except that you'll recover. I'm going to say that my hunt for Cade has brought me here and that he has contacted you to try to convince you to join him on behalf of Markos. He told you that you were friends, told you a few other things and tried to convince you that we're bad."

\- "That will paint an even bigger target on his back..."

\- "I don't care, He crossed the line when he used you as bait with the CIA!" Replied her brother angrily. "Anyway, you're worrying about nothing, he's a lot tougher than you think, Shepherd will not get her hands on him so easily."

\- "Do you know... what plans Shepherd has for me?" Jane asked sitting on her couch, starting to feel tired after the emotional day. Roman's face hardened.

\- "That's why I came. To warn you," he said grimly, pulling up a chair to sit in front of her.


	19. Chap 19 - Going Crazy

As usual, a great thanks to my wonderful beta-reader, Reader-only76 for the proofreading.

…

 **Disclaimer : I don't own Blindspot. The story and characters are the property of Martin Gero**

…...

 **Chapter 19 – Going Crazy**

_Jane's safehouse_

\- "I'm guessing it won't exactly be pleasant for me" Jane sighed as she watched her brother sit down in front of her.

\- "Not exactly... However, Cade's theft of the chip bought us some time. Because of him, Shepherd chose to postpone Phase Two. This will give you some time to get back on your feet."

\- "I'm going to assume that you're not going to tell me what Phase Two is," Jane guessed, making an attempt all the same.

\- "Even if I knew exactly what it was, which I don't as Shepherd only told me parts of it... I wouldn't say anything. As I've said, I have as many reasons as you do to dislike this government. At least that was the case before your memory was wiped… "

\- "Cade told me the same thing," Jane mumbled in an almost sullen tone, leaning back into her couch. Surprised by her sudden shift in attitude, Roman stared at her curiously, causing her to fidget uncomfortably before she explained. "Sorry. The doctor said that because of what I went through, mood swings and unexpected behaviors are to be expected for a while. It seems to be a defense mechanism, my brain tries to adapt by distracting me... from anything that could remind it of the trauma."

\- "I understand, don't worry," Roman forced out angrily. He was angry at the ones who did this to his sister. Angry at Remi for abandoning him to follow the stupid plan. Angry at their mother for not having planned the details of her plan better... Unless she had simply used Remi... A possibility he didn't want to consider at the time. He had other matters to deal with first. And finally, he was angry at himself for failing to protect her.

\- "Are you okay?" Jane asked him as she watched him frown.

\- "Of course," Roman lied easily, his sister didn't need any more problems right now, she had to focus on healing. She looked at him for a moment, feeling that he wasn't telling her the whole truth, but decided not to push the subject.

\- "And so, what is to be my mission this time?" She asked apprehensively, suspecting that Shepherd's plans would require her to cross a number of her moral boundaries.

\- "You're not going to like it... The initial plan was for you to get close to Weller..."

\- "I know, Oscar wanted me to make him and Allie break up... Which I didn't do, by the way," mumbled the wounded woman thoughtfully.

\- "Allie? Are you talking about the Marshal? Allison Knight?" Roman asked, surprised that she was close enough to the federal agent to be using a nickname. It wasn't good, not good at all. Of course, it would make her mission easier, but if their mother found out how much she had bonded with her target... She might decide to use that proximity to make his sister perform even worse deeds.

-" Yes, why?" Jane asked, eyes narrowed

\- "Because the initial plan had to be changed... I'm guessing you've gotten closer to Weller now that he knows what you went through." The dark-haired woman nodded reluctantly, wondering where he was going with this.

\- "But Weller also remained close to Knight, evidenced by the fact that he's willing to have a baby with her," continued her brother. The gleam of pain that flashed in his sister's eyes surprised him. Apparently, Remi had become too involved emotionally in this whole charade, and the closeness between the two federal agents didn't seem to please her. On the other hand, he could understand that, if his calculations were correct, the baby was conceived around the time of her arrest by Weller and her arrival at the CIA black site. So, while she was being tortured day and night by Keaton, Weller was doing it with his ex, and without protection. The fact made him really want to introduce his fist to the FBI deputy director's face...

\- "I know," Jane finally answered. "I'm invited to the baby shower." Strangely, she seemed almost pleased with the idea, and Roman blinked several times, puzzled at this change of mood. Was it related to her trauma? Or was she truly happy to rejoin her team? After all, even as a soldier for Orion, she had always tended to attach much importance to her brothers-in-arms, probably an aftereffect of their horrible childhood at the orphanage, when they were without friends and were forced to constantly fight with other children. It was for that reason that their death had hit her so hard and her anger had pushed her to take up arms against the government.

\- "Well... it'll make your job easier I guess," he finally said, causing her to frown.

\- "What are you talking about?" She questioned again.

\- "Shepherd wants you to… get close to the Marshal."

\- "I will not hurt the baby!" His sister said fiercely, a warning in her voice, surprising him once again. But then again, it shouldn't be so surprising. Even before losing her memories, Remi had always been fascinated by children, especially babies, even if she never showed it to anyone but him. She had done many bad things during her time in Orion, and under their mother orders, but she had never done any of those things to a child directly. Somehow, he was glad that this aspect of her personality hadn't changed. After all, there were limits that even he wouldn't cross to carry out Shepherd's orders. For a while, he had feared she would take the plunge after her engagement with Oscar, but their mother had made sure that she knew better than to get pregnant. Probably more because it would have disturbed her plan than in any real interest in Remi's life. For his part, he wasn't sure that he would have supported Oscar being the father of his nephew or niece... In fact, he was certain of the exact opposite. Rethinking the topic of his sister's former fiancé, and what he had tried to do to her, it rekindled the fire of his anger once again.

Jane waited nervously to hear what she would have to do. She wondered how she would explain to Allie that her unborn child might be in danger even before he was born, because of her and Shepherd... The woman had been surprisingly supportive since she had learned what she had gone through, and they had begun to get much closer. And if she was honest with herself, Jane didn't want to lose the opportunity to make another ally. Allie was funny, compassionate, courageous and determined, and the more time she spent with her, the more she enjoyed her company. And Kurt... her relationship with him was just getting better, how could she tell him that his baby was being threatened before he was even born?

\- "That's not it, Shepherd wants you to get close to Knight, to prevent her from doing it with Weller again," Roman replied, worried at seeing her so suddenly withdrawn. From what he understood at the hospital, she had issues with her self-confidence and he didn't want her to overthink the issue and blame herself for things for which she had no control over. Because one thing was sure, Shepherd would not take "no" for an answer.

\- "Oh," Jane said, relieved. It was far less serious than she thought, even if it confirmed that Shepherd definitely had plans for Kurt. And that it also put Allie in the line of fire... She would have to warn them to be vigilant. Fortunately, Allison was no longer allowed in the field while pregnant. "Allie has a boyfriend you know... "

\- "We are aware... But he isn't the baby's father. Shepherd doesn't want to take the risk. Even if in my opinion, it isn't worth it."

Jane thought for a moment. She hadn't met Allie's boyfriend before, but from what she knew, Allie seemed to care a lot about him. And moreover, she had guaranteed her that she no longer held any romantic feelings for Kurt... For just a moment, she wondered if Allie was playing with her and still intended to be with Kurt, before shaking herself mentally. No, Allie didn't seem to be that kind of person, she was far too frank and straightforward for that. Besides, Kurt had almost confessed to his feelings, and had spent more time with her than with the US Marshal lately...

-"This doesn't seem to bother you," said her brother, who was expecting a livelier reaction.

-"That's something I can do," the ravenette replied, shrugging her shoulders, causing him to frown, perplexed. It was strange to see her so relaxed when she had so clearly stated that she was choosing her team over her mission in the FBI. And now, she accepted without protest the task of ensuring that Weller didn't to do it again with his ex... Why would she agree to do something like that when she still had to fight to regain the trust of the FBI agents? It wasn't logical, unless…

-"Hold on... you accepted that way too easily," Roman mumbled, looking at her suspiciously, causing her to shift nervously. "Don't tell me... you love Weller!" He shouted, verbalizing the only logical conclusion that his mind could come up with. His sister's blush informed him immediately that he was right, the absurdness of the situation tempered his anger. Never since the age they were old enough to take interest in the opposite sex had he seen Remi react like this at the mention of a man. It was surprising, but also, in a way, touching. With a hint of jealousy, he wondered if it was the memory wipe that allowed her to react so… normal... free of the horrible memories of their childhood that still poisoned his own nights. As quickly as it came, the jealousy vanished. Remi had woken up alone and lost in a bag, unable to remember who she was, what she loved, and the people she knew... She had been tortured for months for information that her wiped mind wouldn't allow her to give. No… thinking about it, there was nothing to be jealous of. His sister had paid dearly for this second chance at a life free of her worst memories, including the loss of the few good ones she had.

\- "What? No... I... " stammered the dark-haired woman trying to contain the red she felt rising in her cheeks, unable to form a coherent thought. Truly, it was becoming more and more frequent when she was in the Kurt's presence, but if it was at the point where it enough to mention his name to make her lose all her thoughts... She really needed a girl talk with Patterson to talk things out… Maybe Tasha and Allie too? Even if talking to the latter two people would be a little embarrassing. Zapata had been good with her since she left the hospital, but because of their past issues and even though they had agreed to start from scratch, she sometimes feared the Latina's volcanic reactions. Besides, if she openly confessed her feelings for Kurt... Well, who knew how long she could tease her for. Allie's case was even more difficult. On the one hand, the woman was always friendly with her, but on the other, going to her for advice on how to increase her chances with her ex would be very embarrassing...

\- "This will be fun, you look like a love-sick high school girl," Roman suddenly said mockingly, watching her go through several shades of red.

\- "Hey!" She protested, glaring at him, going from one extreme to the other in a few moments.

\- "This is the first time I've seen you react like this," He added thoughtfully

\- "It's something I can't control," she admitted a little embarrassed. Roman paused for a moment in his thoughts. Given the trauma, or several traumas, that she had recently experienced, it wasn't illogical that she would attach herself to the people who showed interest in her. Which suggested that her relationship with Weller was much better than he had first suspected... unless the man was just using her to get information on Shepherd?

\- "He better not be using you," Roman snarled.

\- "No! Kurt is... very sincere with me," Jane replied quickly.

\- "How can you trust him, after he let the CIA take you?" Roman asked in a low growl, shaking his head in exasperated confusion.

\- "He didn't want it," Jane reacted defensively, upset that he was questioning Kurt's integrity. Of course, she had been mad at him for a while for that, but the talk between them had cleared a lot of that up. And Kurt had sworn to her that he would have done everything to find her if he knew what was happening to her... "Are you sure?" whispered a voice in her head. "You really think he didn't suspect what they were doing to you? As if the CIA would kindly invite you to a cup of tea while trying to convince you to spill your secrets." After a moment of doubt, Jane strengthened her resolve. No, Kurt would never lie about something so serious, that wasn't him.

Seeing her suddenly introspective, Roman tensed, wondering if he hadn't unwittingly pushed his sister too far. After a few seconds that felt like an eternity, she seemed to come back to reality.

\- "No... I trust him... He rescued me out of that basement. I trust him as much as I trust you," she said resolutely.

\- "I don't care, if he uses you or even puts his dirty hands on you, he will receive a swift introduction of my fist to his face," grumbled her brother fiercely.

\- "Hey, I'm big enough to defend myself!" Protested his sister, frowning at him, crossing her arms defensively. "And I will not allow you to hurt Kurt, what I do with my body is none of your concern!" She added before blushing, realizing that if he still had any doubts, her words had removed all traces of them...

\- "What?! Don't tell me you've... with him," Roman gasped in shock, looking at her incredulously, horrified.

-" No!" Replied his sister, blushing. "We... we're not there yet."

\- "Then... what are you talking about?" Roman asked reflexively.

\- "We cuddle sometimes..." began Jane, the red in her cheeks deepening.

\- "No, forget it, I don't want any details!" He hastily interrupted, shaking his head to drive that thoughts out of his mind. He couldn't think of his precious sister being... intimate with someone. If he had his way, he would lock her up in a safe place where no Oscar, Kurt, or whatever name they might have, could take advantage of her.

\- "There are no details to share," Jane reassured him, smiling slightly at seeing him so flustered "Not now at least..." she added, feeling herself in a teasing mood. But Roman didn't take the bait.

\- "You really have feelings for him," he said seriously, making her squirm again on the couch, uncomfortable with the line of questioning.

\- "It's ... complicated," she mumbled in response.

\- "Nevermind... just if he breaks your heart, I'll destroy his pretty FBI face," answered Roman with a determined look. He didn't approve of this attraction at all, but knowing his sister, trying to dissuade her would only encourage her in the opposite direction. He had made that mistake with Oscar, and he didn't want to repeat that mishap. However, he had to warn his sister of the risks.  
"You know that Shepherd has plans for him... for both of you. If she sees you're close to him again, she might try to use your relationship. It may even be what she's been planning on doing since the episode in... the basement."

\- "I know... we've already thought of that." Once again, Roman noticed the "we", but decided for his own sanity to ignore it. Right now, he had to focus on how to keep his sister safe, not on her romantic life.

\- "I see... but Shepherd isn't your only problem." Pulling a phone from his pocket, Roman showed her images of several men. "Memorize these faces," he advised, allowing the dark-haired woman to scroll through them.

\- "Who are these men?" Jane asked, frowning. She had hoped for a moment that she might recognize a few, just as she had recognized Markos, Cade, and Roman, but nothing came to mind.

\- "A number of our mother's lieutenants... those from whom your absence have benefited the most in any case. Shepherd trusts them because they hold some use to her, but they will not hesitate to target you at the first available opportunity," announced her brother darkly.

-" Why?" Jane asked, puzzled. The idea that other people coming after her didn't really scare her, which was odd enough... She feared Keaton for what he had done to her, her mother for what she could do to her friends. Sometimes, like when she first came to the FBI, she even feared strangers or the people she had met at the FBI, those she had never even spoken to before. However now, despite the fact that Roman made clear that these men would be targeting her, she felt no fear... It strange... Maybe she should discuss it with Borden during her next session, and ask him if it was normal.

\- "To better their position. To avoid copycats, Shepherd didn't tell anyone about your shift in loyalty. But these men have no interest in you coming back, you represent a threat to their place in the organization... "

\- "You do know I'm going to make sketches and give them to the FBI," Jane said after a moment, looking up at him. He had expected her to be wary of these men, on the contrary, the threat seemed to have boosted her desire to fight, and she felt more… emboldened.

\- "I know, and honestly... I don't really care if it compromises the plan. All that matters to me is you... In fact, use this to convince the FBI of your value… I've already killed one of those bastards who wanted to abandon you to set an example and I'll get rid of the others at the first opportunity if necessary. Just… watch your back," Roman replied, looking her directly in the eyes.

Jane twitched slightly at hearing him confess to murder with such ease, but she didn't comment on it. After all, those men were criminals and a threat... it wasn't like he had killed innocent people.

-"I will do anything to protect you," Roman told her calmly, interpreting her thoughtful and slightly disapproving gaze.

-"I know," she replied, a little uneasily. She was grateful to him for killing the CIA man who had tortured her, and more generally for the risks he had taken for her. And the ones that he continued to take, knowing that she was no longer loyal to Shepherd, but still protecting her anyway. But at the same time, she couldn't help remembering Kantor and the fact that Nas had initially refused to turn him because of his lethalness. On the other hand, it seemed that she herself had also done a number of terrible things before... and besides, she was indirectly responsible for Mayfair's death. Yet, thanks to the team, she struggled to become someone better. Maybe with her influence, Roman could follow the same path? Yes, she owed it to her brother... that would be her new personal mission.

Sensing the sudden determined air from his Jane, Roman wondered what could be going on in her head. He knew how stubborn she was, and the last thing he wanted was for she to get into something risky while in her condition.

\- "I brought a gift for you," he said to distract her, moving over towards the kitchen counter for a package wrapped in craft paper.

\- "What is it?" Jane asked curiously.

\- "Hertzog Koekie". The dark-haired woman stared at her brother for a moment, understanding the meaning of the words but not knowing what they were referring to. Finally opening the package, she found cupcakes topped with what appeared to be a swirl of coconut by the smell. Under Roman's amused eyes, she carefully picked one up and, sniffing it curiously, bit into it. The explosion of apricot jam and coconut in her mouth drew a small moan of pleasure from her.

\- "It's... delicious," she said, immediately grabbing a second. Roman gave a small laugh and reached for a pastry.

-"You've always loved it... it was the first thing Shepherd bought us when she got us out of the orphanage," he added, his eyes lost in memory as he chewed his own thoughtfully. Having trouble reconciling this idea with what she knew about the woman, Jane hesitated a moment before asking the question.

\- "Has she always been so... harsh?"

\- "Yes... She trained us to be able to survive anything, and she wasn't often gentle with us... But she did shower us with sweets whenever she felt like it too, often when she was pleased with our work."

\- "She used us," accused the raven head, a hint of anger in her voice. For the first time during the conversation, her brother seemed to hesitate.

\- "I... I don't know... I think it's rather that she's surrounded herself badly... All those suckups that are around her... they're our real enemies," replied Roman. Seeing a glimmer of doubt in his eyes, Jane didn't push the point, wanting to avoid angering him. Apparently, because of her latest choices, he was beginning to question who their mother actually was. Even if for the moment he blamed others for her behavior, sooner or later he would have to admit that Shepherd had been using both of them since childhood. A knock on the door interrupted their respective introspections, and Patterson's voice echoed from behind the wooden panel.

\- "Jane, it's us. Hurry up, the pizzas are getting cold!"

-"One second," she shouted to the door before casting a frightened glance at her brother. He surprised her by approaching quietly to embrace her, slipping a burner phone into her hand.

\- "My number is programmed in. No one else knows about this phone," he said before heading discreetly to the back of the house. Guessing that the team would be getting impatient, Jane pocketed the device and hurried to open the door. Everyone entered, and while Patterson and Zapata were placing the pizza boxes on the counter, Kurt came over to observe her carefully. After their little head-to-head earlier, he wanted to be sure that she was okay.

\- "Is everything alright?" He asked with concern, taking in her nervous look.

\- "Yes... Roman was here," confessed the wounded woman, biting her lips, wanting to be true to her promise of not hiding anything from them. It was weird through, a few minutes ago she was full of energy and ready for a fight, and now a look from Kurt made her feel like a shy schoolgirl. Her declaration drew silence from the other agents, before Reade asked the question that was burning at all of them.

\- "He wanted news or... something specific?"

-"Both," Jane mumbled, avoiding his eyes. "He wanted to make sure I was… getting better and... he brought me some pastries," she added quickly in a much lighter tone, pointing to the box of pastries on the couch. The agents exchanged a cautious glance at her abrupt change of mood. Borden had warned them that it could happen, and they didn't want to ask her too many questions at once so as not to rush her.

\- "Sounds good," Patterson said calmly as she approached. Out of them all, she was the one who feared Roman the least, which was strange considering that he had attacked her. But in the hospital, she had seen how much he cared about Jane... so she wasn't too worried about his plans for their friend.

\- "They're Hertzog Koekie, with apricot jam and coconut. It's a South African specialty... Roman says I've always loved them," Jane said, handing her the package for her to try. The fact that Roman went through the trouble of finding his sister's favorite sweets seemed to appease the fears of the federal agents. Despite all the things they could blame him for, he seemed fiercely devoted to Jane, and at the moment it was exactly what she needed.

\- "They're excellent," Zapata commented after trying one as well.

\- "And so... did Roman want anything else?" Kurt asked, still a little tense.

\- "He... told me about my new orders from Shepherd," Jane hesitated.

\- "What is it?" Patterson asked as she approached, now tense at the thought that her friend was in danger again.

\- "Not what I expected... she wants me to get closer to Allie to... prevent her from getting back with Kurt," Jane finally confessed, embarrassed, blushing slightly. The team looked at her for a moment, before Zapata let out a little laugh:

\- "It must be the first time that your goals and hers matched." Kurt blushed slightly as Reade gave a small smile. Patterson patted her friend's shoulder gently for teasing Jane.

\- "I'll talk about it with Allie... she has the right to know... Moreover, it might be better for her and the baby if... we kept our distance," said the dark-haired woman with difficulty, glancing nervously at Kurt.

\- "Jane, stop worrying," he sighed, approaching to gently hold her face with both hands. "I've already considered the fact that Shepherd could use them to get to me. You don't have to distance yourself because of this... on the contrary, continuing as you have now will make Shepherd believe that you'll follow her orders and will also keep everybody safe: you, Allie, and the baby. Besides... even if you explained your reasons, Allie won't allow you to distance yourself. Apparently, she's decided that she wants to be your friend and she's almost as stubborn as you are," Kurt said with a smile.

\- "You really think so?" Jane asked with a voice full of hope. Even if she had offered to stay away... she was starting to become much too attached to the idea of befriending the Marshall.

\- "I'm sure," Weller said quietly, releasing her from his embrace as he saw her relax.

\- "Roman also wanted to warn me," Jane added after a few moments of silence.

\- "Of what?"

\- "He showed me pictures of some of Shepherd's lieutenants... Apparently they don't want me to return, they're afraid of losing their place..."

\- "Are they a threat to you?" Zapata asked with concern.

\- "Maybe... well... Roman's already killed one to dissuade them from attacking me," Jane mumbled, looking at them hesitantly, expecting them to tell her again that her brother was too dangerous to be left free.

\- "For once, I can understand why he did it... I mean ...not that I'm endorsing murder but... these guys are a threat and, in addition, they're criminals," said Reade shaking his head. Zapata and Patterson nodded to show their agreement. If Roman was protecting Jane and at the same time was reducing Sandstorm's numbers... it was... tolerable. Kurt didn't answer and just squeezed Jane's hand, a small gesture that seemed to cheer her up.

\- "The good thing is that now I will be able to make sketches of each of them... even if I don't know their names," she added, frowning, and falling silent for a moment.

\- "Well, that's something at least, don't overthink it," Patterson advised, smiling gently.

\- "And what about the mole? The one who burned your cover?" Asked Reade worriedly.

-"I don't think that Roman knows who he or she is. If he could identify who it was, I'm sure he'd have told me so that I wouldn't make the same mistakes as... before," the dark-haired woman replied, biting her lips again. The argument seemed logical. Even though Roman wasn't actively interfering with their mother's plans, he was covering for Jane and protecting her fiercely. He wouldn't have left such a threat to her safety active... unless he planned on taking care of it himself…

\- "Probably," Kurt agreed. "In the meantime, we will continue as we have now. We still have some time before you can come back to the office, and considering... what you went through, no one will be surprised if you act a little off."

-"Well, now that you've mentioned it... I'd like to come back to work," Jane said softly, looking up at him.

\- "Not yet, it's too soon," the Deputy Director replied without hesitation.

\- "But I'm bored here doing nothing!" Protested the tattooed woman in an almost pleading tone.

\- "It's not negotiable." Instead of protesting as she would have normally done, Jane remembered Zapata's advice, and decided to change her approach.

\- "Please..." she asked softly, giving him her most pleading look under the amused eyes of the rest of the team who followed the interaction with interest. Surprised to see her do so, Kurt felt himself becoming lost in her deep green eyes, the urge to say yes to everything she asked for ever increasing as he stared at those captivating orbs. Opening his mouth, he reminded himself that she wasn't in condition to do so. Shaking his head vigorously to clear his head, he finally answered:

\- "Nice try, but it's still a no." The dark-haired woman bit her lips for a moment, annoyed. Deciding to think of a different approach, she let Patterson lead her to the kitchen to warm the pizzas. The evening was lively and quite enjoyable, and she relaxed in her friends' camaraderie. As she talked to Reade, Patterson pulled Tasha away.

\- "In your opinion, how long before the boss gives up and allows her to come back"? Watching Jane shift, probably unconsciously at being so close to Weller on the couch, Zapata chuckled.

\- "Stubborn as she is? He won't last three days," predicts the Latina.

\- "But she really isn't ready, and he'll still want to protect her... I'd say at least a week".

\- "It doesn't matter, even if she comes back to the office, she won't be allowed in the field anytime soon."

\- "Certainly not, not as long as Robert has any say in it anyway!" The blonde answered finely, making Zapata laugh softly. Jane might be stubborn, but with two overprotective friends like Weller and Patterson on her back, she hardly stood a chance...

…..

 _NYO, a week later_

Kurt Weller had held up for five days. Five long days during which Jane had threatened, begged and even hugged him to try to get what she wanted. Her perseverance, and her big green eyes, had been the right match for the deputy director's iron will, which despite his desire to protect her, had finally accepted that she could come back to the office, much to the amusement of the whole team. However, in doing so, he had started something even worse. Having managed to make him allow her back to the office, and wanting to prove, perhaps first and foremost to herself, that she was still effective with her skills, Jane was now harassing him to allow her in the field. He had explained to her that her ribs and arm weren't sufficiently healed, and that she still needed time to cope with the anxiety and nightmares that still arose regularly, but she still wouldn't let it go.

The buzzing of his phone drawing his attention to the screen, he briefly looked at the incoming message before sighing deeply. Looking up, he saw Zapata and Borden chatting near the Latina's desk. He exited his office and hurried over to them.

\- "Ah, Agent Weller, I was just talking with Agent Zapata about..."

\- "Later Doc, I need your help." He interrupted.

\- "Uh... of course," agreed the surprised doctor. "With what?"

\- "With a bull-headed injured agent," Weller said, rubbing his temples tiredly, while Zapata laughed.

\- "What's wrong with Jane?" Borden asked, trying to hide his amusement.

\- "She's going to drive me crazy, no… she's driving me crazy," Weller growled in a low voice so as not to catch the attention of nearby agents, causing Zapata's laugh to redouble.

\- "What do you mean?"

\- "Ever since I allowed her back to the office, she's been harassing me to allow her to return to the field. She sends me dozens of messages a day asking in any way possible. Everytime I tell her no, she does these little annoying pranks like putting salt in my coffee and other things. And yesterday she even went through my pockets and hid my car keys under the guise of a hug."

\- "Really, did you see her do it?" Zapata asked with amusement, wondering where the tattooed woman had come up with all those ideas... before realizing that it was probably from the mass of teen movies that she and Patterson had made her watch recently to help keep her busy.

\- "No, that's why I know it was her," Kurt retorted irritably.

\- "I see... actually it's part of what I was talking about with Agent Zapata just now." Without saying a word, Tasha handed him her coffee and motioned for him to taste it. The salty taste drew a grimace from him and he looked at her confused.

\- "Why did Jane do this to you? Aren't you two good right now?"

\- "Because I refused to help her convince you to allow her back in the field," the Latina replied with a shrug. She seemed to be taking things much less seriously than him.

-" Why? Why is Jane acting like this?" He asked the therapist.

\- "I think her actions are only a symptom of what she is going through mentally. Right now, Jane is acting... well, I think we can all agree, like a frustrated child. She is constantly pushing at limits to test your reactions... "

\- "But why?"

\- "Because of the tensions that have existed between you and your team... Agent Zapata was just telling me that she had been cold with Jane a few weeks ago, because of a dispute between them. And similarly, learning that she wasn't Taylor Shaw led you to treat her rather... harshly from what I understand."

\- "But we've gone through all of that, and we've agreed that everything was dealt with and we could start over again," Tasha objected.

\- "Certainly, but because of the recent trauma she has experienced, Jane seems to need more than words." He explained patiently.

\- "What do you mean?" Kurt asked worried.

\- "You must have noticed that she's been much more… affectionate with you lately," Borden continued calmly.

\- "She's trying to reassure herself," Tasha understood.

-" Indeed. It's probably subconscious, but a small part of her still distrusts her surroundings. This isn't unusual for torture victims. Some fall back on themselves, and others adopt a more defiant behavior, as if to prove that they have overcome the trauma and to show it to the rest of the world. Even if it isn't the case."

\- "So Jane is testing us for... for what exactly?" Kurt asked.

\- "As I said, like a child, she is searching for limits."

\- "But what limits?"

\- "Those of your patience, your determination, your affection... make your choice."

\- "So... since we refuse to give her what she wants, Jane think we don't care for her and wants to provoke some kind of reaction?" Kurt asked puzzled.

\- "It's a little oversimplified, but the idea is there. I believe she perceives your refusal to allow her to return to the field both as a lack of confidence in her abilities and as a rejection. Since you don't seem to want her help, she rebels in her own way... If you think carefully, despite all the tricks she's played on you, you've never managed to catch her in the act. It's a roundabout way of showing you that her skills are still quite effective." The two agents exchanged troubled glances, realizing that behind her innocent little jokes, Jane might have found a way to see how far she could push them before they would get mad at her.

\- "And what are we supposed to do? She can't return to the field right now, she is absolutely not ready, physically or mentally. She's just too stubborn to admit it," protested Weller, frustrated.

-" Indeed. But you might want to consider limited outings on risk-free cases, just to show her that she can be useful. Jane needs to be doing something, and we all know that given her... unique skills, paperwork will only frustrate her."

\- "No..." Kurt let out after a few seconds of silent thought. "As long as she can't defend herself, it's too dangerous to allow her in the field. The people who did this to her… they could take her again."

\- "I advise you to avoid thinking things like that. If you challenge her capabilities, her self-esteem could suffer." The doctor warned.

\- "And so, what are we supposed to do?" Zapata asked.

\- "As with a turbulent child, give rewards to her if she behaves well to motivate her," Borden said, shrugging his shoulders amused.

\- "Or we can just have Patty the Pooh deal with her," Zapata interrupted, drawing their attention to the scene in front of her. Jane, who was near the conference room, had stopped by Agent Moore to look at pictures of Lucas on the young mother's phone, who was more than happy to show them. But at the same time an obviously unhappy Patterson had just exited the elevator.

\- "Jane Doe, get your tattooed buttocks in that chair! Right now!" The analyst demanded, pointing to Jane's desk. Under the surprised and amused looks of the agents present, Jane instinctively hunched her shoulders, before complying without flinching. The blonde stopped in front of her brandishing a bag in front of her.

\- "Can you tell me what this is?" She asked sternly.

\- "A paper bag," Jane replied after glancing at the offending object. She did it with so much innocence in her voice that Patterson was momentarily surprised.

\- "Very funny little smartass. It's a bakery bag, and you know what's so special about it?"

\- "No," the tattooed woman answered in a tone that sounded wildly mismatched with the scene to all those who, discreetly or not, were watching.

\- "I found it at your place... And the strangest thing is that it still contains the brioche that you were supposed to eat for breakfast," Patterson accused her with a serious look, Jane shrank in her chair at the look. Since she had realized how poor Jane's eating habits were, she had made it her mission to feed her every day to help her get back on her feet. And obviously, after trying gentler methods, she decided to up her methods.

\- "I wasn't hungry this morning," Jane mumbled, looking down.

\- "Jane..." said the blonde dangerously. "Remember the agreement we had when Weller allowed you back to the office?" Weller, Tasha and Borden exchanged curious glances, ignorant as to the details of the deal.

\- "Three meals a day even in small quantities to get back into shape..." Jane replied meekly.

\- "And breakfast is...?" The blonde prompted.

\- "The most important meal of the day," the tattooed woman finished with a small grimace.

\- "Right, so you will not leave this chair before you've finished eating!" Patterson said sternly, making the dark-haired woman blush as some of the agents around her snickered softly. Everyone knew that even though the analyst was the sweetest person in the world, crossing her would expose you to some serious retaliation. Jane grabbed the bag, then glanced inside, then looked up at Patterson, confusion shining on her face.

\- "There are two brioches..."

-" Really? You should eat them before a third appears then," retorted the blonde with a smooth smile, almost teasingly. Understanding that she had been trapped, Jane complied obediently, under the watchful eye of the blonde.

\- "How cute, mommy bear and her cub," Zapata teased as she approached.

\- "Stubborn cub," the blonde mumbled, looking at Jane, who looked awkwardly at her. In response, her face adopted a softer look and she laid a hand on her shoulder, reassuring her that she wasn't really angry. Jane realized that she had to take better care of herself, but sometimes she just forgot. And in those cases, Patterson intervened to get her to do the right thing, however forcefully she needed to. After some teasing aimed at both Patterson and herself, the tattooed woman watched Borden lead her friends away, probably to talk about her. Trying to hear what they were saying, she was interrupted by Nas who appeared suddenly near her, causing her to jump. Grimacing at the flash of pain across her ribs, she turned her attention to the NSA agent.

\- "I found something interesting on the flash drive," announced Nas, immediately catching her interest.

\- "I thought Kurt wasn't allowing me to see anything until he felt I was ready," the wounded woman wondered, glancing discreetly at the Deputy Director, who was still talking.

\- "He wants to protect you... from what I understand. But staying locked up will not help you get better. I found something that might interest you... want a ride out to the field?" The woman proposed. Jane hesitated for a second, looking towards her friends, before getting up to follow her discreetly.


End file.
